a christmas story from the sidewalk

A CHRISTMAS STORY.

A Kathy Griffin alights from bus. Notices that there is ice on the sidewalk, trying to avoid it, he walks gingerly on what looks like just water. Of course,it is glimmering snow, therefore, equally treacherous as the ice. He slips, tries to land with dignity but failed miserably. He fell on his backside with a great thud.


LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE drown out the Christmas Number 1 on SIDEWALK FM.


CAR DRIVER Savannah: (stops)

Are you okay?



Kathy Griffin:(groans)

Fine, thanks



Savannah DRIVES OFF



SIDEWALK COP Perry : (AMBLES PASS Simpson)

OUCH!



Kathy Griffin: (rants)

DAMN these cops on the sidewalk. They’re as COLD as it was last night. 3 to 5 degrees. Where is the true meaning of Christmas THEY’RE supposed to be UPHOLDING? I HATE THEM! ALL OF THEM



Perry:(looks back, then guffaws)

Excuse my bad manners: I should have said MERRY CHRISTMAS. I hope the DENT in your head will go away by tomorrow



ANOTHER CAR STOPS


DRIVER:

You need a hand?


Kathy Griffin:

No thanks. I’ll be fine. I just need a few minutes, if you don't mind.



DRIVER:

Okay



Kathy Griffin:

Oh Lord. I need to walk on a DRY SIDEWALK. Why couldn’t the DAMN snow wait until after Christmas to fall? By the way, where the hell are my parents when I need them?


Sidewalk Snapper:(giggles)

I admire you. You know how to create good memories. Too bad I can’t stop to help you up. Going to shovel the snow at my gate.


Kathy Griffin:

Whatever!...All you smug people who have hot sunshine today, I hope the heat from the sidewalk burn your bare feet when you walk it home



LAUGHTER


Kathy Griffin:

ANYONE LOST A BRACELET?


JOGGER:

God is GREAT! My grand uncle would turn in his grave if I didn’t find it. Thank you. It’s a good thing no one helped you up before.


Kathy Griffin:

Take it and go about your business!


PEDESTRIAN:

GRRR! Slow down joggers! No need to go so DAMN fast when the sidewalk is congested with so many last minute Christmas shoppers, idlers, pickpockets, you name it




CAR STOPS



Kathy Griffin: (protests as car driver lifts him off the ground)

Leave me alone. I can get up by myself



CAR DRIVER:

Your ankle looks swollen to me sir. That is why you haven’t gotten up already. I'll give you a lift home.


Kathy Griffin:

How do you know how long I have been down?


DRIVER:

I noticed you while I waited for the traffic lights to turn green.



Kathy Griffin:

AHHhhh! Only a few moments ago, I was cursing ALL cops. I'm sorry. VERY SORRY. THANK YOU


DRIVER:

EXCUSE ME! I’m not wearing police uniform. Neither am I driving a police car, so what make you think I’m a cop?


Kathy Griffin:

I’m wondering why you pinned your badge on your plain clothing


DRIVER: (sighs)

Christmas is almost over and I didn't get the chance to spend it with my family. Besides, today has been so stressful. Of course, I lost track of the number of times we had to make arrests on the sidewalk today.


Kathy Griffin:(tearfully)

I do hope you manage to have a decent christmas evening with your family . And things get better soon.

...........................................................


SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

slowly DRIVING...ME CRAZY. ARGH!

GUINESS truck driver, R. martinez: (jumps in truck)

Kids, sit back relax and enjoy. I'll be playing a new game on the road today. I will attempt to run EVERY mini car off the road. Whoever sees the first mini car, just shout START



ROAD PRESENTER Rollins:

Welcome. I'm James, the doyenne of sidewalk presenters..On the other side of town, Dixon is looking forward to wonderful things happening to him on the road. Because of past experiences, however, he is a little anxious. He and R. martinez are complete srangers and it's very unlikley they'll run into each other. Let's keep our fingers crossed for them. for DIXON. That R. martinez seems to be a perfidious character.


Kahne (praying as he gets in car)

I hope squirrels do not run across the road WHEN i'M DRIVING, I hear that's bad luck. Help me save any pet animal that gets in the way, I don't wanna any young kid to suffer hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. LORD, DON'T LET ME HAVE TO RUN AN IDIOT DRIVER OFF THE ROAD, AGAIN. Instead, let me see shooting stars hovering above, as I drive, so all my wishes can come through. aMEN



Dixon STOPS TO ALLOW KIDS TO CROSS ROAD. KIDS WAVE AND DISPLAY THUMBS UP


HE SMILES




Rollins: (notices R. Martinez's truck several feet behing Dixon's car)

This is not funny, odd, awkward. it's too late for Dixon to turn back now. For how much longer will he be safe?



Kid PACKERS: (notices Dixon's mini car)

S T A R T T TT!!!!!!!



kid CHELSEE:


NO!!!




PACKERS:

What are you scared of this time?



R. Martinez: (to CHELSEE)

He's driving too SLOW son. Just WASTING our precious time. i can't afford to be late for the free airport parking or the cheap christmas dresses for your mother.



CHELSEE:

Is that right dad?



DAD:(harrumphs)


Not really,BUT HE'S DRIVING.... ME CRAZY



CHELSEE:

DAD! That's too dangerous.



PACKERS:(teases)

As timid AS....CHELSEE!



R. Martinez:


OKAY okay. STOP IT you two. PACKERS, everyday, you remind me of me; I was a feral child as well....Anyway, I will not run him off the road. I promise your mother I'll take to Coachella Music Festival in one piece. So I will just creep up on this IDIOTIC DRIVER until I'm a few feet away from his bumper.



CHELSEE:

HURRAH! This is the dad I like



PACKERS:

Same here. Scare the hell outta him dad



AFTER A FEW MINUTES



R. Martinez:

Sorry kids. I'm getting bored of this. This is not a game anymore. I have to GET HIM OUT OF THE WAY



CHELSEE:

NO! calm down dad. And keep your hands on the wheels...the STEERING WHEEL



PACKERS:

Just be careful dad, CHRIS is very terrified R. Martienz LAUGHS AS HE ZIG ZAGS BEHIND DIXON'S CAR



SIDEWALK PRESENTER Rollins:

Don't be fooled by the bright lights and the COOL music from the vehicles. They are just a penumbra of something sinister. ANGER. Anger is becoming more and more ubiquitous these days. The road is a Mecca for angry motorists, so you can count on a showdown between these two.




Dixon (shouts)

hey. YOU JERK! watch how you drive. You're going too fast and too dangerously. Do you prefer to lose your life in a moment than to lose just a moment of your life by being patient and courteous?



R. Martienz: (indicates middle finger, then accelerates)


Slow drivers like you should be behind me, not BEFORE




CHRISTOPHER SCREAMS



PACKERS:


You'll have to leave him at home tomorrow dad. He has no guts for this fun game.




Dixon:(Cuts speed as BOND'S car edges closer and closer, menacingly)

I swear, if you hit my bumper today, I am suing your arse TODAY



R. Martienz:

WHATEVER!




LOUD BANG as DIXON'S car careers off the road and into a filthy ditch.



Dixon:

Are you trying to kill us, YOU DRUNK! UGH!



BRAUN:(wakens from passenger's seat of Dixon's car)

CRAZY!!! I bet he was was eating while driving



Dixon:

God knows. Maybe he was just tweeting Christmas messages. Ugh!




PEDESTRIAN Craig:

Jesus Christ! Are you okay down there?



BRAUN:

We are fine thanks, just a little frightened...




Dixon:


....and wet. I urinated on myself



CRAIG: (Turns head away to disguise a snigger)

Thank God You are not hurt....Are you OKk?



BRAUN (sarcastically)


No. WE ARE KNOCKED OUT, YOU IDIOT...WE'RE FINE, THANKS



CRAIG:


No fractures or broken ribs?



Dixon (drives car out of ditch, onto road again)


WE ARE FINE!



Rollins:

Moral of the story. Good samaritans are not welcome. Go about your business, please.



CRAIG:

Calm down. I'm just trying to help. The last time I saw someone got ran off the road, the suffered fractures and broken ribs. They ended up in the hospital. never mind. I will pray for you nonetheless.



BRAUN:

Thanks. But we're fine now.




CRAIG:

I can help.



ROLLINS:(impatient sigh)

He just don't get it?




Dixon SPEEDS UNTIL HE CATCHES BONDS AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS. HE PULLS UP ALONGSIDE BOND'S TRUCK,THEN HONKS HORN LOUDLY




CHELSEE:

Tomorrow we will just walk



PACKERS:

Speak for yourself!



R. Martienz:

You'll do no such thing. Not while I have this truck. walking isn't good for your feet




CHELSEE:

We found some money yesterday when we walked. So walking isn't that moribund. UGH!



R. Martienz:

REALLY! It was your lucky day son. I'll let you walk from now on then, but any money you find, WILL BE MINE.



Dixon CONTINUES HONKING HORN TO GET R. Martienz's ATTENTION. R. Martienz IGNORES HIM BY DOWNING A CAN OF GUINESS.




MOTORIST: (raised voice)

SHUT UP. there is no need for all this racket so early in the morning



Dixon: (jotting down websites; Dating sites, on truck and its licence's plate number)

Mind your business!



R. Martienz (YELLS)

Will you stop honking that horn SO early in the morning. What's your problem? MORON! You choose the wrong day to mess with me



Dixon AND BRAUN stop honking but turns up the volume on whitney houston's I will always love you



R. Martienz SINGS Rebecca Ferguson's "Your A Dumbass" at them.



Kids:


Dad, Whitney Houston is dead. They are grieving



R. Martienz: (to his kids)

So I'm not the only one feeling the loss. They have a funny way of showing it though...ANYWAY, LET'S GO! If I waste a minute more with these IDIOTS, we'll lose the free airport parking. I don't want your mum to nag me if I don't get her christmas dresses



KIDS: (GIGGLE)

That sounds strictly final. RIP Whitney Houston

................................................................


SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

DRIVING.... ME CRAZY

Guiness truck driver, BONDS:(jumps in truck)

Kids, sit back relax and enjoy. I'll be playing a new game on the road today. I will attempt to run EVERY mini car off the road. Whoever sees the first mini car, just shout START


ROAD PRESENTER James:

Welcome. I'm James, the doyenne of sidewalk presenters..On the other side of town, TRAWICK is looking forward to wonderful things happening to him on the road. Because of past experiences, however, he is a little anxious. He and BONDS are complete srangers and it's very unlikley they'll run into each other. Let's keep our fingers crossed for them. for TRAWICK. That BONDS seems to be a perfidious character.




TRAWICK (praying as he gets in car)

I hope squirrels do not run across the road WHEN i'M DRIVING, I hear that's bad luck. Help me save any pet animal that gets in the way, I don't wanna break any young kids heart. I DON'T WANT TO BE RUN OFF THE ROAD AGAIN. Instead, let me see shooting stars hovering above, so all my wishes can come through. aMEN


TRAWICK STOPS TO ALLOW KIDS TO CROSS ROAD. KIDS WAVE AND DISPLAY THUMBS UP

HE SMILES




JAMES (notices Bonds's truck several feet behing TRAWICK's car)

This is funny, odd, awkward. it's too late for TRAWICK to turn back now. For how much longer will he be safe?


Kid HURD: (notices TRAWICK'S mini car)

S T A R T T TT!!!!!!!



KID Christopher


NO!!!




HURD

What are you scared of this time?


BONDS: (to CHRISTOPHER)

He's driving too SLOW son. I must teach him a lesson.



CHRISTOPHER:

Is that right dad?



DAD:(harrumphs)


Not really,BUT HE'S DRIVING.... ME CRAZY



CHRISTOPHER:

DAD! That's too dangerous.



HURD:

Such a girl.



BONDS:


OKAY okay. STOP IT you two. Hurd, everyday, you remind me of me; I was a feral child as well....Anyway, I will not run him off the road, I will just creep up on him until I'm a few feet away from his bumper.



CHRISTOPHER:

HURRAH! This is the dad I like



HURD:

Same here



AFTER A FEW MINUTES



BONDS:

Sorry kids. I'm getting bored of this. This is not a game anymore. I have to GET HIM OUT OF THE WAY



CHRISTOPHER:

NO! calm down dad. And keep your hands on the wheels...the STEERING WHEEL



HURD:

Just be careful dad, CHRIS is very terrified




BONDS LAUGHS AS HE ZIG ZAGS BEHIND TRAWICK'S CAR



SIDEWALK PRESENTER JAMES: Don't be fooled by the bright lights and the blaring music from the vehicles. They are just a penumbra of something sinister. ANGER. Anger is becoming more and more ubiquitous these days. The road is a Mecca for angry motorists, so you can count on a showdown between these two.




TRAWICK (shouts)

hey. YOU JERK! watch how you drive. You're going too fast and too dangerously. Do you prefer to lose your life in a moment than to lose just a moment of your life by being patient and courteous?



BONDS:(indicates middle finger, then accelerates)


Slow drivers like you should be behind me, not BEFORE




CHRISTOPHER SCREAMS



HURD:


You'll have to leave him at home tomorrow dad. He has no guts for this fun game.




TRAWICK:(Cuts speed as BOND'S car edges closer and closer, menacingly)

I swear, if you hit my bumper today, I am suing you TODAY



BONDS:

WHATEVER!




LOUD BANG as TRAWICK'S car careers off the road and into a filthy ditch.



TRAWICK:

Are you trying to kill us, YOU DRUNK



BRAUN:(wakens from passenger's seat of TRAWICK'S car)

CRAZY!!! I bet he was was eating while driving



TRAWICK:

God knows. Maybe he was just tweeting Christmas messages. Ugh!




PEDESTRIAN Craig:

Jesus Christ! Are you okay down there?


BRAUN:

We are fine thanks, just a little frightened...




TRAWICK:


....and wet. I urinated on myself



CRAIG: (Turns head away to disguise a snigger)

Thank God You are not hurt....Are you OKk?



BRAUN (sarcastically)


No. WE ARE KNOCKED OUT, YOU IDIOT...WE'RE FINE, THANKS



CRAIG:


No fractures or broken ribs?



TRAWICK(drives car out of ditch, onto road again)


WE ARE FINE!



CRAIG:

Calm down. I'm just trying to help. The last time I saw someone got ran off the road, the suffered fractures and broken ribs. They ended up in the hospital. never mind. I will pray for you nonetheless.



BRAUN:

Thanks. But we're fine now.




CRAIG:

I can help.




TRAWICK SPEEDS UNTIL HE CATCHES BONDS AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS. HE PULLS UP ALONGSIDE BOND'S TRUCK,THEN HONKS HORN LOUDLY




CHRISTOPHER:

Tomorrow we will just walk



HURD:

Speak for yourself!



BONDS:

You'll do no such thing. Not while I have this truck. Too much walking isn't good for your little feet




CHRISTOPHER:

We found some money yesterday when we walked. So walking isn't that bad



BONDS:

REALLY! It was your lucky day son. I'll let you walk from now on then, but any money you find, WILL BE MINE.



TRAWICK CONTINUES HONKING HORN TO GET BOND'S ATTENTION. BONDS IGNORES HIM BY DOWNING A CAN OF GUINESS.




MOTORISTS: (raised voice)

SHUT UP. there is no need for all this racket so early in the morning



TRAWICK: (jotting down websites; Dating sites, on truck and its licence's plate number)

Mind your business



BONDS (YELLS)

Will you stop honking that horn SO early in the morning. What's your problem? MORON! You choose the wrong day to mess with me


TRAWICK AND BRAUN SINGS Rebecca Ferguson's "Your A Dumbass" at BONDS



BONDS: (to his kids)

They're just jealous of my Plus size clothing, 0% credit cards and Samsung Galaxy Tab



KIDS GIGGLE


.....................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

blackberry map

Sidewalk Presenter Probst Pujols:

...rick perry ad plays in CAR WITH PASSENGERS GAY, LITTLE, the pugilistic sidewalk champion DONOVAN, AND NICOLAS as it HALTS ON SIDE OF THE ROAD....There is something for everyone on the sidewalk today; Lingerie, TV packages, Millets sale, Dating sites, replicas of Pendle witches and Pygmy elephant.



Gay:(shuts off engine)

Mum. wake up!



Little: (yawns, unfastens her seat belt)


We reach the sidewalk already? Great. much quicker than riding on Bendy buses. I'm so glad to see the back of them. I would'nt want to miss the sidewalk Christmas markets for Evening dresses, Cheap holidays etc




Gay:

Yes Mum. Thanks to my blackberry map. It gave me important traffic updates so I could avoid congested areas.



Little:

I hope it was a great idea to be early. Park the car here please. I want to be first in the SIDEWALK'S SALE queue for Gifts under £10, Cheap laptops and secret santa gifts... Shxt! the sidewalk is empty. Where are all the vendors and pedestrians. Even the road is empty. Not even a bendy bus in sight.



Nicolas: (slams car door, reaches for Samsung Galaxy S2 in pocket, then starts to write a text)

We are 2 hours EARLY. What do you expect? I told you we should have dropped off donovan at his elementary school before we come here. UGH!



Little:

Even a child should never miss a good sidewalk sale, even if it's for lingerie. we'll drop him off later. It's raining, so his teacher will be late anyway.



Nicolas:

Mum, Frankie is only five. He has no interest in Samsung Galaxy, Evening dresses or whatever else is in the DAMN sidewalk sale..Frankly, I would prefer to be stucked in traffic in some CONGESTED AREAS than waiting around in a cold, wet car for ages by the sidewalk




GAY:

SHUT UP! And stop telling lies. The car is not cold. You were so excited when I lent it to you yesterday. So I have no idea why today, you tergiversate and complain so much about it. You rather get here late and MISS all the bargains?



Little:

Gay, I'm so IMPRESSED with your BlackBerry Curve. I will have to get one for myself. It's my favourite of the Christmas gadgets...It seems pretty useful. Can't wait to get lost in it when I'm on the sidewalk.



donovan:

Aunty, you're just too, too, too, MATURE for a blackberry



Little:

What do you mean Donovan?




Nicolas:

Mum, you use both the sidewalk and the road everyday, who do you see using blackberrys the most?



Little:

desean and the Teenagers, eddie and young adults...



Donovan:

...I rest my case

.....................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

Child's Play on the sidewalk

Today, your obstreperous sidewalk Presenter is, ME, Mueller...These pedestrians are ruminating on some of the things that annoys them on the sidewalk; leaflets about Unlimited broadband, New car deals, Cheap holidays and the chatter of kids playing hopscotch, riding bikes and playing other games along the sidewalk. Today, we will feature a motorist who hates it when pedestrians get in the way when he drives on the sidewalk. IT DRIVES HIM INSANE...


Houghton:

Will these shoes fit my 8 year daughter?


Nintendo 3DS VENDOR, bob costas:

It's for an adult, so I don't think so.


Houghton:

Try on this pair of shoes Adele


CHILD

It's a size 14, I am a size 4


Houghton(shouts)

TRY IT ON!


Child Pat Sharp:

NO!


Houghton:

Don't you like it?


CHILD

Yes. But it's too big for me. ARGH!


PAT SEES HER FRIENDS HAVING A GOOD TIME ON THE SIDEWALK, RUNS AND JOIN THEM.


Houghton:

She had a long day at church, I thought she would be very tired. So I'm surprised she prefers to run off with her friends ON THE SIDEWALK instead of coming STRAIGHT home with me. UGH!


