RAGE (screams)
GRRR! WALK FASTER PEOPLE. FOX SAKE! This is the only thing I hate about Chinatown.
CHUM
THIS is the only thing I LOVE about Chinatown
RAGE
Really? These snails make it hell on earth!
CHUM
Just kidding chum. These people walk too slow for my schedule. This is the reason why I avoid coming here. I come here to eat Yum Cha and watch Pineapple Express, not to watch people’s behind.
RAGE
Curb your enthusiasm chum. Watch out china town. I ain’t playing
CHUM
Try this. I tried it a few times when I was in a hurry - Scream really, really loud. The mass of bodies will immediately part like the Red Sea. This got me to a couple of meetings on time when I was stuck in sidewalk traffic. People understand it's CHINATOWN when you go crazy for a few minutes. They will not think you are crazy
RAGE
I will try that next time chum. You spoke too late
CHUM
No problem. You still seem pretty annoyed even though you have managed to pass them. Everything okay?
RAGE
Not really
CHUM
Tell me what happened
RAGE
I ran into Rell this morning. I can’t get it off my mind
CHUM
Rex, the amateur wrestler?
RAGE
Same one
Chum
Don’t tell me you were fool enough to pick a fight with him because you got stuck behind him
RAGE
Not quite.
CHUM
What does that mean?
RAGE
We were walking towards each other - in opposite directions. He must have noticed he was on the same path as me, still he REFUSED to change direction. Of course, since I was on the right side....
CHUM
You refused to budge
RAGE
That's right. One should never give up his/her right
CHUM
Even if it causes a fight?
RAGE
Even if it causes a fight...I was preparing to charge into his shoulders. I was aware of other pedestrians’ stares. I could tell some of them were eager to see the showdown, whereas, others were terrified
CHUM
He’s a big guy with huge muscles. No one in their right mind would try to break up the fight, so if you were losing, that would be bad news for you.
RAGE
He looked at me as if he rather a fight than to move out of my way. But I was not terrified at all.
CHUM
Hope you didn’t throw up your hands and give in. The other pedestrians would simply laugh at you, especially since you are notorious for scaring the hell out of them.
RAGE
As were about to crash into each other, I clenched my fists...He flexed his HUGE muscles...
CHUM
So who threw the first punch? Was it you?
RAGE
...I stepped aside quickly
CHUM (raucous laughter)
You did not!
RAGE
Would you call me a coward?
CHUM
I would not say that. You have a right to protect yourself. That is exactly what you did when you stepped out of harm’s way. The laws of physics stateS that when a BIG guy meets a small guy, the small loses big time.
RAGE
I know.
CHUM
He would have beaten you to death or injury if you had not given him right of way.
RAGE
So why do I feel so angry with myself? If only I could escape to Bahamas, or even CASABLANCA
CHUM
Don't worry about it. Think about the good news instead; both Kate Hudson and Victoria Beckham have given birth.
Sunday, 10 July 2011
Thursday, 7 July 2011
WINDOW ON SIDEWALK IRRITATIONS
WINDOW ON SIDEWALK IRRITATIONS MTA
CHUM (raises voice)
As I was saying; sometimes walking on the sidewalk frustrates me a lot. I mean, I always walk on the same side of the road that I drive on, so why the FUDGE can’t other pedestrians do the same?
CHUM
Okay, don’t take it out on us
RAGE
You know what I think?...
CHUM
To be honest, NO!
RAGE
FUDGE SAKE! You were not meant to answer that question, just listen.
CHUM
Okay, sorry.
RAGE
..I think the sidewalk needs a set of rules...
CHUM
I second that. LET'S DO IT!
RAGE
Hold on. A sidewalk without rules causes anarchy, chaos AND...
CHUM
...TERRORISM?
RAGE
...CONFUSION.
CHUM
I think there should also be rules for shuttle launch, hallways,grocery aisles, cycle paths, jogging paths..oh...and revolving doors. Sorry, this is a sore point for me as well.
CHUM
Exactly what I was thinking! Wherever people get in my way and piss me off, I always think 'if I was driving, I would just run you over and FAIL to stop.'
THUNDEROUS LAUGHTER
RAGE
You should try singing along to a Metallica song, OFF-KEY, aloud, from your iPod.
People get the hell out of my way when they hear me. And none of them has ever turned around and splash me with beers or burglar me.
LAUGHTER
CHUM
Your trademark stare and dirty look make them think twice about messing with you...
RAGE
...I don't know what it is, but I would advise you to try it anytime you get stuck behind anyone.
CHUM
Definitely will. I need to watch more mean tricks on Horrible Bosses
CHUM
So which side of the sidewalk should pedestrians walk on Rage?
RAGE (hesitates)
I don't know... How about the side that I am not walking on?
PIERCING LAUGHTER
CHUM
That is a genius idea
CHUM
I use the sidewalk more than any other form of transport, daily. I get VERY annoyed at those who don't understand or care that other people use the sidewalk as well
RAGE
Drinking beer or not, I get REALLY ANNOYED when a group of short, slow walking people take up the sidewalk.
CHUM (laughs)
I get angry when a large group of TEENAGERS, walking together, take up the whole DARN sidewalk.
CHUM
Why do they have to take up the whole sidewalk? If it was me, I would just PUSH them out of the way - all the way to ecuador
RAGE
Great minds think alike. That is exactly what I normally do Chum
CHUM (nods in agreement)
SERVE THEM RIGHT. Clearly, we are the model pedestrians around here
CHUM
Speak for your self...Sometimes I just can't resist writing texts on my iphone while I do my power walk on the sidewalk. I just laugh when people go crazy when they wanna pass me.
RAGE
Someday someone will yank that iphone from you and tell you to send your texts later. I have to look where I am walking all the time. I really would not like to walk straight into a pole or, worse, step into dog’s excrement, AGAIN
CHUM (laughs)
YUCK!...I tend to stagger from side to side on the sidewalk. SOMETIMES. When I bump into my walking partner, we just laugh, but when I am walking alone and bump into strangers, they get really mad.
RAGE
UGH! Good thing you don't walk like that when you're with me..... It annoys me when pedestrians walk all over the fudgeing sidewalk, walk really slow, don't move out of the fudgeing way when they see me coming and when they walk on the "wrong" side of the side walk.
CHUM
So which side is the 'wrong' side of the sidewalk?
RAGE
The side that I am walking on, of course. When pedestrians walk slowly in a zig zag fashion, it’s hard for me to determine the best time to go around them. I find that very irritating.
CHUM
That's true. Chinatown is where you find the worst culprits.
CHUM
I never get used to people walking in front of me then SUDDENLY stop. WHAT THE FUDGE! Why the hell do they have to stop walking so suddenly?
RAGE
Next time, a pedestrian does that, I suggest you step on him. He deserves it. On the sidewalk no one should be looking up, down or around. Most importantly, don't stop in middle of the sidewalk. SIDEWALK RULES
CHUM
If any pedestrian stops in front of me suddenly, without notice. I would just pretend I am blind and bump straight into them.
LAUGHTER
RAGE
Home sweet home. Finally we have reached. I am still standing, you're still talking. Before we enter our respective homes, any suggested rules for the sidewalk?
CHUM
You know what? All over the country people are losing their jobs but OUR worst problem is slow-walking pedestrians. This is the best city to live in. Don't you think?
CHUM AND RAGE
YESSS!
RAGE
I made a shocking discovery last night. Some passengers have no PUBLIC TRANSPORT ETIQUETTE. I had no idea moving to the back of the bus is rocket science?
