JUSTIN'S good deed on the sidewalk

THE SIDEWALK is atypically deserted. KRISTEN and Kate are expressly bored. Abruptly, they prop up on the bench when JUSTIN commences a delightful tale. Apparently, had it not been for his herculean effort, pedestrians would have crush a defenseless worm on the sidewalk. Kristen and Kate drifted back to yawning and stretching.

KATE

(with sincerety)

Hurrah to the worm rescuer! 

JUSTIN

(thumps chest, whistles superman theme)

That's me! You should have seen the worm. So cute.

LAUGHTER

KATE

Hilarious. Stop being a show-off

JUSTIN

I love to rescue worms. I don't care if you think it's MAD. I'll rescue cock roaches if I have to...

KRISTEN

I have no interest in saving worms on the sidewalk or any other insects. I just crush them beneath my feet.

KATE

That's pure evil

KRISTEN

Not evil at all. It's hilarious! 

JUSTIN

Saving lives is important to me

KRISTEN

It's important to me also, provided the lives are not worms'

KATE

You animal!!!!

JUSTIN

 Let him be, Kate. I'm sure most pedestrians look out for worms and other insects each day on the sidewalk. Kristen is the only ANIMAL. I RESENT pedestrians who deliberately hurt the insects. purpose.

KATE

I'm so glad there are people like us around, Justin

KRISTEN

like us? So how many worms did you save today

KATE

None, but..

JUSTIN

(erupted into laughter)

I thought so

KATE

Not crushing worms is the same as saving them

JUSTIN

True

KRISTEN

That's not true. It's CONKERS!

JUSTIN

That is so cruel. 

KATE

There would be more worms on the sidewalk, if there fewer pedestrians like yourself...

JUSTIN

I hope you do not step on the snails when it rains.

KRISTEN

That's strange. You save them? that's great. I don't!

KATE

I salute pedestrians who rescue worms. I'll do the same. At the end of the day, the worms, like us, deserve to live. we're all here for a purpose! 

JUSTIN

 All creatures great and small are beautiful and deserve to live.

KATE

I have a confession....

JUSTIN

Please, don't reveal it on the sidewalk
　
KATE

It's nothing personal, so relax, please....
　
JUSTIN

Okay then. Go ahead
　
KATE
I used to transport snails from garden to your overgrown vegetable garden so they could get rid of the bush.

KRISTEN

You Animal. You...You... WORM!
　
KATE

I even  fed them in your garden also

........................................

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reminiscent of 1990's ice cream van

ICE CREAM van's jingle chimed piercingly, as it parked up alongside the sidewalk. Frenzied kids race one another from their doorsteps. They all want to be served some treats FIRST. Justin and his chums on the bench, are precipitously engulfed with nostalgia. They savor the ambrosial aspects of  the 1990's.


                 JUSTIN
I just love the jingle. Go and get me some spearmints, please


                STEFANI
The 90's are back. GO AND GET IT YOURSELF! while you are at it, get me the ice cream with the bubble gum in the bottom of the cone


                 KATE
Sorry, I'm not moving a muscle today. Not even for ice cream. Besides, nowadays, it's cheaper to get ice cream at ASDA


                 JUSTIN
True, but you wont find Popeye there

.............................................................................

              ICE CREAM WOMAN
(smokes)

No drugs, cigarettes or retired TV presenter on this van, only delightful ice-cream. So come on kids. What would you like?


I was first. I should be served first


Go ahead then


Thanks, but I have to wait. My dad is still searching for his wallet.

....................................................................................

Hey Charlie, you missed the ice cream van yesterday. Didn't you hear the jingle

I did. I missed it because I believed my parents when they say the van driver was a kids' kidnapper. I discovered they just didn't have any money to buy me ice cream. UGH! They can afford bubble gum today. YEAH!

Great..There was an accident.

Really!

Yea. The ice cream van mistakenly ran over a child's hand

.......................................................................
              JUSTIN  
                                                                                                                                                                                           
LOOK on those kids, still sitting on their doorsteps.


                  KATE
(quips)
Apparently, they have no one to buy them ice cream. Their parents should drive ice cream vans, then they would get free ice cream


                 STEFANI
That suck!.....My parents used to tell me that the ice cream man's jingle meant that he sold off all the icecream...That suck! Hmmm. I feel for some cider lolly or chocolate sauce and nuts

.................................................................................

