CHAZ BONO (narrates): While waiting for the traffic light to change to green, I sometimes honk my horn at other vehicles. it's funny when they jump out of fright. My chums honk their horns at attractive girls..You should try it!
(DRIVE RADIO plays Pink's RESPECT "When me and all my girls go walking down the street, It seems we can't go anywhere without a car that goes "Beep-beep" )
Girl,daryl hannah, bent to fetch her purse that fell on the road. ARGH honks horn. She looks up. ARGH gives her thumbs-up
GIRL:
I don't understand. What are you trying to say?
ARGH:
Looking so gorgeous!
GIRL:
DO NOT not honk your horn at me. This is totally unacceptable where I'm from in Chichen Itza
ARGH:
(laughs) You're standing in the road. We pay to drive on the road, if you know what I mean. I don't give a damn where you from. Honking is cool in Sons of Anarchy
GIRL:
It pisses me off
ARGH:
This is good for self esteem. You are NO Annie Lennox, so humble yourself and be thankful for whatever honking come your way
GIRL:
LOOK! I need no boost in my self esteem from the LIKES OF YOU. I already know I am gorgeous. How would your woman feel if she knows you're beeping other women on the road or how would you feel when other guys honk at your woman?
ARGH:
It does'nt bother me at all. To be honest, DTS would not be happy but that's her problem. Not mine or yours... I like the way you're checking me out right now while showing me bad vibes
GIRL:
Dream on! This is not Paradise Lost.
ARGH:
The only person dreaming is you. I honk my horn so that dog could get out of the way. I did'nt even see you. Where did you appear from?
GIRL:
Are you sure you were not honking at me...I get thist all the time. I'm NEVER short of attention
ARGH:
ATTENTION SEEKER! If I see you THE NEXT TIME, I wont honk again, i'll just run you over
GIRL:
Sour grapes..PERVERT!!!!!!!(angrily marches up to the car, ARGH quickly winds up the window, locks the door then speeds off)
/////////////////////////////////////////
UGH:
(honking horn) SENORITA!
WOMAN turns up her car stereo and ignores him.
UGH:
HOW RUDE!
WOMAN:
I'm not a prostitute, you know so S T O P ! Leave me alone. I am certain you would'nt like your wife and kids to hear this
UGH:
I'm driving this car for the first time. I beeped a girl at the traffic lights up the road. She waved and blew me a kiss. She was a decent and respectable person who is just happy for my success. Obviously, you're a different kettle of fish
WOMAN:
Before you honk or yell at me as you drive past again, make sure you're driving a DECENT AND RESPECTABLE car. By the way, you're old, fat and ugly...Thanks for noticing that I'm a DIFFERENT kettle of fish
UGH:
You have no class! No need to be rude, I just wanted to let you know that you forget to take the money you withdrew from the cash machine
///////////////////////////////////////////////
GIRL:
PerverT! how would you like it if random strangers honk at your daughter? STOP embarrassing yourself. I'M NOT INTERESTED!
GRRR:
I'll slash your tyres, DON'T MESS with me!
WOMAN: I know I'm irresistible but your attention DOES NOT appeal to me, and I am not scared of you either
GRRR: If looks could kill
WOMAN: I'm making sure I give you a good look before...(she screams)
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Friday, 26 August 2011
PHEW!! Walking, driving. What a week!
MONDAY
GRRR is walking fast behind a RICE on the crowded sidewalk. RICE stops abruptly to admire a life-sized image of Minka Kelly. GRRR crashes straight into him. GRRR gets very angry and punches the RICE on the neck.
RICE: (cries out in pain)
APOLOGISE!!
GRRR:
YOU DESERVE THAT. I’ll NOT apologise. You piece of s^&%
GMA: He suffers from trigeminal neuralgia, you should NOT HAVE DONE THAT!
GRRR!
Well, he had NO reason to TRIGger my rage.
++ Fudge!Good Morning America!!!!!!
^^: What's the matter Derek Jeter?
++: Will THEY stop spitting gums on the sidewalk. I stepped on some, AGAIN!
^^: It could've been worse, Chum. I narrowly missed some dog shxxt
**: (gasps)Oh! Are'nt these flowers lovely?
^^: OMG! My boyfrined brought me flowers like these yesterday.
