Boris Johnson's 'hi folks' Oylmpics broadcast

BRADLEY: You don't normally walk it to work.

JOKER: I got unceremoniously frog-marched off the bus

BRADLEY: What for?

JOKER: Laughing everi 5 minutes

 BRADLEY hastened his steps, then looked at him quizzically. 

JOKER: Boris Johnson's DELIGHTFUL voice on the bus's intercom. EVERY 5 MINUTES!

BRADLEY: (cackled) YOU HAVE BEEN CAUGHT OUT! Did he sound bizarre?

JOKER: FREAKS ME OUT PROPERLY! While other OIKS, sorry, passengers merely cringed and grunted when the recording came on, I could'nt help bursting into laughter.I'm sorry for those on longer journeys..

BRADLEY: Boris Johnson making announcements on the buses...

JOKER:...and on the DLR and Tube as well

BRADLEY: UGH! What the hell is going on?

JOKER: Exactly what commuters needed on public transport during london 2102 olympics - The mayor greeting you with "hi folks."

BRADLEY: HE'S HILARIOUS. Please let us take the bus back from work. I will join you

JOKER: No chance! I'm gonna take the mayor's advice and walk it both TO and FROM work. So you don't join me. I'LL JOIN YOU

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DAVID:

The man is everywhere. UGH! I was very tempted to punch the passenger sitting next to me. He got away because he looked as if he could defend himself.


CHAD:(teases)

I can sense your delight


DAVID:

You believe I got delight from hearing Boris's voice on repeat EVERY 5 MINUTES? Each time I hear it, I jump in fright. UGH!


CHAD:

So long as I leave my radio behind, I can walk on the sidewalk with peace of mind.


DAVID:

I feel quite jealous of you


CHAD:

No need. You have a clear choice. You don't have to take the buses or trains, just walk with me from now on.


DAVID:

TRUST ME! You'll never walk alone. I must escape Boris somehow. Why would they use Boris voice in this way?


CHAD:

I think they intended to scare passengers off public transport and onto the sidewalk...


DAVID:

He's scaring out of London....Soon the sidewalk will be packed with lots of damn LEMMINGS.


CHAD:(calmly)

Have you consider Boris's advice to work from home?


DAVID:

No offence, but my job is pertinent and purposeful, it CAN'T be done from home

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London 2012 Oylmpics

THE SIDEWALK runs parallel to the olympic village. It's festooned with army personnel and officials for London 2012 Oylmpics. Nevertheless, the once cherubic,Emmy, aka the Dark Knight, and his sidewalk chums, walk pass insouciantly;as  if their fake athletes' outfits grant them official sanction or a rite of passage. They dare anyone to defy them.


PARIS:(chortles at Emmy's antics)

You just might walk away with a gold medal if you perfect the Walk Like An Egyptian dance moves.


EMMY, aka the Dark Knight:

This is London 2012 olympics, NOT British Open 2012....It will take another four years for me to perfect those moves....Did you hear that models, including Kate Moss will walk during the olympics's closing ceremony.


BULGARIA:

Models? That means pedestrians like us are excluded...We are role models.


Dark Knight:

Who cares anyway. true role models like us are NOT required to wait for the closing ceremony. We can walk anytime we want; during opening ceremony, during the olympics or in the closing ceremony... London 2012 is here. the rain can't stop it. The terrorists can't stop it. Austerity can't stop it...ARE YOU READY? It's time to win MOST of the gold models...


Pedestrians, motorists, joggers, sidewalk vendors and passers-by exchange amused grins.


Dark Knight:(mimics Usain Bolt's trademark pose)

Usain Bolt sleeps in a 7 feet bed. Did you know that? No wonder he is the fastest man EVER. EVER! All i wanna see in London 2012 olympics is the sprint king, Usain Bolt, SPRINTING. I don't care if he wins


BULGARIA snigger while filming the Dark Knight in action. Raincoats, his woman, reprimands him.