JOGGER Kimono

LEAVE THEM ALONE. Obviously, they are just making the most of their last day of freedom and safety on the sidewalk


matt schaub

What do you mean?



Fedotowsky, a well-known sidewalk vendor, urinates in the middle of the sidewalk. He is interuppted by the noise from the approaching children. He chuckles as the steam from the urine rises into the air. His dog watches closely, so are motorists, pedestrians, cyclists and other vendors.



DRIVER, Peterson, IN PARKED CAR:

The sidewalk would be lifeless without these blessed kids? Bless them


matt schaub:

Ahhhh!


Fedotowsky quickly zips his trousers and hurrys away before the children sees him. Rodriguez and all the other pedestrians burst into a raucous laughter.



LATER




CHILD, Stallone WALKS INTO CYCLIST Stacy Keibler 's PATH


Stacy Keibler: The sun is going down, why are these kids on the sidewalk so LATE. UGH! GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY. DON'T THEY HAVE iPad 3 or Contract phones TO GO HOME AND PLAY WITH?




matt schaub

uppity: I don't know. ASK Megyn. I'm just the Presenter. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS BE LOOKING OUT FOR KIDS WHEN YOU CYCLE ON THE SIDEWALK....I got here a few minutes ago. Do you know why one of your fellow pedestrians said that the children are making the most of their last day of safety and freedom on the sidewalk?



megyn:

Maybe too many adults will on the sidewalk during thanksgiving. I DON'T KNOW. Ask one of the other pedestrians. UGH!




PEDESTRIANS SHRUGS




Kid:

Will you spray paint me? Please




Stacy Keibler:

No. Go home! Your parents probably wondering where you are


CHILD:

Please! Our parents know where we are



Stacy Keibler:


I don't know how to spray paint. Ask your parent



A kit kat falls from one of the children. Stacy Keibler
sees, picks it up and devours it before its rightful owner ask any question.




Some children are using BlackBerry phones to recreate the routines in Beyonce dance for you video, whereas, others are writing their names on the sidewalk with bits of paper. They are worried the wind will blow it away, but it passes without harm.


They clap and cheer.


MATT

However, they are not so lucky when Stacy Keibler
notices what they are doing.




Stacy Keibler: (screams)

GO AWAY!



Stacy Keibler brushes away all the bits of paper.


MATT

Where is this person's sense of humour?



PEDESTRIAN gabby giffords

Leave them kids alone! YOU A TEACHER OR SOMETHING? Why do you target them?




Stacy Keibler

NO! They are taking up the WHOLE sidewalk, creating a nuisance and defacing the sidewalk, ride their bikes, making noises



PEDESTRIAN gabby giffords

I am so perplexed why you, of all people, can be so inconsiderate towards these kids who are only trying to enjoy themselves one last time.



Stacy Keibler:

Pass me my Raincoats. I DON'T WISH SPEAK TO YOU. UGH!



MATT

Will someone PLEASE tell me what the HELL IS GOING ON? aRE THESE KIDS TERMINAL OR WHAT?



Stacy Keibler:

I think she is terminal, not the kids. NOT ME



PEDESTRIAN gabby giffords:

Heard your grand dad will be driving his car again starting TOMORROW. No wonder the kids are terrified of walking on the sidewalk EVER again. Both you and him are terminal



Stacy Keibler:

If the kids play on the sidewalk and refrain from wandering in the road, they should be fine. You said so yourself, so there is no need to tergiversate now. The kids have no reasons to be scared of Grand dad



PEDESTRIAN gabby giffords

EXCUSE ME. they have every reason to be scared of him. HE FINDS IT HARD TO KEEP OFF THE SIDEWALK WHEN HE DRIVES


MATT

Oh!



A CHILD SCREAMS FURTHER DOWN THE SIDEWALK



Stacy Keibler:

There’s a WOMAN dragging her child by an ear down the sidewalk why don’t you say something to her. That child is in danger


PEDESTRIAN gabby giffords

If she wants a child without an ear, that’s her business

.................................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

skater falls on sidewalk

SIDEWALK FM PLAYS AVRIL ALVIGNE'S 'SKATER BOY.' Everyone watches in awe as CL P skates skillfully down the sidewalk with two bags of groceries in both hands. The approaching skaters, afraid of falling or colliding with him, looked quite stiff. However, you could tell that CL P had skated before. To the admiring pedestrians and onlookers, he displays poise, grace and a swagger.


CL P swerves just a bit to avoid a pot hole. Everyone jumps and gasps. He smiles to assure them that he is STILL in FULL control.



CHEERING AND APPLAUSE



Some mangoes fall from one of CL P's grocery bags as he attempts some skateboard tricks. He tried to hold the bags proplerly, lost control, then fell in the split position, on the bags.



CL P:

OUCH!!!Holy crap.



HARD LAUGHTER

Pedestrians normally find it hilarious when skaters fall, especially after failing to accomplish attempted tricks.



CL P is badly bruised. He groans as he eases himself off the crushed vegetables and fruits. To make matters worse, in an attempt to get his skateboard off the ground, he kicks its edge, but fails to catch it, so it flies straight into his groin.


HOLDING HIS GROIN AREA, HE GROANS



LAUGHTER




hocus pocus:

He looks like someone just beat him up. OUCH!


Billie Piper:

Whoever said today was'nt gonna be boring, GOT IT WRONG


LAUGHTER


hocus pocus:

Indeed, today is gonna be a great day on the sidewalk


Billie Piper:

Ouch, ouch, ouch. Good thing I brought my camera. I can make some serious money from spectacles like this



hocus pocus:

Too bad, there is no carpet on the sidewalk to cushion his FALL..



Billie Piper:

...FAIL!



LAUGHTER



hocus pocus:

All his swagger has been lost now



Billie Piper:

OUCH!



hocus pocus:

He should stick to walking on the sidewalk



LAUGHTER






CL P BLEEDS FROM THE SIDE OF HIS FACE. PEOPLE RUSH TO HIS RESCUE



Billie Piper:

Are you okay?


CL P:

Think I suffered a concussion


hocus pocus:

Did you hit your head?


CL P:

NO!


hocus pocus:

It's not a concussion then. You are just feeling light-HEADED



Billie Piper:

Doctor on the sidewalk!


LAUGHTER



hocus pocus:

SHUT UP, YOU MITTLE!


CL P:

OUCH!


HOCUS POCUS SHOOTS CL P A DIRTY LOOK


CL P:

I'M IN PAIN, REMEMBER?


hocus pocus:

WHATEVER! anyway, I know a injury lawyer...


CL P takes one last look at everyone then walk away as if nothing had happened.


..................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

clash on bus

Passengers pour off packed bus. African tries to board, realizing that he is unlikely to land himself a seat, took off his cap and quickly threw it on a newly vacant seat. 'I'm gonna sit there', he announces.

An african already on board, hisses his teeth, pushes the cap aside and plants himself on the seat.



scott hall:

Can't you see my cap on it? It's MY seat. UGH!



Kara Tointon:

I been standing on the bus for hours. You're not even on board as yet, yet you are DEMANDING SEAT. UGH



scott hall

IT DOES NOT MATTER! you should just let me have the seat since my cap is on it. thats my roots. UGH!


PASSENGERS PUT AWAY THEIR SMARTPHONES, BOOKS AND TABLETS, EAGER TO WITNESS THE CLASH ESCALATE.



Kara Tointon:

sorry, you're not in Africa, YOU'RE NOT IN AFRICA


Scott takes up his cap then turn his back on Kara.



Hayley Roberts

PUNCH HIM!



lindsey lohan:

Two grown men with no courtesy for the kids on board. It's too early for this bullshit. STOP IT!


scott hall:

EARLY? I am so late for work


EXCITED LAUGHTER


scott hall GETS OFF AT NEXT STOP



Kara Tointon:

COWARD!



scott hall:

Actually, this is my INTENDED stop.



Hayley Roberts:

Damn! I thought they would exchange blows over the seat


lindsey lohan:

That would have been pretty exciting stuff



Hayley Roberts

Sometime when I'm on a packed bus I would vacate my seat long before I reach my stop



lindsey lohan:

THAT'S THOUGHTFUL OF YOU. I do the same for pensioners, disabled people or people with babies. YOU?



Hayley Roberts:


I do it just to observe other passengers fighting for it. HILARIOUS!

..................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

PENSIONER ON BUS

PENSIONER ON BUS


Pensioner

Pick up the phone. PLEASE! I know you're there. JUST PICK UP THE PHONE..PICK..UP...THE...PHONE..PICK THE PHONE UP.....Why do you REFUSE to answer my calls all the time?... I am just calling to let you know that I will be home soon...I have been stucked on the bus for 5 minutes. There's a fat woman beside me. Her baby WILL NOT stop crying. It's driving me INSANE. My back is killing me. ..There is a TWAT sitting in front of me....HE SMELLS.....I don't wanna take another bus. When I get off this one, I'll just walk it home....I will wALK IT HOME. I don't want you to pick me up anywhere. It's fine. It will not take me long to walk it home. Don't worry. It will kill me to get on another bus today.... You dont have to pick me up. I'll be fine. I thought you said you were BUSY and that's why you could'nt pick up the phone. Just continue watching YOU'RE usc football until I get there....FOR HEAVEN SAKE! Okay, meet me at KFC....You don't know where KFC is?...OKAY FORGET IT. I'll walk it home by myself. It's just opposite Mcdonald's....COME ON DRIVER!....I TOLD you, K F C....GET OFF THE PHONE! I don't know why you picked it up in the first place. UGH!

...........................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

cliff richard

PEDESTRIANS CHAT


Pedestrian(gushes)

Just seen some images of Cliff Richard in the gallery. Wow! I had no idea he was so HOT when he was 17


He was a pretty boy. I am heading to the gallery now. Wanna come.