LAUGHTER
CHUM
I have to agree...about walking on the right side of the sidewalk. Oh and if you need to stop, move over to the side DO NOT stop abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk.
RAGE
Excellent point Chum. Sometime we need to stop and smell the rose..
CHUM
I'm trying but all I can smell is your piss
RAGE (sighs)
ALL THAT RAGE over a little urine. gosh!
CHUM
Shhh.
RAGE
What do you hear?
CHUM
I just thought of another rule for the sidewalk
CHUM
Let's hear it
RAGE
Come on Chum
CHUM
They should ban all pushchairs.....mothers leave your babies at home or stay home with them
RAGE AND CHUM
Point taken
******************************************
Yeah. First Etsy sale in just one week. damn...I need to sell something in order to offset the cost of new supplies, lol. Guess I'll be uploading some cheap pieces to etsy if anyone's interested. Mostly sketches, drawings, small paintings, prints and the like. Keeping everything low budget, like between 10$-45$.
Florence and the machine featured on a retro fabulous treasury on Etsy. Thanks for your understanding. PS- If you recently purchased a cedar necklace from me on etsy I will be sending them out today or first thing tomorrow morning
I guess I'd better get to work painting some new pieces for my Etsy shop... people are getting interested, and I sold something today!
She recently aquired some really great patterns. Mostly Vintage from between early 1960's & early 1990's will be posting the majority in her etsy shop. Come check them out, there's some pretty cool stuff in there
please LIKE http://allthatrageseries.blogspot.com/
please FOLLOW http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051
CHUM (raises voice)
As I was saying; sometimes walking on the sidewalk frustrates me a lot. I mean, I always walk on the same side of the road that I drive on, so why the FUDGE can’t other pedestrians do the same?
CHUM
Okay, don’t take it out on us
RAGE
You know what I think?...
CHUM
To be honest, NO!
RAGE
FUDGE SAKE! You were not meant to answer that question, just listen.
CHUM
Okay, sorry.
RAGE
..I think the sidewalk needs a set of rules...
CHUM
I second that. LET'S DO IT!
RAGE
Hold on. A sidewalk without rules causes anarchy, chaos AND...
CHUM
...TERRORISM?
RAGE
...CONFUSION.
CHUM
I think there should also be rules for shuttle launch, hallways,grocery aisles, cycle paths, jogging paths..oh...and revolving doors. Sorry, this is a sore point for me as well.
CHUM
Exactly what I was thinking! Wherever people get in my way and piss me off, I always think 'if I was driving, I would just run you over and FAIL to stop.'
THUNDEROUS LAUGHTER
RAGE
You should try singing along to a Metallica song, OFF-KEY, aloud, from your iPod.
People get the hell out of my way when they hear me. And none of them has ever turned around and splash me with beers or burglar me.
LAUGHTER
CHUM
Your trademark stare and dirty look make them think twice about messing with you...
RAGE
...I don't know what it is, but I would advise you to try it anytime you get stuck behind anyone.
CHUM
Definitely will. I need to watch more mean tricks on Horrible Bosses
CHUM
So which side of the sidewalk should pedestrians walk on Rage?
RAGE (hesitates)
I don't know... How about the side that I am not walking on?
PIERCING LAUGHTER
CHUM
That is a genius idea
CHUM
I use the sidewalk more than any other form of transport, daily. I get VERY annoyed at those who don't understand or care that other people use the sidewalk as well
RAGE
Drinking beer or not, I get REALLY ANNOYED when a group of short, slow walking people take up the sidewalk.
CHUM (laughs)
I get angry when a large group of TEENAGERS, walking together, take up the whole DARN sidewalk.
CHUM
Why do they have to take up the whole sidewalk? If it was me, I would just PUSH them out of the way - all the way to ecuador
RAGE
Great minds think alike. That is exactly what I normally do Chum
CHUM (nods in agreement)
SERVE THEM RIGHT. Clearly, we are the model pedestrians around here
CHUM
Speak for your self...Sometimes I just can't resist writing texts on my iphone while I do my power walk on the sidewalk. I just laugh when people go crazy when they wanna pass me.
RAGE
Someday someone will yank that iphone from you and tell you to send your texts later. I have to look where I am walking all the time. I really would not like to walk straight into a pole or, worse, step into dog’s excrement, AGAIN
CHUM (laughs)
YUCK!...I tend to stagger from side to side on the sidewalk. SOMETIMES. When I bump into my walking partner, we just laugh, but when I am walking alone and bump into strangers, they get really mad.
RAGE
UGH! Good thing you don't walk like that when you're with me..... It annoys me when pedestrians walk all over the fudgeing sidewalk, walk really slow, don't move out of the fudgeing way when they see me coming and when they walk on the "wrong" side of the side walk.
CHUM
So which side is the 'wrong' side of the sidewalk?
RAGE
The side that I am walking on, of course. When pedestrians walk slowly in a zig zag fashion, it’s hard for me to determine the best time to go around them. I find that very irritating.
CHUM
That's true. Chinatown is where you find the worst culprits.
CHUM
I never get used to people walking in front of me then SUDDENLY stop. WHAT THE FUDGE! Why the hell do they have to stop walking so suddenly?
RAGE
Next time, a pedestrian does that, I suggest you step on him. He deserves it. On the sidewalk no one should be looking up, down or around. Most importantly, don't stop in middle of the sidewalk. SIDEWALK RULES
CHUM
If any pedestrian stops in front of me suddenly, without notice. I would just pretend I am blind and bump straight into them.
LAUGHTER
RAGE
Home sweet home. Finally we have reached. I am still standing, you're still talking. Before we enter our respective homes, any suggested rules for the sidewalk?
CHUM
You know what? All over the country people are losing their jobs but OUR worst problem is slow-walking pedestrians. This is the best city to live in. Don't you think?
CHUM AND RAGE
YESSS!
RAGE
I made a shocking discovery last night. Some passengers have no PUBLIC TRANSPORT ETIQUETTE. I had no idea moving to the back of the bus is rocket science?
LAUGHTER
CHUM
I have to agree...about walking on the right side of the sidewalk. Oh and if you need to stop, move over to the side DO NOT stop abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk.
RAGE
Excellent point Chum. Sometime we need to stop and smell the rose..
CHUM
I'm trying but all I can smell is your piss
RAGE (sighs)
ALL THAT RAGE over a little urine. gosh!
CHUM
Shhh.
RAGE
What do you hear?
CHUM
I just thought of another rule for the sidewalk
CHUM
Let's hear it
RAGE
Come on Chum
CHUM
They should ban all pushchairs.....mothers leave your babies at home or stay home with them
RAGE AND CHUM
Point taken
******************************************
Yeah. First Etsy sale in just one week. damn...I need to sell something in order to offset the cost of new supplies, lol. Guess I'll be uploading some cheap pieces to etsy if anyone's interested. Mostly sketches, drawings, small paintings, prints and the like. Keeping everything low budget, like between 10$-45$.
Florence and the machine featured on a retro fabulous treasury on Etsy. Thanks for your understanding. PS- If you recently purchased a cedar necklace from me on etsy I will be sending them out today or first thing tomorrow morning
I guess I'd better get to work painting some new pieces for my Etsy shop... people are getting interested, and I sold something today!
