Madeleine, Jonathan and slow drivers

Miss Madeleine:

I swear, anywon who drives UNDER the speed limit.... Needs to get a damn scooter and RIDE it on the sidewalk! ARGH!!!


DR. Jonathan:

Don't be execrable to the poor driver. Maybe his brains is slow also....By the way, are you running late or something?


Miss Madeleine:(hesitantly)

ahhm....maybe.


Dr. Jonathan:

Or are you feeling the effects of early menopause? Just pass her then.


PASSES SLOW DRIVER


Madeleine:

Now she's pissed because I overtake her

Donovan sreams at TWONK driver 'THE BAND'

PEDESTRIAN,Donovan, remonstrates with and screams at speeding motorist who narrowly miss knacking over an old lady,Nicollette who pursues her dog, Nikon, onto the road.

Motorist, 'THE BAND':

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE SIDEWALK, you TWONK...Stop getting into people's business and mind your own..You need THERAPHY.


DONOVAN:

It's DULLARDS like you who endangers lives on the road, who drives me mad... You have no consideration for the old lady trying to save her dog from oncoming traffic; she takes a big chance when she stepped off the sidewalk..


'THE BAND': (drives off)

you are too HILARIOUS

BOBBY debut PRESENTATION on sidewalk's multifarious espièglerie

INTRODUCTION.
Bobby's minimum-waged work colleague,Jennifer, describes herself on her twitter profile as "model, actress, and TV Presenter. Bobby dismisses these descriptions as arrant nonsense. 'Which proper TV Presenter, he argues, 'holds a full time minimum wage job?' "ME", Jennifer shouts.


BOBBY:

You do have a full time minimum wage but your'e NOT a TV Presenter, for Christ sake. I have NEVER seen you on TV; I've only seen you WATCHING it. UGH


(mimics)

Whatever! Hater!



BOBBY:

Whatever(mimics)If she allow me to rewrite her profile description, I'd precede those titles with WANNABE. That is; wannabe model, wannabe actress, wannabe TV PResenter



(mimics Jennifer's voice)

That's harsh



BOBBY:

That's true



(mimics)

Oh, so you agree that you are being harsh to me



BOBBY:

NO. I'm agreeing that its true that you're none of the things you say you are on your profile; youre just a WANNABE



(GASPS)



BOBBY:

Of course, if I wanna be nice to her, instead of describing her as a 'wannabe model', I'd be euphemious, by simply calling her an 'AS...PIRING model.'


APPLAUSE




BOBBY:

I would never describe myself on my twitter profile as sidewalk model, actor, and sidewalk TV Presenter, but I'll tell you to your face 'I'm all of the above.'


Model?


BOBBY:

of course...Take a look at my modish clothes; printed, bright and patterned.....straight off the sidewalk. You should see me strutting my stuff...from point A to point B on the sidewalk...to my minimum wage job...to the supermarket....wearing these.


LAUGTHTER



You must be the brokest model of all time. You walk EVERYWHERE. You can't afford a car, let alone a taxi...



BOBBY:

I KNOW


LAUGHTER




BOBBY:

Atleast I'm having fun



(angrily)

Are you saying that 'proper' models DON'T have fun



BOBBY:

HELL NO! I'm saying YOU are not having fun


I think your'e just a WANNABE


LAUGHTER




BOBBY:

HOW RUDE. HOW AUDACIOUS. you could be more euphemious by using the word ASPIRING....Atleast, I WANNABE something


UPROAR


BOBBY:

Anyway, you LOT got the point, so I'm gonna stop the damn introduction now and get on with the meat of the matter.



APPLAUSE


BOBBY:

I strutted up and down the sidewalk today, so get your popcorn ready...I'm ready to share the sidewalk's multifarious espièglerie with you all.



APPLAUSE



BOBBY: (mimics car horn)

A taxi pulled up alongside the sidewalk with 4 passengers inside. The driver not noticing that his last passenger, was still trying to alight, started to drive off


TRAPPED PASSENGER, TIM: (banging on back of driver's seat)

LET ME IN, PLEASE


DRIVER: (confused expression on face)

WHAT!



TIM:

LET ME OUT!

..........................................................
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passengers wait imperturbably for the bus to move off

The bus finally come.Passengers muscle themselves on.Justin Lee picks a fight with the driver. She argues with him for minutes while other passengers wait imperturbably for the bus to move off.Absorbed pedestrians stops for the free entertanement.


Justin Lee:

All the other buses are running on time except you


Joey:

How much longer before this bus get moving?


Mark:

LEAVE THE DRIVER ALONE


Kristen:

(shouts from the back) Thank you


Justin Lee:

You know how long I've been waiting?


Joe:(on phone)

I dont know when I will reach ...



Kristen:(springs up angrily from seat, dashes down the aisle)

GET THE BUS MOVING PLEASE!


Joey:

You have been waiting for 15 minutes like this woman, so don't get involve. She has rights


Justin Lee:

I'm bound to be late for work again due to stupid drivers like you. What's ypur badge number. I must complain to your superiors.


Mark:

DON'T SPEAK TO THE DRIVER WHILE THE BUS IS MOVING


Justin Lee:

IS THE BUS MOVING, YOU IDIOT?


