CHAZ BONO (narrates): While waiting for the traffic light to change to green, I sometimes honk my horn at other vehicles. it's funny when they jump out of fright. My chums honk their horns at attractive girls..You should try it!
(DRIVE RADIO plays Pink's RESPECT "When me and all my girls go walking down the street, It seems we can't go anywhere without a car that goes "Beep-beep" )
Girl,daryl hannah, bent to fetch her purse that fell on the road. ARGH honks horn. She looks up. ARGH gives her thumbs-up
GIRL:
I don't understand. What are you trying to say?
ARGH:
Looking so gorgeous!
GIRL:
DO NOT not honk your horn at me. This is totally unacceptable where I'm from in Chichen Itza
ARGH:
(laughs) You're standing in the road. We pay to drive on the road, if you know what I mean. I don't give a damn where you from. Honking is cool in Sons of Anarchy
GIRL:
It pisses me off
ARGH:
This is good for self esteem. You are NO Annie Lennox, so humble yourself and be thankful for whatever honking come your way
GIRL:
LOOK! I need no boost in my self esteem from the LIKES OF YOU. I already know I am gorgeous. How would your woman feel if she knows you're beeping other women on the road or how would you feel when other guys honk at your woman?
ARGH:
It does'nt bother me at all. To be honest, DTS would not be happy but that's her problem. Not mine or yours... I like the way you're checking me out right now while showing me bad vibes
GIRL:
Dream on! This is not Paradise Lost.
ARGH:
The only person dreaming is you. I honk my horn so that dog could get out of the way. I did'nt even see you. Where did you appear from?
GIRL:
Are you sure you were not honking at me...I get thist all the time. I'm NEVER short of attention
ARGH:
ATTENTION SEEKER! If I see you THE NEXT TIME, I wont honk again, i'll just run you over
GIRL:
Sour grapes..PERVERT!!!!!!!(angrily marches up to the car, ARGH quickly winds up the window, locks the door then speeds off)
/////////////////////////////////////////
UGH:
(honking horn) SENORITA!
WOMAN turns up her car stereo and ignores him.
UGH:
HOW RUDE!
WOMAN:
I'm not a prostitute, you know so S T O P ! Leave me alone. I am certain you would'nt like your wife and kids to hear this
UGH:
I'm driving this car for the first time. I beeped a girl at the traffic lights up the road. She waved and blew me a kiss. She was a decent and respectable person who is just happy for my success. Obviously, you're a different kettle of fish
WOMAN:
Before you honk or yell at me as you drive past again, make sure you're driving a DECENT AND RESPECTABLE car. By the way, you're old, fat and ugly...Thanks for noticing that I'm a DIFFERENT kettle of fish
UGH:
You have no class! No need to be rude, I just wanted to let you know that you forget to take the money you withdrew from the cash machine
///////////////////////////////////////////////
GIRL:
PerverT! how would you like it if random strangers honk at your daughter? STOP embarrassing yourself. I'M NOT INTERESTED!
GRRR:
I'll slash your tyres, DON'T MESS with me!
WOMAN: I know I'm irresistible but your attention DOES NOT appeal to me, and I am not scared of you either
GRRR: If looks could kill
WOMAN: I'm making sure I give you a good look before...(she screams)
Tuesday 30 August 2011
Friday 26 August 2011
PHEW!! Walking, driving. What a week!
MONDAY
GRRR is walking fast behind a RICE on the crowded sidewalk. RICE stops abruptly to admire a life-sized image of Minka Kelly. GRRR crashes straight into him. GRRR gets very angry and punches the RICE on the neck.
RICE: (cries out in pain)
APOLOGISE!!
GRRR:
YOU DESERVE THAT. I’ll NOT apologise. You piece of s^&%
GMA: He suffers from trigeminal neuralgia, you should NOT HAVE DONE THAT!
GRRR!
Well, he had NO reason to TRIGger my rage.
++ Fudge!Good Morning America!!!!!!
^^: What's the matter Derek Jeter?
++: Will THEY stop spitting gums on the sidewalk. I stepped on some, AGAIN!
^^: It could've been worse, Chum. I narrowly missed some dog shxxt
**: (gasps)Oh! Are'nt these flowers lovely?
^^: OMG! My boyfrined brought me flowers like these yesterday.
**: He picked flowers from the sidewalk for you? He's a romantic. I'm jealous
^^: I'm holding on to him. So you better LOOK elsewhere!
**: But I don't have a storm tracker
TUESDAY
Camera man:
have a look at this PAL
Pal:
Is it that Raging Bull guy again?
C:
NO! A motorist driving on the wrong side of the road(laughs) Probably a tourist. Other motorists hurling insults at him in their native languages, and HONKING THEIR HORNS like crazy!
CHUM:
I stopped in the rain to fix one of my flip flops that broke. The other one fell off my feet and sailed down the sidewalk in the water. Couldn’t catch it. Had to walk the rest of the way home BAREFOOT. Fudge!
UGH:
What a TRAGEDY!
WEDNESDAY
Raging Bull:
nexus s, mini driver swerve into me then DELIBERATLEY ran me off the road.
Chum:
OMG! I had no idea one had to be so defensive even when driving a big bus.
Raging BUll:
Defend? By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to DEFEND; I was on the sidewalk on my side, and he was GONE like carlos beltran
<: Keep your seat belt on and be quiet Danica Patrick! >: your highness, please don’t discriminate against me because I’m in the passenger seat. I want to reach over to honk the horn and swear at other drivers too. I'M BORED!
THURSDAY
Chum:
I can't stand these SLOW WALKERS taking up the WHOLE sidewalk....
Raging Bull:
... joyce meyer neither. For your information TURTLES, some of us have dogs to feed and uncles to have dinner with
Bus driver:
Take your anger elsewhere!
Raging Bull:
(insulting hand gestures) What and idiot! I'm a better driver and you're just ZEALOUS!
BD: (laughs)
ZEALOUS?! Now I’m certain you bought your licence
RB:
Whatever! You using google voice while doing about 70mph, with school kids on board is insane.
RB:
Yes, therapy might help; what else would help?IF YOU COULD DRIVE!!.
FRIDAY
RAGING BULL SHOWED HIS MIDDLE FINGER TO A Paul Daniels
Chum:
Goodness sake ! Stop it! only drivers are allowed to rage at drivers. You're like hurricane IRENE. How would you feel if I call you by hurricane names?
Raging Bull:
I don't care. Since he dislikes how you drive, he should get the hell off the sidewalk!
Driver:
Is there a McDonald’s on this road?
WOMAN WINDS UP CAR WINDOW
Dr:(shouts) DOW, is there a Mcdonald's on this road?
Wo:(rolls over eyes and sighs heavily) I DON'T KNOW! FUDGE SAKE!
Dr:Who are you showing attitude? I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!
CHUM: She works for DHL. Be careful!
Dr: When I am HIGH,I punch the shxt out of anyone I like! I hate, DHL!
CH:(reprimands) Don't be rude!
SATURDAY
ACCIDENT SCENE
VENDOR: He's badly hurt. Help him Lord!
MOTORIST: Not sorry for him
V: He has a broken wrist for christ sake! Stop being heartless!
M:It's rushour and the average speed is 50mph. Besides, there is a sidewalk for cylists. He should'nt be on the road!
V: It's your FAULT!
M:STUPID CYCLIST! lucky he got just a few minor scrapes
Man:YUCK!That’s nasty!
Woman:PERVERT!
M: WHAT WOULD YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO PISSES ON THE SIDEWALK...IN FRONT OF A RESTAURANT?
W: I’m homeless. I did ask the restaurant,THEY SAY THEY have NO TOILET.
M:SHAME on the restaurant…Not that it's right but you could have piss on the grass instead
W: Can’t you see the grass is wet?
M: Do you mind if I take a picture before you finish?
GRRR is walking fast behind a RICE on the crowded sidewalk. RICE stops abruptly to admire a life-sized image of Minka Kelly. GRRR crashes straight into him. GRRR gets very angry and punches the RICE on the neck.
RICE: (cries out in pain)
APOLOGISE!!
GRRR:
YOU DESERVE THAT. I’ll NOT apologise. You piece of s^&%
GMA: He suffers from trigeminal neuralgia, you should NOT HAVE DONE THAT!