She recently aquired some really great patterns. Mostly Vintage from between early 1960's & early 1990's will be posting the majority in her etsy shop. Come check them out, there's some pretty cool stuff in there
please LIKE http://allthatrageseries.blogspot.com/
please FOLLOW http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051
Saturday, 2 July 2011
Independence Day Pedestrians' Rage
URINATING ON THE SIDEWALK
CHUM
I’m going home to watch Casey Anthony trial. Rage if you drink any more of that beer, you just gonna talk more nonsense and start shouting at other pedestrians. It's 4th of July, independence day, time for fireworks and celebration NOT trouble.
RAGE (hisses teeth)
If drivers can rage on the road, why can’t I, a fast walker, rage on the sidewalk? Let me drink my beer in peace PLEASE. When I shout at other pedestrians it’s not because of beer. I just can't stand people who walk slow in front of me or sightsee when I am trying to get somewhere. I don’t care whether they‘re pensioners or children...
CHUM
...Happy Independence Day! Freedom is a precious thing. Every day, you have the opportunity to make meaningful & valuable use of it.
CHUM (laughs)
Even when Rage is sober, he finds it hard to be a model pedestrian? Come on, we can talk about it on the way. It’s getting late and my tempurpedic mattress is calling me.
RAGE
I know I have good height and shape but I am not interested in being no model, so leave me alone... It takes just one slow walker to make me rage like a mad man.
CHUM (taunts)
You could never be a model. You look like a FUDGEING SQUID!
CHUM laughs
RAGE
You’re just jealous of my height and shape. You wish you could match my physique
CHUM
I know how you feel Rage...
Chum
How can you? You’re drinking RIBENA not beer
CHUM
I am not talking about his drunken state, stupid. I am talking about the things that enrage him on the sidewalk
CHUM
Oh. Why didn’t you explain yourself?
CHUM
Grrrr! What the fudge! Why didn’t you wait your turn instead of CONSISTENTLY interrupting me when I’m explaining something? You upset my pancreas when you do that.
RAGE
CALM THE FUDGE DOWN? What’s the matter with you Chums. I know we are on the sidewalk but PLEASE let’s not be sidetracked. Have a little more beer, my doctor say its very GOOOOD for the pancreas.
CHUMS LAUGH LOUDLY.
CHUM
No thank you.
RAGE STOPS SUDDENLY AND STARTS TO UNZIP HIS TROUSERS.
CHUM
By the way, when do you plan to stop pissing in the middle of the sidewalks, Rage? People has to sit on it, you know. And when my food drop out of my hands oN it, I ALWAYS pick it up and eat it straight away
CHUM
Yuck! Too much beer Rage?. If you don’t stop now, one of the other pedestrians or a resident will call the police
RAGE
Look! It's a free country. I can take a fudgeinging piss on the fudgeinging sidewalk when I feel like doing so. Anytime, any place, I just whip out my.....
CHUM
…Too much information. Rage, you’re starting to piss me off now. I’m gonna kick your ass
CHUM
These are the sort of things drunks do, so leave him alone...
RAGE
You PUNK! The next time I witness you spitting out gum on the the sidewalk I'm going to kick your ass
CHUM
YUCK! That's more disgusting than urinating on the sidewalk...
RAGE
I know. Yet, I always let him get away with it. And the other day when he coughed up and spat out a lump of colds at Fred's feet, I simply turned a blind eye even though it made me sick. Now he wanna kill me because I urinate on the fudgeing sidewalk. What sort of chums or you?
CHUM
I had too much to drink. I am not responsible
RAGE
The last time I stepped into someone's colds on the sidewalk, I had to threw away the shoes because it would make me sick to clean it. YUCK!
CHUM
Listen! I don't give a damn what you both say, I am not gonna let you finish urinating on the sidewalk. You better save the rest for your toilet at home..
CHUM
Let's get him!
CHUMS CHASES RAGE WITH SHAKING FISTS. THEY ARE WALKING SUPER FAST
RAGE (sarcastically)
So where's your horse Alexander the Great?
CHUM (shouts)
Wait till I get my hands on you, you FUDGEING SQUID!
CHUM
Now I wish I had brought that pistol
CHUM
Fudge! Unload your paintball gun on him then
CHUM
We can’t do that. He is still our chum, you know.
RAGE
Get lost! You sober fudgers. You should not be allowed on the sidewalk
SIDEWALK GARDENER chases chums and Rage with a pressure washer
GARDENER
GET OFF THE SIDEWALK, YOU NASTY NOISY MOTHER Fikkers
RAGE (jeers)
Funk you!. How far can you chase us with that that heavy washer?
GARDENER
Maybe not as far as Uzbekistan, but I'll STILL give all of you a proper soaking before you escape
GARDENER turns on the washer and blasts them with torrents of water.
RAGE AND CHUMS (screams)
Arghhhhh!
GARDENER
Listen to yourselves, screaming and crying like a girl!! TAKE THAT BABBBY WHEEEEEY!!
RAGE (turns around, shouts)
I have a little treat for you before we escape. hope you will like it.
RAGE SPLASHES THE REST OF THE BEER IN THE GARDENDER'S FACE
GARDENER
FUNK! FUNK!
CHUMS AND RAGE ROAR WITH LAUGHTER. GARDENER RETREATS.
CHUM
I’m going home to watch Casey Anthony trial. Rage if you drink any more of that beer, you just gonna talk more nonsense and start shouting at other pedestrians. It's 4th of July, independence day, time for fireworks and celebration NOT trouble.
RAGE (hisses teeth)
If drivers can rage on the road, why can’t I, a fast walker, rage on the sidewalk? Let me drink my beer in peace PLEASE. When I shout at other pedestrians it’s not because of beer. I just can't stand people who walk slow in front of me or sightsee when I am trying to get somewhere. I don’t care whether they‘re pensioners or children...
CHUM
...Happy Independence Day! Freedom is a precious thing. Every day, you have the opportunity to make meaningful & valuable use of it.
CHUM (laughs)
Even when Rage is sober, he finds it hard to be a model pedestrian? Come on, we can talk about it on the way. It’s getting late and my tempurpedic mattress is calling me.
RAGE
I know I have good height and shape but I am not interested in being no model, so leave me alone... It takes just one slow walker to make me rage like a mad man.
CHUM (taunts)
You could never be a model. You look like a FUDGEING SQUID!
CHUM laughs
RAGE
You’re just jealous of my height and shape. You wish you could match my physique
CHUM
I know how you feel Rage...
Chum
How can you? You’re drinking RIBENA not beer
CHUM
I am not talking about his drunken state, stupid. I am talking about the things that enrage him on the sidewalk
CHUM
Oh. Why didn’t you explain yourself?
CHUM
Grrrr! What the fudge! Why didn’t you wait your turn instead of CONSISTENTLY interrupting me when I’m explaining something? You upset my pancreas when you do that.
RAGE
CALM THE FUDGE DOWN? What’s the matter with you Chums. I know we are on the sidewalk but PLEASE let’s not be sidetracked. Have a little more beer, my doctor say its very GOOOOD for the pancreas.
CHUMS LAUGH LOUDLY.
CHUM
No thank you.
RAGE STOPS SUDDENLY AND STARTS TO UNZIP HIS TROUSERS.
CHUM
By the way, when do you plan to stop pissing in the middle of the sidewalks, Rage? People has to sit on it, you know. And when my food drop out of my hands oN it, I ALWAYS pick it up and eat it straight away
CHUM
Yuck! Too much beer Rage?. If you don’t stop now, one of the other pedestrians or a resident will call the police
RAGE
Look! It's a free country. I can take a fudgeinging piss on the fudgeinging sidewalk when I feel like doing so. Anytime, any place, I just whip out my.....
