THIRTEEN packed carrier bags splayed out on the sidewalk. Bus stopped
a few fete away. The bag lady, Keira, dashed on with a bag in either
hand. Pointing in the driver's face and occasionally, at the remaining
bags, she argued with him forcefully. The driver responded with wild,
vehement, emphatic hand gestures. If she was trying to compel him to
move the bus closer to her bags; she failed. She started collecting the
others; in twos.
As
the sole male passenger present, Celtics, was tempted to help her but
something kept him back. His guilt mounted, yet he stayed put.
FINALLY,
A GOOD SAMARITAN TO THE RESCUE.
GOOD
SAMARITAN, Shiloh:(to bag lady)
May I help you
KEIRA:(snaps
sharply)
NO!
It
was at that precise moment that it suddenly dawned on Celtics that he
had seen this woman in action before. Luckily, this time, he was a mere
spectator.
Celtics
chuckled as the Shiloh exchanged bewildered and amused looks with
others milling about. The atmosphere inside the bus looked quite tense.
Passengers were already inflamed that the bus was taking such a long
time to drive off. Keira noticed the baggage rack was empty. However,
she passed it and rudely drove passengers out of their seats.
Four
passengers refused to vacate their seats. This attracted applause from
outside. When the woman finally sat down, her legs were wide open; to
accommodate the rest of the bags between them.
Celtics
was tempted to put his Facebook camera to use, by jumping on the bus
for what promised to be a blockbuster joyride.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Sunday, 27 May 2012
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Sweep talk her
Sidewalk sweeper Mick,is in his 70s and happily married. Sidewalk vendor Rachel, is in her 50s and happily married also. Nevertheless, it seams no one can expostulate with him about the futility of charming her each week. She revels in the attention; simply can't get enough. Intensely amused Chuck, Rachel's assistant, can't get enough of the flirtatious espièglerie.
Chuck:(chuckles at sight of Mick sweeping sidewalk two stalls away)
Your admirer is coming
RACHEL:(smiles sheepishly)
I know. It's a good thing I bought some milk at the shop this morning.
Chuck:
....planning to make him his usual cup of tea?
RACHEL:
Of course
Chuck:
As usual, that will make his day SHE SMILES
Chuck:(teases) I think we'll do better business on the sidewalk if we stop promoting New car deals and euromillions and start a dating service
RACHEL:(sarcasm)
Ha ha Ha..Very funny!
JAKE POURS THE RUBBISH INTO HIS LITTEL CART AND LEANS THE BROOM AGAINST THE SIDEWALK BENCH
JAKE:
Morning all! (tipped his hat to Rachel) Morning Rachel
Chuck:(wide grin on his face)
Morning
RACHEL:
Good morning Mick
Jake:
Your looking lovely today, as usual
RACHEL:
Thank you....Would you like a cup of tea?
Jake:(takes her hands and peer in her eyes)
ONLY if it's made by YOU
RACHEL:
Of course.
Chuck grins widely.
RACHEL brings a chair for Jake to sit on while tea.
Jake:
This is my favourite stall on the sidewalk.....(to Rachel) especially when YOU are here
Customers smile in bafflement, Chuck laughs out loudly
Chuck:
That's a classic, no wonder you ALWAYS sweep this area much cleaner
Jake:
..How many of you are working today?
RACHEL:
Three of us working today
Chuck:(playfully)
Of course, Rachel is one in a million
JAKE:(hands 3 different fruits to Rachel)
She is TWO in a million
Rachel giggles.
CHUCK:(cackles)
I stand corrected
Rachel brings the tea and some cakes she made at home to Jake.
Mick:(pointing on the Miss World Canada on the cover of OK magazine. She is stunning
RACHEL: She is
Mick:(beams)
NOt as stunning as you though. Did ANYONE tell you this morning how BEAUTIFUL you are?
Rachel:(smiles broadly)
Not really
Mick: Well,
CHuck kneels behind the stall and attempts to stifle his guffaw.