GRRR!
Well, he had NO reason to TRIGger my rage.
++ Fudge!Good Morning America!!!!!!
^^: What's the matter Derek Jeter?
++: Will THEY stop spitting gums on the sidewalk. I stepped on some, AGAIN!
^^: It could've been worse, Chum. I narrowly missed some dog shxxt
**: (gasps)Oh! Are'nt these flowers lovely?
^^: OMG! My boyfrined brought me flowers like these yesterday.
**: He picked flowers from the sidewalk for you? He's a romantic. I'm jealous
^^: I'm holding on to him. So you better LOOK elsewhere!
**: But I don't have a storm tracker
TUESDAY
Camera man:
have a look at this PAL
Pal:
Is it that Raging Bull guy again?
C:
NO! A motorist driving on the wrong side of the road(laughs) Probably a tourist. Other motorists hurling insults at him in their native languages, and HONKING THEIR HORNS like crazy!
CHUM:
I stopped in the rain to fix one of my flip flops that broke. The other one fell off my feet and sailed down the sidewalk in the water. Couldn’t catch it. Had to walk the rest of the way home BAREFOOT. Fudge!
UGH:
What a TRAGEDY!
WEDNESDAY
Raging Bull:
nexus s, mini driver swerve into me then DELIBERATLEY ran me off the road.
Chum:
OMG! I had no idea one had to be so defensive even when driving a big bus.
Raging BUll:
Defend? By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to DEFEND; I was on the sidewalk on my side, and he was GONE like carlos beltran
<: Keep your seat belt on and be quiet Danica Patrick! >: your highness, please don’t discriminate against me because I’m in the passenger seat. I want to reach over to honk the horn and swear at other drivers too. I'M BORED!
THURSDAY
Chum:
I can't stand these SLOW WALKERS taking up the WHOLE sidewalk....
Raging Bull:
... joyce meyer neither. For your information TURTLES, some of us have dogs to feed and uncles to have dinner with
Bus driver:
Take your anger elsewhere!
Raging Bull:
(insulting hand gestures) What and idiot! I'm a better driver and you're just ZEALOUS!
BD: (laughs)
ZEALOUS?! Now I’m certain you bought your licence
RB:
Whatever! You using google voice while doing about 70mph, with school kids on board is insane.
RB:
Yes, therapy might help; what else would help?IF YOU COULD DRIVE!!.
FRIDAY
RAGING BULL SHOWED HIS MIDDLE FINGER TO A Paul Daniels
Chum:
Goodness sake ! Stop it! only drivers are allowed to rage at drivers. You're like hurricane IRENE. How would you feel if I call you by hurricane names?
Raging Bull:
I don't care. Since he dislikes how you drive, he should get the hell off the sidewalk!
Driver:
Is there a McDonald’s on this road?
WOMAN WINDS UP CAR WINDOW
Dr:(shouts) DOW, is there a Mcdonald's on this road?
Wo:(rolls over eyes and sighs heavily) I DON'T KNOW! FUDGE SAKE!
Dr:Who are you showing attitude? I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!
CHUM: She works for DHL. Be careful!
Dr: When I am HIGH,I punch the shxt out of anyone I like! I hate, DHL!
CH:(reprimands) Don't be rude!
SATURDAY
ACCIDENT SCENE
VENDOR: He's badly hurt. Help him Lord!
MOTORIST: Not sorry for him
V: He has a broken wrist for christ sake! Stop being heartless!
M:It's rushour and the average speed is 50mph. Besides, there is a sidewalk for cylists. He should'nt be on the road!
V: It's your FAULT!
M:STUPID CYCLIST! lucky he got just a few minor scrapes
Man:YUCK!That’s nasty!
Woman:PERVERT!
M: WHAT WOULD YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO PISSES ON THE SIDEWALK...IN FRONT OF A RESTAURANT?
W: I’m homeless. I did ask the restaurant,THEY SAY THEY have NO TOILET.
M:SHAME on the restaurant…Not that it's right but you could have piss on the grass instead
W: Can’t you see the grass is wet?
M: Do you mind if I take a picture before you finish?
Monday 22 August 2011
#Terrelle Pryor texting while driving. GRRR!
At #best buy, the light changes to GREEN but driver, #Terrelle Pryor, is busy texting. The irritated drivers behind him honk their horns to get him moving.
GRRR:
Did you know that TEXTING WHILE DRIVING can cause an accident?
TEXTER:
NO!
GRRR:
DUH! Well, IT CAN! If you don't care about your life, atleast consider the lives of your kids in the back seat.
UGHH:
TELL HIM GRRR. If you hurt or kill ANYONE today, you would not end up in prison. I WOULD
TEXTER:
THREATEN me as much as you like. I don't give a shxt! Just mind your business, okay? I have been doing this for years, and I have not hurt or killed anyone
GRRR:
Hope the police catches you when you drive through a red ligh...t
UGHH:
....or run into a stationary car. STUPID!
TEXTER:
SHUT UP! Go about your business and STOP irritating me! I DO NOT KNOW ANY OF YOU!
GRRR:
We're trying to get you out of trouble....If your text is so important, you should pull over and do it. ARGH, get his licence's plate number, we MUST report him
UGHH:
GOT IT! Put down your damn phone and focus on your driving, otherwise, I will REPORT you.... OH MY GOSH! HE JUST DROVE THROUGH A RED LIGHT!!!!
TEXTER
(chortles) SO DID YOUR FRIEND!!!!!
GRRR: OH SUGAR! let's get out of here FAST before the police come
TEXTER:
INDEED
GRRR:
Did you know that TEXTING WHILE DRIVING can cause an accident?
TEXTER:
NO!
GRRR:
DUH! Well, IT CAN! If you don't care about your life, atleast consider the lives of your kids in the back seat.
UGHH:
TELL HIM GRRR. If you hurt or kill ANYONE today, you would not end up in prison. I WOULD
TEXTER:
THREATEN me as much as you like. I don't give a shxt! Just mind your business, okay? I have been doing this for years, and I have not hurt or killed anyone
GRRR:
Hope the police catches you when you drive through a red ligh...t
UGHH:
....or run into a stationary car. STUPID!
TEXTER:
SHUT UP! Go about your business and STOP irritating me! I DO NOT KNOW ANY OF YOU!
GRRR:
We're trying to get you out of trouble....If your text is so important, you should pull over and do it. ARGH, get his licence's plate number, we MUST report him
UGHH:
GOT IT! Put down your damn phone and focus on your driving, otherwise, I will REPORT you.... OH MY GOSH! HE JUST DROVE THROUGH A RED LIGHT!!!!
TEXTER
(chortles) SO DID YOUR FRIEND!!!!!
GRRR: OH SUGAR! let's get out of here FAST before the police come
TEXTER:
INDEED
Saturday 20 August 2011
PHEW! walking driving. what a week!
MONDAY
Car suddenly pulls out in front of GRRR's van without using indicator. GRRR presses the breaks sharply to avoid an accident. Van screeches to a virtual halt. The car has POLICE emblazon on its sides.
GRRR: PHEW! Can you believe this realtor?
ARGH: WHAT A MORON!
Car driver smirks, turns then speeds away. Once again, driver did not use the indicator.
GRRR: I wonder how the TWERP manage to get a driver's licence
GRRR catches police car at the traffic lights. The light changes to green but the car moves off a bit too slow for GRRR. Apparently, the driver was using a hp tablet. GRRR honks his horn. Car driver shoots him a dirty look. GRRR and ARGH grin.
GRRR is not amused when he finds himself behind the same car at the DRIVE THROUGH. To make matters worse, the car driver take a long time to place order.
GRRR honk the horn while ARGH shouts GET MOVING TWERP! Arrrrrgh!
CAR DRIVER: (defiantly) YOU have anger issues. You need to calm down!
TUESDAY
Man wolf whistles at girl on the sidewalk.
SHE LOOKS BACK
MAN: You're looking fine
She is pretty dolled up and wearing a cute summer dress.
GIRL: (smiles) It's such great fun being a girl!
^^: HOOK! The old television is gone
++: DON’T LIE. You put it by the sidewalk less than an hour ago
^^: From my window, I watched as people ambled over the fallen tree to get their hands on it.
++: Brilliant!
