Slim Forever with yoga warm ups

FORMER spelling bee champion, now self-styled Master yoga guru, Jeremy and his ardent fanatics of Navasana, Pranayama and Tittibhasana. monopolize 60 meters of the sidewalk. He promised reestablishment of their menthol, spiritual and physical well-beings. Even his warm up moves will guarantee unqualified happiness owing to their ability to clear minds, enhance meditations and promote slimness forever.


JEREMY:

Thanks for sneaking out for the best yoga lessons you will ever have. Hope you wont get in trouble...First, follow every move I dictate. Not only are they great ways to warm up; They will clear your mind and enhance your meditation. Trust me, when I'm done with you, you MUST have a much needed shower with bath salts. Great work-out to get your body ready for the Diamond Jubilee



JEREMY:

You're all looking versatile and talented.... We'll do each move for a minimum of 5 minutes, okay. So Angels and Shreks , ARE YOU READY?


ALL:

Yesssssss!

JEREMY:

Okay. Before we start our journey, we'll do the important warm up moves, then we'll YOGA like its 1999, then we'll cool down


APPLAUSE


FIRST MOVE IS.....Pretend you're a tourist then (illustrates move) walk around  on the spot




NOW just (illustrates) walk up and down the sidewalk. Back and forth, back and forth....




Now, (mimics action) walking on crutches. Let me see the pain on your faces. Let me hear your groans




Now do a  long and quiet walk on the spot, just pretend you're in the park. Give thanks through quiet mediation for this wonderful journey I'm taking you on.




For maximum benefit, please vary your steps; vary the pace; long, short, light, forceful.....If your legs hurt, don't worry means that you need more Navasana, Pranayama and Tittibhasana, so push harder.



Don't worry about the curiously amused on-lookers, they're nothing but indolent DRUNKARDS. Just do your thing. I assure you, YOU will have the LAST LAUGHS



Imagine your'e being stalked on the sidewalk by one of these drunks...To get the hell of there, start speed walking, if he does the same, start running..



Thank you all, now LETS YOGA!


ALL:(unenthusiastically)

yes


JEREMY:

Okay, since you're all tired from the Slim Forever warm up moves, then we'll yoga next session. Provided, you'll be ready, willing and able to do so after the warm ups. You're free to go home now and watch the french open. You'll cool down as you dawdle home.


CHEERS


Those of you who I owe change, we'll talk about that in the next session. If I owe you change from last week, as you know, I am short on change today. If I owe you change from more than two weeks ago, seriously, forget it!