CHUCK:(whispers conspiratorily to Mick while Rachel serves customer)
You should ask her out
MICK:(peers philosophically down the sidewalk)
Leave it to me son
CHUCK serves customer but keeps eyes and ears on the lovebirds. He chuckles when they did their usual good bye hugs
Rachel:
Oh, this feels so nice
AFTER Mick left.
Chuck:
Did he ask you out?
Rachel:
No
Chuck:
Ahhh! He got cold feet...Would you have said yes?
Rachel:
No. He has a wife, and I have a husband, so I would have to decline
Chuck:
That would break his heart. You could at least take A chance on him.
Rachel:
He's very sweet but no.
Chuck:
I like him a lot as well. You can tell he was a charmer when he was a young man. I wish he was my grand father
Rachel:
he makes me feel so special each week, I often wonder how can I repay him
Chuck:
Buy him a birthday gift.
Rachel:
I bought him a xmas card last year....
Chuck: I wonder if he shows it to his wife. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Chuck:(chuckles at sight of Mick sweeping sidewalk two stalls away)
Your admirer is coming
RACHEL:(smiles sheepishly)
I know. It's a good thing I bought some milk at the shop this morning.
Chuck:
....planning to make him his usual cup of tea?
RACHEL:
Of course
Chuck:
As usual, that will make his day SHE SMILES
Chuck:(teases) I think we'll do better business on the sidewalk if we stop promoting New car deals and euromillions and start a dating service
RACHEL:(sarcasm)
Ha ha Ha..Very funny!
JAKE POURS THE RUBBISH INTO HIS LITTEL CART AND LEANS THE BROOM AGAINST THE SIDEWALK BENCH
JAKE:
Morning all! (tipped his hat to Rachel) Morning Rachel
Chuck:(wide grin on his face)
Morning
RACHEL:
Good morning Mick
Jake:
Your looking lovely today, as usual
RACHEL:
Thank you....Would you like a cup of tea?
Jake:(takes her hands and peer in her eyes)
ONLY if it's made by YOU
RACHEL:
Of course.
Chuck grins widely.
RACHEL brings a chair for Jake to sit on while tea.
Jake:
This is my favourite stall on the sidewalk.....(to Rachel) especially when YOU are here
Customers smile in bafflement, Chuck laughs out loudly
Chuck:
That's a classic, no wonder you ALWAYS sweep this area much cleaner
Jake:
..How many of you are working today?
RACHEL:
Three of us working today
Chuck:(playfully)
Of course, Rachel is one in a million
JAKE:(hands 3 different fruits to Rachel)
She is TWO in a million
Rachel giggles.
CHUCK:(cackles)
I stand corrected
Rachel brings the tea and some cakes she made at home to Jake.
Mick:(pointing on the Miss World Canada on the cover of OK magazine. She is stunning
RACHEL: She is
Mick:(beams)
NOt as stunning as you though. Did ANYONE tell you this morning how BEAUTIFUL you are?
Rachel:(smiles broadly)
Not really
Mick: Well,
CHuck kneels behind the stall and attempts to stifle his guffaw.
CHUCK:(whispers conspiratorily to Mick while Rachel serves customer)
You should ask her out
MICK:(peers philosophically down the sidewalk)
Leave it to me son
CHUCK serves customer but keeps eyes and ears on the lovebirds. He chuckles when they did their usual good bye hugs
Rachel:
Oh, this feels so nice
AFTER Mick left.
Chuck:
Did he ask you out?
Rachel:
No
Chuck:
Ahhh! He got cold feet...Would you have said yes?
Rachel:
No. He has a wife, and I have a husband, so I would have to decline
Chuck:
That would break his heart. You could at least take A chance on him.
Rachel:
He's very sweet but no.
Chuck:
I like him a lot as well. You can tell he was a charmer when he was a young man. I wish he was my grand father
Rachel:
he makes me feel so special each week, I often wonder how can I repay him
Chuck:
Buy him a birthday gift.
Rachel:
I bought him a xmas card last year....
