INTRODUCTION.
Bobby's minimum-waged work colleague,Jennifer, describes herself on her twitter profile as "model, actress, and TV Presenter. Bobby dismisses these descriptions as arrant nonsense. 'Which proper TV Presenter, he argues, 'holds a full time minimum wage job?' "ME", Jennifer shouts.
BOBBY:
You do have a full time minimum wage but your'e NOT a TV Presenter, for Christ sake. I have NEVER seen you on TV; I've only seen you WATCHING it. UGH
(mimics)
Whatever! Hater!
BOBBY:
Whatever(mimics)If she allow me to rewrite her profile description, I'd precede those titles with WANNABE. That is; wannabe model, wannabe actress, wannabe TV PResenter
(mimics Jennifer's voice)
That's harsh
BOBBY:
That's true
(mimics)
Oh, so you agree that you are being harsh to me
BOBBY:
NO. I'm agreeing that its true that you're none of the things you say you are on your profile; youre just a WANNABE
(GASPS)
BOBBY:
Of course, if I wanna be nice to her, instead of describing her as a 'wannabe model', I'd be euphemious, by simply calling her an 'AS...PIRING model.'
APPLAUSE
BOBBY:
I would never describe myself on my twitter profile as sidewalk model, actor, and sidewalk TV Presenter, but I'll tell you to your face 'I'm all of the above.'
Model?
BOBBY:
of course...Take a look at my modish clothes; printed, bright and patterned.....straight off the sidewalk. You should see me strutting my stuff...from point A to point B on the sidewalk...to my minimum wage job...to the supermarket....wearing these.
LAUGTHTER
You must be the brokest model of all time. You walk EVERYWHERE. You can't afford a car, let alone a taxi...
BOBBY:
I KNOW
LAUGHTER
BOBBY:
Atleast I'm having fun
(angrily)
Are you saying that 'proper' models DON'T have fun
BOBBY:
HELL NO! I'm saying YOU are not having fun
I think your'e just a WANNABE
LAUGHTER
BOBBY:
HOW RUDE. HOW AUDACIOUS. you could be more euphemious by using the word ASPIRING....Atleast, I WANNABE something
UPROAR
BOBBY:
Anyway, you LOT got the point, so I'm gonna stop the damn introduction now and get on with the meat of the matter.
APPLAUSE
BOBBY:
I strutted up and down the sidewalk today, so get your popcorn ready...I'm ready to share the sidewalk's multifarious espièglerie with you all.
APPLAUSE
BOBBY: (mimics car horn)
A taxi pulled up alongside the sidewalk with 4 passengers inside. The driver not noticing that his last passenger, was still trying to alight, started to drive off
TRAPPED PASSENGER, TIM: (banging on back of driver's seat)
LET ME IN, PLEASE
DRIVER: (confused expression on face)
WHAT!
TIM:
LET ME OUT!
..........................................................
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Showing posts with label model. Show all posts
Showing posts with label model. Show all posts
Monday, 16 April 2012
Thursday, 7 July 2011
WINDOW ON SIDEWALK IRRITATIONS
WINDOW ON SIDEWALK IRRITATIONS MTA
CHUM (raises voice)
As I was saying; sometimes walking on the sidewalk frustrates me a lot. I mean, I always walk on the same side of the road that I drive on, so why the FUDGE can’t other pedestrians do the same?
CHUM
Okay, don’t take it out on us
RAGE
You know what I think?...
CHUM
To be honest, NO!
RAGE
FUDGE SAKE! You were not meant to answer that question, just listen.
CHUM
Okay, sorry.
RAGE
..I think the sidewalk needs a set of rules...
CHUM
I second that. LET'S DO IT!
RAGE
Hold on. A sidewalk without rules causes anarchy, chaos AND...
CHUM
...TERRORISM?
RAGE
...CONFUSION.
CHUM
I think there should also be rules for shuttle launch, hallways,grocery aisles, cycle paths, jogging paths..oh...and revolving doors. Sorry, this is a sore point for me as well.
CHUM
Exactly what I was thinking! Wherever people get in my way and piss me off, I always think 'if I was driving, I would just run you over and FAIL to stop.'
THUNDEROUS LAUGHTER
RAGE
You should try singing along to a Metallica song, OFF-KEY, aloud, from your iPod.
People get the hell out of my way when they hear me. And none of them has ever turned around and splash me with beers or burglar me.
LAUGHTER
CHUM
Your trademark stare and dirty look make them think twice about messing with you...
RAGE
...I don't know what it is, but I would advise you to try it anytime you get stuck behind anyone.
CHUM
Definitely will. I need to watch more mean tricks on Horrible Bosses
CHUM
So which side of the sidewalk should pedestrians walk on Rage?
RAGE (hesitates)
I don't know... How about the side that I am not walking on?
PIERCING LAUGHTER
CHUM
That is a genius idea
CHUM
I use the sidewalk more than any other form of transport, daily. I get VERY annoyed at those who don't understand or care that other people use the sidewalk as well
RAGE
Drinking beer or not, I get REALLY ANNOYED when a group of short, slow walking people take up the sidewalk.