**: He picked flowers from the sidewalk for you? He's a romantic. I'm jealous
^^: I'm holding on to him. So you better LOOK elsewhere!
**: But I don't have a storm tracker
TUESDAY
Camera man:
have a look at this PAL
Pal:
Is it that Raging Bull guy again?
C:
NO! A motorist driving on the wrong side of the road(laughs) Probably a tourist. Other motorists hurling insults at him in their native languages, and HONKING THEIR HORNS like crazy!
CHUM:
I stopped in the rain to fix one of my flip flops that broke. The other one fell off my feet and sailed down the sidewalk in the water. Couldn’t catch it. Had to walk the rest of the way home BAREFOOT. Fudge!
UGH:
What a TRAGEDY!
WEDNESDAY
Raging Bull:
nexus s, mini driver swerve into me then DELIBERATLEY ran me off the road.
Chum:
OMG! I had no idea one had to be so defensive even when driving a big bus.
Raging BUll:
Defend? By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to DEFEND; I was on the sidewalk on my side, and he was GONE like carlos beltran
<: Keep your seat belt on and be quiet Danica Patrick! >: your highness, please don’t discriminate against me because I’m in the passenger seat. I want to reach over to honk the horn and swear at other drivers too. I'M BORED!
THURSDAY
Chum:
I can't stand these SLOW WALKERS taking up the WHOLE sidewalk....
Raging Bull:
... joyce meyer neither. For your information TURTLES, some of us have dogs to feed and uncles to have dinner with
Bus driver:
Take your anger elsewhere!
Raging Bull:
(insulting hand gestures) What and idiot! I'm a better driver and you're just ZEALOUS!
BD: (laughs)
ZEALOUS?! Now I’m certain you bought your licence
RB:
Whatever! You using google voice while doing about 70mph, with school kids on board is insane.
RB:
Yes, therapy might help; what else would help?IF YOU COULD DRIVE!!.
FRIDAY
RAGING BULL SHOWED HIS MIDDLE FINGER TO A Paul Daniels
Chum:
Goodness sake ! Stop it! only drivers are allowed to rage at drivers. You're like hurricane IRENE. How would you feel if I call you by hurricane names?
Raging Bull:
I don't care. Since he dislikes how you drive, he should get the hell off the sidewalk!
Driver:
Is there a McDonald’s on this road?
WOMAN WINDS UP CAR WINDOW
Dr:(shouts) DOW, is there a Mcdonald's on this road?
Wo:(rolls over eyes and sighs heavily) I DON'T KNOW! FUDGE SAKE!
Dr:Who are you showing attitude? I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!
CHUM: She works for DHL. Be careful!
Dr: When I am HIGH,I punch the shxt out of anyone I like! I hate, DHL!
CH:(reprimands) Don't be rude!
SATURDAY
ACCIDENT SCENE
VENDOR: He's badly hurt. Help him Lord!
MOTORIST: Not sorry for him
V: He has a broken wrist for christ sake! Stop being heartless!
M:It's rushour and the average speed is 50mph. Besides, there is a sidewalk for cylists. He should'nt be on the road!
V: It's your FAULT!
M:STUPID CYCLIST! lucky he got just a few minor scrapes
Man:YUCK!That’s nasty!
Woman:PERVERT!
M: WHAT WOULD YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO PISSES ON THE SIDEWALK...IN FRONT OF A RESTAURANT?
W: I’m homeless. I did ask the restaurant,THEY SAY THEY have NO TOILET.
M:SHAME on the restaurant…Not that it's right but you could have piss on the grass instead
W: Can’t you see the grass is wet?
M: Do you mind if I take a picture before you finish?
GRRR is walking fast behind a RICE on the crowded sidewalk. RICE stops abruptly to admire a life-sized image of Minka Kelly. GRRR crashes straight into him. GRRR gets very angry and punches the RICE on the neck.
RICE: (cries out in pain)
APOLOGISE!!
GRRR:
YOU DESERVE THAT. I’ll NOT apologise. You piece of s^&%
GMA: He suffers from trigeminal neuralgia, you should NOT HAVE DONE THAT!
GRRR!
Well, he had NO reason to TRIGger my rage.
++ Fudge!Good Morning America!!!!!!
^^: What's the matter Derek Jeter?
++: Will THEY stop spitting gums on the sidewalk. I stepped on some, AGAIN!
