#chaz bono chums honk horn at girls

CHAZ BONO (narrates): While waiting for the traffic light to change to green, I sometimes honk my horn at other vehicles. it's funny when they jump out of fright. My chums honk their horns at attractive girls..You should try it!

(DRIVE RADIO plays Pink's RESPECT "When me and all my girls go walking down the street, It seems we can't go anywhere without a car that goes "Beep-beep" )



Girl,daryl hannah, bent to fetch her purse that fell on the road. ARGH honks horn. She looks up. ARGH gives her thumbs-up



GIRL:

I don't understand. What are you trying to say?



ARGH:

Looking so gorgeous!



GIRL:

DO NOT not honk your horn at me. This is totally unacceptable where I'm from in Chichen Itza



ARGH:

(laughs) You're standing in the road. We pay to drive on the road, if you know what I mean. I don't give a damn where you from. Honking is cool in Sons of Anarchy



GIRL:

It pisses me off



ARGH:

This is good for self esteem. You are NO Annie Lennox, so humble yourself and be thankful for whatever honking come your way



GIRL:

LOOK! I need no boost in my self esteem from the LIKES OF YOU. I already know I am gorgeous. How would your woman feel if she knows you're beeping other women on the road or how would you feel when other guys honk at your woman?



ARGH:

It does'nt bother me at all. To be honest, DTS would not be happy but that's her problem. Not mine or yours... I like the way you're checking me out right now while showing me bad vibes



GIRL:

Dream on! This is not Paradise Lost.



ARGH:

The only person dreaming is you. I honk my horn so that dog could get out of the way. I did'nt even see you. Where did you appear from?



GIRL:

Are you sure you were not honking at me...I get thist all the time. I'm NEVER short of attention



ARGH:

ATTENTION SEEKER! If I see you THE NEXT TIME, I wont honk again, i'll just run you over



GIRL:

Sour grapes..PERVERT!!!!!!!(angrily marches up to the car, ARGH quickly winds up the window, locks the door then speeds off)


/////////////////////////////////////////




UGH:

(honking horn) SENORITA!



WOMAN turns up her car stereo and ignores him.



UGH:

HOW RUDE!



WOMAN:

I'm not a prostitute, you know so S T O P ! Leave me alone. I am certain you would'nt like your wife and kids to hear this



UGH:

I'm driving this car for the first time. I beeped a girl at the traffic lights up the road. She waved and blew me a kiss. She was a decent and respectable person who is just happy for my success. Obviously, you're a different kettle of fish



WOMAN:

Before you honk or yell at me as you drive past again, make sure you're driving a DECENT AND RESPECTABLE car. By the way, you're old, fat and ugly...Thanks for noticing that I'm a DIFFERENT kettle of fish



UGH:

You have no class! No need to be rude, I just wanted to let you know that you forget to take the money you withdrew from the cash machine



///////////////////////////////////////////////



GIRL:

PerverT! how would you like it if random strangers honk at your daughter? STOP embarrassing yourself. I'M NOT INTERESTED!



GRRR:

I'll slash your tyres, DON'T MESS with me!



WOMAN: I know I'm irresistible but your attention DOES NOT appeal to me, and I am not scared of you either

GRRR: If looks could kill

WOMAN: I'm making sure I give you a good look before...(she screams)

Nothing but drama ALL week

Jeremy Maclin, it felt great to return to work this week. As usual, I both walked and drove. What a week it's been! DAMN! It's been nothing but pure drama drama, drama, drama! Don't wonder what it would have been like without the pedestrians and motorists who supplied the OOMPH to my week, even though sometimes they made me scream and pull my hair out. I am delighted to share the week's highlights with you.


MONDAY

CHUM:

He says if you have something to say, say it to his face instead of honking your horn like a MAD MAN


Raging Bull:

Grrr!

Since there is sidewalk for cyclists, he should USE IT AND GET OFF THE DARN ROAD!!!!!!!