CHUM
…Too much information. Rage, you’re starting to piss me off now. I’m gonna kick your ass
CHUM
These are the sort of things drunks do, so leave him alone...
RAGE
You PUNK! The next time I witness you spitting out gum on the the sidewalk I'm going to kick your ass
CHUM
YUCK! That's more disgusting than urinating on the sidewalk...
RAGE
I know. Yet, I always let him get away with it. And the other day when he coughed up and spat out a lump of colds at Fred's feet, I simply turned a blind eye even though it made me sick. Now he wanna kill me because I urinate on the fudgeing sidewalk. What sort of chums or you?
CHUM
I had too much to drink. I am not responsible
RAGE
The last time I stepped into someone's colds on the sidewalk, I had to threw away the shoes because it would make me sick to clean it. YUCK!
CHUM
Listen! I don't give a damn what you both say, I am not gonna let you finish urinating on the sidewalk. You better save the rest for your toilet at home..
CHUM
Let's get him!
CHUMS CHASES RAGE WITH SHAKING FISTS. THEY ARE WALKING SUPER FAST
RAGE (sarcastically)
So where's your horse Alexander the Great?
CHUM (shouts)
Wait till I get my hands on you, you FUDGEING SQUID!
CHUM
Now I wish I had brought that pistol
CHUM
Fudge! Unload your paintball gun on him then
CHUM
We can’t do that. He is still our chum, you know.
RAGE
Get lost! You sober fudgers. You should not be allowed on the sidewalk
SIDEWALK GARDENER chases chums and Rage with a pressure washer
GARDENER
GET OFF THE SIDEWALK, YOU NASTY NOISY MOTHER Fikkers
RAGE (jeers)
Funk you!. How far can you chase us with that that heavy washer?
GARDENER
Maybe not as far as Uzbekistan, but I'll STILL give all of you a proper soaking before you escape
GARDENER turns on the washer and blasts them with torrents of water.
RAGE AND CHUMS (screams)
Arghhhhh!
GARDENER
Listen to yourselves, screaming and crying like a girl!! TAKE THAT BABBBY WHEEEEEY!!
RAGE (turns around, shouts)
I have a little treat for you before we escape. hope you will like it.
RAGE SPLASHES THE REST OF THE BEER IN THE GARDENDER'S FACE
GARDENER
FUNK! FUNK!
CHUMS AND RAGE ROAR WITH LAUGHTER. GARDENER RETREATS.
Sunday, 19 June 2011
pedestrians' rage
Rage is doing a power walk but is annoyed he has to slow down to about 1 mile an hour. He is now behind a wheelchair user, RV who is driving rather slowly.
RAGE
Fudge!
Wheelchair user, RV tries to pass a middle aged woman who is dawdling from side to side, average speed, 0.5 miles an hour. She fails.
Wheel chair user breaks sharply, exhales loudly. She is angry but said nothing.
Rage smiles, he looks more patient now that he can see the full picture of what is happening.
Rage chuckles to himslef. Motorists, including a Olga Kurylenko lookalike, and other pedestrians on the other side are enthralled. They point, stare and grin to themselves.
The middle age woman is totally oblivious to the spectacle she is causing.
Wheel chair user tries again. Fails again. Breaks sharply, looks angrier. She throw her hands up in the air and spat out her unfinished cigarette in a rage.
Rage grins widely. It was obvious that he can pass both women just by briefly stepping in the street, then back onto the sidewalk, but he is clearly in no hurry this time.
Wheelchair user attempts to drive around the woman again. The woman shifts just in time to end up right in front. Wheelchair user hisses her teeth, not loud enough for the middle-aged woman to hear.
RAGE is dying with quiet laughter. He cannot wait for the scenario to escalate.
RAGE(chants like he is in The Incredibles)
HIT AND RUN! HIT AND RUN!.....
Wheelchair user glances back at Rage and frowns.
RAGE
Stuuuuupid!
Moments later, the sidewalk becomes a little wider, so the wheelchair user navigate her rival with ease. She looks back on her with a mean face then disappears at high speed.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Don't be mad at me because I can walk, and you can only drive. You need to control your cortisol when you're on the sidewalk
RAGE
Fudge!
CHUM
What's the matter with you Chum?
RAGE(looks behind him)
Just when the little entertainment was getting better, it ends. That middle-age woman is lucky she escapes in one piece
CHUM (laughs)
I could'nt wait to see the 'HIT AND RUN' you were clamouring for
RAGE
Me too. Apparently, the wheelchair user was only good at sulking. She's Stuuuuupid!
CHUM
That would have been the hilight of my day but it will happen next time....By the way, apparently, you are now a SIDEWALK COP
They stop in the middle of the sidewalk for a chat.
RAGE
How did you know..I mean who told you that? I wonder if it's that idiot who rode his bicycle on the sidewalk with his dog on a leash..
CHUM
Good guess, but NO
RAGE
The one who left his bicycle in the middle of the sidewalk while he urinate on your gate?
CHUM
Don't get me started by mentioning him! Guess again
RAGE
Okay, I wont mention him....Was it the one who rode his bicycle on the sidewalk in pyjamas and Tour De france helmet?
CHUM(GLEEFULLY)
YESS!
RAGE
still an idiot!
CHUM
You should NEVER called another human being an idiot. It's not right. I learnt that in Bonnie and Clyde art classes
RAGE
Well, I did not tell him I was a sidewalk cop, he THINKS I am a sidewalK cop. I enjoyed the thought so I played along....And before you ask, yes, I am still playing along.
CHUM
IDIOT!!!
RAGE
I KNOW
CHUM
I am refering to him
RAGE
You think I DID NOT know that?
They both laugh and pat each other on the back.
CHUM
ON A SERIOUS NOTE, Chum, I dont think its safe for you to walk around pretending to be a sidewalk cop though. I mean, these pedestrians are always raging. You could get hurt.
RAGE(shouts)
Let's get one thing straight!...I'm not afraid of anyone, so I can do and say as I please
CHUM
Christ! All that rage! I am not one of them. I am your chum, remember?
RAGE
I'm cool chum. I'm as cool as Timothy Olyphant. Don't worry. sorry.
CHUM
I'm not worried - just afraid.
RAGE
I am the defender of sidewalk norms....
CHUM
..but can you defend yourself against these angry people?
RAGE
What do you think?
CHUM
YES?
RAGE
They get nervous even when I walk pass them.
CHUM
LOOK OUT!
RAGE
WHAT IS IT?
They watch in amazement as two cops chase a cow heading in their direction.
RAGE
Get off the sidewalk fast!
CHUM
I am off it already...I had no idea cows could run that fast
RAGE
I had no idea cows could run at all
Rage runs to the side of the sidewalk as the cops dash pass in hot pursuit.
CHUM(marvels)
Those cows could win the Cedar Point 5K Challenge with ease. They are putting their hearts into it, we got to video it for youtube
RAGE
We got to...Those cops are struggling to catch them. This is hilarious!
CHUM
I think those cows could be stars in no time. You know what that could mean for us? We could be stars like Tiger Woods, Bruce Springsteen...
RAGE
...Amy Winehouse, Bruce Lee, Doris Day.....
CHUM
....or even bigger
RAGE
Bigger stars indeed. Good luck my chum. I will stick to the sidewalk
CHUM
Just kidding. These cops look like prats
RAGE
They are prats!