^^: It could've been worse, Chum. I narrowly missed some dog shxxt
**: (gasps)Oh! Are'nt these flowers lovely?
^^: OMG! My boyfrined brought me flowers like these yesterday.
**: He picked flowers from the sidewalk for you? He's a romantic. I'm jealous
^^: I'm holding on to him. So you better LOOK elsewhere!
**: But I don't have a storm tracker
TUESDAY
Camera man:
have a look at this PAL
Pal:
Is it that Raging Bull guy again?
C:
NO! A motorist driving on the wrong side of the road(laughs) Probably a tourist. Other motorists hurling insults at him in their native languages, and HONKING THEIR HORNS like crazy!
CHUM:
I stopped in the rain to fix one of my flip flops that broke. The other one fell off my feet and sailed down the sidewalk in the water. Couldn’t catch it. Had to walk the rest of the way home BAREFOOT. Fudge!
UGH:
What a TRAGEDY!
WEDNESDAY
Raging Bull:
nexus s, mini driver swerve into me then DELIBERATLEY ran me off the road.
Chum:
OMG! I had no idea one had to be so defensive even when driving a big bus.
Raging BUll:
Defend? By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to DEFEND; I was on the sidewalk on my side, and he was GONE like carlos beltran
<: Keep your seat belt on and be quiet Danica Patrick! >: your highness, please don’t discriminate against me because I’m in the passenger seat. I want to reach over to honk the horn and swear at other drivers too. I'M BORED!
THURSDAY
Chum:
I can't stand these SLOW WALKERS taking up the WHOLE sidewalk....
Raging Bull:
... joyce meyer neither. For your information TURTLES, some of us have dogs to feed and uncles to have dinner with
Bus driver:
Take your anger elsewhere!
Raging Bull:
(insulting hand gestures) What and idiot! I'm a better driver and you're just ZEALOUS!
BD: (laughs)
ZEALOUS?! Now I’m certain you bought your licence
RB:
Whatever! You using google voice while doing about 70mph, with school kids on board is insane.
RB:
Yes, therapy might help; what else would help?IF YOU COULD DRIVE!!.
FRIDAY
RAGING BULL SHOWED HIS MIDDLE FINGER TO A Paul Daniels
Chum:
Goodness sake ! Stop it! only drivers are allowed to rage at drivers. You're like hurricane IRENE. How would you feel if I call you by hurricane names?
Raging Bull:
I don't care. Since he dislikes how you drive, he should get the hell off the sidewalk!
Driver:
Is there a McDonald’s on this road?
WOMAN WINDS UP CAR WINDOW
Dr:(shouts) DOW, is there a Mcdonald's on this road?
Wo:(rolls over eyes and sighs heavily) I DON'T KNOW! FUDGE SAKE!
Dr:Who are you showing attitude? I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!
CHUM: She works for DHL. Be careful!
Dr: When I am HIGH,I punch the shxt out of anyone I like! I hate, DHL!
CH:(reprimands) Don't be rude!
SATURDAY
ACCIDENT SCENE
VENDOR: He's badly hurt. Help him Lord!
MOTORIST: Not sorry for him
V: He has a broken wrist for christ sake! Stop being heartless!
M:It's rushour and the average speed is 50mph. Besides, there is a sidewalk for cylists. He should'nt be on the road!
V: It's your FAULT!
M:STUPID CYCLIST! lucky he got just a few minor scrapes
Man:YUCK!That’s nasty!
Woman:PERVERT!
M: WHAT WOULD YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO PISSES ON THE SIDEWALK...IN FRONT OF A RESTAURANT?
W: I’m homeless. I did ask the restaurant,THEY SAY THEY have NO TOILET.
M:SHAME on the restaurant…Not that it's right but you could have piss on the grass instead
W: Can’t you see the grass is wet?
M: Do you mind if I take a picture before you finish?
Monday, 22 August 2011
#Terrelle Pryor texting while driving. GRRR!
At #best buy, the light changes to GREEN but driver, #Terrelle Pryor, is busy texting. The irritated drivers behind him honk their horns to get him moving.
GRRR:
Did you know that TEXTING WHILE DRIVING can cause an accident?
TEXTER:
NO!
GRRR:
DUH! Well, IT CAN! If you don't care about your life, atleast consider the lives of your kids in the back seat.