Pedestrian (gushes)

SURE! Sorry Mick Jagger, but Cliff Richards was much hotter than you



I love his calendar. No wonder he got all the girls


Pedestrian(gushes)

Gives me goose bumps


Really? He's much older now



Pedestrian

I'm serious a hell. I don't care


...........................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

Sidewalk Narrative: So much leaves

Burger King diners, including Nancy Shevell, peer through windows, in amazement as the breeze relentlessly chases orange and brown crunchy leaves down the sidewalk.



Ryan Howard

So much leaves on the sidewalk today? What's going on?



Janet Devlin

Duh! It's autumn, where do you expect to see them? On the trees?



Ryan Howard

Oh I see! Aren't they gonna block the drains?



Janet Devlin

Who cares! Autumn comes only once per year




CHILDREN jump in a heap of rustling leaves



Janet Devlin

I love the crunchy sounds under their feet



Ryan Howard

Sometimes it sounds like footsteps. But there is no greater feeling..it's wonderful!



Janet Devlin

OH NO!



Ryan Howard

What's the matter DRAMA QUEEN?



Janet Devlin

I think I stepped on a frog beneath this pile of leaves



Ryan Howard

You EVIL, HEARTLESS... Let me help you clear away the leaves so we can have a better look at it




Janet Devlin

Thanks



Ryan Howard(Laughs)

Wait! It's not a frog, you muppet! Its a rotten grapefruit




Janet Devlin (sighs in relief)

Thank you God





Janet Devlin

Look at this idiot with the leaf-blower!



Ryan Howard

He is not an idiot. He is blowing the leaves OFF the sidewalk


Janet Devlin

Yes, thats not bad. But he's blowing them into someone's yard



Ryan Howard

I think he's a smart-ass. He realizes his mistake, so he's now blowing them back to the sidewalk



Janet Devlin

IDIOT!





FALLiNG LEAVES HITS CYCLIST IN THE FACE. CYCLIST LOSES CONTROL CRASHES INTO ONCOMING CYCLIST WHO HAS A PASSENGER.



Ryan Howard and Janet Devlin try to stifle laughter as cyclists blame each other.


CYCLISTS SHOWS THEM MIDDLE FINGER AND HURL INSULTS



Janet Devlin

Lots of leaves in your hair




Ryan Howard

Lots of leaves



CYCLIST BRUSHES HAiR FRANTICALLY WITH BACK OF HIS HAND.



Cyclist

liars liars!



LAUGHTER



CYCLIST CURSES, SWEARS THEN RIDES OFF IN THE OPPOSIT DIRECTION



Ryan Howard (laughs)

He even forgets his own direction



Janet Devlin

Just another IDIOT



Janet Devlin

There are fallen leaves all over the sidewalk. Autumn is definitely here.



Ryan Howard

I think you said that earlier, but this time it sounds like you are reading a romance novel



Janet Devlin

OMG! This is my favourite time of the year! I can’t help but gush about it. I am especially obsessed with the browned, fallen leaves.



Ryan Howard

Mine also. Listen to the sound of dry leaves dancing and colliding on the sidewalk; no doubt about it AUTUMN IS HERE!




Janet Devlin

Hurrah! I Love autumn




They both stomp through pile of leaves heaped up by sweeper



SWEEPER:

I HATE AUTUMN! When it’s not the darn wind scattering the leaves I swept, its IDIOTS LIKE YOU. DO YOU MIND?



Ryan

I think you're just making a mess(giggle)



SWEEPER

YOU DON'T HAVE A CLUE. I have swept this area lots of times in the last hour but the damn trees keep letting go of their leaves



Ryan Howard

It's autumn, you MUPPET!



THEY KICK THROUGH OTHER PILES. Sweeper chases them with his broom and clenched fists




Janet Devlin

Let's collect the ones with the most beautiful colours



Ryan Howard

What for? You idiot! Don't have anything better to do?



Janet Devlin

The other girls will love them, don't YOU think?



Ryan Howard,

OH YES! Why didn't you say so earlier?


Janet Devlin

It's a pity we will not be able to capture the sound of the other leaves blowing along the sidewalk



Ryan Howard

Sorry Winsome. You win some, You lose some

.....................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

Distracted taxi driver Lee Evans

TAXI driver, Lee Evans: lights a cigarette and starts to sings Christina Aguilera's CAR WASH


PASSENGER Martyn Pawpaw:

You sound like a strangled mice..WHAT THE HELL! Have you gotten tired of watching Desperate Housewives, counting money or making telephone calls?



TAXI driver:

NO! Advert break



PASSENGER Martyn Pawpaw:

MY LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS. It’s against the law to endanger your passengers' lives. You know that!



My fare is in your pocket. YOU KNOW THAT! You don’t have to wait till you reach your destination to pay me, you know. Don’t worry about my driving. I’m not new to THIS.


You’re not new to DRIVING? Thank God!


I’m not new to watching DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES or doing other stuffs while my passengers sit QUIETLY in the back or JOIN IN. Never had an incident. HA HA HA!


I pay you….


....You have not paid me YET, REMEMBER?



I will be paying you to take me to my destination safely but you are worrying me more and more



Stop worrying. If you had kids with you, I could understand your concern….cheer up


Okay. (starts praying)


That’s not necessary. You’ll be fine. What’s your favourite beer? A COLD one? HA HA HA


You drink while driving with passengers?



SURE. If they are not too shy, they happily drink with me. I ALWAYS have enough to share




DRIVER RESUMES WATCHING DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES



WILL YOU PLEASE STOP DOING THAT? You're scaring me!



DRIVER IGNORES HER



UGH: I HAVE TO GET MY OWN CAR!


I AGREE




DRIVER ANSWERS TELEPHONE, STARTS STEERING WITH ELBOW



MUPPET! ARE YOU MAD? You’re getting from BAD TO WORSE! This is unacceptable. If you wanna kill yourself, do so when I get out of your taxi



This is what you get when you complain too much.


I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU OR YOUR TAXI AGAIN


AND IF YOU SEE IT, PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT. I HATE BORING PASSENGERS!


I hate RECKLESS TAXI DRIVERS!


I'm a trendsetter kind of guy. I’m not your average taxi driver. I have hobbies.


RIGHT HERE, PLEASE!..Thanks for the ride. Good night


You forget to pay me


I did not forget. GOOD NIGHT!


I will call the police


I DARE YOU. After behaving like a PRICK, you'll only make it easier for me to REPORT YOU


I...I..I I WON'T CALL THEM. I change my mind


Good! Good night!

...................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

Meg Whitman and Rihanna see condom on the sidewalk

GRRR Meg Whitman:
LOOK!

UGH Rihanna:

What is it?

GRRR:
NOTHING! Just a random condom on the sidewalk. I wonder how it got here.

UGH: (turns face away)
I HAVE NO IDEA! Can't you see I'm eating my Big Mac. UGH! PLEASE talk about something more pleasant or SHUT THE HELL UP!...People are so UNSAVOURY these days. UGH!


GRRR:

Unlike you, there is no doubt that these UNSAVOURY people use protection. You should follow their example. It's NEVER too late to start. I'll pick up this ONE for you


UGH:
For heaven sake! NO! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT. Are you out of your mind? PICK IT UP FOR YOURSELF! ARGHH!


GRRR:

Chum, this is your chance to do your bit for the environment. RECYCLE IT!

UGH:
HELL NO! I can't do that. THERE ARE ANTS ALL OVER IT. YUCK!

GRRR:
Its’ very good for them; packed with vitamins, proteins and minerals, VITAMINS…

UGH:
…THAT'S DISGUSTING!

GRRR:
They are having the blood also

UGH:
STOP! PLEASE!


GRRR:(cackles)

Okay. Look where you're walking...You just stepped on another condom


UGH:

DAMN! There are so many trash cans on the sidewalk. WHY THE HELL are these people REFUSING to use them?


GRRR:

I have no idea

UGH: (mutters to himself)
One hundred and twenty third day of the year, so far I have seen 17 condoms on the sidewalk. UGH!!!


GRRR

Here is another one. Shall I pick it up for you?


UGH:

NO!


GRRR:

There are no ants on it.


ARGH:

I DON'T CARE


GRRR:

It is UNOPENED also


ARGH:

BUT, BUT but...


GRRR:

If you had looked at them when I invited you to do so, you would have seen that for yourself


ARGH: (chases GRRR)

You made me feel nauseous over NOTHING?...Wait till I get my hands on you...


GRRR: (running away)

Spare me and I will give you BOTH OF THEM


..................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

jill zarin jumps queue on the sidewalk

QUEUE AT APPLE STORE EXTENDS ON SIDEWALK



GRRR Austin Box:

EXCUSE ME!!! WHAT THE HELL gives you the right to jump the queue?




MAN:

EXCUSE ME?!!!



GRRR:

WE have been waiting for ages. You suddenly turn up and jump ahead of us. HOW DARE YOU!! This is the 21st century NOT the medieval age. UGH!


MAN:

I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about



GRRR:

You know DAMN well what I am talking about, you LAZY bitch!



MAN:

GET OUT OF MY FACE, RETARD!!


WOMAN:

You realized there was a queue when you arrived, RIGHT?



MAN:

RIGHT



GRRR:

THEN you shouldn't jump it, you..you..RETARD. We were here first. We HATE WAITING as much you, but we decided to be fair to those before us



MAN:

I DID NOT JUMP THE QUEUE!! How many times do I have to say that?



GRRR:

YOU DID!


GRRR GRABS THE MAN BY HIS NECK AND HAULS HIM DOWN THE SIDEWALK TO THE BACK OF THE QUEUE



MAN:

GET OFF ME YOU HOOLIGAN!



