Nothing but drama ALL week

Jeremy Maclin, it felt great to return to work this week. As usual, I both walked and drove. What a week it's been! DAMN! It's been nothing but pure drama drama, drama, drama! Don't wonder what it would have been like without the pedestrians and motorists who supplied the OOMPH to my week, even though sometimes they made me scream and pull my hair out. I am delighted to share the week's highlights with you.


MONDAY

CHUM:

He says if you have something to say, say it to his face instead of honking your horn like a MAD MAN


Raging Bull:

Grrr!

Since there is sidewalk for cyclists, he should USE IT AND GET OFF THE DARN ROAD!!!!!!!

CHUM:

He called you a acn DONUT!


RB:

Only an IDIOT get lost EVERYDAY with maps and direction pointers and gps




CHUM:

You can't walk barefooted on the cold sidewalk. Why did you take off your shoes and threw it in the ditch?

Raging Bull:

No place in my shoe for you, you long legged fuher! No! You're DEAD! YOU SCUM OF THE EARTH. VERMIN! Do you have any spider poison in your manbag

Chum:

NO! Squash its skeleton with the shoe


TUESDAY

Chum:

If you could, it seem you would punch that driver. what's wrong?
Raging Bull: Grrr! He's driving too SLOW to be in the fast lane! The speed limit is 65 for heaven sake! Come on, MOVE OVER!



RAGING BULL:

Vehicle horns drive me crazy.


CHUM:

Motorists use them to show how rude they are to us pedestrians


RAGING BULL:

Such NUISANCE!!


CHUM:

I know. Mind you, the emergency sirens are no better


RAGING BULL:

True. But THEY SAVE LIVES.horns destroy lives AND RELATIONSHIPS. My husband hate horns so much, he cant stand hearing them on the radio


WEDNESDAY

Chum:

All That rage! Why are you showing NFLX your middle finger?


Raging Bull

SINCE he dislikes HOW I drive, I want him to get the HELL off the sidewalk!


Chum:

The truck driver said you're not fit to drive


Raging Bull:

Yes, I’M A ANGRY driver. Yes, rage, therapy might help, you wanna know what else would help??....IF HE COULD DRIVE!!.


THURSDAY


Chum:

nnamdi asomugha! I can't, these SLOW WALKERS taking up the WHOLE sidewalk....



Raging Bull:

...Me neither. For your information TURTLES, some of us have dogs to feed and uncles to have dinner with



Raging Bull:

Keep your seat belt on and be quiet!


Chum:

your highness, please don’t discriminate against me because I’m in the passenger seat. I want to reach over to honk the horn and swear at other drivers too. I'M BORED!



FRIDAY


Raging Bull:

mini driver swerve into me then DELIBERATLEY ran me off the road.
Chum: OMG! I had no idea one had to be so defensive even when driving a big bus.


Raging BUll:

Defend? By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to DEFEND; I was on the sidewalk on my side, and he was GONE like carlos beltran



CHUM:

I stopped in the rain to fix one of my flip flops that broke. The other one fell off my feet and sailed down the sidewalk in the water. Could'nt catch it. Had to walk the rest of the way home BAREFOOT. Fudge!


Raging Bull:

What a TRAGEDY!



SATURDAY

Raging Bull:

(rants) TO HELL WITH ALL YOU pedestrians congesting the sidewalk. I wish your brains explode and scatter all over the sidewalk. I don't give damn!


Chum:

Take it easy. PLEASE!



RB:

honking at pensioners again?


C:

Any car that passes me on the shoulder is getting rammed.Blame my school for my anger!


RB:

I'm scared we'll bump into the lorry driver we threw the sprite cans on.


C:

He was mad like eagles.


RB:

His arms are bigger than our legs. Let's go straight home. If we see him on the way, we simply give a few hand signals


C:

Provided no kids are present



SUNDAY


CHUM:

one of these days a motorist is gonna punch you in the face



RAGING BULL:

progeria! If I knew he was gonna point a pistol in my face when I opened his car door, I would have stayed in the car with you and wait for the cops to arrive



CHUM:

For your birthday, I'm gonna get a bumper sticker that says 'OUT OF RAGE MEDICATION'



++ - I'm going to the sidewalk sale with my best looking grand niece
** - She will definitely see your crazy side IF you spot a bargain
++ - THERE WILL BE bargains!. Everything will be 75% off . TODAY ONLY!
** - TODAY ONLY? They said that yesterday.
++ - IT’S TRUE!
** - Well, hurry up before its all gone then. Don't let me hold you back dear.

sidewalk adventure

PEDESTRIAN STEPS ON BACK OF GRRR's SHOE BUT DID NOT STOP TO ACKNOWLEDGE OR APOLOGISE



Grrr: OUCH! That HURTS you know. HEB!


