pedestrians' rage

Rage is doing a power walk but is annoyed he has to slow down to about 1 mile an hour. He is now behind a wheelchair user, RV who is driving rather slowly.




RAGE

Fudge!



Wheelchair user, RV tries to pass a middle aged woman who is dawdling from side to side, average speed, 0.5 miles an hour. She fails.


Wheel chair user breaks sharply, exhales loudly. She is angry but said nothing.



Rage smiles, he looks more patient now that he can see the full picture of what is happening.



Rage chuckles to himslef. Motorists, including a Olga Kurylenko lookalike, and other pedestrians on the other side are enthralled. They point, stare and grin to themselves.



The middle age woman is totally oblivious to the spectacle she is causing.



Wheel chair user tries again. Fails again. Breaks sharply, looks angrier. She throw her hands up in the air and spat out her unfinished cigarette in a rage.



Rage grins widely. It was obvious that he can pass both women just by briefly stepping in the street, then back onto the sidewalk, but he is clearly in no hurry this time.



Wheelchair user attempts to drive around the woman again. The woman shifts just in time to end up right in front. Wheelchair user hisses her teeth, not loud enough for the middle-aged woman to hear.



RAGE is dying with quiet laughter. He cannot wait for the scenario to escalate.




RAGE(chants like he is in The Incredibles)

HIT AND RUN! HIT AND RUN!.....



Wheelchair user glances back at Rage and frowns.




RAGE

Stuuuuupid!



Moments later, the sidewalk becomes a little wider, so the wheelchair user navigate her rival with ease. She looks back on her with a mean face then disappears at high speed.




MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN

Don't be mad at me because I can walk, and you can only drive. You need to control your cortisol when you're on the sidewalk



RAGE

Fudge!



CHUM

What's the matter with you Chum?



RAGE(looks behind him)

Just when the little entertainment was getting better, it ends. That middle-age woman is lucky she escapes in one piece



CHUM (laughs)

I could'nt wait to see the 'HIT AND RUN' you were clamouring for



RAGE

Me too. Apparently, the wheelchair user was only good at sulking. She's Stuuuuupid!



CHUM

That would have been the hilight of my day but it will happen next time....By the way, apparently, you are now a SIDEWALK COP



They stop in the middle of the sidewalk for a chat.



RAGE

How did you know..I mean who told you that? I wonder if it's that idiot who rode his bicycle on the sidewalk with his dog on a leash..



CHUM

Good guess, but NO



RAGE

The one who left his bicycle in the middle of the sidewalk while he urinate on your gate?



CHUM

Don't get me started by mentioning him! Guess again



RAGE

Okay, I wont mention him....Was it the one who rode his bicycle on the sidewalk in pyjamas and Tour De france helmet?



CHUM(GLEEFULLY)

YESS!



RAGE

still an idiot!




CHUM

You should NEVER called another human being an idiot. It's not right. I learnt that in Bonnie and Clyde art classes



RAGE

Well, I did not tell him I was a sidewalk cop, he THINKS I am a sidewalK cop. I enjoyed the thought so I played along....And before you ask, yes, I am still playing along.



CHUM

IDIOT!!!



RAGE

I KNOW



CHUM

I am refering to him



RAGE

You think I DID NOT know that?



They both laugh and pat each other on the back.




CHUM

ON A SERIOUS NOTE, Chum, I dont think its safe for you to walk around pretending to be a sidewalk cop though. I mean, these pedestrians are always raging. You could get hurt.



RAGE(shouts)

Let's get one thing straight!...I'm not afraid of anyone, so I can do and say as I please



CHUM

Christ! All that rage! I am not one of them. I am your chum, remember?



RAGE

I'm cool chum. I'm as cool as Timothy Olyphant. Don't worry. sorry.



CHUM

I'm not worried - just afraid.



RAGE

I am the defender of sidewalk norms....



CHUM

..but can you defend yourself against these angry people?



RAGE

What do you think?



CHUM

YES?



RAGE

They get nervous even when I walk pass them.




CHUM

LOOK OUT!



RAGE

WHAT IS IT?



They watch in amazement as two cops chase a cow heading in their direction.



RAGE

Get off the sidewalk fast!



CHUM

I am off it already...I had no idea cows could run that fast



RAGE

I had no idea cows could run at all



Rage runs to the side of the sidewalk as the cops dash pass in hot pursuit.



CHUM(marvels)

Those cows could win the Cedar Point 5K Challenge with ease. They are putting their hearts into it, we got to video it for youtube



RAGE

We got to...Those cops are struggling to catch them. This is hilarious!



CHUM

I think those cows could be stars in no time. You know what that could mean for us? We could be stars like Tiger Woods, Bruce Springsteen...



RAGE

...Amy Winehouse, Bruce Lee, Doris Day.....



CHUM

....or even bigger


RAGE

Bigger stars indeed. Good luck my chum. I will stick to the sidewalk



CHUM

Just kidding. These cops look like prats



RAGE

They are prats!



CHUM

I wish the cows would kick them in their faces. Now that would be a guaranteed hit on youtube



RAGE

That would have been the hilight of my day!



PEDESTRIAN (sarcastically)

Must you hold your MEDITATION in the middle of the MUHFUGGING sidewalk?



RAGE

It's a free country...


CHUM

...That's right, so mind your own business



PEDESTRIAN

Someone should fine you for standing in the middle of a moving sidewalk



RAGE

BE OUR GUEST!



PEDESTRIANS

Douchebag! I mean douchebagS



RAGE

You are starting to piss me off, you know



CHUM

Me too. He is starting to grind my gears



PEDESTRIAN

It's one thing for tourists to linger in the middle of the sidewalk. But for you locals to do the same thing? You should know better.



RAGE

Whatever!



CHUM

Who cares?




Later that evening.




APPROACHING VOICE

Keep moving please. At this time of the night no one is allowed to stand on the sidewalk



RAGE(shouts angrily)

SAYS WHO?



CHUM

Besides, this is MY gate.



RAGE(whisper)

Your gate is miles away, remember?



CHUM

Just shut up. Whose side are you on?



RAGE

Yours. Fudge! I wonder if he is the real sidewalk cop



CHUM(whisper)

There are no sidewalk cops, anywhere. The government don't have resources to throw away like that. So it's only idiots think sidewalk cops exists



RAGE

I know



COP(flashes his badge)

Okay then. I will let you stay but I will need your personal details....



RAGE

...Is this necessary?



COP

You are on governemnt's property, so yes, it is necessary


CHUM

This part of the sidewalk is my gate...



Cop start to search the ground.


RAGE

Mr Cop, please tell us what you lost. We will help you look for it




On Canada day, it is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.



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Now the guy beside me is watching finding nemo. jealous rage http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051