GRRR:

YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE 4 PLACES BEHIND ME, NOT BEFORE


GADGETLOVER1: (pulling GRRR from the man)

He did not jump the queue… I allowed him to go in front of me


GADGETLOVER2:

So did I


GADGETLOVER3:

So did I


GADGETLOVER4:

So did I



GRRR:

I didn’t see any of that. And I don’t understand why ALL of you would allow him to jump ahead. ARE YOU ALL BLIND? FOR GOD SAKE. He is not old, he is not disabled, so WHY?



GADGETLOVER2:

You were busy playing ANGRY BIRD…That’s why you saw nothing



GADGETLOVER2 pulls GRRR aside and whisper in his ears. “You must be the only one in the queue who does not recognise him


GRRR look at man closely. “I don’t know him from Adams”



GADGETLOVER2:

He’s, RIMM, that famous racing driver who used to live down the road



GRRR:

REALLY!!!....Is it true that you’re that famous racing driver…


MAN:

…What??....I am yet to pass my driving test



GRRR:

You MUST give back those 4 places that these innocent customers gave you. That’s FRAUD!


...................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

miss universe 2011 contestants pick nose

GRRR CUTS SPEED TO ARGUE WITH A FELLOW DRIVER


GRRR:

I saw you picking your nose. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! UGH!!!



CHUM: (laughs)

ha! ha! ha! ha! She looks like she was digging for gold



DRIVER:

I WAS NOT picking my nose, I was simply SCRATCHING it



GRRR:

DON'T LIE! WE SAW YOU. you were picking your nose as if NO ONE was watching. I got news for you, EVERYONE was watching. UGH!



CHUM(smitten)

You're as beautiful as one of the miss universe 2011 contestants, so I don't mind if you pick your nose, provided you don't eat it afterwards. I'll drive with you ANYTIME!



DRIVER SMILES BROADLY



CHUM:

If you MUST pick your nose, make sure you wind up your window so no one will see you



GRRR:

UGH!!! Don't get me started CHUM. Drivers like her are a DISGRACE! She would be in the next lane by now. Picking your nose while driving is not only DISGUSTING it's also DISTRACTS



CHUM:

You're right. It could be dangerous. What if your finger misses and poke you in they eyes. Who would drive you home?



GRRR:

I once made a turn without using the indicator because I was too busy picking my nose. LEARNT MY LESSON. YOU CAN'T SAY WE DID NOT WARN YOU!



DRIVER:

I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO INSULTS FROM YOU TWATS!



TYRES SCREECH AS SHE SPEEDS OFF, DISSAPPEARING IN A CLOUD OF DUST AND SMOKE



CHUM:

DON'T WORRY. I made a video of her DIGGING FOR GOLD. I'm gonna ensure she become a youtube sensation



GRRR:

ha! ha! ha! ha!


..........................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE

SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/

HOLLY VALANCE cruising in a friend's convertible

Pedestrians and other motorists are arguing with GRRR in slow-moving traffic.

MOTORIST:

What’s the point of driving a 2011 mustang convertible GT, if you’re gonna keep the top up? MORON!


GRRR:

GUMBY! Mind your business! I do what a like; I did not buy it on credit. I earned it through hard work and credit.


MOTORIST: (dreamily)

I wish I owned a convertible. There is no greater feeling than driving ONE in the sunshine WITH THE TOP DOWN


GRRR:

You’re just jealous of my success. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS! LOSER!!!!


PEDESTRIAN:

You’re missing out on the glorious sunshine and the gentle breeze. PUT THE TOP DOWN!


GRRR: (TEASES)

YOU CAN'T EVEN AFFORD A REGULAR CAR. TAKE A HIKE...Mind the dog's shxt!


PEDESTRIAN:

The fool and his convertible will soon part


GRRR:

WHATEVER! As much as I love sunny days like today, I will not allow the BREEZE to ruin my new hair-style


GRRR’s companion,HOLLY VALANCE, giggles.



MOTORIST:(laughingly sings Neil Diamond's YOUR SO VAIN..)

Don't you want to enjoy the sunshine and cool breeze?



GRRR:(hisses teeth)

I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE. It's 9 11 now. If I hear one word of your mouth 9 15, your new friend here will have to take you to the hospital



PEDESTRIAN:

YOU IDIOT! Is this how you enjoy the success you CLAIMED you have worked hard for?


GRRR:

GET LOST! It’s none of your business


MOTORIST:

A downpour is forecasted for this afternoon, so if I were you, I would make the most of this fantastic weather



HOLLY VALANCE whispers in his ear. Few minutes later, driver caves in and not only put the top down, but also turns up the volume on the stereo.


CHEERS AND APPLAUSE


Driver smiles and gives the thumbs up to his admirers. He pulls up outside Burgher King. While they were inside doing whatever, the sun went in and the downpour came.


GRRR:

UGH!


He sprints towards the car. Loses his balance, slips and falls flat on his face. He gets up and limps rest of the way. He SWEARS AND CURSES AS HE FINDS IT DIFFICULT TO RAISE THE ROOF OF THE CAR.


Needless to say, he is properly drenched and the car is flooded with water. Even HOLLY VALANCE is dying with laughter as she watched from Burger King’s window with her new friends.

earphone blares #Freddie Mercury's Doodle in jogger's ears

CHUM: (ear phone playing Freddie Mercury's Doodle "Don't stop me now")

(shouting) I REMEMBER WHEN YOU HAD TO FORCE ME TO GO JOGGING WITH YOU, THESE DAYS, I LOOK FORWARD TO DO IT SO MUCH. YOU'RE MY MOTIVATOR


GRRR:

You preferred to stay home and watch #Gran Torino OR #Texas a m Football..You’re getting better.


CHUM:

WHAT?


GRRR:

YOU’RE GETTING BETTER EVERYDAY. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU. I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ARE THE SAME PERSON WHO HAD NO INTEREST IN GETTING IN SHAPE BY JOGGING



CHUM:

BACK THEN, I JUST LACKED THE WILL TO DO ANY FORM OF WORKOUT….


GRRR: ….especially jogging..


CHUM:

PARDON?!!


GRRR:

ESPECIALLY JOGGING



CHUM

SORRY. YES. ESPECIALLY JOGGING…I OWE MY TRANSFORMATION TO YOU


GRRR:

THAT’S WHAT CHUMS ARE FOR


CHUM:

INDEED


GRRR:

AND CHUMS HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER, RIGHT?


CHUM:

RIGHT....



GRRR:

Well, TO BE HONEST, I do not enjoy..



CHUM:

WHAT?


GRRR:

WELL, I DO NOT ENJOY JOGGING ANYMORE


CHUM:

OH NO! JOGGING IS YOUR LIFE. It is to you what children is to Helen Keller..WHY NOT


GRRR:

YOU!



CHUM:

ME?!!! SERIOUSLY? I KEEP UP WITH YOU ALL THE TIME? COME ON BREAK IT TO ME GENTLY



GRRR:

I’LL TELL YOU. I’LL TELL YOU. FIRST OFF, TAKE THIS STUPID EAR PHONE FROM OUT OF YOUR EARS



GRRR YANKS EAR PHONE OUT OF CHUM'S EARS



CHUM:

OUCH!..I cannot jog without music in my ears



GRRR:

That’s the problem! I cannot interact with you because you have this STUPID THING BLARING MUSIC in your ears so I have to be SHOUTING ALL THE TIME, you shouting all the time. This is INSANE. it's not fun ANY MORE!



CHUM:

Sorry, but when I’m jogging, I just wanna hear my music, I don’t like interacting with anyone, including YOU



GRRR:

MY GOD, YOU'RE HONEST! So from now on, I’ll jog alone. You, GO JOG WITH YOUR MUSIC! What’s the point of jogging to get in shape then you get hit by a car because you CAN’T HEAR DANGER WHEN IT’S NEAR TO YOU. Jogging on the side-walk is NOT for you. You belong IN A GYM, where it's safe. In a gym, you don’t have to talk to anyone and you’ll not get hit by a car...



CHUM:

THAT’S NOT FAIR. I enjoy jogging with you



GRRR:

I DON’T ENJOY JOGGIN WITH YOU. JOGGING MEANS A LOT TO ME BUT YOU’RE RUINING IT FOR ME



CHUM: No need to shout. I can hear you better now. Since you have pulled the ear phone from my ears...Could we jog together again, if I use a speaker instead of the ear phone?



GRRR SIGHS HEAVILY, IMPATIENTLY


CHUM: Just asking. Jeez!



GRRR:

I agree that you keep up with me, but there are times when you slow me down..FOR INSTANCE, when you stop to change your playlist or check how much calories you have burnt. UGH!!!



CHUM

You never say. I'm really sorry. You should have told me


GRRR:

Well, I've told you now... You can jog without all that noise in your ears. It's your legs that are doing the work, NOT YOUR EARS. And tell me this; how much calories do you seriously think you can burn few minutes after we started jogging?



CHUM:(roars in laughter)

Remember, I'm new to this. I expect you to show me the way and to tell me when I do the wrong thing



GRRR:

It's fine to jog with your gadgets...



CHUM:

...So why are they problematic to you?



GRRR:

They are holding you back, slowing me down and posing a danger to you. You're not ready for them yet. Give it a little more time. They're not bad for you, you just need a little more discipline when using them


CHUM:

Okay chum...Your'e the expert



GRRR:

We're just a few minutes away from home now



CHUM:

Thank God. My legs feel painful and sore, and I'm starting to get both ear ache and headache. This pain could last for days. UGH!!!



GRRR:

Don't be a drama queen. Just have a beer when you reach home and you'll be fine in no time.


CHUM:

You think so? I thought of the same remedy but was afraid you'd tell me off.



GRRR

Well, what can I say?...see you tommorrow. Same place, same time

walking! driving! PHEW! what a week!

MONDAY


ARGH:

This traffic is not moving at all because of that IRS driver...driving so SLOW. IDIOT! UGH!