GRRR STOPS AND PUT SHOES BACK ON



PEDESTRIAN (laughs) stop being such a baby. You don't have to get angry....


GRRR: damn it! but you do it ALL THE TIME and it's ANNOYING. You should be thankful you're not some other pedestrian


PEDESTRIAN: Interesting. So if I were just SOME OTHER pedestrain, and not your partner, what would happen? Curse me?...


GRRR: (laughing)...YES!...and kick your ass. Seriously, I HATE when some MISCREANT fail to look where they are walking and steps on my shoe, especially if he/she not does not APOLOGISE


PEDESTRIAN: I consider myself LUCKY


GRRR: VERY!

http://www.facebook.com/allthatrage

Pedestrians' Rage

RAGE (screams)

GRRR! WALK FASTER PEOPLE. FOX SAKE! This is the only thing I hate about Chinatown.



CHUM

THIS is the only thing I LOVE about Chinatown



RAGE
Really? These snails make it hell on earth!



CHUM

Just kidding chum. These people walk too slow for my schedule. This is the reason why I avoid coming here. I come here to eat Yum Cha and watch Pineapple Express, not to watch people’s behind.



RAGE

Curb your enthusiasm chum. Watch out china town. I ain’t playing



CHUM

Try this. I tried it a few times when I was in a hurry - Scream really, really loud. The mass of bodies will immediately part like the Red Sea. This got me to a couple of meetings on time when I was stuck in sidewalk traffic. People understand it's CHINATOWN when you go crazy for a few minutes. They will not think you are crazy



RAGE

I will try that next time chum. You spoke too late



CHUM

No problem. You still seem pretty annoyed even though you have managed to pass them. Everything okay?



RAGE

Not really



CHUM

Tell me what happened



RAGE

I ran into Rell this morning. I can’t get it off my mind




CHUM

Rex, the amateur wrestler?



RAGE

Same one



Chum

Don’t tell me you were fool enough to pick a fight with him because you got stuck behind him



RAGE

Not quite.



CHUM

What does that mean?



RAGE

We were walking towards each other - in opposite directions. He must have noticed he was on the same path as me, still he REFUSED to change direction. Of course, since I was on the right side....



CHUM

You refused to budge



RAGE

That's right. One should never give up his/her right



CHUM

Even if it causes a fight?



RAGE

Even if it causes a fight...I was preparing to charge into his shoulders. I was aware of other pedestrians’ stares. I could tell some of them were eager to see the showdown, whereas, others were terrified



CHUM

He’s a big guy with huge muscles. No one in their right mind would try to break up the fight, so if you were losing, that would be bad news for you.



RAGE

He looked at me as if he rather a fight than to move out of my way. But I was not terrified at all.



CHUM

Hope you didn’t throw up your hands and give in. The other pedestrians would simply laugh at you, especially since you are notorious for scaring the hell out of them.



RAGE

As were about to crash into each other, I clenched my fists...He flexed his HUGE muscles...



CHUM

So who threw the first punch? Was it you?



RAGE

...I stepped aside quickly



CHUM (raucous laughter)

You did not!



RAGE

Would you call me a coward?

CHUM

I would not say that. You have a right to protect yourself. That is exactly what you did when you stepped out of harm’s way. The laws of physics stateS that when a BIG guy meets a small guy, the small loses big time.



RAGE

I know.



CHUM

He would have beaten you to death or injury if you had not given him right of way.



RAGE

So why do I feel so angry with myself? If only I could escape to Bahamas, or even CASABLANCA



CHUM

Don't worry about it. Think about the good news instead; both Kate Hudson and Victoria Beckham have given birth.