UGHH:
TELL HIM GRRR. If you hurt or kill ANYONE today, you would not end up in prison. I WOULD
TEXTER:
THREATEN me as much as you like. I don't give a shxt! Just mind your business, okay? I have been doing this for years, and I have not hurt or killed anyone
GRRR:
Hope the police catches you when you drive through a red ligh...t
UGHH:
....or run into a stationary car. STUPID!
TEXTER:
SHUT UP! Go about your business and STOP irritating me! I DO NOT KNOW ANY OF YOU!
GRRR:
We're trying to get you out of trouble....If your text is so important, you should pull over and do it. ARGH, get his licence's plate number, we MUST report him
UGHH:
GOT IT! Put down your damn phone and focus on your driving, otherwise, I will REPORT you.... OH MY GOSH! HE JUST DROVE THROUGH A RED LIGHT!!!!
TEXTER
(chortles) SO DID YOUR FRIEND!!!!!
GRRR: OH SUGAR! let's get out of here FAST before the police come
TEXTER:
INDEED
GRRR:
Did you know that TEXTING WHILE DRIVING can cause an accident?
TEXTER:
NO!
GRRR:
DUH! Well, IT CAN! If you don't care about your life, atleast consider the lives of your kids in the back seat.
UGHH:
TELL HIM GRRR. If you hurt or kill ANYONE today, you would not end up in prison. I WOULD
TEXTER:
THREATEN me as much as you like. I don't give a shxt! Just mind your business, okay? I have been doing this for years, and I have not hurt or killed anyone
GRRR:
Hope the police catches you when you drive through a red ligh...t
UGHH:
....or run into a stationary car. STUPID!
TEXTER:
SHUT UP! Go about your business and STOP irritating me! I DO NOT KNOW ANY OF YOU!
GRRR:
We're trying to get you out of trouble....If your text is so important, you should pull over and do it. ARGH, get his licence's plate number, we MUST report him
UGHH:
GOT IT! Put down your damn phone and focus on your driving, otherwise, I will REPORT you.... OH MY GOSH! HE JUST DROVE THROUGH A RED LIGHT!!!!
TEXTER
(chortles) SO DID YOUR FRIEND!!!!!
GRRR: OH SUGAR! let's get out of here FAST before the police come
TEXTER:
INDEED
Saturday, 20 August 2011
PHEW! walking driving. what a week!
MONDAY
Car suddenly pulls out in front of GRRR's van without using indicator. GRRR presses the breaks sharply to avoid an accident. Van screeches to a virtual halt. The car has POLICE emblazon on its sides.
GRRR: PHEW! Can you believe this realtor?
ARGH: WHAT A MORON!
Car driver smirks, turns then speeds away. Once again, driver did not use the indicator.
GRRR: I wonder how the TWERP manage to get a driver's licence
GRRR catches police car at the traffic lights. The light changes to green but the car moves off a bit too slow for GRRR. Apparently, the driver was using a hp tablet. GRRR honks his horn. Car driver shoots him a dirty look. GRRR and ARGH grin.
GRRR is not amused when he finds himself behind the same car at the DRIVE THROUGH. To make matters worse, the car driver take a long time to place order.
GRRR honk the horn while ARGH shouts GET MOVING TWERP! Arrrrrgh!
CAR DRIVER: (defiantly) YOU have anger issues. You need to calm down!
TUESDAY
Man wolf whistles at girl on the sidewalk.
SHE LOOKS BACK
MAN: You're looking fine
She is pretty dolled up and wearing a cute summer dress.
GIRL: (smiles) It's such great fun being a girl!
^^: HOOK! The old television is gone
++: DON’T LIE. You put it by the sidewalk less than an hour ago
^^: From my window, I watched as people ambled over the fallen tree to get their hands on it.
++: Brilliant!
WEDNESDAY
WASHING SIDEWALK
Student watched from his window as neighbour reprimanded man who was washing the sidewalk with a hose. On her way back to her house, she saw student disapprovingly shaking his head at her. She said ‘GET LOST SCROUNGER.’
F:Did you curse her back?
S: She was bigger than me
F: How old?
S:About 63. quite rude. If I could afford it, I’d move out of this town
F:Don’t mind her. Probably lonely. So what was her problem?
S: Flooding the sidewalk, wasting water, WHO KNOWS! The poor man was apologising profusely, BUT WOULD SHE EVEN LISTEN?