Chuck: I wonder if he shows it to his wife. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Friday, 11 May 2012
Not an illustrious find at all
Sidewalk chums, Birdman, David and Hollande are gleeful. They find soemthing on the sidewalk which looks quite illustrious. A small box with 20 sets of rusty keys. Each key has a label; 1-Lord and Saviour, 2- The Moon, 3-Stockings, 4-Absorption, 5-Candice, 6-My Husband, 7-Self-esteem, 8-Asparagus, 9-Domino table, 9-Vinegar, 10-Rabbit tooth, 11-Raincoat, 12-A sword, 13-a nightmare, 14-A challenge, 15-Human intestine, 16-Coriander, 17-A sunrise, 18-Big toe....
Hollande:(points at small box lying on sidewalk)
LOOK! It MUST be jewellery inside the box. I wander who lost it. (looks around curiously)
David:
WHO CARES? We are rich! Tired of landlords and sharing house with strangers, Tired of feeling like DREGS
Hollande:
....No offence Birdman, but I'm tired of walking up and down the sidewalk behind you, like a darn BIRDBRAIN. The time is ripe for a scooter. It seems our breakthrough has finally come, David. So grin all you want
Birdman:
Calm down guys. Lets go over to the bench and see what's inside
David:(thunders)
WHAT THE HELL? A bunch of keys with name tags? ugh!
Birdman:
This name tags are weird....A SWORD, THE MOON, CORIANDER, ABSORPTION...
Hollande: A SUNRISE, Big toe....
David:
VINEGAR?... DOMINO TABLE....I bet the owner is CRAZY
Birdman:
What we gonna do with it?
David:
I have a feeling this could bring us bad-luck. Let is THROW IT IN THE BIN
Hollande:
Are you mad? That's what will bring us bad luck. Someone has to keep it. NOT ME!
Birdman:
Me neither:
David: well, that was not my idea
Birdman: I know it's naughty
DAVID:
Let's hear it...we'll be the judge of that
Birdman: Let's bring back the neighbour's piece of board, then leave this THING there as well
Hollande:
That's very naughty.
David:
I like it. Let them deal with it
Hollande:
It's better that way. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- please LIKE http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE please FOLLOW http://allthatrageseries.blogspot.com/ please follow SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
Hollande:(points at small box lying on sidewalk)
LOOK! It MUST be jewellery inside the box. I wander who lost it. (looks around curiously)
David:
WHO CARES? We are rich! Tired of landlords and sharing house with strangers, Tired of feeling like DREGS
Hollande:
....No offence Birdman, but I'm tired of walking up and down the sidewalk behind you, like a darn BIRDBRAIN. The time is ripe for a scooter. It seems our breakthrough has finally come, David. So grin all you want
Birdman:
Calm down guys. Lets go over to the bench and see what's inside
David:(thunders)
WHAT THE HELL? A bunch of keys with name tags? ugh!
Birdman:
This name tags are weird....A SWORD, THE MOON, CORIANDER, ABSORPTION...
Hollande: A SUNRISE, Big toe....
David:
VINEGAR?... DOMINO TABLE....I bet the owner is CRAZY
Birdman:
What we gonna do with it?
David:
I have a feeling this could bring us bad-luck. Let is THROW IT IN THE BIN
Hollande:
Are you mad? That's what will bring us bad luck. Someone has to keep it. NOT ME!
Birdman:
Me neither:
David: well, that was not my idea
Birdman: I know it's naughty
DAVID:
Let's hear it...we'll be the judge of that
Birdman: Let's bring back the neighbour's piece of board, then leave this THING there as well
Hollande:
That's very naughty.
David:
I like it. Let them deal with it
Hollande:
It's better that way. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- please LIKE http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE please FOLLOW http://allthatrageseries.blogspot.com/ please follow SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
Friday, 20 April 2012
Madeleine, Jonathan and slow drivers
Miss Madeleine:
I swear, anywon who drives UNDER the speed limit.... Needs to get a damn scooter and RIDE it on the sidewalk! ARGH!!!
DR. Jonathan:
Don't be execrable to the poor driver. Maybe his brains is slow also....By the way, are you running late or something?
Miss Madeleine:(hesitantly)
ahhm....maybe.