WINDOW ON SIDEWALK IRRITATIONS

WINDOW ON SIDEWALK IRRITATIONS MTA



CHUM (raises voice)

As I was saying; sometimes walking on the sidewalk frustrates me a lot. I mean, I always walk on the same side of the road that I drive on, so why the FUDGE can’t other pedestrians do the same?



CHUM

Okay, don’t take it out on us


RAGE

You know what I think?...



CHUM

To be honest, NO!


RAGE

FUDGE SAKE! You were not meant to answer that question, just listen.



CHUM

Okay, sorry.



RAGE
..I think the sidewalk needs a set of rules...



CHUM

I second that. LET'S DO IT!



RAGE

Hold on. A sidewalk without rules causes anarchy, chaos AND...


CHUM

...TERRORISM?



RAGE

...CONFUSION.



CHUM

I think there should also be rules for shuttle launch, hallways,grocery aisles, cycle paths, jogging paths..oh...and revolving doors. Sorry, this is a sore point for me as well.



CHUM

Exactly what I was thinking! Wherever people get in my way and piss me off, I always think 'if I was driving, I would just run you over and FAIL to stop.'



THUNDEROUS LAUGHTER



RAGE

You should try singing along to a Metallica song, OFF-KEY, aloud, from your iPod.
People get the hell out of my way when they hear me. And none of them has ever turned around and splash me with beers or burglar me.



LAUGHTER



CHUM

Your trademark stare and dirty look make them think twice about messing with you...



RAGE

...I don't know what it is, but I would advise you to try it anytime you get stuck behind anyone.



CHUM

Definitely will. I need to watch more mean tricks on Horrible Bosses



CHUM

So which side of the sidewalk should pedestrians walk on Rage?



RAGE (hesitates)

I don't know... How about the side that I am not walking on?



PIERCING LAUGHTER


CHUM

That is a genius idea


CHUM

I use the sidewalk more than any other form of transport, daily. I get VERY annoyed at those who don't understand or care that other people use the sidewalk as well



RAGE

Drinking beer or not, I get REALLY ANNOYED when a group of short, slow walking people take up the sidewalk.



CHUM (laughs)

I get angry when a large group of TEENAGERS, walking together, take up the whole DARN sidewalk.



CHUM

Why do they have to take up the whole sidewalk? If it was me, I would just PUSH them out of the way - all the way to ecuador



RAGE

Great minds think alike. That is exactly what I normally do Chum



CHUM (nods in agreement)

SERVE THEM RIGHT. Clearly, we are the model pedestrians around here



CHUM

Speak for your self...Sometimes I just can't resist writing texts on my iphone while I do my power walk on the sidewalk. I just laugh when people go crazy when they wanna pass me.



RAGE
Someday someone will yank that iphone from you and tell you to send your texts later. I have to look where I am walking all the time. I really would not like to walk straight into a pole or, worse, step into dog’s excrement, AGAIN



CHUM (laughs)

YUCK!...I tend to stagger from side to side on the sidewalk. SOMETIMES. When I bump into my walking partner, we just laugh, but when I am walking alone and bump into strangers, they get really mad.



RAGE

UGH! Good thing you don't walk like that when you're with me..... It annoys me when pedestrians walk all over the fudgeing sidewalk, walk really slow, don't move out of the fudgeing way when they see me coming and when they walk on the "wrong" side of the side walk.



CHUM

So which side is the 'wrong' side of the sidewalk?


RAGE

The side that I am walking on, of course. When pedestrians walk slowly in a zig zag fashion, it’s hard for me to determine the best time to go around them. I find that very irritating.



CHUM

That's true. Chinatown is where you find the worst culprits.



CHUM

I never get used to people walking in front of me then SUDDENLY stop. WHAT THE FUDGE! Why the hell do they have to stop walking so suddenly?


RAGE

Next time, a pedestrian does that, I suggest you step on him. He deserves it. On the sidewalk no one should be looking up, down or around. Most importantly, don't stop in middle of the sidewalk. SIDEWALK RULES




CHUM

If any pedestrian stops in front of me suddenly, without notice. I would just pretend I am blind and bump straight into them.



LAUGHTER




RAGE

Home sweet home. Finally we have reached. I am still standing, you're still talking. Before we enter our respective homes, any suggested rules for the sidewalk?



CHUM

You know what? All over the country people are losing their jobs but OUR worst problem is slow-walking pedestrians. This is the best city to live in. Don't you think?