F: Probably forget to take her medication. She should be happy that someone is getting rid of some of the dirt of the sidewalk. You just can’t please some people
S: You can repeat that again
THURSDAY
SIDEWALK SMELLS
++Something is smelling disgusting. I wonder if its the fish stall
**No. Its that mattress that SOMEONE just threw on the sidewalk
++Are you sure SYRIA?
**The owner died in bed from last week. They just find his body
++That's terrible, but they can't leave that mattress there
NOTE ON MATTRESS ON SIDEWALK
I miss you ALOT. You SAVE ME from the sidewalk's cold concrete, and help me better myself. I wish I could join you in heaven. I love you ALOT. My best lover, my powerball, you stay in my heart..
FRIDAY
^^ (saying lyrics from Taylor Swift's Tonight, on the phone) - And I could wait patiently but, I really wish you would drop everything now, Meet me in the pouring rain, Kiss me on the sidewalk, Take away the pain, Cause I see sparks fly, Whenever you smile......
Parent strolling with child on sidewalk
Child: When are we going to el bulli, Mom?
Parent: In two weeks time. I told you already
Child: When tommorrow comes, will it be 2 weeks still?
NO REPLY
Child: Two weeks takes a long time
Parent: It does
^^ (sings along to tune blaring from radio on the Sidewalk) - Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk , Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt , Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything , Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in , Because of you , I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty . Because of you.. I am afraid.....
Car suddenly pulls out in front of GRRR's van without using indicator. GRRR presses the breaks sharply to avoid an accident. Van screeches to a virtual halt. The car has POLICE emblazon on its sides.
GRRR: PHEW! Can you believe this realtor?
ARGH: WHAT A MORON!
Car driver smirks, turns then speeds away. Once again, driver did not use the indicator.
GRRR: I wonder how the TWERP manage to get a driver's licence
GRRR catches police car at the traffic lights. The light changes to green but the car moves off a bit too slow for GRRR. Apparently, the driver was using a hp tablet. GRRR honks his horn. Car driver shoots him a dirty look. GRRR and ARGH grin.
GRRR is not amused when he finds himself behind the same car at the DRIVE THROUGH. To make matters worse, the car driver take a long time to place order.
GRRR honk the horn while ARGH shouts GET MOVING TWERP! Arrrrrgh!
CAR DRIVER: (defiantly) YOU have anger issues. You need to calm down!
TUESDAY
Man wolf whistles at girl on the sidewalk.
SHE LOOKS BACK
MAN: You're looking fine
She is pretty dolled up and wearing a cute summer dress.
GIRL: (smiles) It's such great fun being a girl!
^^: HOOK! The old television is gone
++: DON’T LIE. You put it by the sidewalk less than an hour ago
^^: From my window, I watched as people ambled over the fallen tree to get their hands on it.
++: Brilliant!
WEDNESDAY
WASHING SIDEWALK
Student watched from his window as neighbour reprimanded man who was washing the sidewalk with a hose. On her way back to her house, she saw student disapprovingly shaking his head at her. She said ‘GET LOST SCROUNGER.’
F:Did you curse her back?
S: She was bigger than me
F: How old?
S:About 63. quite rude. If I could afford it, I’d move out of this town
F:Don’t mind her. Probably lonely. So what was her problem?
S: Flooding the sidewalk, wasting water, WHO KNOWS! The poor man was apologising profusely, BUT WOULD SHE EVEN LISTEN?
F: Probably forget to take her medication. She should be happy that someone is getting rid of some of the dirt of the sidewalk. You just can’t please some people
S: You can repeat that again
THURSDAY
SIDEWALK SMELLS
++Something is smelling disgusting. I wonder if its the fish stall
**No. Its that mattress that SOMEONE just threw on the sidewalk
++Are you sure SYRIA?
**The owner died in bed from last week. They just find his body
++That's terrible, but they can't leave that mattress there
NOTE ON MATTRESS ON SIDEWALK
I miss you ALOT. You SAVE ME from the sidewalk's cold concrete, and help me better myself. I wish I could join you in heaven. I love you ALOT. My best lover, my powerball, you stay in my heart..
FRIDAY
^^ (saying lyrics from Taylor Swift's Tonight, on the phone) - And I could wait patiently but, I really wish you would drop everything now, Meet me in the pouring rain, Kiss me on the sidewalk, Take away the pain, Cause I see sparks fly, Whenever you smile......
