Friday 23 March 2012

Claudia helps Christine construct amorous texts

Cushioning their heads on make-shift pillows, smitten Christine and her bess friend Claudia, recline on individual sidewalk benches. Amused pedestrians point at them and grin. Totally oblivious, Claudia focuses on helping Christine construct amorous texts.


Claudia:

Just say to him 'do you remember when you ask me how I like you....how much I like you?



Christine:

That doesn't sound too clear to me.



Claudia:

It is clear, just click SEND now.



Christine:

Okay. I did.



Claudia:

Are you sure you send it. Let me see for myself(she grabs Christine's blackberry and checks SENT MESSAGES) Okay. Just wait for his response.



CHRISTINE:(giggles)

I think he will say "what the hell are you talking about?"



FEW MINUTES PASSES, NO RESPONSE


They watch a pedestrian spill his drink on the sidewalk. He takes out handkerchief and wipe down the sidewalk.



Christine:

UGH! What if he never replies?....



SOUND OF INCOMING TEXT PIERCE THE AIR. THEY CACKLE UNCONTROLLABLY.



CLAUDIA:

What's his reply?


CHRISTINE:

"what?"


CLAUDIA:


"What?" He must understand what you are trying to say. You're speaking clear English. You're not speaking Chinese for Christ sake!



Christine:

I know! What should I say to him in reply?



CLAUDIA:

Just say " I enjoy being in your company...



Christine:

...That doesn't sound right.



CLAUDIA:

It IS right, shut up....."I enjoy being in your company and I just wanna be in it more.



THEY GIGGLE LOUDLY



CHRISTINE:

How about "I enjoy being being in your presence and I could get use to it."



LAUGHTER



CLAUDIA:


How about "I LIKE being around you."



LAUGHTER


CHRISTINE:

OH MY GOSH! We are behaving like we are preparing an essay for an examination.



CLAUDIA:

I know. SEND it now. Don't waste no more time.



CHRISTINE:

WAIT! Should I also add "my feelings are genuine."



CLAUDIA:

No!, You idiot. Wait for his response first.



CHRISTINE:

You're right. I'll send the text now.



Christine:

Okay...



Christine:


Keep your fingers crossed for me. I have never been lucky with boys like him.



CLAUDIA:

You just need to know how he feels about you...What if he don't text you back?



CHRISTINE:

There you go with your negativity..... I like him a lot. I'd love it if he takes me to the cinema. I'd really love that.



CLAUDIA: (eyes on Christine's blackberry)

Almost 15 minutes now, what's taking him so long to reply



CHRISTINE:

I guess he just don't wanna know. He's not interested....



CLAUDIA WALKS OVER TO CHRISTINE'S BENCH AND HUG HER



CHRISTINE:

Come to think of it, what was he supposed to say to that?



CLAUDIA:

Don't be silly. He's supposed to acknowledge your feelings.



CHRISTINE:

I enjoy drinking with him. I DON'T enjoy drinking with my boyfriend.



CLAUDIA:


WHAT?

Sunday 18 March 2012

Stranger sits between Heidi and Katy

CAUSTIC jogger Samantha, wedges herself between Heidi and Katy on won of the sidewalk benches. She noticed the other empty bench but wantonly ignored it. Heidi and Katy grimace. Their animated conversation is now impossible, thanks to a complete stranger.



SAMANTHA:

Hey! Why the nasty expression on your faces


KATY:

UGH!...there is an empty bench over there, you must have realized...



HEIDI:

....I agree. So why did you have to come and sit between us? NINNY!



SAMANTHA:

Where I sit on the sidewalk is none of your darn business. I sit where I prefer. Don't take it out on me if no one bought you mother's day flowers



KATY:

It is my darn business, you smell like a cat and your'e blowing smoke in our faces. Do we look like mothers to you, idiot?



SAMANTHA:

You are crazy



HEIDI:

YOU are crazy. I can't stand cat smell.



KATY:

It's the worst.



SAMANTHA:

Considering no one wants to sit beside you, that wasn't very nice, was it? No it was not! You undesireables! No wonder all the other pedestrians are walking away instead of sharing a seat with you.


HEIDI:

Go and sit over there! Look. There is a handsome bodybuilder sitting there now.




Handsome Bodybuilder, Williams: (smiles broadly)

I don't mind sharing this bench with you.



SAMANTHA:(shakes head)

NO! Fxxk off!



KATY:

Show some respect for the women and school kids on the sidewalk. Did we use any swear words. No! So please don't swear at us. ARSEHOLE!



SAMANTHA:

I'll probably fuck you up.. Why don't you both go and sit beside him. Maybe you're lesbians and you both want a piece of me.


KATY:

Whatever loser. We were here first, so we are not moving.



HEIDI:

real talk! I agree.



SAMANTHA:

Well, I came second SO I'm not going anywhere for the next few hours, so I hope you don't mind my cat smell and occasional blowing smoke in your faces



Williams:

Yuck! That's disgusting!



KATY AND HEIDI:(look at each other and snigger, then sing)

STINKY! STINKY!



Williams:

I'm just coming from the gym. There were lots of empty rows of treadmills there, yet a stranger came and used the one next to me. I almost lose it.



KATY:

It's funny you almost lost it when that bodybuilding freak didn't even started to sweat, yet you do not mind sitting in someone's vomit.



HEIDI!

I agree.