WEDNESDAY
WASHING SIDEWALK
Student watched from his window as neighbour reprimanded man who was washing the sidewalk with a hose. On her way back to her house, she saw student disapprovingly shaking his head at her. She said ‘GET LOST SCROUNGER.’
F:Did you curse her back?
S: She was bigger than me
F: How old?
S:About 63. quite rude. If I could afford it, I’d move out of this town
F:Don’t mind her. Probably lonely. So what was her problem?
S: Flooding the sidewalk, wasting water, WHO KNOWS! The poor man was apologising profusely, BUT WOULD SHE EVEN LISTEN?
F: Probably forget to take her medication. She should be happy that someone is getting rid of some of the dirt of the sidewalk. You just can’t please some people
S: You can repeat that again
THURSDAY
SIDEWALK SMELLS
++Something is smelling disgusting. I wonder if its the fish stall
**No. Its that mattress that SOMEONE just threw on the sidewalk
++Are you sure SYRIA?
**The owner died in bed from last week. They just find his body
++That's terrible, but they can't leave that mattress there
NOTE ON MATTRESS ON SIDEWALK
I miss you ALOT. You SAVE ME from the sidewalk's cold concrete, and help me better myself. I wish I could join you in heaven. I love you ALOT. My best lover, my powerball, you stay in my heart..
FRIDAY
^^ (saying lyrics from Taylor Swift's Tonight, on the phone) - And I could wait patiently but, I really wish you would drop everything now, Meet me in the pouring rain, Kiss me on the sidewalk, Take away the pain, Cause I see sparks fly, Whenever you smile......
Parent strolling with child on sidewalk
Child: When are we going to el bulli, Mom?
Parent: In two weeks time. I told you already
Child: When tommorrow comes, will it be 2 weeks still?
NO REPLY
Child: Two weeks takes a long time
Parent: It does
^^ (sings along to tune blaring from radio on the Sidewalk) - Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk , Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt , Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything , Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in , Because of you , I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty . Because of you.. I am afraid.....
Car suddenly pulls out in front of GRRR's van without using indicator. GRRR presses the breaks sharply to avoid an accident. Van screeches to a virtual halt. The car has POLICE emblazon on its sides.
GRRR: PHEW! Can you believe this realtor?
ARGH: WHAT A MORON!
Car driver smirks, turns then speeds away. Once again, driver did not use the indicator.
GRRR: I wonder how the TWERP manage to get a driver's licence
GRRR catches police car at the traffic lights. The light changes to green but the car moves off a bit too slow for GRRR. Apparently, the driver was using a hp tablet. GRRR honks his horn. Car driver shoots him a dirty look. GRRR and ARGH grin.
GRRR is not amused when he finds himself behind the same car at the DRIVE THROUGH. To make matters worse, the car driver take a long time to place order.
GRRR honk the horn while ARGH shouts GET MOVING TWERP! Arrrrrgh!
CAR DRIVER: (defiantly) YOU have anger issues. You need to calm down!
TUESDAY
Man wolf whistles at girl on the sidewalk.
SHE LOOKS BACK
MAN: You're looking fine
She is pretty dolled up and wearing a cute summer dress.
GIRL: (smiles) It's such great fun being a girl!
^^: HOOK! The old television is gone
++: DON’T LIE. You put it by the sidewalk less than an hour ago
^^: From my window, I watched as people ambled over the fallen tree to get their hands on it.
++: Brilliant!
WEDNESDAY
WASHING SIDEWALK
Student watched from his window as neighbour reprimanded man who was washing the sidewalk with a hose. On her way back to her house, she saw student disapprovingly shaking his head at her. She said ‘GET LOST SCROUNGER.’
F:Did you curse her back?
S: She was bigger than me
F: How old?
S:About 63. quite rude. If I could afford it, I’d move out of this town
F:Don’t mind her. Probably lonely. So what was her problem?
S: Flooding the sidewalk, wasting water, WHO KNOWS! The poor man was apologising profusely, BUT WOULD SHE EVEN LISTEN?
F: Probably forget to take her medication. She should be happy that someone is getting rid of some of the dirt of the sidewalk. You just can’t please some people
S: You can repeat that again
THURSDAY
SIDEWALK SMELLS
++Something is smelling disgusting. I wonder if its the fish stall
**No. Its that mattress that SOMEONE just threw on the sidewalk
++Are you sure SYRIA?
**The owner died in bed from last week. They just find his body
++That's terrible, but they can't leave that mattress there
NOTE ON MATTRESS ON SIDEWALK
I miss you ALOT. You SAVE ME from the sidewalk's cold concrete, and help me better myself. I wish I could join you in heaven. I love you ALOT. My best lover, my powerball, you stay in my heart..
FRIDAY
^^ (saying lyrics from Taylor Swift's Tonight, on the phone) - And I could wait patiently but, I really wish you would drop everything now, Meet me in the pouring rain, Kiss me on the sidewalk, Take away the pain, Cause I see sparks fly, Whenever you smile......
Parent strolling with child on sidewalk
Child: When are we going to el bulli, Mom?
Parent: In two weeks time. I told you already
Child: When tommorrow comes, will it be 2 weeks still?
NO REPLY
Child: Two weeks takes a long time
Parent: It does
^^ (sings along to tune blaring from radio on the Sidewalk) - Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk , Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt , Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything , Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in , Because of you , I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty . Because of you.. I am afraid.....
Friday 19 August 2011
all your things are on the sidewalk. BYE!
GRR piling up UGH’s personal things on the sidewalk.
GRR:
You attract too much DRAMA in my life. GET OUT!
UGH: (feebly)
But, but…TOGETHER, we planned to watch the DAILY SHOW tonight and....and Fright Night when it releases..
GRR:
...But nothing…You're the fright. Please DON’T knock on my door. These are all of your things.
UGH slaps GRR in her face. GRR retaliated by repeatedly kicking and punching UGH to the ground. UGH lay still for a moment. When she sees a riot policeman remonstrating with a protestor, she holds her belly and cries out in agony.
POLICE:
You’re under arrest.
GRR: Life’s a BICH!
POLICE:
Hold your head up….now LOOK at the tears streaming down that poor girl’s face. SLAPPING another girl on a busy sidewalk is an ASSAULT.
UGH: BUT, BUT!...
GRR runs inside and slams the door shut. While the cop frog-marches UGH towards the waiting car, opportunistic onlookers start to help themselves to her stuffs.
GRR appears in her front window.
UGH:
GRR! GRR! GRR!
GRR
I have no pity for you. GO TO HELL!
GRR:
You attract too much DRAMA in my life. GET OUT!
UGH: (feebly)
But, but…TOGETHER, we planned to watch the DAILY SHOW tonight and....and Fright Night when it releases..
GRR:
...But nothing…You're the fright. Please DON’T knock on my door. These are all of your things.
UGH slaps GRR in her face. GRR retaliated by repeatedly kicking and punching UGH to the ground. UGH lay still for a moment. When she sees a riot policeman remonstrating with a protestor, she holds her belly and cries out in agony.
POLICE:
You’re under arrest.
GRR: Life’s a BICH!
POLICE:
Hold your head up….now LOOK at the tears streaming down that poor girl’s face. SLAPPING another girl on a busy sidewalk is an ASSAULT.
UGH: BUT, BUT!...
GRR runs inside and slams the door shut. While the cop frog-marches UGH towards the waiting car, opportunistic onlookers start to help themselves to her stuffs.
GRR appears in her front window.
UGH:
GRR! GRR! GRR!
GRR
I have no pity for you. GO TO HELL!
Wednesday 17 August 2011
Traffic lights NOT WORKING!
Traffic in all directions halts at busy intersection. Out of order traffic lights continues to flash RED. Drivers look pretty bemused, angry and frustrated because no one knows whose turn it is to GO.
UGH:
CHRIST! WALE! This could go on for HOURS. Good thing I had some Starbucks before I left the house
Suddenly the light turns to green in UGH’s lane.
GRRR:
HURRAH!
In less than 30 seconds it changes to YELLOW
ARGH:
FUDGE! FUDGE! You cheered too soon GRRR! It’s your fricking fault.
Motorists in other lanes start to GO even though the red light was still flashing.
GRR:
I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! Where the FUDGE do you lot think you’re going? Wait till it’s your turn. ARGH!!!!!