CHUM AND RAGE

YESSS!



RAGE

I made a shocking discovery last night. Some passengers have no PUBLIC TRANSPORT ETIQUETTE. I had no idea moving to the back of the bus is rocket science?



LAUGHTER



CHUM

I have to agree...about walking on the right side of the sidewalk. Oh and if you need to stop, move over to the side DO NOT stop abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk.


RAGE

Excellent point Chum. Sometime we need to stop and smell the rose..



CHUM


I'm trying but all I can smell is your piss



RAGE (sighs)

ALL THAT RAGE over a little urine. gosh!



CHUM


Shhh.



RAGE

What do you hear?



CHUM

I just thought of another rule for the sidewalk



CHUM

Let's hear it



RAGE


Come on Chum



CHUM

They should ban all pushchairs.....mothers leave your babies at home or stay home with them



RAGE AND CHUM

Point taken



******************************************
Yeah. First Etsy sale in just one week. damn...I need to sell something in order to offset the cost of new supplies, lol. Guess I'll be uploading some cheap pieces to etsy if anyone's interested. Mostly sketches, drawings, small paintings, prints and the like. Keeping everything low budget, like between 10$-45$.
Florence and the machine featured on a retro fabulous treasury on Etsy. Thanks for your understanding. PS- If you recently purchased a cedar necklace from me on etsy I will be sending them out today or first thing tomorrow morning
I guess I'd better get to work painting some new pieces for my Etsy shop... people are getting interested, and I sold something today!
She recently aquired some really great patterns. Mostly Vintage from between early 1960's & early 1990's will be posting the majority in her etsy shop. Come check them out, there's some pretty cool stuff in there

please LIKE http://allthatrageseries.blogspot.com/

please FOLLOW http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051

Pedestrians' Rage at the traffic light

SCENE 6



Location - side-walk

Characters - Rage, Jogger and Drunk





Rage approaches green traffic light. The pedestrian in front of him cut his speed.



RAGE

You should be walking faster now! Are you trying to let the red light catch you? I'M NOT.



The light changes to red.



RAGE (fumes)

Fudge!



Rage is distracted by a spectacle at the traffic light. As a jogger waits for the light to change to green, she jogs on the spot. A drunk, occasionally sipping from a can, mimics her.

She yells at him.



JOGGER

Retard!



The light is still on red when Rage reaches there. This seems like eternity. He did not want to stop or slow down. An idea pops into his head. Instead of halting, he walks around briskly - on the spot.


The jogger glances at both Rage and the drunk with disgust, rolled over her eyes then tries to turn her back to them.



RAGE

What’s your problem? You health-obsessed, EXERCISE FREAK!



Drunk cackles.



JOGGER

RetardS



DRUNK(to Rage)

She thinks she is too HEALTHY to associate with us in public.



RAGE
And you are?


DRUNK (excitedly)

My name is.....


RAGE

....I don’t wanna know. Fudge off!



Finally, the light changes to green. Jogger speeds away.



JOGGER

Bye losers!



RAGE

Meanwhile, both Rage and the drunk continue to do their thing. This made it possible for the other pedestrians to move off before them.



RAGE

FUDGE! Slow people are first off the block as usual. At their pace, the red light will catch me here again.


DRUNK (admonishes)

Don’t let them get to you


RAGE

You will get my fist if you hang around a little longer.....SLOW WALKERS


Rage rolls his eyes.


DRUNK (jogs away quickly)

Really rude!


Rage chases the drunk with a brisk walk. The other pedestrians scurry out of the way without being prompted.

Rage grabs the drunk by his shirt collar.



PEDESTRIAN (screams)

CALL THE POLICE!



The drunk spins around and splashes Rage’s face with whatever was in the can.



RAGE

You will never drink alone again, CHUM



*******************************************
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Pedestrians' Rage

PEDESTRIAN CHATTING ON PHONE'S SPEAKER



Scene 3

Location: on a sidewalk

Characters: Rage, pedestrian, motorist



RAGE’s walking speed – about 6 miles an hour



RAGE
Excuse!


It appears the pedestrian does not hear.



RAGE’s walking speed – about 5.75 miles an hour


RAGE (excessively loud)
Arrrggghhh!


PEDESTRIAN(shooting Rage a dirty look)
My God! Someone’s in rage mode. ...