CHUM:

He called you a acn DONUT!


RB:

Only an IDIOT get lost EVERYDAY with maps and direction pointers and gps




CHUM:

You can't walk barefooted on the cold sidewalk. Why did you take off your shoes and threw it in the ditch?

Raging Bull:

No place in my shoe for you, you long legged fuher! No! You're DEAD! YOU SCUM OF THE EARTH. VERMIN! Do you have any spider poison in your manbag

Chum:

NO! Squash its skeleton with the shoe


TUESDAY

Chum:

If you could, it seem you would punch that driver. what's wrong?
Raging Bull: Grrr! He's driving too SLOW to be in the fast lane! The speed limit is 65 for heaven sake! Come on, MOVE OVER!



RAGING BULL:

Vehicle horns drive me crazy.


CHUM:

Motorists use them to show how rude they are to us pedestrians


RAGING BULL:

Such NUISANCE!!


CHUM:

I know. Mind you, the emergency sirens are no better


RAGING BULL:

True. But THEY SAVE LIVES.horns destroy lives AND RELATIONSHIPS. My husband hate horns so much, he cant stand hearing them on the radio


WEDNESDAY

Chum:

All That rage! Why are you showing NFLX your middle finger?


Raging Bull

SINCE he dislikes HOW I drive, I want him to get the HELL off the sidewalk!


Chum:

The truck driver said you're not fit to drive


Raging Bull:

Yes, I’M A ANGRY driver. Yes, rage, therapy might help, you wanna know what else would help??....IF HE COULD DRIVE!!.


THURSDAY


Chum:

nnamdi asomugha! I can't, these SLOW WALKERS taking up the WHOLE sidewalk....



Raging Bull:

...Me neither. For your information TURTLES, some of us have dogs to feed and uncles to have dinner with



Raging Bull:

Keep your seat belt on and be quiet!


Chum:

your highness, please don’t discriminate against me because I’m in the passenger seat. I want to reach over to honk the horn and swear at other drivers too. I'M BORED!



FRIDAY


Raging Bull:

mini driver swerve into me then DELIBERATLEY ran me off the road.
Chum: OMG! I had no idea one had to be so defensive even when driving a big bus.


Raging BUll:

Defend? By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to DEFEND; I was on the sidewalk on my side, and he was GONE like carlos beltran



CHUM:

I stopped in the rain to fix one of my flip flops that broke. The other one fell off my feet and sailed down the sidewalk in the water. Could'nt catch it. Had to walk the rest of the way home BAREFOOT. Fudge!


Raging Bull:

What a TRAGEDY!



SATURDAY

Raging Bull:

(rants) TO HELL WITH ALL YOU pedestrians congesting the sidewalk. I wish your brains explode and scatter all over the sidewalk. I don't give damn!


Chum:

Take it easy. PLEASE!



RB:

honking at pensioners again?


C:

Any car that passes me on the shoulder is getting rammed.Blame my school for my anger!


RB:

I'm scared we'll bump into the lorry driver we threw the sprite cans on.


C:

He was mad like eagles.


RB:

His arms are bigger than our legs. Let's go straight home. If we see him on the way, we simply give a few hand signals


C:

Provided no kids are present



SUNDAY


CHUM:

one of these days a motorist is gonna punch you in the face



RAGING BULL:

progeria! If I knew he was gonna point a pistol in my face when I opened his car door, I would have stayed in the car with you and wait for the cops to arrive



CHUM:

For your birthday, I'm gonna get a bumper sticker that says 'OUT OF RAGE MEDICATION'



++ - I'm going to the sidewalk sale with my best looking grand niece
** - She will definitely see your crazy side IF you spot a bargain
++ - THERE WILL BE bargains!. Everything will be 75% off . TODAY ONLY!
** - TODAY ONLY? They said that yesterday.
++ - IT’S TRUE!
** - Well, hurry up before its all gone then. Don't let me hold you back dear.