MOTORIST:
Okay, so whose turn is it now? What's your problem, you fugging AMOEBA!!!!!
UGH:
CHRIST! WALE! This could go on for HOURS. Good thing I had some Starbucks before I left the house
Suddenly the light turns to green in UGH’s lane.
GRRR:
HURRAH!
In less than 30 seconds it changes to YELLOW
ARGH:
FUDGE! FUDGE! You cheered too soon GRRR! It’s your fricking fault.
Motorists in other lanes start to GO even though the red light was still flashing.
GRR:
I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! Where the FUDGE do you lot think you’re going? Wait till it’s your turn. ARGH!!!!!
MOTORIST:
Okay, so whose turn is it now? What's your problem, you fugging AMOEBA!!!!!
Tuesday 16 August 2011
Nothing but drama ALL week
Jeremy Maclin, it felt great to return to work this week. As usual, I both walked and drove. What a week it's been! DAMN! It's been nothing but pure drama drama, drama, drama! Don't wonder what it would have been like without the pedestrians and motorists who supplied the OOMPH to my week, even though sometimes they made me scream and pull my hair out. I am delighted to share the week's highlights with you.
MONDAY
CHUM:
He says if you have something to say, say it to his face instead of honking your horn like a MAD MAN
Raging Bull:
Grrr!
Since there is sidewalk for cyclists, he should USE IT AND GET OFF THE DARN ROAD!!!!!!!
CHUM:
He called you a acn DONUT!
RB:
Only an IDIOT get lost EVERYDAY with maps and direction pointers and gps
CHUM:
You can't walk barefooted on the cold sidewalk. Why did you take off your shoes and threw it in the ditch?
Raging Bull:
No place in my shoe for you, you long legged fuher! No! You're DEAD! YOU SCUM OF THE EARTH. VERMIN! Do you have any spider poison in your manbag
Chum:
NO! Squash its skeleton with the shoe
TUESDAY
Chum:
If you could, it seem you would punch that driver. what's wrong?
Raging Bull: Grrr! He's driving too SLOW to be in the fast lane! The speed limit is 65 for heaven sake! Come on, MOVE OVER!
RAGING BULL:
Vehicle horns drive me crazy.
CHUM:
Motorists use them to show how rude they are to us pedestrians
RAGING BULL:
Such NUISANCE!!
CHUM:
I know. Mind you, the emergency sirens are no better
RAGING BULL:
True. But THEY SAVE LIVES.horns destroy lives AND RELATIONSHIPS. My husband hate horns so much, he cant stand hearing them on the radio
WEDNESDAY
Chum:
All That rage! Why are you showing NFLX your middle finger?
Raging Bull
SINCE he dislikes HOW I drive, I want him to get the HELL off the sidewalk!
Chum:
The truck driver said you're not fit to drive
Raging Bull:
Yes, I’M A ANGRY driver. Yes, rage, therapy might help, you wanna know what else would help??....IF HE COULD DRIVE!!.
THURSDAY
Chum:
nnamdi asomugha! I can't, these SLOW WALKERS taking up the WHOLE sidewalk....
Raging Bull:
...Me neither. For your information TURTLES, some of us have dogs to feed and uncles to have dinner with
Raging Bull:
Keep your seat belt on and be quiet!
Chum:
your highness, please don’t discriminate against me because I’m in the passenger seat. I want to reach over to honk the horn and swear at other drivers too. I'M BORED!
FRIDAY
Raging Bull:
mini driver swerve into me then DELIBERATLEY ran me off the road.
Chum: OMG! I had no idea one had to be so defensive even when driving a big bus.
Raging BUll:
Defend? By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to DEFEND; I was on the sidewalk on my side, and he was GONE like carlos beltran
CHUM:
I stopped in the rain to fix one of my flip flops that broke. The other one fell off my feet and sailed down the sidewalk in the water. Could'nt catch it. Had to walk the rest of the way home BAREFOOT. Fudge!
Raging Bull:
What a TRAGEDY!
SATURDAY
Raging Bull:
(rants) TO HELL WITH ALL YOU pedestrians congesting the sidewalk. I wish your brains explode and scatter all over the sidewalk. I don't give damn!
Chum:
Take it easy. PLEASE!
RB:
honking at pensioners again?
C:
Any car that passes me on the shoulder is getting rammed.Blame my school for my anger!
RB:
I'm scared we'll bump into the lorry driver we threw the sprite cans on.
C:
He was mad like eagles.
RB:
His arms are bigger than our legs. Let's go straight home. If we see him on the way, we simply give a few hand signals
C:
Provided no kids are present
SUNDAY
CHUM:
one of these days a motorist is gonna punch you in the face
RAGING BULL:
progeria! If I knew he was gonna point a pistol in my face when I opened his car door, I would have stayed in the car with you and wait for the cops to arrive
CHUM:
For your birthday, I'm gonna get a bumper sticker that says 'OUT OF RAGE MEDICATION'
++ - I'm going to the sidewalk sale with my best looking grand niece
** - She will definitely see your crazy side IF you spot a bargain
++ - THERE WILL BE bargains!. Everything will be 75% off . TODAY ONLY!
** - TODAY ONLY? They said that yesterday.
++ - IT’S TRUE!
** - Well, hurry up before its all gone then. Don't let me hold you back dear.
MONDAY
CHUM:
He says if you have something to say, say it to his face instead of honking your horn like a MAD MAN
Raging Bull:
Grrr!
Since there is sidewalk for cyclists, he should USE IT AND GET OFF THE DARN ROAD!!!!!!!
CHUM:
He called you a acn DONUT!
RB:
Only an IDIOT get lost EVERYDAY with maps and direction pointers and gps
CHUM:
You can't walk barefooted on the cold sidewalk. Why did you take off your shoes and threw it in the ditch?
Raging Bull:
No place in my shoe for you, you long legged fuher! No! You're DEAD! YOU SCUM OF THE EARTH. VERMIN! Do you have any spider poison in your manbag
Chum:
NO! Squash its skeleton with the shoe
TUESDAY
Chum:
If you could, it seem you would punch that driver. what's wrong?
Raging Bull: Grrr! He's driving too SLOW to be in the fast lane! The speed limit is 65 for heaven sake! Come on, MOVE OVER!
RAGING BULL:
Vehicle horns drive me crazy.
CHUM:
Motorists use them to show how rude they are to us pedestrians
RAGING BULL:
Such NUISANCE!!
CHUM:
I know. Mind you, the emergency sirens are no better
RAGING BULL:
True. But THEY SAVE LIVES.horns destroy lives AND RELATIONSHIPS. My husband hate horns so much, he cant stand hearing them on the radio
WEDNESDAY
Chum:
All That rage! Why are you showing NFLX your middle finger?
Raging Bull
SINCE he dislikes HOW I drive, I want him to get the HELL off the sidewalk!
Chum:
The truck driver said you're not fit to drive
Raging Bull:
Yes, I’M A ANGRY driver. Yes, rage, therapy might help, you wanna know what else would help??....IF HE COULD DRIVE!!.
THURSDAY
Chum:
nnamdi asomugha! I can't, these SLOW WALKERS taking up the WHOLE sidewalk....
Raging Bull:
...Me neither. For your information TURTLES, some of us have dogs to feed and uncles to have dinner with
Raging Bull:
Keep your seat belt on and be quiet!
Chum:
your highness, please don’t discriminate against me because I’m in the passenger seat. I want to reach over to honk the horn and swear at other drivers too. I'M BORED!
FRIDAY
Raging Bull:
mini driver swerve into me then DELIBERATLEY ran me off the road.
Chum: OMG! I had no idea one had to be so defensive even when driving a big bus.
Raging BUll:
Defend? By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to DEFEND; I was on the sidewalk on my side, and he was GONE like carlos beltran
CHUM:
I stopped in the rain to fix one of my flip flops that broke. The other one fell off my feet and sailed down the sidewalk in the water. Could'nt catch it. Had to walk the rest of the way home BAREFOOT. Fudge!
Raging Bull:
What a TRAGEDY!
SATURDAY
Raging Bull:
(rants) TO HELL WITH ALL YOU pedestrians congesting the sidewalk. I wish your brains explode and scatter all over the sidewalk. I don't give damn!
Chum:
Take it easy. PLEASE!
RB:
honking at pensioners again?