Parent strolling with child on sidewalk
Child: When are we going to el bulli, Mom?
Parent: In two weeks time. I told you already
Child: When tommorrow comes, will it be 2 weeks still?
NO REPLY
Child: Two weeks takes a long time
Parent: It does
^^ (sings along to tune blaring from radio on the Sidewalk) - Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk , Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt , Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything , Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in , Because of you , I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty . Because of you.. I am afraid.....
Friday, 19 August 2011
all your things are on the sidewalk. BYE!
GRR piling up UGH’s personal things on the sidewalk.
GRR:
You attract too much DRAMA in my life. GET OUT!
UGH: (feebly)
But, but…TOGETHER, we planned to watch the DAILY SHOW tonight and....and Fright Night when it releases..
GRR:
...But nothing…You're the fright. Please DON’T knock on my door. These are all of your things.
UGH slaps GRR in her face. GRR retaliated by repeatedly kicking and punching UGH to the ground. UGH lay still for a moment. When she sees a riot policeman remonstrating with a protestor, she holds her belly and cries out in agony.
POLICE:
You’re under arrest.
GRR: Life’s a BICH!
POLICE:
Hold your head up….now LOOK at the tears streaming down that poor girl’s face. SLAPPING another girl on a busy sidewalk is an ASSAULT.
UGH: BUT, BUT!...
GRR runs inside and slams the door shut. While the cop frog-marches UGH towards the waiting car, opportunistic onlookers start to help themselves to her stuffs.
GRR appears in her front window.
UGH:
GRR! GRR! GRR!
GRR
I have no pity for you. GO TO HELL!
GRR:
You attract too much DRAMA in my life. GET OUT!
UGH: (feebly)
But, but…TOGETHER, we planned to watch the DAILY SHOW tonight and....and Fright Night when it releases..
GRR:
...But nothing…You're the fright. Please DON’T knock on my door. These are all of your things.
UGH slaps GRR in her face. GRR retaliated by repeatedly kicking and punching UGH to the ground. UGH lay still for a moment. When she sees a riot policeman remonstrating with a protestor, she holds her belly and cries out in agony.
POLICE:
You’re under arrest.
GRR: Life’s a BICH!
POLICE:
Hold your head up….now LOOK at the tears streaming down that poor girl’s face. SLAPPING another girl on a busy sidewalk is an ASSAULT.
UGH: BUT, BUT!...
GRR runs inside and slams the door shut. While the cop frog-marches UGH towards the waiting car, opportunistic onlookers start to help themselves to her stuffs.
GRR appears in her front window.
UGH:
GRR! GRR! GRR!
GRR
I have no pity for you. GO TO HELL!
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
Traffic lights NOT WORKING!
Traffic in all directions halts at busy intersection. Out of order traffic lights continues to flash RED. Drivers look pretty bemused, angry and frustrated because no one knows whose turn it is to GO.
UGH:
CHRIST! WALE! This could go on for HOURS. Good thing I had some Starbucks before I left the house
Suddenly the light turns to green in UGH’s lane.
GRRR:
HURRAH!
In less than 30 seconds it changes to YELLOW
ARGH:
FUDGE! FUDGE! You cheered too soon GRRR! It’s your fricking fault.
Motorists in other lanes start to GO even though the red light was still flashing.
GRR:
I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! Where the FUDGE do you lot think you’re going? Wait till it’s your turn. ARGH!!!!!
MOTORIST:
Okay, so whose turn is it now? What's your problem, you fugging AMOEBA!!!!!
UGH:
CHRIST! WALE! This could go on for HOURS. Good thing I had some Starbucks before I left the house
Suddenly the light turns to green in UGH’s lane.
GRRR:
HURRAH!
In less than 30 seconds it changes to YELLOW
ARGH:
FUDGE! FUDGE! You cheered too soon GRRR! It’s your fricking fault.
Motorists in other lanes start to GO even though the red light was still flashing.
GRR:
I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! Where the FUDGE do you lot think you’re going? Wait till it’s your turn. ARGH!!!!!
MOTORIST:
Okay, so whose turn is it now? What's your problem, you fugging AMOEBA!!!!!