£5 worth of ice cream, please.            


ICE CREAM WOMAN
Sure. Hold the bowl properly before you spill the ice cream raspberry sauce and flakes


Thank you. May I have that broken cornet please?


.........................................................................................................
                  JUSTIN
Lord Alan sugar is the owner of the icecream van, I suppose


                  KATE
I wouldn't be surprised.. He can be as cold as ice
...................................................................
                   

           JUSTIN
 
Have you noticed it's mostly 14 year olds in the queue?


         STEFANI

Yes...I hope the driver was properly vetted

.....................................................

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unsavoury person on neighboring bench

SELF-STYLED retard, OLLY, dropped his bottom on NEIGHBORING sidewalk bench. He                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     yanked off a shoes and sock immediately. His foot is a decrepit crocodile's back. SMELL of mildew, garbage and farts,wafted, hovered over the chums' heads. Passers-by covered their noses with hands, while HURRYING pass the benches.


                            STEELER
(to female pedestrian with cherubic face, dazzling smile and ACCUSING eyes)

It's not US, it's HIM!(points at OLLY)


                              MILEY
(gives OLLY filthy glare, retches)

YUCK!I admit, your foot smell nasty. Are you trying to KILL us? ..Feel Like I'm gonna vomit soon..I'll shed some tears first.


The RETARD  let off a priggish..... grin.


                            MILA
(cover nose with tissue, cough excessively loud)

HEY. CRETIN. Your'e spoiling my pop-corn appetite


OLLY

GET LOST Loser!


    MILA

what the hell?


     OLLY
You can go to HELL (starts cutting toe nails)


     MILEY

Oh No! What's he doing now?



       STEELER

Excuse me! That is so NASTY!...this is not an APPROPRIATE time or place to cut your dirty nails


     OLLY

I'm clipping them RIGHT HERE. NOT somewhere else...It's not the time or place to open your DIRTY mouth


     MILEY
(points at OLLY, strenuously)

You are driving the tourists away, you selfish....person


      OLLY
You GET LOST also!


BITS OF TOE NAILS FLY ALL OVER THE SIDEWALK BENCHES


      STEELER

How gross....I suggest you control those...'things'


      MILEY

You make me sick. you'll have to reimburse us for our popcorn. It's you who contaminated them

      OLLY
(finishes cutting nails, put on shoe, walks away, cackling)

NICE TO MEET YOU GUYS! Same time, same BENCH tomorrow. I'll clipped nails on my other feet
then

.................................................................................................................

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sweep talk her

JONES and his giggling chums on the bench, quickly switches the frequency to 'Romantic Interlude' on sidewalk FM. No one wants to miss the plenary bliss unfolding before their eyes. The courtly sidewalk sweeper stands by the stall. His broom falls nonchalantly to the ground the moment the vendor appears. No more tireless sweeping or filling bags with rubbish. It's time to exchange sweet words.

        JONES

Put away the popcorn, take out the tissue, you may be moved to tears...

        HEATHER

..speak for yourself....I've seen men sweet talk women before and I just laughed, NOT cry.


         JONES
I'm just warning you...The sweeper's sweet talk can be quite POWERFUL

HEATHER

Like power rangers?


KRISTEN

Shhhhh!....He has started.



JUSTIN

You're the only princess on the sidewalk. I look forward to see you each day I come out to sweep. Even if you are ill, please come to work, because it would break my heart, if I have to sweep a day without seeing your beautiful face.


KRISTEN

Priceless


HEATHER

Hilarious!


JONES
(whispers)

Quiet please!


WINTER

I feel quite at home on the sidewalk when I see you. Your'e my ideal man. You are not cruel, and you are so gorgeous. And handsome.


JUSTIN

You are well beautiful yourself


WINTER

Can't help smiling when you speak to me like that


JUSTIN

When you smile SO sweetly, it makes me laugh. Your'e so funny


WINTER

By the way, you are looking quite hot today



JUSTIN

It feels great that you are totally into me, because I am totally into you



WINTER
(giggles)

I know. You have no clue how much I miss you when you leave


JUSTIN
(chuckles)

Lucky me



WINTER

Your'e gorgeous that's why. I bet your'e even more gorgeous naked


JUSTIN
(guffaws)

I AM!