CHUM:

It's labour day, remember? Usually, I'm lazy on labour day....Let’s get out of the car and take the bus behind


ARGH:

NOT A BAD IDEA chum...Don’t think they’ll have any spare seats



PIERCING SIREN. BOMB DISPOSAL VEHICLE SHOTS PASS



CHUM:

This is our chance! Otherwise, we won’t make it to the game on time


ARGH:

I know. LET’S DO IT


CHUMS' CAR SPEEDS AFTER BOMB DISPOSAL VEHICLE


CHUMS: HURRAH!




TUESDAY

Policeman sending texts while patrolling in a car. He's been videoed by a motorist. Should be on youtube shortly.

Policeman stares back at motorist in defiance.


Motorist starts to write a text.


Policeman flashes his car light on him.



MOTORIST:

Go F..FLASH YOURSELF, I should report you to your superior, Ned Kelly



COP:

I'M NOT TEXTING; I'm just sending an email. Besides, you should stop watching me, this is not college footbal



**********
UGH:

CHUM, I can’t stand the rain. It’s gonna spoil the sidewalk's FIELD DAY festival. SHXT!


ARGH:

Grrr! Bad umbrella etiquette on the sidewalk is EVEN worse than the rain itself





WEDNESDAY


ARGH:

Grrr sidewalks are for pedestrians NOT bicycles. Bicycles MUST stay on the roads and watch the hell out for pedestrians and obey the traffic signals…


CHUM:

…AMEN!



CYCLIST:

I ride on the sidewalk to avoid annoying drivers, and this is my FUHING reward? I love Lucy BUT not you pedestrians



CHUM:

calm down



GRRR:

DAMN road works and motorists driving like LEARNERS!



CHUM:

TAKE A DEEP BREATH chum!



GRRR:

My horn and fingers never fail me, so I will be fine CHUM



CHUM:

I know the heat is unbearable and the traffic is hardly moving but ranting and raging...


GRRR:

...YOU! slept out most of the traffic so far, so you'll NEVER understand my anguish


CHUM:

I suggest we leave earlier NEXT TIME, put in a lady Gaga cd, make some calls with our Bluetooth headsets and FIX the AC in your car… I'm experiencing changes in my life, I can't STAND the heat anymore



GRRR:

GET OUT OF MY CAR! If you fiddled with the wires, the ac would work. GET OUT! Its quite cool outside!



CHUM:

Don't leave me in the middle of NOWHERE!....You can't leave me in the middle of nowhere!



GRRR FLINGS PASSENGER DOOR OPEN AND PUSHES CHUM OUT ON THE ROAD



GRRR:

I JUST DID. Bye!


CHUM:

I fiddled with the wires, but the stereo stopped working



GRRR:

Excuse, excuses. LISTEN! I just lost 45 minutes in this traffic; fixing AC is the LEAST of my problems. Anyway, you'll find it's VERY cool outside. I ENVY YOU! UGH!



THURSDAY

Vehicle's headlights settle on someone dancing in the middle of the road. WHAT A FOOL, thought the driver. Before he honks the horn to scare dancer out of the way, he is distracted by a motorist singing and dancing to a joel osteen song, in his car. The driver prefers to watch the dancer but he did not look back quickly enough to save him. CRASH!!!!




FRIDAY


UGH:

Grrr! Those kids should STOP walking across my lawn and use the FREAKING sidewalk. If there is no sidewalk, then they can walk in the street.



Chum:

Their djia dog is using your lawn as a toilet. Good dogs use the sidewalk


UGH:

Something is obviously wrong with this one. Do me a favor please....

#chaz bono chums honk horn at girls

CHAZ BONO (narrates): While waiting for the traffic light to change to green, I sometimes honk my horn at other vehicles. it's funny when they jump out of fright. My chums honk their horns at attractive girls..You should try it!

(DRIVE RADIO plays Pink's RESPECT "When me and all my girls go walking down the street, It seems we can't go anywhere without a car that goes "Beep-beep" )



Girl,daryl hannah, bent to fetch her purse that fell on the road. ARGH honks horn. She looks up. ARGH gives her thumbs-up



GIRL:

I don't understand. What are you trying to say?



ARGH:

Looking so gorgeous!



GIRL:

DO NOT not honk your horn at me. This is totally unacceptable where I'm from in Chichen Itza



ARGH:

(laughs) You're standing in the road. We pay to drive on the road, if you know what I mean. I don't give a damn where you from. Honking is cool in Sons of Anarchy



GIRL:

It pisses me off



ARGH:

This is good for self esteem. You are NO Annie Lennox, so humble yourself and be thankful for whatever honking come your way



GIRL:

LOOK! I need no boost in my self esteem from the LIKES OF YOU. I already know I am gorgeous. How would your woman feel if she knows you're beeping other women on the road or how would you feel when other guys honk at your woman?



ARGH:

It does'nt bother me at all. To be honest, DTS would not be happy but that's her problem. Not mine or yours... I like the way you're checking me out right now while showing me bad vibes



GIRL:

Dream on! This is not Paradise Lost.



ARGH:

The only person dreaming is you. I honk my horn so that dog could get out of the way. I did'nt even see you. Where did you appear from?



GIRL:

Are you sure you were not honking at me...I get thist all the time. I'm NEVER short of attention



ARGH:

ATTENTION SEEKER! If I see you THE NEXT TIME, I wont honk again, i'll just run you over



GIRL:

Sour grapes..PERVERT!!!!!!!(angrily marches up to the car, ARGH quickly winds up the window, locks the door then speeds off)


/////////////////////////////////////////




UGH:

(honking horn) SENORITA!



WOMAN turns up her car stereo and ignores him.



UGH:

HOW RUDE!



WOMAN:

I'm not a prostitute, you know so S T O P ! Leave me alone. I am certain you would'nt like your wife and kids to hear this



UGH:

I'm driving this car for the first time. I beeped a girl at the traffic lights up the road. She waved and blew me a kiss. She was a decent and respectable person who is just happy for my success. Obviously, you're a different kettle of fish



WOMAN:

Before you honk or yell at me as you drive past again, make sure you're driving a DECENT AND RESPECTABLE car. By the way, you're old, fat and ugly...Thanks for noticing that I'm a DIFFERENT kettle of fish



UGH:

You have no class! No need to be rude, I just wanted to let you know that you forget to take the money you withdrew from the cash machine



///////////////////////////////////////////////



GIRL:

PerverT! how would you like it if random strangers honk at your daughter? STOP embarrassing yourself. I'M NOT INTERESTED!



GRRR:

I'll slash your tyres, DON'T MESS with me!



WOMAN: I know I'm irresistible but your attention DOES NOT appeal to me, and I am not scared of you either

GRRR: If looks could kill

WOMAN: I'm making sure I give you a good look before...(she screams)

PHEW!! Walking, driving. What a week!

MONDAY

GRRR is walking fast behind a RICE on the crowded sidewalk. RICE stops abruptly to admire a life-sized image of Minka Kelly. GRRR crashes straight into him. GRRR gets very angry and punches the RICE on the neck.

RICE: (cries out in pain)

APOLOGISE!!



GRRR:

YOU DESERVE THAT. I’ll NOT apologise. You piece of s^&%
GMA: He suffers from trigeminal neuralgia, you should NOT HAVE DONE THAT!



GRRR!

Well, he had NO reason to TRIGger my rage.




++ Fudge!Good Morning America!!!!!!
^^: What's the matter Derek Jeter?
++: Will THEY stop spitting gums on the sidewalk. I stepped on some, AGAIN!
^^: It could've been worse, Chum. I narrowly missed some dog shxxt




‎**: (gasps)Oh! Are'nt these flowers lovely?
^^: OMG! My boyfrined brought me flowers like these yesterday.
**: He picked flowers from the sidewalk for you? He's a romantic. I'm jealous

^^: I'm holding on to him. So you better LOOK elsewhere!
**: But I don't have a storm tracker




TUESDAY

Camera man:

have a look at this PAL


Pal:

Is it that Raging Bull guy again?


C:

NO! A motorist driving on the wrong side of the road(laughs) Probably a tourist. Other motorists hurling insults at him in their native languages, and HONKING THEIR HORNS like crazy!




CHUM:

I stopped in the rain to fix one of my flip flops that broke. The other one fell off my feet and sailed down the sidewalk in the water. Couldn’t catch it. Had to walk the rest of the way home BAREFOOT. Fudge!



UGH:

What a TRAGEDY!




WEDNESDAY

Raging Bull:

nexus s, mini driver swerve into me then DELIBERATLEY ran me off the road.


Chum:

OMG! I had no idea one had to be so defensive even when driving a big bus.


Raging BUll:

Defend? By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to DEFEND; I was on the sidewalk on my side, and he was GONE like carlos beltran




<: Keep your seat belt on and be quiet Danica Patrick! >: your highness, please don’t discriminate against me because I’m in the passenger seat. I want to reach over to honk the horn and swear at other drivers too. I'M BORED!




THURSDAY


Chum:

I can't stand these SLOW WALKERS taking up the WHOLE sidewalk....



Raging Bull:

... joyce meyer neither. For your information TURTLES, some of us have dogs to feed and uncles to have dinner with




Bus driver:

Take your anger elsewhere!


Raging Bull:

(insulting hand gestures) What and idiot! I'm a better driver and you're just ZEALOUS!


BD: (laughs)

ZEALOUS?! Now I’m certain you bought your licence


RB:

Whatever! You using google voice while doing about 70mph, with school kids on board is insane.


RB:

Yes, therapy might help; what else would help?IF YOU COULD DRIVE!!.




FRIDAY


RAGING BULL SHOWED HIS MIDDLE FINGER TO A Paul Daniels


Chum:

Goodness sake ! Stop it! only drivers are allowed to rage at drivers. You're like hurricane IRENE. How would you feel if I call you by hurricane names?


Raging Bull:

I don't care. Since he dislikes how you drive, he should get the hell off the sidewalk!