CHUM (laughs)
I get angry when a large group of TEENAGERS, walking together, take up the whole DARN sidewalk.
CHUM
Why do they have to take up the whole sidewalk? If it was me, I would just PUSH them out of the way - all the way to ecuador
RAGE
Great minds think alike. That is exactly what I normally do Chum
CHUM (nods in agreement)
SERVE THEM RIGHT. Clearly, we are the model pedestrians around here
CHUM
Speak for your self...Sometimes I just can't resist writing texts on my iphone while I do my power walk on the sidewalk. I just laugh when people go crazy when they wanna pass me.
RAGE
Someday someone will yank that iphone from you and tell you to send your texts later. I have to look where I am walking all the time. I really would not like to walk straight into a pole or, worse, step into dog’s excrement, AGAIN
CHUM (laughs)
YUCK!...I tend to stagger from side to side on the sidewalk. SOMETIMES. When I bump into my walking partner, we just laugh, but when I am walking alone and bump into strangers, they get really mad.
RAGE
UGH! Good thing you don't walk like that when you're with me..... It annoys me when pedestrians walk all over the fudgeing sidewalk, walk really slow, don't move out of the fudgeing way when they see me coming and when they walk on the "wrong" side of the side walk.
CHUM
So which side is the 'wrong' side of the sidewalk?
RAGE
The side that I am walking on, of course. When pedestrians walk slowly in a zig zag fashion, it’s hard for me to determine the best time to go around them. I find that very irritating.
CHUM
That's true. Chinatown is where you find the worst culprits.
CHUM
I never get used to people walking in front of me then SUDDENLY stop. WHAT THE FUDGE! Why the hell do they have to stop walking so suddenly?
RAGE
Next time, a pedestrian does that, I suggest you step on him. He deserves it. On the sidewalk no one should be looking up, down or around. Most importantly, don't stop in middle of the sidewalk. SIDEWALK RULES
CHUM
If any pedestrian stops in front of me suddenly, without notice. I would just pretend I am blind and bump straight into them.
LAUGHTER
RAGE
Home sweet home. Finally we have reached. I am still standing, you're still talking. Before we enter our respective homes, any suggested rules for the sidewalk?
CHUM
You know what? All over the country people are losing their jobs but OUR worst problem is slow-walking pedestrians. This is the best city to live in. Don't you think?
CHUM AND RAGE
YESSS!
RAGE
I made a shocking discovery last night. Some passengers have no PUBLIC TRANSPORT ETIQUETTE. I had no idea moving to the back of the bus is rocket science?
LAUGHTER
CHUM
I have to agree...about walking on the right side of the sidewalk. Oh and if you need to stop, move over to the side DO NOT stop abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk.
RAGE
Excellent point Chum. Sometime we need to stop and smell the rose..
CHUM
I'm trying but all I can smell is your piss
RAGE (sighs)
ALL THAT RAGE over a little urine. gosh!
CHUM
Shhh.
RAGE
What do you hear?
CHUM
I just thought of another rule for the sidewalk
CHUM
Let's hear it
RAGE
Come on Chum
CHUM
They should ban all pushchairs.....mothers leave your babies at home or stay home with them
RAGE AND CHUM
Point taken
******************************************
Yeah. First Etsy sale in just one week. damn...I need to sell something in order to offset the cost of new supplies, lol. Guess I'll be uploading some cheap pieces to etsy if anyone's interested. Mostly sketches, drawings, small paintings, prints and the like. Keeping everything low budget, like between 10$-45$.
Florence and the machine featured on a retro fabulous treasury on Etsy. Thanks for your understanding. PS- If you recently purchased a cedar necklace from me on etsy I will be sending them out today or first thing tomorrow morning
I guess I'd better get to work painting some new pieces for my Etsy shop... people are getting interested, and I sold something today!
She recently aquired some really great patterns. Mostly Vintage from between early 1960's & early 1990's will be posting the majority in her etsy shop. Come check them out, there's some pretty cool stuff in there
please LIKE http://allthatrageseries.blogspot.com/
please FOLLOW http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051
CHUM (raises voice)
As I was saying; sometimes walking on the sidewalk frustrates me a lot. I mean, I always walk on the same side of the road that I drive on, so why the FUDGE can’t other pedestrians do the same?
CHUM
Okay, don’t take it out on us
RAGE
You know what I think?...
CHUM
To be honest, NO!
RAGE
FUDGE SAKE! You were not meant to answer that question, just listen.
CHUM
Okay, sorry.
RAGE
..I think the sidewalk needs a set of rules...
CHUM
I second that. LET'S DO IT!
RAGE
Hold on. A sidewalk without rules causes anarchy, chaos AND...
CHUM
...TERRORISM?
RAGE
...CONFUSION.
CHUM
I think there should also be rules for shuttle launch, hallways,grocery aisles, cycle paths, jogging paths..oh...and revolving doors. Sorry, this is a sore point for me as well.
CHUM
Exactly what I was thinking! Wherever people get in my way and piss me off, I always think 'if I was driving, I would just run you over and FAIL to stop.'