WINTER

I have a naked image of you, right now, in my head



HEATHER
(chokes on popcorn)


KRISTEN

We should bring a vomit bucket next time



JONES

She better stay away from him. The sidewalk stretch for miles, with hundreds of other attractive vendors. She can't be the only one he likes...


KRISTEN

How dare you interfere in their personal business. You're just jealous


Do you think he's rich


JONES

YES! He's been sweeping for years. Unless he squandered his money..on roses, chocolates, wines


HEATHER

He's a clever man. He only squanders WORDS


They cackle shamelessly.



KRISTEN

This is the best soap opera on the sidewalk


HEATHER

Sure you not crying yet



KRISTEN

SHUT UP!


JONES

Shhh! I'm still watching this


KRISTEN

He's really into her....I think they are KISSING already

What you mean 'already? He's been wooing her each week for the past year....



JUSTIN

You breast are like beach balls... Your legs runs endlessly...


WINTER

This is particularly hot



KRISTEN
(rants)

This is FKN nonsense! I can't watch this no more..This is a compete waste of time!


JONES

Gosh, what a BIG temper you have!


KRISTEN

Sorry. It used to be TINIE


HEATHER

You may leave, but you have no clue what you be missing. This is the best thing going on right now. Take a look yourself(passes binoculars)


JONES

It's really good, please stay. It will get better, I promise


KRISTEN

I'm not the least convinced, but I'll stay



WINTER

Unlike other days, you look a bit rough today...rough and ready


JUSTIN
(seductive murmur)

Hmmm. I swear. You are getting more irresistible by the minute. I might have to get those losers on the bench to hold me back


KRISTEN

What the HELL! Who is he calling fkn losers?


HEATHER
(cheerily)

US! Of course


KRISTEN

I know. It was a rhetorical question, you lemming. HOW DARE HE!


HEATHER

Well, I LOST some money on the sidewalk yesterday....Does that count?


JONES

Never mind. He needs therapy


WINTER

I just wanna poke your dust-filled bottom


KRISTEN

It's getting worse, boring. We should leave before he leaves, or watch something else that is decent.


HEATHER

By the way, Kristen, your hair needs sorting out



JUSTIN

Now that I have seen you, my beautiful day is complete. Damn! Your'e amazing....

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sidewalk darling, KELSEY,chats with journalist

EXT.       SIDEWALK   -    DAY

Fiona and Corrie sandwich Kelsey on the sidewalk bench. All are in their 20s. Kelsey is wearing his trademark black shorts and white V neck T shirt. Journalist from Sidewalk TV interviews them.

JOURNALIST

Kelsey, every day we see you hanging out with these two beautiful women on the sidewalk bench, just watching others go about their business....

KELSEY

                                                                  (cheerfully)

......Yes.

JOURNALIST

The question on our viewers’ lips is...

CORRIE

(defensively)

.......When is he gonna get a job?

JOURNALIST

ARE both of them going out with you?

FIONA

(jokingly)

He comes with us everyday....to this bench

KELSEY

(chuckles)

I’m surprised you asked me that question. Other sidewalk journalists never  ....walk away without asking me that same  question.

JOURNALIST

Are you gonna answer the question, Kelsey?

KELSEY

No!

JOURNALIST

Please answer the question.

FIONA

(cackling)

He just did!!!!!

KELSEY reaches for POPCORN and 3 BINOCULARS in his bag beneath the bench. He hands Corrie and Fiona binocular each and poured popcorns in their free, outstretched hands.

JOURNALIST

Really.!! Anyway, one final question, before we go....

CORRIE

Make damn sure!

FIONA

You see, we hang out on the sidewalk to have fun watching people, not to be bored by journalists.

CORRIE

OUCH!

KELSEY

(reassuringly)

Pay them no mind...Go ahead and ask your final question..

JOURNALIST

Thank you...What do you hope to achieve by wasting your free time laughing at people on the sidewalk, who are making something of  their lives.

KELSEY

Nothing!

JOURNALIST

Nothing? Aren’t you simply just wasting yours and these two women’s’ precious time?

TOURISTS take pictures of Kelsey and his sidekicks.

KELSEY

(dismissively)

Far from it! Every day tourists take photographs of us, or with us. Locals are cottoning on too. They always ask us for hugs. I’m now a cultural icon on the sidewalk. That’s what I set out to do...Now, if you’ll excuse me, we wanna watch this beautiful development at the sidewalk stall.

.............................................................