Driver:

Is there a McDonald’s on this road?

WOMAN WINDS UP CAR WINDOW

Dr:(shouts) DOW, is there a Mcdonald's on this road?

Wo:(rolls over eyes and sighs heavily) I DON'T KNOW! FUDGE SAKE!

Dr:Who are you showing attitude? I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!

CHUM: She works for DHL. Be careful!

Dr: When I am HIGH,I punch the shxt out of anyone I like! I hate, DHL!

CH:(reprimands) Don't be rude!




SATURDAY


ACCIDENT SCENE

VENDOR: He's badly hurt. Help him Lord!
MOTORIST: Not sorry for him
V: He has a broken wrist for christ sake! Stop being heartless!
M:It's rushour and the average speed is 50mph. Besides, there is a sidewalk for cylists. He should'nt be on the road!

V: It's your FAULT!
M:STUPID CYCLIST! lucky he got just a few minor scrapes





Man:YUCK!That’s nasty!

Woman:PERVERT!

M: WHAT WOULD YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO PISSES ON THE SIDEWALK...IN FRONT OF A RESTAURANT?

W: I’m homeless. I did ask the restaurant,THEY SAY THEY have NO TOILET.

M:SHAME on the restaurant…Not that it's right but you could have piss on the grass instead

W: Can’t you see the grass is wet?

M: Do you mind if I take a picture before you finish?

#Terrelle Pryor texting while driving. GRRR!

At #best buy, the light changes to GREEN but driver, #Terrelle Pryor, is busy texting. The irritated drivers behind him honk their horns to get him moving.



GRRR:

Did you know that TEXTING WHILE DRIVING can cause an accident?




TEXTER:

NO!



GRRR:

DUH! Well, IT CAN! If you don't care about your life, atleast consider the lives of your kids in the back seat.



UGHH:

TELL HIM GRRR. If you hurt or kill ANYONE today, you would not end up in prison. I WOULD



TEXTER:

THREATEN me as much as you like. I don't give a shxt! Just mind your business, okay? I have been doing this for years, and I have not hurt or killed anyone




GRRR:

Hope the police catches you when you drive through a red ligh...t




UGHH:

....or run into a stationary car. STUPID!



TEXTER:

SHUT UP! Go about your business and STOP irritating me! I DO NOT KNOW ANY OF YOU!



GRRR:

We're trying to get you out of trouble....If your text is so important, you should pull over and do it. ARGH, get his licence's plate number, we MUST report him




UGHH:

GOT IT! Put down your damn phone and focus on your driving, otherwise, I will REPORT you.... OH MY GOSH! HE JUST DROVE THROUGH A RED LIGHT!!!!



TEXTER

(chortles) SO DID YOUR FRIEND!!!!!


GRRR: OH SUGAR! let's get out of here FAST before the police come



TEXTER:

INDEED

PHEW! walking driving. what a week!

MONDAY

Car suddenly pulls out in front of GRRR's van without using indicator. GRRR presses the breaks sharply to avoid an accident. Van screeches to a virtual halt. The car has POLICE emblazon on its sides.


GRRR: PHEW! Can you believe this realtor?

ARGH: WHAT A MORON!



Car driver smirks, turns then speeds away. Once again, driver did not use the indicator.



GRRR: I wonder how the TWERP manage to get a driver's licence




GRRR catches police car at the traffic lights. The light changes to green but the car moves off a bit too slow for GRRR. Apparently, the driver was using a hp tablet. GRRR honks his horn. Car driver shoots him a dirty look. GRRR and ARGH grin.



GRRR is not amused when he finds himself behind the same car at the DRIVE THROUGH. To make matters worse, the car driver take a long time to place order.



GRRR honk the horn while ARGH shouts GET MOVING TWERP! Arrrrrgh!




CAR DRIVER: (defiantly) YOU have anger issues. You need to calm down!





TUESDAY


Man wolf whistles at girl on the sidewalk.

SHE LOOKS BACK



MAN: You're looking fine



She is pretty dolled up and wearing a cute summer dress.



GIRL: (smiles) It's such great fun being a girl!





^^: HOOK! The old television is gone

++: DON’T LIE. You put it by the sidewalk less than an hour ago

^^: From my window, I watched as people ambled over the fallen tree to get their hands on it.

++: Brilliant!





WEDNESDAY


WASHING SIDEWALK

Student watched from his window as neighbour reprimanded man who was washing the sidewalk with a hose. On her way back to her house, she saw student disapprovingly shaking his head at her. She said ‘GET LOST SCROUNGER.’


F:Did you curse her back?

S: She was bigger than me

F: How old?

S:About 63. quite rude. If I could afford it, I’d move out of this town

F:Don’t mind her. Probably lonely. So what was her problem?

S: Flooding the sidewalk, wasting water, WHO KNOWS! The poor man was apologising profusely, BUT WOULD SHE EVEN LISTEN?


F: Probably forget to take her medication. She should be happy that someone is getting rid of some of the dirt of the sidewalk. You just can’t please some people

S: You can repeat that again





THURSDAY


SIDEWALK SMELLS

++Something is smelling disgusting. I wonder if its the fish stall

**No. Its that mattress that SOMEONE just threw on the sidewalk

++Are you sure SYRIA?

**The owner died in bed from last week. They just find his body

++That's terrible, but they can't leave that mattress there



NOTE ON MATTRESS ON SIDEWALK

I miss you ALOT. You SAVE ME from the sidewalk's cold concrete, and help me better myself. I wish I could join you in heaven. I love you ALOT. My best lover, my powerball, you stay in my heart..






FRIDAY

^^ (saying lyrics from Taylor Swift's Tonight, on the phone) - And I could wait patiently but, I really wish you would drop everything now, Meet me in the pouring rain, Kiss me on the sidewalk, Take away the pain, Cause I see sparks fly, Whenever you smile......





Parent strolling with child on sidewalk


Child: When are we going to el bulli, Mom?

Parent: In two weeks time. I told you already

Child: When tommorrow comes, will it be 2 weeks still?


NO REPLY


Child: Two weeks takes a long time

Parent: It does







^^ (sings along to tune blaring from radio on the Sidewalk) - Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk , Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt , Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything , Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in , Because of you , I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty . Because of you.. I am afraid.....

all your things are on the sidewalk. BYE!

GRR piling up UGH’s personal things on the sidewalk.


GRR:

You attract too much DRAMA in my life. GET OUT!



UGH: (feebly)

But, but…TOGETHER, we planned to watch the DAILY SHOW tonight and....and Fright Night when it releases..



GRR:

...But nothing…You're the fright. Please DON’T knock on my door. These are all of your things.



UGH slaps GRR in her face. GRR retaliated by repeatedly kicking and punching UGH to the ground. UGH lay still for a moment. When she sees a riot policeman remonstrating with a protestor, she holds her belly and cries out in agony.



POLICE:

You’re under arrest.



GRR: Life’s a BICH!


POLICE:

Hold your head up….now LOOK at the tears streaming down that poor girl’s face. SLAPPING another girl on a busy sidewalk is an ASSAULT.

UGH: BUT, BUT!...


GRR runs inside and slams the door shut. While the cop frog-marches UGH towards the waiting car, opportunistic onlookers start to help themselves to her stuffs.

GRR appears in her front window.



UGH:

GRR! GRR! GRR!




GRR

I have no pity for you. GO TO HELL!

Traffic lights NOT WORKING!

Traffic in all directions halts at busy intersection. Out of order traffic lights continues to flash RED. Drivers look pretty bemused, angry and frustrated because no one knows whose turn it is to GO.


UGH:

CHRIST! WALE! This could go on for HOURS. Good thing I had some Starbucks before I left the house



Suddenly the light turns to green in UGH’s lane.



GRRR:

HURRAH!



In less than 30 seconds it changes to YELLOW



ARGH:

FUDGE! FUDGE! You cheered too soon GRRR! It’s your fricking fault.



Motorists in other lanes start to GO even though the red light was still flashing.



GRR:

I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! Where the FUDGE do you lot think you’re going? Wait till it’s your turn. ARGH!!!!!


MOTORIST:

Okay, so whose turn is it now? What's your problem, you fugging AMOEBA!!!!!

Nothing but drama ALL week

Jeremy Maclin, it felt great to return to work this week. As usual, I both walked and drove. What a week it's been! DAMN! It's been nothing but pure drama drama, drama, drama! Don't wonder what it would have been like without the pedestrians and motorists who supplied the OOMPH to my week, even though sometimes they made me scream and pull my hair out. I am delighted to share the week's highlights with you.


MONDAY

CHUM:

He says if you have something to say, say it to his face instead of honking your horn like a MAD MAN


Raging Bull:

Grrr!

Since there is sidewalk for cyclists, he should USE IT AND GET OFF THE DARN ROAD!!!!!!!

CHUM:

He called you a acn DONUT!


RB:

Only an IDIOT get lost EVERYDAY with maps and direction pointers and gps




CHUM:

You can't walk barefooted on the cold sidewalk. Why did you take off your shoes and threw it in the ditch?

Raging Bull:

No place in my shoe for you, you long legged fuher! No! You're DEAD! YOU SCUM OF THE EARTH. VERMIN! Do you have any spider poison in your manbag

Chum:

NO! Squash its skeleton with the shoe


TUESDAY

Chum:

If you could, it seem you would punch that driver. what's wrong?
Raging Bull: Grrr! He's driving too SLOW to be in the fast lane! The speed limit is 65 for heaven sake! Come on, MOVE OVER!



RAGING BULL:

Vehicle horns drive me crazy.


CHUM:

Motorists use them to show how rude they are to us pedestrians


RAGING BULL:

Such NUISANCE!!