RAINCOATS;

Stop it! It's rude to make a film of someone on the sidewalk.



BULGARIA:

I don't care. The guy is an idiot. I know him. Everyone knows he takes drugs...


RAINCOATs:

So!!!!


PARIS:

Although you have a dark side, Dark Knight, you are my role model. You are so brave to do what you're doing right now. Everyone is looking on you, but you clearly don't give a damn...watch where you walk. someone just vomit on the sidewalk. it's fresh vomit. UGH!



RAINCOATS:

Vomit expert on the sidewalk. It must be one of those DAMN olympic officials who did it. UGH!



The Dark Knight steps on the road to avoid vomit on the sidewalk



(APPROACHING VOICE)

Please walk on the sidewalk!



BULGARIA:

Who the hell are you?


Dark Knight:

Shhhh! He's an olympic official. Those over there are SOLDIERS, so don't get us arrested. Don't cause a scene. Please. Don't draw attention to us. Please



OLYMPIC OFFICIAL:

That's right. And it's my job to ensure pedestrians stay on the sidewalk. When the olympics starts, you'll be joined by the cyclists, so if I were you,I'd....



RAINCOATS: (to a tourist)

On the sidewalk, you stand on the right and walk on the left



TOURIST:(patiently)

As you can see, I'm WALKING, not STANDING. GRRR!


Dark Knight:

Fair enough. Walk on the LEFT then!


OLYMPIC OFFICIAL:

Shut up! You OIK!


Tourist:

Who the hell are you calling OIK?



OLYMPIC OFFICIAL:

Not you, you lemming!



TOURIST: (to |Dark Knight and his chums)

So how do you plan to support the olympics? I'll be shopping within walking distances, and I'll be walking to and from all my destinations.


Dark Knight:

I don't know. My advice to you, however, is to walk faster on the sidewalk, pedestrians will be less tolerant of slow walkers on the during London olympics.


RAINCOATS:

well, if I could walk faster, I would have qualified for the olympics' team, would'nt I?(kisses teeth)


Bulgaria:

To hell with the olympics



Dark Knight:

Who was talking to you?


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It's Fun, Fundraising on Sidewalk

THWARTED fundraiser, Daniel, refused to give up. He attempted an extemporaneous speech to hex passers-by, "You see a curly heir boy on the sidewalk, doing my job. I might look a little weird, but I'm innocent. I'm just DESPERATE for someone to talk to me. It's 4th of July, PLEASE! Be nice.


Pedestrian, Frank: Sorry, I don't have the patience.


Daniel:

You just got off the bus, wanna talk?


Palin spoke to him for 15 minutes about the charity he was passionate about. THEN


Palin:

Now, if you'll excuse me


Daniel:

But I stopped you to tell you about MY charity


Sorry, I have no more time


I listened to you for 20 minutes, please give me  a chance. Just 2 minnutes., okay, 30 seconds.


BYE


So aggressive. Ugh!



DANIEL:

Hello (to pedestrian sneaking pass) would you like to send a text for charity?


NO! next time.


danieL:

There wont be no NEXT TIME




I'm not that bad people,(pleaded to passers-by)  talk to me please




Your'e not gonna walk away like everyone else?



Pedestrian smiled politely but failed to stop for a chat.


"Tough pedestrians", he sighed.




A mother stopped to fix a bag that was falling out of her push-chair. Fundraiser, saw and opportunity so pounced on her instantly.


"Sorry to approach youlike this, when your'e attending to your baby, but would you like to talk?"


Baby mother scurried away.


"I'M NOT A LEPER."


He improvised gimmicky dance routines to draw attention.


Pedestrian shook her head, "this is so surreal."




Daniel recognized a pedestrian he had approached earlier, so he went for the kill. "Will you speak to me this time?

No

(sighed in disbelief) Not again!




A group of pedestrians, including a baby mother pushing a pram, started to run the moment they spotted him.

No Need to run away! UGH!

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