MARY, KATY AND SAMANTHA CLAP AND CHEER



Williams:

WHAT! (springs up, checks his bottom) YUCK! (hurries down the sidewalk)


MARY, KATY AND SAMANTHA LAUGH FIENDISHLY



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Wednesday 14 March 2012

ANISTON litters sidewalk with cigarette butts

ONE ratiocinates why people spend so much money on a packet of cigarette, then litter the sidewalk with the butts. Do they even have the right to do that? Such a waste of money. They might say it's no bug deal but someone has to pick up the pieces. UGH!



Aniston locks car door, then hurries in the bank with a lit cigarette in hand.




SECURITY Jermaine: (shouts, points to sidewalk)


OUT!



Aniston:

Sorry! I'll get rid of it. (throws burning cigarrete on the sidewalk, stomps on it, heads back inside)



PASSING PEDESTRIAN, Susan: (shakes head in annoyance)




Susan:

LITTER BUG! That's disgusting! It belongs in the rubbish bin.




Aniston:

GET LOSS you TWIT. I just endured what was probably the most stressful 55 minutes of my life. I needed the cigarrete to cool me down.



Susan:

That's your prerogative, but littering the sidewalk with the butt, especially when there is a bin, is so wrong. NO ONE is safe if he/she annoy me by like this



Aniston:

People who hate cigarette butts are TWITS.



Susan:

People like YOU, who ingenuously litter the sidewalk with cigarette butts are TWITS. I HATE them. Drive me INSANE. It takes just a little consideration to be a good pedestrian. It can't be that hard to dispose of your cigarette buts in a responsible way.




Aniston:

You are NUTS! Mind your business



Susan:

That's what I'm doing. (picks up butt and toss it in the bin). YUCK! (smells hand) My hand smells of cigarette smoke, and I'm a non-smoker.




Aniston:

Next time I'm sure you will BUTT OUT!(cackles)




HOMELESS MAN, D'Antoni, RETRIEVES CIGARETTE BUTT FROM THE BIN AND RE-LIGHTS IT.



Susan:

YUCK!



ANISTON cackless louder



Susan:

Thank God, I'm not you, LITTER BUG! keep the sidewalk beautiful. DON'T LITTER (peering in onlookers' faces) smokers put your cigarette butts where they belong.



ANISTON:

Or else what?



Susan:

I'll personally KICK YOUR BUTT!



ANISTON: (forcing his way through bank's door)


Dream on...let me in please. I just came out to dispose of my cigarette butt.



JERMAINE:


Sorry sir. The bank is now closed. Come back tomorrow.



ANISTON:


But...But..



Susan walks away laughing unashamedly.



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Wednesday 7 March 2012

Cheap laptops on sale

The sidewalk sale is on. All the vendors, except Emily, are doing good business. She looks thwarted. Her business partner Peter arrives. His presence makes her field even worse. Emily's dog Lenny, re-assures her by planting itself between the two.


Hogan:

Cheap laptops on sale today! Cheap laptops.....



ARGUMENT ENSUES BETWEEN EMILY AND PETER



Emily:

I don't see the point in carrying on this partnership. You spend most time with your friends while I stay here and do all the work. When I call you, you say you don't like speaking on the phone and cut the call short. But when You're here, you have endless telephone calls...


St. Clement: (shouts)

New car deals, All inclusive holidays....



Peter:

You just don't understand me. I told you I'm having problems with some business deals, so I just want to be myself..



LENNY:(barks)

Listen pal, I'm not taking sides, and I hate to interrupt, but even though you buy my food each week, I have to say that you are treating Emily like the enemy. Why are you being so hostile to her. You are in a partnership so you can't just shut her out like that. She's your friend pal, NOT THE ENEMY



TEARS STREAMS DOWN EMILY'S FACE



Peter:

She just want to talk about nonsense...In the past we both make mistakes in the partnership, but the parftnership is still going strong



Emily:

So when I ask you what about the problems with the business deals, that is NONSENSE. And what partnership are you talking about? We haven't had a meeting in two months. TWO MONTHS. You are always too busy



LENNY:

Partnership going strong eh! Sounds like the partnership is dying pal. DEAD. (points at Peter) And it's your fault. You need to STOP thinking that you are alone in business, and START thinking about the partnership and your partner...



Emily:

So selfish



Lenny:

I agree with her pal. Stop buying me food if you want. If you care about your partner and the partnership, you should assess your attitude to both, and see where you can improve. LOTS OF ROOM for improvement.



Peter: (to Emily)

What am I doing wrong? What do you want me to do



EMILY SHAKES HER HEAD IN FRUSTRATION, WALKS AWAY



Peter:

Don't leave..talk to me..PLEASE!



LENNY:

I'm leaving as well. YOU ARE NOT ACTING RIGHT PAL. You are the type of person whose gonna learn your lesson when it is too late. Look at yourself, Look at your situation,if you are reasonable, you will agree that your attitude STINKS.


PETER:


bUT, BUT...


LENNY:

BUT NOTHING...You act as if EVERYTHING is going well for you but she is just a little annoyance when the truth is NOTHING is going well for you, EXCEPT HER AND THE PARTNERSHIP. The truth is YOU NEED HER MORE THAN SHE NEEDS YOU....


PETER:

Excuse me...


LENNY:

If it was not for her, this business would be performing as badly as it doing today. She sets up the stall by herself everyday, does most of the work. I have nothing else to say...(storms off) Don't forget its her family who pay the rent for the stall. I'M OFF! (chases Emily)


St. Clement:

....Sales. Clearing debt...




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