lou reed Pedestrians' Rage

OLD COUPLE WALKING SLOW

Scene 1

Location: on a sidewalk

Characters: Rage, old couple, foot-patrol cop



Drivers would probably sigh in relief if they know that Rage has no intention of owning or driving a vehicle. However, pedestrians are not so lucky. If they get in his way when he walks on the sidewalk, he is highly likely to swear at them, push them out of the way and show them his middle finger.



Rage walking his usual 6 miles an hour.


RAGE
If anyone slows me down, making me late for work again, I will punch him in the throat.


FOOT-PATROL COP(clearing his throat)
What about kids?


RAGE
On second thoughts, I will let them go scotch free


COP
Pensioners, pregnant women....


RAGE
That’s a difficult one



LATER

Rage got stuck behind an elderly couple. They were walking about 1.5 miles an hour.


RAGE (muttering to himself angrily)
If people wanna go for a stroll, they should go to the park. I am not in the mood to dawdle behind anyone this morning.’




Choices:

1. Continue walking behind them (Unlikely)

2. Kindly ask them to allow him to pass (unlikely)

3. Walk around them (Unlikely)

4. Push them out of the way (highly likely)



RAGE
If I was driving a car, so help me God, I would have to think twice about not running them over. Forgive me Lord. I know I should be patient with old folks, but I can’t help myself in situations like this.

Rage threw up his hands in frustration.



RAGE
Do you mind stepping aside, so I can pass you?



OLD MAN
What?



RAGE(snarls)
Forget it. Deaf as bat.... Am I walking too fast? No. They are walking too slow



OLD WOMAN
What's your problem?


RAGE
You lot are walking too slow and it's driving me MAD!


WOMAN(sniggers)
Sorry. We will walk right BESIDE you instead.


RAGE
I don't think that's a good idea.





OLD MAN (to Rage)

Talking about driving mad. I saw you driving the other day. FIVE miles an hour. Today you are walking at about 6 miles an hour. You should be ashamed of yourself for expecting us pensioners to walk at that ridiculous speed so we don't get in your way.


WOMAN
I think he is too tall




Rage tries to walk around them. They stumble in his way each time. Getting stuck behind anyone makes him so angry.



RAGE (shouting)
That's it! Say goodbye to Mr nice guy!


Rage kicks the back of their shoes. The old man turns around and points threateningly in Rage's face.

Rage hisses his teeth defiantly and pushes them out of the way. The pensioners fight back; the woman with her purse and the man with his walking stick.

Walking as fast as he could, about 3.5 miles an hour, the pot-bellied cop on foot-patrol, chases Rage.

Cop discovers that he is no match for Rage's pace.



COP
It's time like these that make me wish I was not a slow walker


Cop starts to run after him. He was still no match for Rage.
Cop pants for breath, slows down, stops.




COP
For a policeman, I am too unfit. I should do something about it NOW.

Cop whistles frantically.

Another cop speeds towards him in a patrol car, picks him up. They resume chasing Rage. Rage looks back and sees the car edging closer to him. Instead of starting to run, he simply increases his walking speed.


Rage manages to out-walk the car for a few yards before the cops grab him, one by his shorts, the other by his neck tie.



RAGE (thumping fist in the air)

I will not swear to it. But if I get stuck behind a slow walker again, I will push him to the ground and urinate in his face.



COP
Shut up!




RAGE (sings)
MOVE B, GET OUT THE WAY!


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