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Nothing but drama ALL week
Jeremy Maclin, it felt great to return to work this week. As usual, I both walked and drove. What a week it's been! DAMN! It's been nothing but pure drama drama, drama, drama! Don't wonder what it would have been like without the pedestrians and motorists who supplied the OOMPH to my week, even though sometimes they made me scream and pull my hair out. I am delighted to share the week's highlights with you.
MONDAY
CHUM:
He says if you have something to say, say it to his face instead of honking your horn like a MAD MAN
Raging Bull:
Grrr!
Since there is sidewalk for cyclists, he should USE IT AND GET OFF THE DARN ROAD!!!!!!!
CHUM:
He called you a acn DONUT!
RB:
Only an IDIOT get lost EVERYDAY with maps and direction pointers and gps
CHUM:
You can't walk barefooted on the cold sidewalk. Why did you take off your shoes and threw it in the ditch?
Raging Bull:
No place in my shoe for you, you long legged fuher! No! You're DEAD! YOU SCUM OF THE EARTH. VERMIN! Do you have any spider poison in your manbag
Chum:
NO! Squash its skeleton with the shoe
TUESDAY
Chum:
If you could, it seem you would punch that driver. what's wrong?
Raging Bull: Grrr! He's driving too SLOW to be in the fast lane! The speed limit is 65 for heaven sake! Come on, MOVE OVER!
RAGING BULL:
Vehicle horns drive me crazy.
CHUM:
Motorists use them to show how rude they are to us pedestrians
RAGING BULL:
Such NUISANCE!!
CHUM:
I know. Mind you, the emergency sirens are no better
RAGING BULL:
True. But THEY SAVE LIVES.horns destroy lives AND RELATIONSHIPS. My husband hate horns so much, he cant stand hearing them on the radio
WEDNESDAY
Chum:
All That rage! Why are you showing NFLX your middle finger?
Raging Bull
SINCE he dislikes HOW I drive, I want him to get the HELL off the sidewalk!
Chum:
The truck driver said you're not fit to drive
Raging Bull:
Yes, I’M A ANGRY driver. Yes, rage, therapy might help, you wanna know what else would help??....IF HE COULD DRIVE!!.
THURSDAY
Chum:
nnamdi asomugha! I can't, these SLOW WALKERS taking up the WHOLE sidewalk....
Raging Bull:
...Me neither. For your information TURTLES, some of us have dogs to feed and uncles to have dinner with
Raging Bull:
Keep your seat belt on and be quiet!
Chum:
your highness, please don’t discriminate against me because I’m in the passenger seat. I want to reach over to honk the horn and swear at other drivers too. I'M BORED!
FRIDAY
Raging Bull:
mini driver swerve into me then DELIBERATLEY ran me off the road.
Chum: OMG! I had no idea one had to be so defensive even when driving a big bus.
Raging BUll:
Defend? By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to DEFEND; I was on the sidewalk on my side, and he was GONE like carlos beltran
CHUM:
I stopped in the rain to fix one of my flip flops that broke. The other one fell off my feet and sailed down the sidewalk in the water. Could'nt catch it. Had to walk the rest of the way home BAREFOOT. Fudge!
Raging Bull:
What a TRAGEDY!
SATURDAY
Raging Bull:
(rants) TO HELL WITH ALL YOU pedestrians congesting the sidewalk. I wish your brains explode and scatter all over the sidewalk. I don't give damn!
Chum:
Take it easy. PLEASE!
RB:
honking at pensioners again?
C:
Any car that passes me on the shoulder is getting rammed.Blame my school for my anger!
RB:
I'm scared we'll bump into the lorry driver we threw the sprite cans on.
C:
He was mad like eagles.
RB:
His arms are bigger than our legs. Let's go straight home. If we see him on the way, we simply give a few hand signals
C:
Provided no kids are present
SUNDAY
CHUM:
one of these days a motorist is gonna punch you in the face
RAGING BULL:
progeria! If I knew he was gonna point a pistol in my face when I opened his car door, I would have stayed in the car with you and wait for the cops to arrive
CHUM:
For your birthday, I'm gonna get a bumper sticker that says 'OUT OF RAGE MEDICATION'
++ - I'm going to the sidewalk sale with my best looking grand niece
** - She will definitely see your crazy side IF you spot a bargain
++ - THERE WILL BE bargains!. Everything will be 75% off . TODAY ONLY!