C:
Any car that passes me on the shoulder is getting rammed.Blame my school for my anger!
RB:
I'm scared we'll bump into the lorry driver we threw the sprite cans on.
C:
He was mad like eagles.
RB:
His arms are bigger than our legs. Let's go straight home. If we see him on the way, we simply give a few hand signals
C:
Provided no kids are present
SUNDAY
CHUM:
one of these days a motorist is gonna punch you in the face
RAGING BULL:
progeria! If I knew he was gonna point a pistol in my face when I opened his car door, I would have stayed in the car with you and wait for the cops to arrive
CHUM:
For your birthday, I'm gonna get a bumper sticker that says 'OUT OF RAGE MEDICATION'
++ - I'm going to the sidewalk sale with my best looking grand niece
** - She will definitely see your crazy side IF you spot a bargain
++ - THERE WILL BE bargains!. Everything will be 75% off . TODAY ONLY!
** - TODAY ONLY? They said that yesterday.
++ - IT’S TRUE!
** - Well, hurry up before its all gone then. Don't let me hold you back dear.
Sunday 14 August 2011
Is it okay to text while walking?
A WOMAN is walking with a child. On several occasions, the child tries to take the woman's hand but the woman did not realize. She was writing a text. Shortly afterwards, the woman trips over a tree limb and fell. Dog walker rushes to her rescue.
Child: (screams)
Mum!
Dog Walker:
Sorry to see you fall like that. Are you okay?
GRRR:
I am fine thanks. Just a small bruise on my arm. OUCH!
Dog Walker:
No need for surgery then
GRRR: (smiles)
Thank you DOC!I hate surgery... Your dog is cute, by the way.
Dog Walker:
Thanks. BART is an Alaskan Malamute
GRRR!
Please don't let it shxt on the sidewalk. As you can see, there are enough NUISANCES on the sidewalk.
Dog Walker:
Yesterday, I saved a pedestrian from being hit by a bus at Watkins Glen....Like you, she was sending a text while walking
GRRR:
OH SUGAR! I am sorry. I did not mean to act like an axxhole. And thanks for helping me. You are truly the sidewalk's angel.
Dog Walker:
You could have hurt yourself more. You were so caught up in writing the text, you missed the child's hand several times. How would you feel if someday you reach for her hand, but she failed to notice because she is busy looking after herself or even just writing a text?
GRRR:
I feel awful. I'm sorry. (to child)I am sorry honey. (kisses child)
Dog Walker:
As pedestrians we have to be aware of our sorroundings and ENSURE that we do not inconvenience one another in any way. I ALWAYS CLEAN UP after my dog. YOU should STOP writing texts while walking. And if you do the same when you drive, that is even more dangerous
GRRR!
You're pretty sidewalk-wise. Thank you for the reprimand.
Dog Walker:
You live and learn sister. Believe it or not, I used to write texts ALL THE TIME while using the sidewalk
GRRR!
Really! What made you stop? Did you get too old for texting?
Dog Walker:
(laughs) Not at all...I was busy texting when I walked straight into another pedestrian. Surprisingly, he was not angry. HE WAS TEXTING ALSO
Child: (screams)
Mum!
Dog Walker:
Sorry to see you fall like that. Are you okay?
GRRR:
I am fine thanks. Just a small bruise on my arm. OUCH!
Dog Walker:
No need for surgery then
GRRR: (smiles)
Thank you DOC!I hate surgery... Your dog is cute, by the way.
Dog Walker:
Thanks. BART is an Alaskan Malamute
GRRR!
Please don't let it shxt on the sidewalk. As you can see, there are enough NUISANCES on the sidewalk.
Dog Walker:
Yesterday, I saved a pedestrian from being hit by a bus at Watkins Glen....Like you, she was sending a text while walking
GRRR:
OH SUGAR! I am sorry. I did not mean to act like an axxhole. And thanks for helping me. You are truly the sidewalk's angel.
Dog Walker:
You could have hurt yourself more. You were so caught up in writing the text, you missed the child's hand several times. How would you feel if someday you reach for her hand, but she failed to notice because she is busy looking after herself or even just writing a text?
GRRR:
I feel awful. I'm sorry. (to child)I am sorry honey. (kisses child)
Dog Walker:
As pedestrians we have to be aware of our sorroundings and ENSURE that we do not inconvenience one another in any way. I ALWAYS CLEAN UP after my dog. YOU should STOP writing texts while walking. And if you do the same when you drive, that is even more dangerous
GRRR!
You're pretty sidewalk-wise. Thank you for the reprimand.
Dog Walker:
You live and learn sister. Believe it or not, I used to write texts ALL THE TIME while using the sidewalk
GRRR!
Really! What made you stop? Did you get too old for texting?
Dog Walker:
(laughs) Not at all...I was busy texting when I walked straight into another pedestrian. Surprisingly, he was not angry. HE WAS TEXTING ALSO
better WATCH OUT! We will OVERTAKE
MOTORIST: (laughs incredulously)
Sugarland! we have been driving for several hours and you guys are TIRED ALREADY?
UGH:
Far from it. We have a puncture. Changing the tyre will take just a few minutes. When we are back on FOUR WHEELS, you better WATCH OUT! We will OVERTAKE you in an instant
MOTORIST:
Dream on. You can honk at us as much as you like IF you catch us at the traffic light, but you will NEVER overtake us.
UGH:
WHATEVER! The speed of your driving is like a funeral procession. Even an old passenger would tell you to STEP ON THE GAS mother ducker!
MOTORIST:(sniggers)
You should have seen your face when you repeatedly honked and tried to overtake us but COULD'NT
UGH!
AVATAR, I mean AMATEUR! You and I know that if we were proper racing, like Michele Bachmann, I would claim the victory. NOT YOU!
Motorist: (teases)
It BEATS me how you could possibly do that with that OLD CRAP!
Sugarland! we have been driving for several hours and you guys are TIRED ALREADY?
UGH:
Far from it. We have a puncture. Changing the tyre will take just a few minutes. When we are back on FOUR WHEELS, you better WATCH OUT! We will OVERTAKE you in an instant
MOTORIST:
Dream on. You can honk at us as much as you like IF you catch us at the traffic light, but you will NEVER overtake us.
UGH:
WHATEVER! The speed of your driving is like a funeral procession. Even an old passenger would tell you to STEP ON THE GAS mother ducker!
MOTORIST:(sniggers)
You should have seen your face when you repeatedly honked and tried to overtake us but COULD'NT
UGH!
AVATAR, I mean AMATEUR! You and I know that if we were proper racing, like Michele Bachmann, I would claim the victory. NOT YOU!
Motorist: (teases)
It BEATS me how you could possibly do that with that OLD CRAP!
Saturday 13 August 2011
GRRR finds money
GRRR finds money while strolling on the sidewalk with his chums. Scores of people are milling around and walking by.
GRRR
Anyone lost some money?
Noone answers. Some simply nod their heads.
UGH:
Furosemide, these people are so HONEST! Better for us. Losers weepers, finders keepers
ARGH:
It’s your lucky day GRRR
GRRR:
That’s right. That means I’m not sharing it with you lot. I'm gonna use it to LEGALLY download music
GRRR pretends to run away
ARGH:
WHAT?!!!!!!
UGH! (Grabs Grrr)
OH SUGAR! You’re not going anywhere!
GRRR:
I know. Kidding chums. After using the little money I had to buy a game for my little brother Rodman, I was broke. GOD IS GOO
ARGH!
How much is it?
GRRR: I’m not saying.
UGH:
If you’re gonna share it with your chums, then you have to let them know how much is there to share
ARGH: fair enough
GRRR hands over the money to chums for them to count it. UGH whispers the amount in Grrr’s ear.
GRRR:
Tell me you’re kidding
ARGH! We’re not. Why?
GRRR:
That was exactly how much my brother’s game cost me
UGH and ARGH:
Tell us you’re kidding
GRRR:
I’m not
UGH:
That’s quite bizarre!
ARGH:
You’re quite blessed chum. You really deserve ALL of the free money
GRRR: (smiles)
Thanks chums. One day, karma will be kind to you also. so KEEP ON DOING YOUR KIND DEEDS!
GRRR
Anyone lost some money?
Noone answers. Some simply nod their heads.