Dr. Jonathan:
Or are you feeling the effects of early menopause? Just pass her then.
PASSES SLOW DRIVER
Madeleine:
Now she's pissed because I overtake her
I swear, anywon who drives UNDER the speed limit.... Needs to get a damn scooter and RIDE it on the sidewalk! ARGH!!!
DR. Jonathan:
Don't be execrable to the poor driver. Maybe his brains is slow also....By the way, are you running late or something?
Miss Madeleine:(hesitantly)
ahhm....maybe.
Dr. Jonathan:
Or are you feeling the effects of early menopause? Just pass her then.
PASSES SLOW DRIVER
Madeleine:
Now she's pissed because I overtake her
Donovan sreams at TWONK driver 'THE BAND'
PEDESTRIAN,Donovan, remonstrates with and screams at speeding motorist who narrowly miss knacking over an old lady,Nicollette who pursues her dog, Nikon, onto the road.
Motorist, 'THE BAND':
KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE SIDEWALK, you TWONK...Stop getting into people's business and mind your own..You need THERAPHY.
DONOVAN:
It's DULLARDS like you who endangers lives on the road, who drives me mad... You have no consideration for the old lady trying to save her dog from oncoming traffic; she takes a big chance when she stepped off the sidewalk..
'THE BAND': (drives off)
you are too HILARIOUS
Motorist, 'THE BAND':
KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE SIDEWALK, you TWONK...Stop getting into people's business and mind your own..You need THERAPHY.
DONOVAN:
It's DULLARDS like you who endangers lives on the road, who drives me mad... You have no consideration for the old lady trying to save her dog from oncoming traffic; she takes a big chance when she stepped off the sidewalk..
'THE BAND': (drives off)
you are too HILARIOUS
Monday, 16 April 2012
BOBBY debut PRESENTATION on sidewalk's multifarious espièglerie
INTRODUCTION.
Bobby's minimum-waged work colleague,Jennifer, describes herself on her twitter profile as "model, actress, and TV Presenter. Bobby dismisses these descriptions as arrant nonsense. 'Which proper TV Presenter, he argues, 'holds a full time minimum wage job?' "ME", Jennifer shouts.
BOBBY:
You do have a full time minimum wage but your'e NOT a TV Presenter, for Christ sake. I have NEVER seen you on TV; I've only seen you WATCHING it. UGH
(mimics)
Whatever! Hater!
BOBBY:
Whatever(mimics)If she allow me to rewrite her profile description, I'd precede those titles with WANNABE. That is; wannabe model, wannabe actress, wannabe TV PResenter
(mimics Jennifer's voice)
That's harsh
BOBBY:
That's true
(mimics)
Oh, so you agree that you are being harsh to me
BOBBY:
NO. I'm agreeing that its true that you're none of the things you say you are on your profile; youre just a WANNABE
(GASPS)
BOBBY:
Of course, if I wanna be nice to her, instead of describing her as a 'wannabe model', I'd be euphemious, by simply calling her an 'AS...PIRING model.'
APPLAUSE
BOBBY:
I would never describe myself on my twitter profile as sidewalk model, actor, and sidewalk TV Presenter, but I'll tell you to your face 'I'm all of the above.'
Model?
BOBBY:
of course...Take a look at my modish clothes; printed, bright and patterned.....straight off the sidewalk. You should see me strutting my stuff...from point A to point B on the sidewalk...to my minimum wage job...to the supermarket....wearing these.
LAUGTHTER
You must be the brokest model of all time. You walk EVERYWHERE. You can't afford a car, let alone a taxi...
BOBBY:
I KNOW
LAUGHTER
BOBBY:
Atleast I'm having fun
(angrily)
Are you saying that 'proper' models DON'T have fun
BOBBY:
HELL NO! I'm saying YOU are not having fun
I think your'e just a WANNABE
LAUGHTER
BOBBY:
HOW RUDE. HOW AUDACIOUS. you could be more euphemious by using the word ASPIRING....Atleast, I WANNABE something
UPROAR
BOBBY:
Anyway, you LOT got the point, so I'm gonna stop the damn introduction now and get on with the meat of the matter.