** - TODAY ONLY? They said that yesterday.
++ - IT’S TRUE!
** - Well, hurry up before its all gone then. Don't let me hold you back dear.
MONDAY
CHUM:
He says if you have something to say, say it to his face instead of honking your horn like a MAD MAN
Raging Bull:
Grrr!
Since there is sidewalk for cyclists, he should USE IT AND GET OFF THE DARN ROAD!!!!!!!
CHUM:
He called you a acn DONUT!
RB:
Only an IDIOT get lost EVERYDAY with maps and direction pointers and gps
CHUM:
You can't walk barefooted on the cold sidewalk. Why did you take off your shoes and threw it in the ditch?
Raging Bull:
No place in my shoe for you, you long legged fuher! No! You're DEAD! YOU SCUM OF THE EARTH. VERMIN! Do you have any spider poison in your manbag
Chum:
NO! Squash its skeleton with the shoe
TUESDAY
Chum:
If you could, it seem you would punch that driver. what's wrong?
Raging Bull: Grrr! He's driving too SLOW to be in the fast lane! The speed limit is 65 for heaven sake! Come on, MOVE OVER!
RAGING BULL:
Vehicle horns drive me crazy.
CHUM:
Motorists use them to show how rude they are to us pedestrians
RAGING BULL:
Such NUISANCE!!
CHUM:
I know. Mind you, the emergency sirens are no better
RAGING BULL:
True. But THEY SAVE LIVES.horns destroy lives AND RELATIONSHIPS. My husband hate horns so much, he cant stand hearing them on the radio
WEDNESDAY
Chum:
All That rage! Why are you showing NFLX your middle finger?
Raging Bull
SINCE he dislikes HOW I drive, I want him to get the HELL off the sidewalk!
Chum:
The truck driver said you're not fit to drive
Raging Bull:
Yes, I’M A ANGRY driver. Yes, rage, therapy might help, you wanna know what else would help??....IF HE COULD DRIVE!!.
THURSDAY
Chum:
nnamdi asomugha! I can't, these SLOW WALKERS taking up the WHOLE sidewalk....
Raging Bull:
...Me neither. For your information TURTLES, some of us have dogs to feed and uncles to have dinner with
Raging Bull:
Keep your seat belt on and be quiet!
Chum:
your highness, please don’t discriminate against me because I’m in the passenger seat. I want to reach over to honk the horn and swear at other drivers too. I'M BORED!
FRIDAY
Raging Bull:
mini driver swerve into me then DELIBERATLEY ran me off the road.
Chum: OMG! I had no idea one had to be so defensive even when driving a big bus.
Raging BUll:
Defend? By the time I realized what was happening, it was too late to DEFEND; I was on the sidewalk on my side, and he was GONE like carlos beltran
CHUM:
I stopped in the rain to fix one of my flip flops that broke. The other one fell off my feet and sailed down the sidewalk in the water. Could'nt catch it. Had to walk the rest of the way home BAREFOOT. Fudge!
Raging Bull:
What a TRAGEDY!
SATURDAY
Raging Bull:
(rants) TO HELL WITH ALL YOU pedestrians congesting the sidewalk. I wish your brains explode and scatter all over the sidewalk. I don't give damn!
Chum:
Take it easy. PLEASE!
RB:
honking at pensioners again?
C:
Any car that passes me on the shoulder is getting rammed.Blame my school for my anger!
RB:
I'm scared we'll bump into the lorry driver we threw the sprite cans on.
C:
He was mad like eagles.
RB:
His arms are bigger than our legs. Let's go straight home. If we see him on the way, we simply give a few hand signals
C:
Provided no kids are present
SUNDAY
CHUM:
one of these days a motorist is gonna punch you in the face
RAGING BULL:
progeria! If I knew he was gonna point a pistol in my face when I opened his car door, I would have stayed in the car with you and wait for the cops to arrive
CHUM:
For your birthday, I'm gonna get a bumper sticker that says 'OUT OF RAGE MEDICATION'
++ - I'm going to the sidewalk sale with my best looking grand niece
** - She will definitely see your crazy side IF you spot a bargain
++ - THERE WILL BE bargains!. Everything will be 75% off . TODAY ONLY!
** - TODAY ONLY? They said that yesterday.
++ - IT’S TRUE!
** - Well, hurry up before its all gone then. Don't let me hold you back dear.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)