UGH:
Furosemide, these people are so HONEST! Better for us. Losers weepers, finders keepers
ARGH:
It’s your lucky day GRRR
GRRR:
That’s right. That means I’m not sharing it with you lot. I'm gonna use it to LEGALLY download music
GRRR pretends to run away
ARGH:
WHAT?!!!!!!
UGH! (Grabs Grrr)
OH SUGAR! You’re not going anywhere!
GRRR:
I know. Kidding chums. After using the little money I had to buy a game for my little brother Rodman, I was broke. GOD IS GOO
ARGH!
How much is it?
GRRR: I’m not saying.
UGH:
If you’re gonna share it with your chums, then you have to let them know how much is there to share
ARGH: fair enough
GRRR hands over the money to chums for them to count it. UGH whispers the amount in Grrr’s ear.
GRRR:
Tell me you’re kidding
ARGH! We’re not. Why?
GRRR:
That was exactly how much my brother’s game cost me
UGH and ARGH:
Tell us you’re kidding
GRRR:
I’m not
UGH:
That’s quite bizarre!
ARGH:
You’re quite blessed chum. You really deserve ALL of the free money
GRRR: (smiles)
Thanks chums. One day, karma will be kind to you also. so KEEP ON DOING YOUR KIND DEEDS!
Friday 12 August 2011
dog runs across the road
DIR: CUT! well done guys. Let's quickly go to the last location for the final scene before the traffic gets heavy there. we can get there in 30 minutes or less
ARGH: Can't we shoot the last scene tomorrow? My telephone battery needs charging....People are leaving work now, too many people on the sidewalk just watching. makes me nervous. I'll miss my queues, forget my lines
DIR: LYRICS ! Not lines. You're singing a song, for christ sake, not reading from a NOVEL. UGH!
ARGH: Sorry sir
DIR: Guys, we MUST finish the last scene today. Tommorrow the road for the scene will be blocked off for more road construction. lee evans FUDGE OFF home if you can't deal with the attention. I CAN'T deal witth your TANTRUMS anymore
GRRR: lets get this show on the road chums!
ARGH: I want to be in the roadshow of course and I am not blaming YOU or anyone for our setback. OH MY GOSH! LOOK OUT!
DOG without leash runs across the road. Police car slams on the break. Dog hit the dashboard. The guys scream while covering their faces in their hands.
UGH: OUCH!
ARGH: (gasps) Who let the dog out?
DIR: FUDGE!
COP gets out of car, looked around suspiciously, then fetched the whimpering dog by an ear and tosses it on the sidewalk.
GRRR: WHAT A HORRIBLE MAN
ARGH: (head through window) AXXHOLE!
UGH: LET'S CHASE HIM!
DIR: We have been drinking alot, DUH!
GRRR! I think the poor dog is deceased. The impact was too great for it to survive
UGH: OH NO! I feel HURT
ARGH: This is not a good sign. We should turn back immediately. Shoot the last scene another day
DIR: I feel sad for the poor dog but the show must go on. WE CANNOT TURN BACK NOW!Lee Evans you look broken hearted
ARGH: I AM. I will miss the dog
GRRR: Shut up! You don't even know the dog. You SCROTE!
ARGH! DULLARD!.....AND YOUR POINT IS? UGH!... I once had a dog. It took her ages to be friendly with me, but eventually she became so loyal. She loved when I pampered her and bring her treats...I'm still dying over her loss
DIR:NO NEED TO FEEL SO STRONGLY. It's jus a dog!
ARGH: No wonder I have more dog friends than human friends. Humans are so insensitive, selfish and uncaring. No offense
DIR: None taken
ARGH: I was refering to GRRR, UGH and the others. I know you're the director, but you are pure EVIL. You're no better than that heartless cop
DIR: STOP THE CAR!
UGH! Yes sir!
ARGH: please don't. I'm sorry, please....
DIR: ...We'll shoot the final scene the first day after tommorrow. Let's go home boys.
ARGH: Can't we shoot the last scene tomorrow? My telephone battery needs charging....People are leaving work now, too many people on the sidewalk just watching. makes me nervous. I'll miss my queues, forget my lines
DIR: LYRICS ! Not lines. You're singing a song, for christ sake, not reading from a NOVEL. UGH!
ARGH: Sorry sir
DIR: Guys, we MUST finish the last scene today. Tommorrow the road for the scene will be blocked off for more road construction. lee evans FUDGE OFF home if you can't deal with the attention. I CAN'T deal witth your TANTRUMS anymore
GRRR: lets get this show on the road chums!
ARGH: I want to be in the roadshow of course and I am not blaming YOU or anyone for our setback. OH MY GOSH! LOOK OUT!
DOG without leash runs across the road. Police car slams on the break. Dog hit the dashboard. The guys scream while covering their faces in their hands.
UGH: OUCH!
ARGH: (gasps) Who let the dog out?
DIR: FUDGE!
COP gets out of car, looked around suspiciously, then fetched the whimpering dog by an ear and tosses it on the sidewalk.
GRRR: WHAT A HORRIBLE MAN
ARGH: (head through window) AXXHOLE!
UGH: LET'S CHASE HIM!
DIR: We have been drinking alot, DUH!
GRRR! I think the poor dog is deceased. The impact was too great for it to survive
UGH: OH NO! I feel HURT
ARGH: This is not a good sign. We should turn back immediately. Shoot the last scene another day
DIR: I feel sad for the poor dog but the show must go on. WE CANNOT TURN BACK NOW!Lee Evans you look broken hearted
ARGH: I AM. I will miss the dog
GRRR: Shut up! You don't even know the dog. You SCROTE!
ARGH! DULLARD!.....AND YOUR POINT IS? UGH!... I once had a dog. It took her ages to be friendly with me, but eventually she became so loyal. She loved when I pampered her and bring her treats...I'm still dying over her loss
DIR:NO NEED TO FEEL SO STRONGLY. It's jus a dog!
ARGH: No wonder I have more dog friends than human friends. Humans are so insensitive, selfish and uncaring. No offense
DIR: None taken
ARGH: I was refering to GRRR, UGH and the others. I know you're the director, but you are pure EVIL. You're no better than that heartless cop
DIR: STOP THE CAR!
UGH! Yes sir!
ARGH: please don't. I'm sorry, please....
DIR: ...We'll shoot the final scene the first day after tommorrow. Let's go home boys.
Thursday 11 August 2011
homeless dog
A homeless man softly caresess homeless woman's right leg, Melanie Moore, who is lying on the sidewalk. In the corner,their little dog is being naughty with Melanie Moore's other leg - urinating on it. Before it finishes, it starts to help itself to the couple's LEFT-OVER left-over KFC.
http://www.facebook.com/allthatrage
http://allthatrageseries.blogspot.com
http://www.facebook.com/allthatrage
http://allthatrageseries.blogspot.com
speed limit
ARGH: Miranda Cosgrove what time do you think we we will reach?
Sooner or later, I hope
ARGH: UGH! Well, if she continues to drive 11 miles UNDER the maximum speed, we will reach LATER, to be precise. GRRR!
http://www.facebook.com/ALLTHATRAGE
Sooner or later, I hope
ARGH: UGH! Well, if she continues to drive 11 miles UNDER the maximum speed, we will reach LATER, to be precise. GRRR!
http://www.facebook.com/ALLTHATRAGE
Wednesday 10 August 2011
all that rage - staring on sidewalk
ARGH:
Do you see any sweets in my hand?
GRRR: No. Why?... Can't I look at Jennifer Hudson's sidewalk posters without random strangers...
ARGH: (interupting)
....So why are you staring at me as I walk by? Don’t you have anything better to do? For your information, I do OWN a vehicle
GRRR:
Who cares? Anyway, LOOK WHO IS TALKING about staring? Only yesterday, I was sitting in my parked car on the roadside and you were walking along the sidewalk. Even when I caught you FUHING STARING in my face, you refused to look away
ARGH:
Mistaken identity!
GRRR!
It may be possible to mistake your identity, but it’s impossible to mistake your MAD 6 miles an hour walking speed....The next time I catch you STARING at me, I SWEAR….I’ll BREAK YOUR NECK!
ARGH:
Like in the PGA championship, ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE. You wanna Fuhing bet?
GRRR:(sniggers)
Bring it on Guy Fawkes!
