a christmas story from the sidewalk

A CHRISTMAS STORY.

A Kathy Griffin alights from bus. Notices that there is ice on the sidewalk, trying to avoid it, he walks gingerly on what looks like just water. Of course,it is glimmering snow, therefore, equally treacherous as the ice. He slips, tries to land with dignity but failed miserably. He fell on his backside with a great thud.


LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE drown out the Christmas Number 1 on SIDEWALK FM.


CAR DRIVER Savannah: (stops)

Are you okay?



Kathy Griffin:(groans)

Fine, thanks



Savannah DRIVES OFF



SIDEWALK COP Perry : (AMBLES PASS Simpson)

OUCH!



Kathy Griffin: (rants)

DAMN these cops on the sidewalk. They’re as COLD as it was last night. 3 to 5 degrees. Where is the true meaning of Christmas THEY’RE supposed to be UPHOLDING? I HATE THEM! ALL OF THEM



Perry:(looks back, then guffaws)

Excuse my bad manners: I should have said MERRY CHRISTMAS. I hope the DENT in your head will go away by tomorrow



ANOTHER CAR STOPS


DRIVER:

You need a hand?


Kathy Griffin:

No thanks. I’ll be fine. I just need a few minutes, if you don't mind.



DRIVER:

Okay



Kathy Griffin:

Oh Lord. I need to walk on a DRY SIDEWALK. Why couldn’t the DAMN snow wait until after Christmas to fall? By the way, where the hell are my parents when I need them?


Sidewalk Snapper:(giggles)

I admire you. You know how to create good memories. Too bad I can’t stop to help you up. Going to shovel the snow at my gate.


Kathy Griffin:

Whatever!...All you smug people who have hot sunshine today, I hope the heat from the sidewalk burn your bare feet when you walk it home



LAUGHTER


Kathy Griffin:

ANYONE LOST A BRACELET?


JOGGER:

God is GREAT! My grand uncle would turn in his grave if I didn’t find it. Thank you. It’s a good thing no one helped you up before.


Kathy Griffin:

Take it and go about your business!


PEDESTRIAN:

GRRR! Slow down joggers! No need to go so DAMN fast when the sidewalk is congested with so many last minute Christmas shoppers, idlers, pickpockets, you name it




CAR STOPS



Kathy Griffin: (protests as car driver lifts him off the ground)

Leave me alone. I can get up by myself



CAR DRIVER:

Your ankle looks swollen to me sir. That is why you haven’t gotten up already. I'll give you a lift home.


Kathy Griffin:

How do you know how long I have been down?


DRIVER:

I noticed you while I waited for the traffic lights to turn green.



Kathy Griffin:

AHHhhh! Only a few moments ago, I was cursing ALL cops. I'm sorry. VERY SORRY. THANK YOU


DRIVER:

EXCUSE ME! I’m not wearing police uniform. Neither am I driving a police car, so what make you think I’m a cop?


Kathy Griffin:

I’m wondering why you pinned your badge on your plain clothing


DRIVER: (sighs)

Christmas is almost over and I didn't get the chance to spend it with my family. Besides, today has been so stressful. Of course, I lost track of the number of times we had to make arrests on the sidewalk today.


Kathy Griffin:(tearfully)

I do hope you manage to have a decent christmas evening with your family . And things get better soon.

...........................................................


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