APPLAUSE
BOBBY:
I strutted up and down the sidewalk today, so get your popcorn ready...I'm ready to share the sidewalk's multifarious espièglerie with you all.
APPLAUSE
BOBBY: (mimics car horn)
A taxi pulled up alongside the sidewalk with 4 passengers inside. The driver not noticing that his last passenger, was still trying to alight, started to drive off
TRAPPED PASSENGER, TIM: (banging on back of driver's seat)
LET ME IN, PLEASE
DRIVER: (confused expression on face)
WHAT!
TIM:
LET ME OUT!
..........................................................
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Bobby's minimum-waged work colleague,Jennifer, describes herself on her twitter profile as "model, actress, and TV Presenter. Bobby dismisses these descriptions as arrant nonsense. 'Which proper TV Presenter, he argues, 'holds a full time minimum wage job?' "ME", Jennifer shouts.
BOBBY:
You do have a full time minimum wage but your'e NOT a TV Presenter, for Christ sake. I have NEVER seen you on TV; I've only seen you WATCHING it. UGH
(mimics)
Whatever! Hater!
BOBBY:
Whatever(mimics)If she allow me to rewrite her profile description, I'd precede those titles with WANNABE. That is; wannabe model, wannabe actress, wannabe TV PResenter
(mimics Jennifer's voice)
That's harsh
BOBBY:
That's true
(mimics)
Oh, so you agree that you are being harsh to me
BOBBY:
NO. I'm agreeing that its true that you're none of the things you say you are on your profile; youre just a WANNABE
(GASPS)
BOBBY:
Of course, if I wanna be nice to her, instead of describing her as a 'wannabe model', I'd be euphemious, by simply calling her an 'AS...PIRING model.'
APPLAUSE
BOBBY:
I would never describe myself on my twitter profile as sidewalk model, actor, and sidewalk TV Presenter, but I'll tell you to your face 'I'm all of the above.'
Model?
BOBBY:
of course...Take a look at my modish clothes; printed, bright and patterned.....straight off the sidewalk. You should see me strutting my stuff...from point A to point B on the sidewalk...to my minimum wage job...to the supermarket....wearing these.
LAUGTHTER
You must be the brokest model of all time. You walk EVERYWHERE. You can't afford a car, let alone a taxi...
BOBBY:
I KNOW
LAUGHTER
BOBBY:
Atleast I'm having fun
(angrily)
Are you saying that 'proper' models DON'T have fun
BOBBY:
HELL NO! I'm saying YOU are not having fun
I think your'e just a WANNABE
LAUGHTER
BOBBY:
HOW RUDE. HOW AUDACIOUS. you could be more euphemious by using the word ASPIRING....Atleast, I WANNABE something
UPROAR
BOBBY:
Anyway, you LOT got the point, so I'm gonna stop the damn introduction now and get on with the meat of the matter.
APPLAUSE
BOBBY:
I strutted up and down the sidewalk today, so get your popcorn ready...I'm ready to share the sidewalk's multifarious espièglerie with you all.
APPLAUSE
BOBBY: (mimics car horn)
A taxi pulled up alongside the sidewalk with 4 passengers inside. The driver not noticing that his last passenger, was still trying to alight, started to drive off
TRAPPED PASSENGER, TIM: (banging on back of driver's seat)
LET ME IN, PLEASE
DRIVER: (confused expression on face)
WHAT!
TIM:
LET ME OUT!
..........................................................
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Monday, 2 April 2012
passengers wait imperturbably for the bus to move off
The bus finally come.Passengers muscle themselves on.Justin Lee picks a fight with the driver. She argues with him for minutes while other passengers wait imperturbably for the bus to move off.Absorbed pedestrians stops for the free entertanement.
Justin Lee:
All the other buses are running on time except you
Joey:
How much longer before this bus get moving?
Mark:
LEAVE THE DRIVER ALONE
Kristen:
(shouts from the back) Thank you
Justin Lee:
You know how long I've been waiting?
Joe:(on phone)
I dont know when I will reach ...
