Cyclist approaches Rage with his dog on a leash
CYCLIST(mouths)
Get out the way! Move!
RAGE(mouths back)
Hang on a minute. You're riding a bicycle on the sidewalk? And you are demanding that I move out the way? I DON’T THINK SO!
CYCLIST(mouths)
YES! And stop perving on me, I am not Heidi Montag
RAGE
Fudge that! I will kick you hard in your balls, you know. Don’t mess with me.
CYCLIST
In your dreams
RAGE(screams)
Get off the sidewalk and get on the road!
CYCLIST
If you don’t wanna see me ride my bike on the sidewalk, then get the fudge off. Walk somewhere else. Anywhere I ride my bicycle; the likes of you should not walk there.
RAGE(mouths)
Oh! So you own the sidewalk now? I'll teach you a lesson!
CYCLIST(mocks)
Oh! So you're the boss for the sidewalk now?
RAGE
Sorry you poor dog. You should not be punished for your master’s misdeed. But I am afraid, you are gonna get it too
CYCLIST
If you harm my dog, you will have to harm me as well. I will run you down and break your fudgeing neck.....I prefer to run you over than to be run over by a motorist. It's not safe at all to ride on the road. I am scared.
RAGE
It’s not safe to ride a bike at all…it’s best to go about your business in a car
CYCLIST
No can do. My New Year’s resolution was not to put on weight
RAGE(laughs)
Was it to take it off?
Just as they are about to pass each other, Rage deliberately stomps into a puddle of dirty water which splashes squarely into the cyclist’s face.
Rage roars in laughter.
CYCLIST
That’s not nice. Has anyone ever been this horrible to you?
The dog hardly got wet but it whimpers then scampers around the bike
RAGE
As a matter of fact, yes. SO since I did the same to you, just call it KARMA
Cyclist spins his bike around in a rage and chases Rage
CYCLIST
Well, I have a little déjà vu for you. Hope you'll like it
RAGE (jeers)
You are on a bike for Christ’s sake! Can't you go any faster than 2 miles an hour
CYCLIST
Maybe not, but BEWARE!
RAGE
You will have to catch me first. But you are ALREADY running last, so I dont see how you gonna catch me first.
Cyclist slowly unwinds the leash and sets the dog on Rage.
RAGE
Get a life you darn dog! If I had my paintball gun, I would not think twice what I'd would have done with it.
Dog chases Rage. Rage starts to walk a lot faster
RAGE
Hey turtle. Your dog is a little faster than you. Are you feeling proud or ashamed?
Cyclist let go off the leash completely. Dog catches Rage. Rage kicks at the dog's head but misses.
RAGE
Fudge! I Think I better walk for my life.
CYCLE
If I were you I would try RUNNING for your life - too late now anyway
RAGE
I never run. Why should I when I can walk at top speed? I am always ahead. I know I can do it this time as well.
Rage increases his speed a little more. The dog gets angrier, springs on Rage's rear and bites it. Rage cries out in pain.
CYCLIST( loud laughter)
I hope you have learnt your lesson, you sidewalk bully!
RAGE
Thank your lucky stars I have decided not to teach you a lesson
CYCLIST
MOUSE!
RAGE
I am a man, not a mouse. I just don't have the bail money. However, you still do not have the right to ride your bike on the sidewalk. So I am ready to fight you all the way to round 12 to defend the sidewalk norms....
CYCLIST
Bring it on! As you can see, I am still riding on the sidewalk as we speak..so what you gonna do about it
RAGE
Not today. Don't let me catch you tommorrow or any other day
Dog chew on Rages foot. Rage kick at it defiantly.
CYCLIST
MOUSE!
RAGE
I know you just withdraw money from RBC bank. Apart from your dog that BARKS alot....
CYCLIST
....and BITES rears
RAGE
....there are no witnesses, so if I were you, I would turn around and go about my business.
CYCLIST
You didnt you allow me to go about my business. did you? there is no real danger when cyclist ride on the sidewalk - only PERCEIVED. so you should have just leave me alone
RAGE
I am only doing my job. If it was safe for cyclist to ride on the sidewalk, that big sign saying CYCLIST NOT ALLOWED would not be there
CYCLIST
I get nauseous and nervous when I ride on the street
RAGE
If I catch you riding on the sidewalk again, when I finish with you, you will wish you were only feeling nauseous and nervous...The sidewalks are just for pedestrians.
CYCLIST (protests)
But I heard it's okay to ride on the sidewalk if you have a child on the back
RAGE
Do you have a child?
CYCLIST
No. But I might be a father someday
RAGE
Too much information....listen, I'll let you off today. You may ride on the sidewalk if you feel the need to do so. But you must make a swift detour if you see a pedestrian coming your way.
CYCLIST
Who do you think you are? You are not even fit to be a sidewalk cop. Everyone thinks you are a bully who push and kick pensioners, handcaps and children out of the way....
RAGE
....As soon as the pedestrian has passed, then you may re-enter the sidewalk.
CYCIST
I think you are actively trying to let me lose my respect for you and all other sidewalk cops
RAGE
For safety reasons, only people under 16 are allowed to ride on the sidewalk. You are behaving like a CHILD but you are a grown man. So you are clearly exempted. I really don’t give a fudge if you lose respect for me because I am doing my job properly
CYCLIST
Are you calling me old?
RAGE
I am calling you an ADULT. Do you have a problem with that. Would you like to make an official complaint to my superiors?
CYCLIST
Is it too much to ask for equality
RAGE
Look! Riding your bike is on the sidewalk is not allowed because it is dangerous. When you do so with a dog on a leash, you become more of a menace. I try to engage you....
CYCLIST
A menace? A menace to who? To what?
RAGE
To everyone!
CYCLIST
Everyone like who?
RAGE
Industry, commerce, trade.....
CYCLIST
....Are you out of your mind? You are so funny. You know that, right?
RAGE
I tried to engage you in a civil manner about your wrong doing but you do not care. Next time, I will do no such thing. I will just FINE you.
CYCLIST
I am confused. I rode on the streets yesterday and a driver said he would run me over if he ever caught me riding my bicycle on the streets as if it’s a motorized vehicle, today you are threatening me with a fine for riding on the sidewalk. My mother always said I should ride on the sidewalk. I have never disobeyed my mother.
RAGE
Sidewalk for pedestrians! If you love the sidewalk so much, then just give up the fudgeing bicycle
A powered wheel-chair speeds by. A midget drives, while a dwarf rides on the back. Rage sighs heavily and throws up his hands in despair.
CYCLIST
I am so proud of them
RAGE
Do you wanna feel the back of my hand?
SCENE 8
Location - side-walk
Characters - Rage, Cyclist
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she's watching the Casey Anthony murder trial live on YouTube. defence lawyers makes her rage http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051