THUNDEROUS LAUGHTER
RAGE
You should try singing along to a Metallica song, OFF-KEY, aloud, from your iPod.
People get the hell out of my way when they hear me. And none of them has ever turned around and splash me with beers or burglar me.
LAUGHTER
CHUM
Your trademark stare and dirty look make them think twice about messing with you...
RAGE
...I don't know what it is, but I would advise you to try it anytime you get stuck behind anyone.
CHUM
Definitely will. I need to watch more mean tricks on Horrible Bosses
CHUM
So which side of the sidewalk should pedestrians walk on Rage?
RAGE (hesitates)
I don't know... How about the side that I am not walking on?
PIERCING LAUGHTER
CHUM
That is a genius idea
CHUM
I use the sidewalk more than any other form of transport, daily. I get VERY annoyed at those who don't understand or care that other people use the sidewalk as well
RAGE
Drinking beer or not, I get REALLY ANNOYED when a group of short, slow walking people take up the sidewalk.
CHUM (laughs)
I get angry when a large group of TEENAGERS, walking together, take up the whole DARN sidewalk.
CHUM
Why do they have to take up the whole sidewalk? If it was me, I would just PUSH them out of the way - all the way to ecuador
RAGE
Great minds think alike. That is exactly what I normally do Chum
CHUM (nods in agreement)
SERVE THEM RIGHT. Clearly, we are the model pedestrians around here
CHUM
Speak for your self...Sometimes I just can't resist writing texts on my iphone while I do my power walk on the sidewalk. I just laugh when people go crazy when they wanna pass me.
RAGE
Someday someone will yank that iphone from you and tell you to send your texts later. I have to look where I am walking all the time. I really would not like to walk straight into a pole or, worse, step into dog’s excrement, AGAIN
CHUM (laughs)
YUCK!...I tend to stagger from side to side on the sidewalk. SOMETIMES. When I bump into my walking partner, we just laugh, but when I am walking alone and bump into strangers, they get really mad.
RAGE
UGH! Good thing you don't walk like that when you're with me..... It annoys me when pedestrians walk all over the fudgeing sidewalk, walk really slow, don't move out of the fudgeing way when they see me coming and when they walk on the "wrong" side of the side walk.
CHUM
So which side is the 'wrong' side of the sidewalk?
RAGE
The side that I am walking on, of course. When pedestrians walk slowly in a zig zag fashion, it’s hard for me to determine the best time to go around them. I find that very irritating.
CHUM
That's true. Chinatown is where you find the worst culprits.
CHUM
I never get used to people walking in front of me then SUDDENLY stop. WHAT THE FUDGE! Why the hell do they have to stop walking so suddenly?
RAGE
Next time, a pedestrian does that, I suggest you step on him. He deserves it. On the sidewalk no one should be looking up, down or around. Most importantly, don't stop in middle of the sidewalk. SIDEWALK RULES
CHUM
If any pedestrian stops in front of me suddenly, without notice. I would just pretend I am blind and bump straight into them.
LAUGHTER
RAGE
Home sweet home. Finally we have reached. I am still standing, you're still talking. Before we enter our respective homes, any suggested rules for the sidewalk?
CHUM
You know what? All over the country people are losing their jobs but OUR worst problem is slow-walking pedestrians. This is the best city to live in. Don't you think?
CHUM AND RAGE
YESSS!
RAGE
I made a shocking discovery last night. Some passengers have no PUBLIC TRANSPORT ETIQUETTE. I had no idea moving to the back of the bus is rocket science?
LAUGHTER
CHUM
I have to agree...about walking on the right side of the sidewalk. Oh and if you need to stop, move over to the side DO NOT stop abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk.
RAGE
Excellent point Chum. Sometime we need to stop and smell the rose..
CHUM
I'm trying but all I can smell is your piss
RAGE (sighs)
ALL THAT RAGE over a little urine. gosh!
CHUM
Shhh.
RAGE
What do you hear?
CHUM
I just thought of another rule for the sidewalk
CHUM
Let's hear it
RAGE
Come on Chum
CHUM
They should ban all pushchairs.....mothers leave your babies at home or stay home with them
RAGE AND CHUM
Point taken
******************************************
Yeah. First Etsy sale in just one week. damn...I need to sell something in order to offset the cost of new supplies, lol. Guess I'll be uploading some cheap pieces to etsy if anyone's interested. Mostly sketches, drawings, small paintings, prints and the like. Keeping everything low budget, like between 10$-45$.
Florence and the machine featured on a retro fabulous treasury on Etsy. Thanks for your understanding. PS- If you recently purchased a cedar necklace from me on etsy I will be sending them out today or first thing tomorrow morning
I guess I'd better get to work painting some new pieces for my Etsy shop... people are getting interested, and I sold something today!
She recently aquired some really great patterns. Mostly Vintage from between early 1960's & early 1990's will be posting the majority in her etsy shop. Come check them out, there's some pretty cool stuff in there
please LIKE http://allthatrageseries.blogspot.com/
please FOLLOW http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051
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