Kristen:(springs up angrily from seat, dashes down the aisle)
GET THE BUS MOVING PLEASE!
Joey:
You have been waiting for 15 minutes like this woman, so don't get involve. She has rights
Justin Lee:
I'm bound to be late for work again due to stupid drivers like you. What's ypur badge number. I must complain to your superiors.
Mark:
DON'T SPEAK TO THE DRIVER WHILE THE BUS IS MOVING
Justin Lee:
IS THE BUS MOVING, YOU IDIOT?
MARK:
Shut up BITCH. If you stop distract the driver, he'll get the chance to leave
Katie:(barely audible)
my child is on the bus, so please refrain from using disgusting swear words
AUTOMATED VOICE ANNOUNCES THAT THE BUS IS NOW OUT OF SERVICE
PASSENGERS MUTTER SWEAR WORDS AS THEY SCAMPER OFF THE BUS
Katie:
I don't want want my child to hear such language
Justin Lee:
Well, for your information, pedestrians do not use such language on he sidewalk. So next time WALK TO YOUR DESTINATION
This sucks
What's the point of getting to the damn bus stop on time? Such a waste of time. UGH!
Someone should sue the bus company
For what? Don't be daft
My worse birhtday EVER
ONE PASSENGER RUSHES TO THE DRIVER WINDOW
Is the bus out of service now?
NO REPLY FROM DRIVER
IS THE BUS OUT OF SEWRVICE OR WHAT
NO REPLY
So you have no respect for passengers? IS THE BUS OUT OF SERVICE OR WHAT?
DRIVER'S REPLY IS INAUDIBLE
LOOK ON THE SIDEWALK. ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE WERE ON THE BUS. Well, are you gonna apologse to them? That passenger uses a stick. Are you gonna get your ass on the sidewalk and help her get back on the bus.
MARK:
LEAVE THE DRIVER ALONE. Let him do his job.
Justin Lee:
All the other buses are running on time except you
Joey:
How much longer before this bus get moving?
Mark:
LEAVE THE DRIVER ALONE
Kristen:
(shouts from the back) Thank you
Justin Lee:
You know how long I've been waiting?
Joe:(on phone)
I dont know when I will reach ...
Kristen:(springs up angrily from seat, dashes down the aisle)
GET THE BUS MOVING PLEASE!
Joey:
You have been waiting for 15 minutes like this woman, so don't get involve. She has rights
Justin Lee:
I'm bound to be late for work again due to stupid drivers like you. What's ypur badge number. I must complain to your superiors.
Mark:
DON'T SPEAK TO THE DRIVER WHILE THE BUS IS MOVING
Justin Lee:
IS THE BUS MOVING, YOU IDIOT?
MARK:
Shut up BITCH. If you stop distract the driver, he'll get the chance to leave
Katie:(barely audible)
my child is on the bus, so please refrain from using disgusting swear words
AUTOMATED VOICE ANNOUNCES THAT THE BUS IS NOW OUT OF SERVICE
PASSENGERS MUTTER SWEAR WORDS AS THEY SCAMPER OFF THE BUS
Katie:
I don't want want my child to hear such language
Justin Lee:
Well, for your information, pedestrians do not use such language on he sidewalk. So next time WALK TO YOUR DESTINATION
This sucks
What's the point of getting to the damn bus stop on time? Such a waste of time. UGH!
Someone should sue the bus company
For what? Don't be daft
My worse birhtday EVER
ONE PASSENGER RUSHES TO THE DRIVER WINDOW
Is the bus out of service now?
NO REPLY FROM DRIVER
IS THE BUS OUT OF SEWRVICE OR WHAT
NO REPLY
So you have no respect for passengers? IS THE BUS OUT OF SERVICE OR WHAT?
DRIVER'S REPLY IS INAUDIBLE
LOOK ON THE SIDEWALK. ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE WERE ON THE BUS. Well, are you gonna apologse to them? That passenger uses a stick. Are you gonna get your ass on the sidewalk and help her get back on the bus.
MARK:
LEAVE THE DRIVER ALONE. Let him do his job.
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