RAGE
You took the words right out of my mouth. .


PEDESTRIAN
What on earth could make you this angry?



RAGE’s walking speed – about 3 miles an hour



RAGE
If I was you I would get the hell out of the way before I start breaking things


PEDESTRIAN
You’re on a sidewalk, remember? You will find nothing here to break



RAGE’s walking speed – about 2.5 miles an hour


RAGE(threatens}
If you don’t build up momentum in the next few seconds, or get out of the way, so I can resume walking at the normal, human pace, I’ll find something to break...BEWARE, it will hurt.


PEDESTRIAN(raises voice)
How dare you scare me like that!


RAGE
Here are some clues; you are crawling like a zombie on the sidewalk, chatting on your phone through the speaker and you are stopping to look at EVERYTHING...

PEDESTRIAN
I am an only child

RAGE
ZOMBIE! WAKE UP!

PEDESTRIAN
That is so rude. I hate people like you who show no tolerance, respect or consideration to their fellow pedestrians


RAGE
Calm down! Don’t take it out on me if you have nowhere to go. I am not a contemptible person, but timewasters like you give me tourette syndrome.

PEDESTRIAN
Get lost!



RAGE’s walking speed – about 1.5 miles an hour


RAGE

MOVE TO THE SIDE!



Instead of co-operating, the pedestrian uses his two bags to form a barricade in front of RAGE


RAGE
Can you walk any slower? I don’t mind. Thank you very much. And why don’t you ask your friends on the speaker to come and help you with the barricade?


To get pass, Rage steps into the street.



MOTORIST(honking horn )
Stay on the sidewalk, you idiot!



RAGE’s walking speed – about 1 mile an hour



RAGE(raises his middle finger to the motorist)
I can’t be bothered no more. I’m gonna stop being a good guy and just look out for myself.



Rage rushes back to the sidewalk and resumes walking at his original quick speed. When he catches the pedestrian, Rage simply charges into him, forcing the pedestrian onto the road.


******************************************************
fireworks, here are a few examples of your lack of manners:You do not remark that you do not have enough food http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051

green lantern Pedestrians' Rage

TEENAGERS BLOCK SIDEWALK

SCENE 2

Location: on a sidewalk

Characters: Rage, teenagers,



Rage looks quite unhappy. He is stuck behind teenagers who are taking up the whole sidewalk, worse, they are walking extra slowly.

Before he caught up with them, he was walking extremely fast; his usual 6 miles an hour. Now he is forced to drastically cut his walking speed to about 2 miles an hour. Nothing annoys Rage more.

Rage tries to walk around them, but they absentmindedly form a brigade in front of him.


RAGE (sarcastically)
Great! Even turtles walk faster than you lot. People like you get on my nerves!


TEENAGER
Relax!


RAGE
Both you and your friends walk as slow as a turtles, but only you shape like one.


TEENAGER
Leave her alone! We love her the same


RAGE
Unlike you, I am going somewhere, besides; your gossips and weird stories bore me, so HURRY UP or make way. You should all be fined for holding me up. I think you are doing it on purpose


TEENAGER
You should be very afraid of my shape


RAGE
I am. Never been this afraid in my life. I am tempted to make a run for it



Rage barges into the group. They took turns at kicking him in his buttocks. A thick, dark, green, mucoid- looking thing, fell through his shorts and hit the ground with a thud.


TEENAGER
Yuck!



RAGE(stutters)
That's home-made pudding... for my lunch


TEENAGER
Are you sure it's not home-made pudding...made by your body?



Teenagers cackle loudly, then they back off as he struggles to get up. Cackling intensified as he fell repeatedly.

Finally he manages to get on his feet. He attempts to give chase, but he was in pain and limping.



RAGE
I’ll get you!



Teenagers teased him by walking briskly as he crawled in hot pursuit.


TEENAGER
"Hurry up, TURTLE. What will you do when you are old and can no longer walk at that ridiculously mad speed


RAGE
I will go even faster...


TEENAGER
On skating shoes?


RAGE
I will never be TURTLES like you lot


TEENAGER
Why on earth are you walking so slowly, aren't you GOING SOMEWHERE?


**********************************************************
linda evangelista do not start before everyone else.do not take additional helpings without being invited by your host. http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051