ARGH: OS X Lion VERSUS Snow Leopard. Let's see who will win this time
Do you see any sweets in my hand?
GRRR: No. Why?... Can't I look at Jennifer Hudson's sidewalk posters without random strangers...
ARGH: (interupting)
....So why are you staring at me as I walk by? Don’t you have anything better to do? For your information, I do OWN a vehicle
GRRR:
Who cares? Anyway, LOOK WHO IS TALKING about staring? Only yesterday, I was sitting in my parked car on the roadside and you were walking along the sidewalk. Even when I caught you FUHING STARING in my face, you refused to look away
ARGH:
Mistaken identity!
GRRR!
It may be possible to mistake your identity, but it’s impossible to mistake your MAD 6 miles an hour walking speed....The next time I catch you STARING at me, I SWEAR….I’ll BREAK YOUR NECK!
ARGH:
Like in the PGA championship, ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE. You wanna Fuhing bet?
GRRR:(sniggers)
Bring it on Guy Fawkes!
ARGH: OS X Lion VERSUS Snow Leopard. Let's see who will win this time
Tuesday 9 August 2011
sidewalk adventure
PEDESTRIAN STEPS ON BACK OF GRRR's SHOE BUT DID NOT STOP TO ACKNOWLEDGE OR APOLOGISE
Grrr: OUCH! That HURTS you know. HEB!
GRRR STOPS AND PUT SHOES BACK ON
PEDESTRIAN (laughs) stop being such a baby. You don't have to get angry....
GRRR: damn it! but you do it ALL THE TIME and it's ANNOYING. You should be thankful you're not some other pedestrian
PEDESTRIAN: Interesting. So if I were just SOME OTHER pedestrain, and not your partner, what would happen? Curse me?...
GRRR: (laughing)...YES!...and kick your ass. Seriously, I HATE when some MISCREANT fail to look where they are walking and steps on my shoe, especially if he/she not does not APOLOGISE
PEDESTRIAN: I consider myself LUCKY
GRRR: VERY!
http://www.facebook.com/allthatrage
Road Sideshow
ARGGH: Relax!
GRRR:
FX! its hard! local news was right; there are DAMN road works everywhere, and these motorists driving like LEARNERS make it even more unbearable
ARGGH:
TAKE A DEEP BREATH!
GRRR:
Don't worry my friend, my horn and fingers never fail me in these situations, so I will be fine
The heat is unbearable and the traffic is hardly moving but ranting and raging is not...
....you slept out most of the traffic so far, so you'll never understand my anguish
Next time, I suggest we leave earlier, put in a lady Gaga cd, make some calls with bluetooth headset and fix the AC in your car. I'm experiencing changes in my life, I can't stand the heat anymore
GRRR:
GET OUT OF MY CAR! if you had fiddle with the wires, the ac would have worked. too late now. GET OUT! its quite cool outside
ARGGH:
You can't leave me in the middle of nowhere! I'm no navy seals
DRIVER FLINGS PASSENGER DOOR OPEN AND PUSHES CHUM OUT ON THE ROAD
GRRR:
I JUST DID. Bye!
ARGGH
I fiddled with THE WIRES, but the stereo stopped working
LISTEN! I just lost 45 minutes in this traffic, fixing AC is the least of my problems. Anyway, you'll find it's very cool outside
http://www.facebook.com/allthatrage
GRRR:
FX! its hard! local news was right; there are DAMN road works everywhere, and these motorists driving like LEARNERS make it even more unbearable
ARGGH:
TAKE A DEEP BREATH!
GRRR:
Don't worry my friend, my horn and fingers never fail me in these situations, so I will be fine
The heat is unbearable and the traffic is hardly moving but ranting and raging is not...
....you slept out most of the traffic so far, so you'll never understand my anguish
Next time, I suggest we leave earlier, put in a lady Gaga cd, make some calls with bluetooth headset and fix the AC in your car. I'm experiencing changes in my life, I can't stand the heat anymore
GRRR:
GET OUT OF MY CAR! if you had fiddle with the wires, the ac would have worked. too late now. GET OUT! its quite cool outside
ARGGH:
You can't leave me in the middle of nowhere! I'm no navy seals
DRIVER FLINGS PASSENGER DOOR OPEN AND PUSHES CHUM OUT ON THE ROAD
GRRR:
I JUST DID. Bye!
ARGGH
I fiddled with THE WIRES, but the stereo stopped working
LISTEN! I just lost 45 minutes in this traffic, fixing AC is the least of my problems. Anyway, you'll find it's very cool outside
http://www.facebook.com/allthatrage
Monday 8 August 2011
sidewalk sideshow
HOMELESS
CHI, I'm starving, please give ME...
Raging Bull (interrupting)
...do you have any food to spare?
Chum
That's mean!
Raging Bull
He begs me everday, so why can't I do the same to him. JUST FOR ONCE. I am sick and tired of giving away my money and food everyday to people who look fit enough to work. FUDGE!Recession affects me to you know!
HOMELESS(pitifully)
I have not eaten ALL day, can you spare some of your food, PLEASE! I promise I wont bother you no more - when the recession is over.
CHUM
That's no problem. Do you eat pasta with greasy dauphinoise potatoes?
HOMELESS
Never. But I'm willing to try it
RAGING BULL
Well, you should try working for it...
CHUM
BULL! Please! If people like him did not live on the sidewalk day and night, who would be the first person to give us a friendly smile?
Raging Bull
Point taken but can't you see he is taking advantage of our kindness? HE ALREADY HAS ABOUT 15 SANDWICHES. LOOK BEHIND HIS DOG.
CHUM
'OUR kindness?' YOU have NEVER given him anything. We did not give him any of those 15 sandwiches, so it's our turn now to show him some kindness as well
RAGING BULL
I wont be fooled by his lies and poetry
CHUM (hands pasta to homeless)
Here you go. Eat your heart out. Never mind him
HOMELESS (sneezes)
Thanks a million. Can I have that ginger beer as well
RAGING BULL (walking away briskly)
You can borrow my sanitizer. His hairy nostrils must be packed with germs
CHUM
Get lost Bull!...Sorry but I have a serious love affair with ginger beer, so I will not be able to part with it. I WOULD FIGHT ANY ANIMAL, MAN OR ANIMAL WHO DARES TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!
RAGING BULL steps on some broken glass and fell on the concrete
RAGING BULL (whimpers)
Ouch!
HOMELESS DOG looks at Bull on the ground and barks excitedly
RAGING BULL
Darn! Worthless dog didn't even try to catch me! A dog is not a man's best friend. This is why get myself a lovely rabbit
HOMELESS (laughs)
You should learn to stand on your own two feet
CHUM (sternly)
Don't be mean to him, he's still my friend
HOMELESS
Sorry. Good bye then
CHUM
You okay Bull
RAGING BULL
Yes, thanks...My bottom hurts. My ankles are swollen. They feel sprain. Elbow looks broken. All I need is a little vodka. it helped me the last time
CHUM
Well, All I have is my little ginger beer...
HOMELESS (scrambles back towards them)
Vodka is good for falls. I have a few bottles from yesterday
CHUM
You have just made fun of him, so I don't think he will accept...
RAGING BULL
The fall did not hurt my mouth so let me defend myself, please. I think I will ACCEPT it, thanks.
CHUM
His elbow LOOKS broken, so let me hold the vodka for him
RAGING BULL
My elbow FEELS fine. Give me my vodka please
HOMELESS
Calm down you two. Dwarves and prostitutes fought on this same spot. People have been murdered here. So on second thoughts, I think I should keep my vodka. I don't wanto to instigate a crime or violent behaviour
RAGE
Get lost!...And tell whoever threw broken glass on the sidewalk, I am gonna give them a proper beating. I don't mess around. When I am fighting, I am dangerous. I am not a pedestrian anyone should mess with.
DOG whines
CHUM
Tell them to throw their broken glass on the street. Not on the FUDGEING sidewalk. If I catch anyone doing it again, when I finish with them, they will wish they were born at a different time
DOG barks
HOMELESS
I think this will teach them a lesson. They'll be so frightened they will never break the law or throw glass on the sidewalk again.
CHUM
I will let off the MISCREANT this time. But never again. I have eyes all over this sidewalk, so no one do anything without me noticing
Sunday 7 August 2011
road sideshow
Sidewalk vendor:Enjoy it. So you going home now?