CHUM
I wish the cows would kick them in their faces. Now that would be a guaranteed hit on youtube
RAGE
That would have been the hilight of my day!
PEDESTRIAN (sarcastically)
Must you hold your MEDITATION in the middle of the MUHFUGGING sidewalk?
RAGE
It's a free country...
CHUM
...That's right, so mind your own business
PEDESTRIAN
Someone should fine you for standing in the middle of a moving sidewalk
RAGE
BE OUR GUEST!
PEDESTRIANS
Douchebag! I mean douchebagS
RAGE
You are starting to piss me off, you know
CHUM
Me too. He is starting to grind my gears
PEDESTRIAN
It's one thing for tourists to linger in the middle of the sidewalk. But for you locals to do the same thing? You should know better.
RAGE
Whatever!
CHUM
Who cares?
Later that evening.
APPROACHING VOICE
Keep moving please. At this time of the night no one is allowed to stand on the sidewalk
RAGE(shouts angrily)
SAYS WHO?
CHUM
Besides, this is MY gate.
RAGE(whisper)
Your gate is miles away, remember?
CHUM
Just shut up. Whose side are you on?
RAGE
Yours. Fudge! I wonder if he is the real sidewalk cop
CHUM(whisper)
There are no sidewalk cops, anywhere. The government don't have resources to throw away like that. So it's only idiots think sidewalk cops exists
RAGE
I know
COP(flashes his badge)
Okay then. I will let you stay but I will need your personal details....
RAGE
...Is this necessary?
COP
You are on governemnt's property, so yes, it is necessary
CHUM
This part of the sidewalk is my gate...
Cop start to search the ground.
RAGE
Mr Cop, please tell us what you lost. We will help you look for it
On Canada day, it is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.
*****************************************
Now the guy beside me is watching finding nemo. jealous rage http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051
RAGE
Fudge!
Wheelchair user, RV tries to pass a middle aged woman who is dawdling from side to side, average speed, 0.5 miles an hour. She fails.
Wheel chair user breaks sharply, exhales loudly. She is angry but said nothing.
Rage smiles, he looks more patient now that he can see the full picture of what is happening.
Rage chuckles to himslef. Motorists, including a Olga Kurylenko lookalike, and other pedestrians on the other side are enthralled. They point, stare and grin to themselves.
The middle age woman is totally oblivious to the spectacle she is causing.
Wheel chair user tries again. Fails again. Breaks sharply, looks angrier. She throw her hands up in the air and spat out her unfinished cigarette in a rage.
Rage grins widely. It was obvious that he can pass both women just by briefly stepping in the street, then back onto the sidewalk, but he is clearly in no hurry this time.
Wheelchair user attempts to drive around the woman again. The woman shifts just in time to end up right in front. Wheelchair user hisses her teeth, not loud enough for the middle-aged woman to hear.
RAGE is dying with quiet laughter. He cannot wait for the scenario to escalate.
RAGE(chants like he is in The Incredibles)
HIT AND RUN! HIT AND RUN!.....
Wheelchair user glances back at Rage and frowns.
RAGE
Stuuuuupid!
Moments later, the sidewalk becomes a little wider, so the wheelchair user navigate her rival with ease. She looks back on her with a mean face then disappears at high speed.
MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Don't be mad at me because I can walk, and you can only drive. You need to control your cortisol when you're on the sidewalk
RAGE
Fudge!
CHUM
What's the matter with you Chum?
RAGE(looks behind him)
Just when the little entertainment was getting better, it ends. That middle-age woman is lucky she escapes in one piece
CHUM (laughs)
I could'nt wait to see the 'HIT AND RUN' you were clamouring for
RAGE
Me too. Apparently, the wheelchair user was only good at sulking. She's Stuuuuupid!
CHUM
That would have been the hilight of my day but it will happen next time....By the way, apparently, you are now a SIDEWALK COP
They stop in the middle of the sidewalk for a chat.
RAGE
How did you know..I mean who told you that? I wonder if it's that idiot who rode his bicycle on the sidewalk with his dog on a leash..
CHUM
Good guess, but NO
RAGE
The one who left his bicycle in the middle of the sidewalk while he urinate on your gate?
CHUM
Don't get me started by mentioning him! Guess again
RAGE
Okay, I wont mention him....Was it the one who rode his bicycle on the sidewalk in pyjamas and Tour De france helmet?
CHUM(GLEEFULLY)
YESS!
RAGE
still an idiot!
CHUM
You should NEVER called another human being an idiot. It's not right. I learnt that in Bonnie and Clyde art classes
RAGE
Well, I did not tell him I was a sidewalk cop, he THINKS I am a sidewalK cop. I enjoyed the thought so I played along....And before you ask, yes, I am still playing along.
CHUM
IDIOT!!!
RAGE
I KNOW
CHUM
I am refering to him
RAGE
You think I DID NOT know that?
They both laugh and pat each other on the back.
CHUM
ON A SERIOUS NOTE, Chum, I dont think its safe for you to walk around pretending to be a sidewalk cop though. I mean, these pedestrians are always raging. You could get hurt.
RAGE(shouts)
Let's get one thing straight!...I'm not afraid of anyone, so I can do and say as I please
CHUM
Christ! All that rage! I am not one of them. I am your chum, remember?
RAGE
I'm cool chum. I'm as cool as Timothy Olyphant. Don't worry. sorry.
CHUM
I'm not worried - just afraid.
RAGE
I am the defender of sidewalk norms....
CHUM
..but can you defend yourself against these angry people?
RAGE
What do you think?
CHUM
YES?
RAGE
They get nervous even when I walk pass them.
CHUM
LOOK OUT!
RAGE
WHAT IS IT?
They watch in amazement as two cops chase a cow heading in their direction.
RAGE
Get off the sidewalk fast!
CHUM
I am off it already...I had no idea cows could run that fast
RAGE
I had no idea cows could run at all
Rage runs to the side of the sidewalk as the cops dash pass in hot pursuit.
CHUM(marvels)
Those cows could win the Cedar Point 5K Challenge with ease. They are putting their hearts into it, we got to video it for youtube
RAGE
We got to...Those cops are struggling to catch them. This is hilarious!
CHUM
I think those cows could be stars in no time. You know what that could mean for us? We could be stars like Tiger Woods, Bruce Springsteen...
RAGE
...Amy Winehouse, Bruce Lee, Doris Day.....
CHUM
....or even bigger
RAGE
Bigger stars indeed. Good luck my chum. I will stick to the sidewalk
CHUM
Just kidding. These cops look like prats
RAGE
They are prats!
CHUM
I wish the cows would kick them in their faces. Now that would be a guaranteed hit on youtube
RAGE
That would have been the hilight of my day!
PEDESTRIAN (sarcastically)
Must you hold your MEDITATION in the middle of the MUHFUGGING sidewalk?
RAGE
It's a free country...
CHUM
...That's right, so mind your own business
PEDESTRIAN
Someone should fine you for standing in the middle of a moving sidewalk
RAGE
BE OUR GUEST!
PEDESTRIANS
Douchebag! I mean douchebagS
RAGE
You are starting to piss me off, you know
CHUM
Me too. He is starting to grind my gears
PEDESTRIAN
It's one thing for tourists to linger in the middle of the sidewalk. But for you locals to do the same thing? You should know better.
RAGE
Whatever!
CHUM
Who cares?
Later that evening.
APPROACHING VOICE
Keep moving please. At this time of the night no one is allowed to stand on the sidewalk
RAGE(shouts angrily)
SAYS WHO?