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a must NOT read, for dog lovers

A HOMELESS man suffered a sudden seizure on the sidewalk. With a view to revive him, the sidewalk police interveened. The homeless man's pitbull, mistakenly thinking, its owner was being attacked, charged at the police. Onlookers watched in horror as a police officer opened fire on the defenseless dog. Pandemonium broke loose among the throng of onlookers.


BRADY:

POLICE BRUTALITY!


Dunkin' Donuts:

She was ONLY trying to protect him, as any faithful dog would have done. They didnt have to shoot her.


A Police Officer:

She was trying to kill US


KRISTIN:

Instead of shooting the innocent dog, you could have called Animal Control, you stupid ANIMAL!


JOEY:

WHAT THE HELL!


Pussy:

To Hell with the police!


Rihanna:

How's the dog

KIM:

Is the dog ok

KRISTEN:

Is it still alive

Let's call an ambulance for the dog before it dies

.......................................................................................................
POLICE: STAND BACK PLEASE!


ZEEK:

Everyone is going crazy because a threatening dog got shot, what about the poor homeless. Anyone wanna know how he's doing? You all acting like the dog's life is more important than that of a human being. GET A LIFE!

KIM:

I can't believe the police shoot the dog, what's the world coming to?

Vanessa:

If it was my dog, I'd institute legal proceeding against the police department.

......................................................................................................................

WILLIAM:

If they felt, they had to shoot the dog, they could have shot her in the leg, instead of in the head.


AIR:

Let the police do their jobs. if the man had a seizure, then he was finished anyway. Besides, he was homeless, so what's the point of him?



Vanessa:

This is so sad. You are even sadder. Have you no heart?


Idler:

Horrible day!


ZEEK:

What did you want the police to do? Stand there and be mauled to death by this ferocious dog? They have a right to defend themselves. A pitbull is a very vicious animal.


Pussy:

PREJUDICE!!!!


PHELPS:

They had no right to make the poor animal suffer so much and so long before it died


ZEEK:

I can't dispute that.


KRISTEN:

Poor dog died out of sheer loyalty for its owner


KRISTIN:

I'm a animal lover, through and through. My dog brings so much joy to my life. I'd die if she is killed, especially out of loyalty to me. But I understand why the police.......


PUSSY:

.......SNITCH!!!!!!


..................................................

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Riding bicycle on sidewalk

WALKING on the sidewalk is arguably, the safest means of getting around. No angry motowrists hurling abuse or threatening physical violence. However, there is no antidote for the vituperation, a jingoistic or abstemious sidewalk darling will mete out, if you cross him/her. So watch out for those pedestrians'  tongues -  and fists.

BICYCLE TYRES SCREECH ON SIDEWALK, PEDESTRIAN AND DOG RUN FOR COVER


MARS:

CYCLE LANE! Use the Cycle lane. I mean GET THE HELL OFF THE SIDEWALK!


PHILIP:

Why the HELL are you riding your bicycle all over the sidewalk? There is a safe cycle lane RIGHT THERE, yet you RETARD, choose to ride on the sidewalk. Your'e gonna unlawfully run over an innocent pedestrian. UGH!


POWERBALL:

Sorry. I hit the gear shift by mistake. So I lost control of the bicycle. Besides, its not safe to ride in the cycle lanes around here. Motorists are always running over cyclists in the cycle lane.


PHILIP:

I don't care. If you don't know how to ride a bicycle PROPERLY, you should leave your bicycle at home..Your'e an adult for, heaven sake, you should be a role model. So where is your helmet?


POWERBALL:

A helmet?  it's sweltering and you want me to wear a damn helmet? Are you nuts?


PHILIP: (keying numbers on blackberry)

The police will decide who is nuts...


POWERBALL:

.....Please don't call the police. I don't wanna get another official warning, today.



PHILIP:

Don't worry, when I explain what happened, the police WONT give you an official warning, they will just give you a ticket.....You'll never  learn that when you ride, you should be on the cycle lane, UNLESS, you're taught a lesson.


POWERBALL:

Whatever!!! Snitch...Those DOUCHE could never catch me, anyway, so go ahead and call them. They love burghers too muchFrankly, I don't see what's the fuss about. if I hit a pedestrian, he/she will get away with few scratches. On the other hand, if a motorists hit me in the cycle lane, I'd die



PHILIP:

Whatever!

.................................................

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