CHUM:

I know. Mind you, the emergency sirens are no better


RAGING BULL:

True. But THEY SAVE LIVES.horns destroy lives AND RELATIONSHIPS. My husband hate horns so much, he cant stand hearing them on the radio


WEDNESDAY

Chum:

All That rage! Why are you showing NFLX your middle finger?


Raging Bull

SINCE he dislikes HOW I drive, I want him to get the HELL off the sidewalk!


Chum:

The truck driver said you're not fit to drive


Raging Bull:

Yes, I’M A ANGRY driver. Yes, rage, therapy might help, you wanna know what else would help??....IF HE COULD DRIVE!!.


THURSDAY


Chum:

nnamdi asomugha! I can't, these SLOW WALKERS taking up the WHOLE sidewalk....



Raging Bull:

...Me neither. For your information TURTLES, some of us have dogs to feed and uncles to have dinner with



Raging Bull:

Keep your seat belt on and be quiet!


Chum:

your highness, please don’t discriminate against me because I’m in the passenger seat. I want to reach over to honk the horn and swear at other drivers too. I'M BORED!



FRIDAY


Raging Bull:

mini driver swerve into me then DELIBERATLEY ran me off the road.
Chum: OMG! I had no idea one had to be so defensive even when driving a big bus.


Raging BUll:

Defend? By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to DEFEND; I was on the sidewalk on my side, and he was GONE like carlos beltran



CHUM:

I stopped in the rain to fix one of my flip flops that broke. The other one fell off my feet and sailed down the sidewalk in the water. Could'nt catch it. Had to walk the rest of the way home BAREFOOT. Fudge!


Raging Bull:

What a TRAGEDY!



SATURDAY

Raging Bull:

(rants) TO HELL WITH ALL YOU pedestrians congesting the sidewalk. I wish your brains explode and scatter all over the sidewalk. I don't give damn!


Chum:

Take it easy. PLEASE!



RB:

honking at pensioners again?


C:

Any car that passes me on the shoulder is getting rammed.Blame my school for my anger!


RB:

I'm scared we'll bump into the lorry driver we threw the sprite cans on.


C:

He was mad like eagles.


RB:

His arms are bigger than our legs. Let's go straight home. If we see him on the way, we simply give a few hand signals


C:

Provided no kids are present



SUNDAY


CHUM:

one of these days a motorist is gonna punch you in the face



RAGING BULL:

progeria! If I knew he was gonna point a pistol in my face when I opened his car door, I would have stayed in the car with you and wait for the cops to arrive



CHUM:

For your birthday, I'm gonna get a bumper sticker that says 'OUT OF RAGE MEDICATION'



++ - I'm going to the sidewalk sale with my best looking grand niece
** - She will definitely see your crazy side IF you spot a bargain
++ - THERE WILL BE bargains!. Everything will be 75% off . TODAY ONLY!
** - TODAY ONLY? They said that yesterday.
++ - IT’S TRUE!
** - Well, hurry up before its all gone then. Don't let me hold you back dear.

Is it okay to text while walking?

A WOMAN is walking with a child. On several occasions, the child tries to take the woman's hand but the woman did not realize. She was writing a text. Shortly afterwards, the woman trips over a tree limb and fell. Dog walker rushes to her rescue.



Child: (screams)

Mum!



Dog Walker:

Sorry to see you fall like that. Are you okay?



GRRR:

I am fine thanks. Just a small bruise on my arm. OUCH!



Dog Walker:

No need for surgery then



GRRR: (smiles)

Thank you DOC!I hate surgery... Your dog is cute, by the way.




Dog Walker:

Thanks. BART is an Alaskan Malamute



GRRR!

Please don't let it shxt on the sidewalk. As you can see, there are enough NUISANCES on the sidewalk.



Dog Walker:

Yesterday, I saved a pedestrian from being hit by a bus at Watkins Glen....Like you, she was sending a text while walking



GRRR:

OH SUGAR! I am sorry. I did not mean to act like an axxhole. And thanks for helping me. You are truly the sidewalk's angel.




Dog Walker:

You could have hurt yourself more. You were so caught up in writing the text, you missed the child's hand several times. How would you feel if someday you reach for her hand, but she failed to notice because she is busy looking after herself or even just writing a text?



GRRR:

I feel awful. I'm sorry. (to child)I am sorry honey. (kisses child)




Dog Walker:

As pedestrians we have to be aware of our sorroundings and ENSURE that we do not inconvenience one another in any way. I ALWAYS CLEAN UP after my dog. YOU should STOP writing texts while walking. And if you do the same when you drive, that is even more dangerous


GRRR!

You're pretty sidewalk-wise. Thank you for the reprimand.




Dog Walker:

You live and learn sister. Believe it or not, I used to write texts ALL THE TIME while using the sidewalk



GRRR!

Really! What made you stop? Did you get too old for texting?




Dog Walker:

(laughs) Not at all...I was busy texting when I walked straight into another pedestrian. Surprisingly, he was not angry. HE WAS TEXTING ALSO

better WATCH OUT! We will OVERTAKE

MOTORIST: (laughs incredulously)

Sugarland! we have been driving for several hours and you guys are TIRED ALREADY?




UGH:

Far from it. We have a puncture. Changing the tyre will take just a few minutes. When we are back on FOUR WHEELS, you better WATCH OUT! We will OVERTAKE you in an instant



MOTORIST:

Dream on. You can honk at us as much as you like IF you catch us at the traffic light, but you will NEVER overtake us.



UGH:

WHATEVER! The speed of your driving is like a funeral procession. Even an old passenger would tell you to STEP ON THE GAS mother ducker!



MOTORIST:(sniggers)

You should have seen your face when you repeatedly honked and tried to overtake us but COULD'NT



UGH!

AVATAR, I mean AMATEUR! You and I know that if we were proper racing, like Michele Bachmann, I would claim the victory. NOT YOU!


Motorist: (teases)

It BEATS me how you could possibly do that with that OLD CRAP!

GRRR finds money

GRRR finds money while strolling on the sidewalk with his chums. Scores of people are milling around and walking by.


GRRR

Anyone lost some money?



Noone answers. Some simply nod their heads.



UGH:

Furosemide, these people are so HONEST! Better for us. Losers weepers, finders keepers



ARGH:

It’s your lucky day GRRR



GRRR:

That’s right. That means I’m not sharing it with you lot. I'm gonna use it to LEGALLY download music



GRRR pretends to run away



ARGH:

WHAT?!!!!!!



UGH! (Grabs Grrr)

OH SUGAR! You’re not going anywhere!



GRRR:

I know. Kidding chums. After using the little money I had to buy a game for my little brother Rodman, I was broke. GOD IS GOO



ARGH!

How much is it?



GRRR: I’m not saying.



UGH:

If you’re gonna share it with your chums, then you have to let them know how much is there to share



ARGH: fair enough



GRRR hands over the money to chums for them to count it. UGH whispers the amount in Grrr’s ear.



GRRR:

Tell me you’re kidding



ARGH! We’re not. Why?



GRRR:

That was exactly how much my brother’s game cost me



UGH and ARGH:

Tell us you’re kidding



GRRR:

I’m not



UGH:

That’s quite bizarre!



ARGH:

You’re quite blessed chum. You really deserve ALL of the free money



GRRR: (smiles)

Thanks chums. One day, karma will be kind to you also. so KEEP ON DOING YOUR KIND DEEDS!

dog runs across the road

DIR: CUT! well done guys. Let's quickly go to the last location for the final scene before the traffic gets heavy there. we can get there in 30 minutes or less



ARGH: Can't we shoot the last scene tomorrow? My telephone battery needs charging....People are leaving work now, too many people on the sidewalk just watching. makes me nervous. I'll miss my queues, forget my lines



DIR: LYRICS ! Not lines. You're singing a song, for christ sake, not reading from a NOVEL. UGH!


ARGH: Sorry sir



DIR: Guys, we MUST finish the last scene today. Tommorrow the road for the scene will be blocked off for more road construction. lee evans FUDGE OFF home if you can't deal with the attention. I CAN'T deal witth your TANTRUMS anymore



GRRR: lets get this show on the road chums!


ARGH: I want to be in the roadshow of course and I am not blaming YOU or anyone for our setback. OH MY GOSH! LOOK OUT!



DOG without leash runs across the road. Police car slams on the break. Dog hit the dashboard. The guys scream while covering their faces in their hands.



UGH: OUCH!

ARGH: (gasps) Who let the dog out?

DIR: FUDGE!


COP gets out of car, looked around suspiciously, then fetched the whimpering dog by an ear and tosses it on the sidewalk.



GRRR: WHAT A HORRIBLE MAN

ARGH: (head through window) AXXHOLE!

UGH: LET'S CHASE HIM!

DIR: We have been drinking alot, DUH!


GRRR! I think the poor dog is deceased. The impact was too great for it to survive

UGH: OH NO! I feel HURT

ARGH: This is not a good sign. We should turn back immediately. Shoot the last scene another day

DIR: I feel sad for the poor dog but the show must go on. WE CANNOT TURN BACK NOW!Lee Evans you look broken hearted

ARGH: I AM. I will miss the dog

GRRR: Shut up! You don't even know the dog. You SCROTE!

ARGH! DULLARD!.....AND YOUR POINT IS? UGH!... I once had a dog. It took her ages to be friendly with me, but eventually she became so loyal. She loved when I pampered her and bring her treats...I'm still dying over her loss

DIR:NO NEED TO FEEL SO STRONGLY. It's jus a dog!

ARGH: No wonder I have more dog friends than human friends. Humans are so insensitive, selfish and uncaring. No offense

DIR: None taken

ARGH: I was refering to GRRR, UGH and the others. I know you're the director, but you are pure EVIL. You're no better than that heartless cop

DIR: STOP THE CAR!

UGH! Yes sir!

ARGH: please don't. I'm sorry, please....

DIR: ...We'll shoot the final scene the first day after tommorrow. Let's go home boys.