CHUM
Besides, this is MY gate.
RAGE(whisper)
Your gate is miles away, remember?
CHUM
Just shut up. Whose side are you on?
RAGE
Yours. Fudge! I wonder if he is the real sidewalk cop
CHUM(whisper)
There are no sidewalk cops, anywhere. The government don't have resources to throw away like that. So it's only idiots think sidewalk cops exists
RAGE
I know
COP(flashes his badge)
Okay then. I will let you stay but I will need your personal details....
RAGE
...Is this necessary?
COP
You are on governemnt's property, so yes, it is necessary
CHUM
This part of the sidewalk is my gate...
Cop start to search the ground.
RAGE
Mr Cop, please tell us what you lost. We will help you look for it
On Canada day, it is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.
*****************************************
Now the guy beside me is watching finding nemo. jealous rage http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051
Sunday, 12 June 2011
Pedestrians' Rage
Cyclist approaches Rage with his dog on a leash
CYCLIST(mouths)
Get out the way! Move!
RAGE(mouths back)
Hang on a minute. You're riding a bicycle on the sidewalk? And you are demanding that I move out the way? I DON’T THINK SO!
CYCLIST(mouths)
YES! And stop perving on me, I am not Heidi Montag
RAGE
Fudge that! I will kick you hard in your balls, you know. Don’t mess with me.
CYCLIST
In your dreams
RAGE(screams)
Get off the sidewalk and get on the road!
CYCLIST
If you don’t wanna see me ride my bike on the sidewalk, then get the fudge off. Walk somewhere else. Anywhere I ride my bicycle; the likes of you should not walk there.
RAGE(mouths)
Oh! So you own the sidewalk now? I'll teach you a lesson!
CYCLIST(mocks)
Oh! So you're the boss for the sidewalk now?
RAGE
Sorry you poor dog. You should not be punished for your master’s misdeed. But I am afraid, you are gonna get it too
CYCLIST
If you harm my dog, you will have to harm me as well. I will run you down and break your fudgeing neck.....I prefer to run you over than to be run over by a motorist. It's not safe at all to ride on the road. I am scared.
RAGE
It’s not safe to ride a bike at all…it’s best to go about your business in a car
CYCLIST
No can do. My New Year’s resolution was not to put on weight
RAGE(laughs)
Was it to take it off?
Just as they are about to pass each other, Rage deliberately stomps into a puddle of dirty water which splashes squarely into the cyclist’s face.
Rage roars in laughter.
CYCLIST
That’s not nice. Has anyone ever been this horrible to you?
The dog hardly got wet but it whimpers then scampers around the bike
RAGE
As a matter of fact, yes. SO since I did the same to you, just call it KARMA
Cyclist spins his bike around in a rage and chases Rage
CYCLIST
Well, I have a little déjà vu for you. Hope you'll like it
RAGE (jeers)
You are on a bike for Christ’s sake! Can't you go any faster than 2 miles an hour
CYCLIST
Maybe not, but BEWARE!
RAGE
You will have to catch me first. But you are ALREADY running last, so I dont see how you gonna catch me first.
Cyclist slowly unwinds the leash and sets the dog on Rage.
RAGE
Get a life you darn dog! If I had my paintball gun, I would not think twice what I'd would have done with it.
Dog chases Rage. Rage starts to walk a lot faster
RAGE
Hey turtle. Your dog is a little faster than you. Are you feeling proud or ashamed?
Cyclist let go off the leash completely. Dog catches Rage. Rage kicks at the dog's head but misses.
RAGE
Fudge! I Think I better walk for my life.
CYCLE
If I were you I would try RUNNING for your life - too late now anyway
RAGE
I never run. Why should I when I can walk at top speed? I am always ahead. I know I can do it this time as well.
Rage increases his speed a little more. The dog gets angrier, springs on Rage's rear and bites it. Rage cries out in pain.
CYCLIST( loud laughter)
I hope you have learnt your lesson, you sidewalk bully!
RAGE
Thank your lucky stars I have decided not to teach you a lesson
CYCLIST
MOUSE!
RAGE
I am a man, not a mouse. I just don't have the bail money. However, you still do not have the right to ride your bike on the sidewalk. So I am ready to fight you all the way to round 12 to defend the sidewalk norms....
CYCLIST
Bring it on! As you can see, I am still riding on the sidewalk as we speak..so what you gonna do about it
RAGE
Not today. Don't let me catch you tommorrow or any other day
Dog chew on Rages foot. Rage kick at it defiantly.
CYCLIST
MOUSE!
RAGE
I know you just withdraw money from RBC bank. Apart from your dog that BARKS alot....
CYCLIST
....and BITES rears
RAGE
....there are no witnesses, so if I were you, I would turn around and go about my business.
CYCLIST
You didnt you allow me to go about my business. did you? there is no real danger when cyclist ride on the sidewalk - only PERCEIVED. so you should have just leave me alone
RAGE
I am only doing my job. If it was safe for cyclist to ride on the sidewalk, that big sign saying CYCLIST NOT ALLOWED would not be there
CYCLIST
I get nauseous and nervous when I ride on the street
RAGE
If I catch you riding on the sidewalk again, when I finish with you, you will wish you were only feeling nauseous and nervous...The sidewalks are just for pedestrians.
CYCLIST (protests)
But I heard it's okay to ride on the sidewalk if you have a child on the back
RAGE
Do you have a child?
CYCLIST
No. But I might be a father someday
RAGE
Too much information....listen, I'll let you off today. You may ride on the sidewalk if you feel the need to do so. But you must make a swift detour if you see a pedestrian coming your way.
CYCLIST
Who do you think you are? You are not even fit to be a sidewalk cop. Everyone thinks you are a bully who push and kick pensioners, handcaps and children out of the way....
RAGE
....As soon as the pedestrian has passed, then you may re-enter the sidewalk.
CYCIST
I think you are actively trying to let me lose my respect for you and all other sidewalk cops
RAGE
For safety reasons, only people under 16 are allowed to ride on the sidewalk. You are behaving like a CHILD but you are a grown man. So you are clearly exempted. I really don’t give a fudge if you lose respect for me because I am doing my job properly
CYCLIST
Are you calling me old?
RAGE
I am calling you an ADULT. Do you have a problem with that. Would you like to make an official complaint to my superiors?
CYCLIST
Is it too much to ask for equality
RAGE
Look! Riding your bike is on the sidewalk is not allowed because it is dangerous. When you do so with a dog on a leash, you become more of a menace. I try to engage you....
CYCLIST
A menace? A menace to who? To what?
RAGE
To everyone!
CYCLIST
Everyone like who?
RAGE
Industry, commerce, trade.....
CYCLIST
....Are you out of your mind? You are so funny. You know that, right?
RAGE
I tried to engage you in a civil manner about your wrong doing but you do not care. Next time, I will do no such thing. I will just FINE you.
CYCLIST
I am confused. I rode on the streets yesterday and a driver said he would run me over if he ever caught me riding my bicycle on the streets as if it’s a motorized vehicle, today you are threatening me with a fine for riding on the sidewalk. My mother always said I should ride on the sidewalk. I have never disobeyed my mother.
RAGE
Sidewalk for pedestrians! If you love the sidewalk so much, then just give up the fudgeing bicycle
A powered wheel-chair speeds by. A midget drives, while a dwarf rides on the back. Rage sighs heavily and throws up his hands in despair.