**: No! Not ready yet. The stock market today is too depressing. I'm just gonna sit in the car, rev the engine and honk the horn repeatedly
Sidewalk Vendor: No need to be rude, the traffic will clear soon
**: I wont be rude, I'm just gonna pretend
Sidewalk Vendor: Motorists will think you wanna move the car forward so jump out of the way fast. That could cause confusion and accidents.
** (laughs) I just wanna see the look on their faces when they realize that I'm not moving the car at all
What happens if the car in front of you takes too long to move?
I will just honk my horn louder and rev the engine harder
http://www.facebook.com/allthatrage
**: No! Not ready yet. The stock market today is too depressing. I'm just gonna sit in the car, rev the engine and honk the horn repeatedly
Sidewalk Vendor: No need to be rude, the traffic will clear soon
**: I wont be rude, I'm just gonna pretend
Sidewalk Vendor: Motorists will think you wanna move the car forward so jump out of the way fast. That could cause confusion and accidents.
** (laughs) I just wanna see the look on their faces when they realize that I'm not moving the car at all
What happens if the car in front of you takes too long to move?
I will just honk my horn louder and rev the engine harder
http://www.facebook.com/allthatrage
SIDEWALK SIDESHOW
Vendor1: We are so blessed to have the opportunity to earn our livelihoods on the sidewalk without interference.
Vendor2: I KNOW..What are you on about stephen hawking?
Vendor1: This morning's newsport says the mayor does not allow vending in ST James?
Vendor2: You lost me completely. First of all. What is St James?
Vendor1: YOU ARE TELLING ME, YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ST JAMES?
VENDOR2: Never! Is it a forest?
VENDOR1: NO! SILLY! It's a sidewalk in Spain.
VENDOR: And you expected me to know that?
VENDOR1: You never know when a little general knowledge....
Vendor2: WHATEVER!
VENDOR1: No need to be rude. I am only trying to educate you
VENDOR2: (sings) teachers, leave them kids alone
Vendor1: Well, you are not a kid. In fact you are a GRAND MOTHER
VENDOR2:(quickly scans the sidewalk for anyone in earshot)No need for a blow beneath the belt.
tell me more about St James
VENDOR1: Both consumers and vendors were preparing for and looking forward to the weekend sale.
But the mayor gave strict orders for all vendors to be kicked off the side-walk
VENDOR2: OUCH!That is pure evil!
VENDOR1: I feel for the poor vendors, especially those who have to take care of their families themselves.
VENDOR2: Thank God we have a nice mayor. SO what's the latest? Any developmen?
Vendor1: Yes. The headlines on the radio says vendors who refused to obey the initial instructions, were warned by the police to leave immediately or face confiscation of goods or even arrests
Vendor2: Were any of the vendors granted exemptions? For instance, pensioners or those who who have been vending on the sidewalk for decades.
Vendor1: NOT EVEN ONE! It's a shame, I know.
Vendor2: No, it's a disgrace. reminds me of beauty and the beast
VENDOR1: Some of them are still brave enough to disobey the orders and stay so they can sell to their loyal customers.
Vendor2: With so many vendors unable to sell anything to make make money, it is definitely certain that we will now have a proportionate increase in knife crime, burglaries, mugging and terrorism
VENDOR1: Really!
Vendor2: I KNOW..What are you on about stephen hawking?
Vendor1: This morning's newsport says the mayor does not allow vending in ST James?
Vendor2: You lost me completely. First of all. What is St James?
Vendor1: YOU ARE TELLING ME, YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ST JAMES?
VENDOR2: Never! Is it a forest?
VENDOR1: NO! SILLY! It's a sidewalk in Spain.
VENDOR: And you expected me to know that?
VENDOR1: You never know when a little general knowledge....
Vendor2: WHATEVER!
VENDOR1: No need to be rude. I am only trying to educate you
VENDOR2: (sings) teachers, leave them kids alone
Vendor1: Well, you are not a kid. In fact you are a GRAND MOTHER
VENDOR2:(quickly scans the sidewalk for anyone in earshot)No need for a blow beneath the belt.
tell me more about St James
VENDOR1: Both consumers and vendors were preparing for and looking forward to the weekend sale.
But the mayor gave strict orders for all vendors to be kicked off the side-walk
VENDOR2: OUCH!That is pure evil!
VENDOR1: I feel for the poor vendors, especially those who have to take care of their families themselves.
VENDOR2: Thank God we have a nice mayor. SO what's the latest? Any developmen?
Vendor1: Yes. The headlines on the radio says vendors who refused to obey the initial instructions, were warned by the police to leave immediately or face confiscation of goods or even arrests
Vendor2: Were any of the vendors granted exemptions? For instance, pensioners or those who who have been vending on the sidewalk for decades.
Vendor1: NOT EVEN ONE! It's a shame, I know.
Vendor2: No, it's a disgrace. reminds me of beauty and the beast
VENDOR1: Some of them are still brave enough to disobey the orders and stay so they can sell to their loyal customers.
Vendor2: With so many vendors unable to sell anything to make make money, it is definitely certain that we will now have a proportionate increase in knife crime, burglaries, mugging and terrorism
VENDOR1: Really!
SLICE OF A SIDEWALK
SLICE OF SIDEWALK (Saturday)
Woman: I refuse to pay the full price for a hot dog
Vendor: Your attitude stinks tca. MOVE ALONG TO THE NEXT STALL
Woman: well, there are other vendors nearby, you have no condiments and those hot dogs DO NOT LOOK FRESH
VENDOR: Point taken, I'll give you a discount.
MONDAY MORNING
Woman: (tearful eyes) Here. Take this.
Vendor: Think you made a mistake. Someone else must have lost all this money. Not me
Woman: I'm giving it to you. keep it PLEASE
Vendor: Why me? You don't even know me.
Woman: I'm sorry but when you were opening up this morninG, I overheard you telling your colleague about your child who is about you to be kicked out of school because you're unable pay this terms tuition
Vendor: Very kind of you, but I cannot accept this gift
Woman: PLEASE! After hearing your story, I felt terrible for demanding a discount from you yesterday http://www.facebook.com/allthatrage
Woman: I refuse to pay the full price for a hot dog
Vendor: Your attitude stinks tca. MOVE ALONG TO THE NEXT STALL
Woman: well, there are other vendors nearby, you have no condiments and those hot dogs DO NOT LOOK FRESH
VENDOR: Point taken, I'll give you a discount.
MONDAY MORNING
Woman: (tearful eyes) Here. Take this.
Vendor: Think you made a mistake. Someone else must have lost all this money. Not me
Woman: I'm giving it to you. keep it PLEASE
Vendor: Why me? You don't even know me.
Woman: I'm sorry but when you were opening up this morninG, I overheard you telling your colleague about your child who is about you to be kicked out of school because you're unable pay this terms tuition
Vendor: Very kind of you, but I cannot accept this gift
Woman: PLEASE! After hearing your story, I felt terrible for demanding a discount from you yesterday http://www.facebook.com/allthatrage
Thursday 4 August 2011
The Road and its Sidewalk - Motorist rage
Sidewalk vendor:Enjoy it. So you going home now?
**: No! Not ready yet. The stock market today is too depressing. I'm just gonna sit in the car, rev the engine and honk the horn repeatedly
Sidewalk Vendor: No need to be rude, the traffic will clear soon
**: I wont be rude, I'm just gonna pretend
Sidewalk Vendor: Motorists will think you wanna move the car forward so jump out of the way fast. That could cause confusion and accidents.
** (laughs) I just wanna see the look on their faces when they realize that I'm not moving the car at all
What happens if the car in front of you takes too long to move?
I will just honk my horn louder and rev the engine harder
**: No! Not ready yet. The stock market today is too depressing. I'm just gonna sit in the car, rev the engine and honk the horn repeatedly
Sidewalk Vendor: No need to be rude, the traffic will clear soon
**: I wont be rude, I'm just gonna pretend
Sidewalk Vendor: Motorists will think you wanna move the car forward so jump out of the way fast. That could cause confusion and accidents.
** (laughs) I just wanna see the look on their faces when they realize that I'm not moving the car at all
What happens if the car in front of you takes too long to move?
I will just honk my horn louder and rev the engine harder
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