CYCLIST
I am so proud of them
RAGE
Do you wanna feel the back of my hand?
SCENE 8
Location - side-walk
Characters - Rage, Cyclist
**************************************
she's watching the Casey Anthony murder trial live on YouTube. defence lawyers makes her rage http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051
CYCLIST(mouths)
Get out the way! Move!
RAGE(mouths back)
Hang on a minute. You're riding a bicycle on the sidewalk? And you are demanding that I move out the way? I DON’T THINK SO!
CYCLIST(mouths)
YES! And stop perving on me, I am not Heidi Montag
RAGE
Fudge that! I will kick you hard in your balls, you know. Don’t mess with me.
CYCLIST
In your dreams
RAGE(screams)
Get off the sidewalk and get on the road!
CYCLIST
If you don’t wanna see me ride my bike on the sidewalk, then get the fudge off. Walk somewhere else. Anywhere I ride my bicycle; the likes of you should not walk there.
RAGE(mouths)
Oh! So you own the sidewalk now? I'll teach you a lesson!
CYCLIST(mocks)
Oh! So you're the boss for the sidewalk now?
RAGE
Sorry you poor dog. You should not be punished for your master’s misdeed. But I am afraid, you are gonna get it too
CYCLIST
If you harm my dog, you will have to harm me as well. I will run you down and break your fudgeing neck.....I prefer to run you over than to be run over by a motorist. It's not safe at all to ride on the road. I am scared.
RAGE
It’s not safe to ride a bike at all…it’s best to go about your business in a car
CYCLIST
No can do. My New Year’s resolution was not to put on weight
RAGE(laughs)
Was it to take it off?
Just as they are about to pass each other, Rage deliberately stomps into a puddle of dirty water which splashes squarely into the cyclist’s face.
Rage roars in laughter.
CYCLIST
That’s not nice. Has anyone ever been this horrible to you?
The dog hardly got wet but it whimpers then scampers around the bike
RAGE
As a matter of fact, yes. SO since I did the same to you, just call it KARMA
Cyclist spins his bike around in a rage and chases Rage
CYCLIST
Well, I have a little déjà vu for you. Hope you'll like it
RAGE (jeers)
You are on a bike for Christ’s sake! Can't you go any faster than 2 miles an hour
CYCLIST
Maybe not, but BEWARE!
RAGE
You will have to catch me first. But you are ALREADY running last, so I dont see how you gonna catch me first.
Cyclist slowly unwinds the leash and sets the dog on Rage.
RAGE
Get a life you darn dog! If I had my paintball gun, I would not think twice what I'd would have done with it.
Dog chases Rage. Rage starts to walk a lot faster
RAGE
Hey turtle. Your dog is a little faster than you. Are you feeling proud or ashamed?
Cyclist let go off the leash completely. Dog catches Rage. Rage kicks at the dog's head but misses.
RAGE
Fudge! I Think I better walk for my life.
CYCLE
If I were you I would try RUNNING for your life - too late now anyway
RAGE
I never run. Why should I when I can walk at top speed? I am always ahead. I know I can do it this time as well.
Rage increases his speed a little more. The dog gets angrier, springs on Rage's rear and bites it. Rage cries out in pain.
CYCLIST( loud laughter)
I hope you have learnt your lesson, you sidewalk bully!
RAGE
Thank your lucky stars I have decided not to teach you a lesson
CYCLIST
MOUSE!
RAGE
I am a man, not a mouse. I just don't have the bail money. However, you still do not have the right to ride your bike on the sidewalk. So I am ready to fight you all the way to round 12 to defend the sidewalk norms....
CYCLIST
Bring it on! As you can see, I am still riding on the sidewalk as we speak..so what you gonna do about it
RAGE
Not today. Don't let me catch you tommorrow or any other day
Dog chew on Rages foot. Rage kick at it defiantly.
CYCLIST
MOUSE!
RAGE
I know you just withdraw money from RBC bank. Apart from your dog that BARKS alot....
CYCLIST
....and BITES rears
RAGE
....there are no witnesses, so if I were you, I would turn around and go about my business.
CYCLIST
You didnt you allow me to go about my business. did you? there is no real danger when cyclist ride on the sidewalk - only PERCEIVED. so you should have just leave me alone
RAGE
I am only doing my job. If it was safe for cyclist to ride on the sidewalk, that big sign saying CYCLIST NOT ALLOWED would not be there
CYCLIST
I get nauseous and nervous when I ride on the street
RAGE
If I catch you riding on the sidewalk again, when I finish with you, you will wish you were only feeling nauseous and nervous...The sidewalks are just for pedestrians.
CYCLIST (protests)
But I heard it's okay to ride on the sidewalk if you have a child on the back
RAGE
Do you have a child?
CYCLIST
No. But I might be a father someday
RAGE
Too much information....listen, I'll let you off today. You may ride on the sidewalk if you feel the need to do so. But you must make a swift detour if you see a pedestrian coming your way.
CYCLIST
Who do you think you are? You are not even fit to be a sidewalk cop. Everyone thinks you are a bully who push and kick pensioners, handcaps and children out of the way....
RAGE
....As soon as the pedestrian has passed, then you may re-enter the sidewalk.
CYCIST
I think you are actively trying to let me lose my respect for you and all other sidewalk cops
RAGE
For safety reasons, only people under 16 are allowed to ride on the sidewalk. You are behaving like a CHILD but you are a grown man. So you are clearly exempted. I really don’t give a fudge if you lose respect for me because I am doing my job properly
CYCLIST
Are you calling me old?
RAGE
I am calling you an ADULT. Do you have a problem with that. Would you like to make an official complaint to my superiors?
CYCLIST
Is it too much to ask for equality
RAGE
Look! Riding your bike is on the sidewalk is not allowed because it is dangerous. When you do so with a dog on a leash, you become more of a menace. I try to engage you....
CYCLIST
A menace? A menace to who? To what?
RAGE
To everyone!
CYCLIST
Everyone like who?
RAGE
Industry, commerce, trade.....
CYCLIST
....Are you out of your mind? You are so funny. You know that, right?
RAGE
I tried to engage you in a civil manner about your wrong doing but you do not care. Next time, I will do no such thing. I will just FINE you.
CYCLIST
I am confused. I rode on the streets yesterday and a driver said he would run me over if he ever caught me riding my bicycle on the streets as if it’s a motorized vehicle, today you are threatening me with a fine for riding on the sidewalk. My mother always said I should ride on the sidewalk. I have never disobeyed my mother.
RAGE
Sidewalk for pedestrians! If you love the sidewalk so much, then just give up the fudgeing bicycle
A powered wheel-chair speeds by. A midget drives, while a dwarf rides on the back. Rage sighs heavily and throws up his hands in despair.
CYCLIST
I am so proud of them
RAGE
Do you wanna feel the back of my hand?
SCENE 8
Location - side-walk
Characters - Rage, Cyclist
**************************************
she's watching the Casey Anthony murder trial live on YouTube. defence lawyers makes her rage http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051
Saturday, 4 June 2011
Pedestrians' Rage
SCENE 7
STARING AT OTHER PEDESTRIANS
Location - side-walk
Characters - Rage, Jogger
Rage admires jogger who is about to overtake him. She stares back at him sternly.
JOGGER
What the fudge are you looking at?
RAGE
YOU of course!
JOGGER
Will you stop, please? I don’t even know you. If my man was here, he would take you out of the game like Albert Pujols
RAGE(teasing)
Where did you meet him? On the beautifulpeople website
JOGGER
Are you jealous I look good enough to be accepted somewhere
RAGE
So why are you so close to me? I have no magnet on me; besides, the sidewalk is very wide, so why pass so close to me? You could be an undercover pickpocket for all I know. You can’t get this close to me and expect me not to look.
JOGGER
Do you understand you are freaking the fudge out of me! You have no right to be staring at me like that.
RAGE
I am not staring at you; I am just looking – because you are so hot
JOGGER
Oh! So I should just be happy and do a victory dance. I was not brought up like that, I’m afraid
RAGE
Whatever!
JOGGER
PERVERT! CREEP! DOG!...
RAGE
..Man’s best friend
JOGGER
You seem very proud of your shamelessness. I wouldn’t if I were you.
RAGE
You’re so full of yourself. I bet you feel that all the other pedestrians are staring at you also
Jogger trips. Her lollipop rolls in the dirt.
RAGE(laughing)
Serve you right!
Jogger brushes the dirt off the lollipop and sticks it in her mouth
RAGE
Yuck!
JOGGER
I am not gonna die because I eat a little dirt. You can laugh as much as you like, I feel no shame.
RAGE
Nasty!
JOGGER
Watch where you’re going!
Rage crashed into a lamppost. Jogger giggles and dashes pass him.
*************************************************************
Unfortunately for LIL B, he has fallen in love with you and LIL B being LIL B, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so. Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace. http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051
STARING AT OTHER PEDESTRIANS
Location - side-walk
Characters - Rage, Jogger
Rage admires jogger who is about to overtake him. She stares back at him sternly.
JOGGER
What the fudge are you looking at?
RAGE
YOU of course!
JOGGER
Will you stop, please? I don’t even know you. If my man was here, he would take you out of the game like Albert Pujols
RAGE(teasing)
Where did you meet him? On the beautifulpeople website
JOGGER
Are you jealous I look good enough to be accepted somewhere
RAGE
So why are you so close to me? I have no magnet on me; besides, the sidewalk is very wide, so why pass so close to me? You could be an undercover pickpocket for all I know. You can’t get this close to me and expect me not to look.
JOGGER
Do you understand you are freaking the fudge out of me! You have no right to be staring at me like that.
RAGE
I am not staring at you; I am just looking – because you are so hot
JOGGER
Oh! So I should just be happy and do a victory dance. I was not brought up like that, I’m afraid
RAGE
Whatever!
JOGGER
PERVERT! CREEP! DOG!...
RAGE
..Man’s best friend
JOGGER
You seem very proud of your shamelessness. I wouldn’t if I were you.
RAGE
You’re so full of yourself. I bet you feel that all the other pedestrians are staring at you also
Jogger trips. Her lollipop rolls in the dirt.
RAGE(laughing)
Serve you right!
Jogger brushes the dirt off the lollipop and sticks it in her mouth
RAGE
Yuck!
JOGGER
I am not gonna die because I eat a little dirt. You can laugh as much as you like, I feel no shame.
RAGE
Nasty!
JOGGER
Watch where you’re going!
Rage crashed into a lamppost. Jogger giggles and dashes pass him.
*************************************************************
Unfortunately for LIL B, he has fallen in love with you and LIL B being LIL B, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so. Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace. http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051
Friday, 3 June 2011
Pedestrians' Rage at the traffic light
SCENE 6
Location - side-walk
Characters - Rage, Jogger and Drunk
Rage approaches green traffic light. The pedestrian in front of him cut his speed.
RAGE
You should be walking faster now! Are you trying to let the red light catch you? I'M NOT.
The light changes to red.
RAGE (fumes)
Fudge!
Rage is distracted by a spectacle at the traffic light. As a jogger waits for the light to change to green, she jogs on the spot. A drunk, occasionally sipping from a can, mimics her.
She yells at him.
JOGGER
Retard!
The light is still on red when Rage reaches there. This seems like eternity. He did not want to stop or slow down. An idea pops into his head. Instead of halting, he walks around briskly - on the spot.
The jogger glances at both Rage and the drunk with disgust, rolled over her eyes then tries to turn her back to them.
RAGE
What’s your problem? You health-obsessed, EXERCISE FREAK!
Drunk cackles.
JOGGER
RetardS
DRUNK(to Rage)
She thinks she is too HEALTHY to associate with us in public.
RAGE
And you are?
DRUNK (excitedly)
My name is.....
RAGE
....I don’t wanna know. Fudge off!
Finally, the light changes to green. Jogger speeds away.
JOGGER
Bye losers!
RAGE
Meanwhile, both Rage and the drunk continue to do their thing. This made it possible for the other pedestrians to move off before them.
RAGE
FUDGE! Slow people are first off the block as usual. At their pace, the red light will catch me here again.
DRUNK (admonishes)
Don’t let them get to you
RAGE
You will get my fist if you hang around a little longer.....SLOW WALKERS
Rage rolls his eyes.
DRUNK (jogs away quickly)
Really rude!
Rage chases the drunk with a brisk walk. The other pedestrians scurry out of the way without being prompted.
Rage grabs the drunk by his shirt collar.
PEDESTRIAN (screams)
CALL THE POLICE!
The drunk spins around and splashes Rage’s face with whatever was in the can.
RAGE
You will never drink alone again, CHUM
*******************************************
Unfortunately, this was not the first example of bad manners stephen colbert have experienced from you. If you want to be accepted by the wider Colbert family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste
Location - side-walk
Characters - Rage, Jogger and Drunk
Rage approaches green traffic light. The pedestrian in front of him cut his speed.
RAGE
You should be walking faster now! Are you trying to let the red light catch you? I'M NOT.
The light changes to red.
RAGE (fumes)
Fudge!
Rage is distracted by a spectacle at the traffic light. As a jogger waits for the light to change to green, she jogs on the spot. A drunk, occasionally sipping from a can, mimics her.
She yells at him.
JOGGER
Retard!
The light is still on red when Rage reaches there. This seems like eternity. He did not want to stop or slow down. An idea pops into his head. Instead of halting, he walks around briskly - on the spot.
The jogger glances at both Rage and the drunk with disgust, rolled over her eyes then tries to turn her back to them.
RAGE
What’s your problem? You health-obsessed, EXERCISE FREAK!
Drunk cackles.
JOGGER
RetardS
DRUNK(to Rage)
She thinks she is too HEALTHY to associate with us in public.
RAGE
And you are?
DRUNK (excitedly)
My name is.....
RAGE
....I don’t wanna know. Fudge off!
Finally, the light changes to green. Jogger speeds away.
JOGGER
Bye losers!
RAGE
Meanwhile, both Rage and the drunk continue to do their thing. This made it possible for the other pedestrians to move off before them.
RAGE
FUDGE! Slow people are first off the block as usual. At their pace, the red light will catch me here again.
DRUNK (admonishes)
Don’t let them get to you
RAGE
You will get my fist if you hang around a little longer.....SLOW WALKERS
Rage rolls his eyes.
DRUNK (jogs away quickly)
Really rude!
Rage chases the drunk with a brisk walk. The other pedestrians scurry out of the way without being prompted.
Rage grabs the drunk by his shirt collar.
PEDESTRIAN (screams)
CALL THE POLICE!
The drunk spins around and splashes Rage’s face with whatever was in the can.
RAGE
You will never drink alone again, CHUM
*******************************************
Unfortunately, this was not the first example of bad manners stephen colbert have experienced from you. If you want to be accepted by the wider Colbert family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste
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