MARK:

Shut up BITCH. If you stop distract the driver, he'll get the chance to leave


Katie:(barely audible)

my child is on the bus, so please refrain from using disgusting swear words


AUTOMATED VOICE ANNOUNCES THAT THE BUS IS NOW OUT OF SERVICE




PASSENGERS MUTTER SWEAR WORDS AS THEY SCAMPER OFF THE BUS


Katie:

I don't want want my child to hear such language


Justin Lee:

Well, for your information, pedestrians do not use such language on he sidewalk. So next time WALK TO YOUR DESTINATION



This sucks


What's the point of getting to the damn bus stop on time? Such a waste of time. UGH!


Someone should sue the bus company


For what? Don't be daft


My worse birhtday EVER



ONE PASSENGER RUSHES TO THE DRIVER WINDOW


Is the bus out of service now?


NO REPLY FROM DRIVER


IS THE BUS OUT OF SEWRVICE OR WHAT


NO REPLY



So you have no respect for passengers? IS THE BUS OUT OF SERVICE OR WHAT?



DRIVER'S REPLY IS INAUDIBLE


LOOK ON THE SIDEWALK. ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE WERE ON THE BUS. Well, are you gonna apologse to them? That passenger uses a stick. Are you gonna get your ass on the sidewalk and help her get back on the bus.


MARK:

LEAVE THE DRIVER ALONE. Let him do his job.

walking to the eye clinic, Selena

THANKS for walking me to the eye clinic, Selena.I don't know how I'm gonna manage if they operate on my eye AGAIN.UGH!(That's what friends are for,Victoria. Look on the brite side. You worry yourself superlatively, that's why your eyelashes are turning grey)


Victoria:

I can hardly see where I'm walking so how the hell can I LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE? And why are YOU looking in my eyes. Are you a man?... You call yourself my friend yet my eye lashes turning grey AND you didn't tell me before? UGH!


SELENA:

I know and understand your'e facing a frightening situation but don't worry. I will pray for you.



VICTORIA: (sarcastically)

Is it possible you could do something else instead of just praying?



SELENA:

SURE! I'll visit you in your home. And if none of your family is available to walk you to the eye clinic, I'll walk you again.



VICTORIA:

Ahhhhh! I love you


SELENA:

I love you too. I want the best for you



THEY STOP AND CUDDLE BENEATH THE GREY SKIES. PEDESTRIANS CHEER, MOTORISTS HONK HORNS



VICTORIA:

Thank you so much...Are we there yet?



Selena:

In a few minutes....if you hurry up



Victoria:


Selena:

You know I can't...



Selena:


...Just kidding. We're at the entrance of the building




Last Resort by Papa Roach blares from a radio on one of the stalls; (.....And I'm contemplating suicide, 'Cause I'm losing my sight.....)

Claudia helps Christine construct amorous texts

Cushioning their heads on make-shift pillows, smitten Christine and her bess friend Claudia, recline on individual sidewalk benches. Amused pedestrians point at them and grin. Totally oblivious, Claudia focuses on helping Christine construct amorous texts.


Claudia:

Just say to him 'do you remember when you ask me how I like you....how much I like you?



Christine:

That doesn't sound too clear to me.



Claudia:

It is clear, just click SEND now.



Christine:

Okay. I did.



Claudia:

Are you sure you send it. Let me see for myself(she grabs Christine's blackberry and checks SENT MESSAGES) Okay. Just wait for his response.



CHRISTINE:(giggles)

I think he will say "what the hell are you talking about?"



FEW MINUTES PASSES, NO RESPONSE


They watch a pedestrian spill his drink on the sidewalk. He takes out handkerchief and wipe down the sidewalk.



Christine:

UGH! What if he never replies?....



SOUND OF INCOMING TEXT PIERCE THE AIR. THEY CACKLE UNCONTROLLABLY.



CLAUDIA:

What's his reply?


CHRISTINE:

"what?"


CLAUDIA:


"What?" He must understand what you are trying to say. You're speaking clear English. You're not speaking Chinese for Christ sake!



Christine:

I know! What should I say to him in reply?



CLAUDIA:

Just say " I enjoy being in your company...



Christine:

...That doesn't sound right.



CLAUDIA:

It IS right, shut up....."I enjoy being in your company and I just wanna be in it more.



THEY GIGGLE LOUDLY



CHRISTINE:

How about "I enjoy being being in your presence and I could get use to it."



LAUGHTER



CLAUDIA:


How about "I LIKE being around you."



LAUGHTER


CHRISTINE:

OH MY GOSH! We are behaving like we are preparing an essay for an examination.



CLAUDIA:

I know. SEND it now. Don't waste no more time.



CHRISTINE:

WAIT! Should I also add "my feelings are genuine."



CLAUDIA:

No!, You idiot. Wait for his response first.



CHRISTINE:

You're right. I'll send the text now.



Christine:

Okay...



Christine:


Keep your fingers crossed for me. I have never been lucky with boys like him.



CLAUDIA:

You just need to know how he feels about you...What if he don't text you back?



CHRISTINE:

There you go with your negativity..... I like him a lot. I'd love it if he takes me to the cinema. I'd really love that.



CLAUDIA: (eyes on Christine's blackberry)

Almost 15 minutes now, what's taking him so long to reply



CHRISTINE:

I guess he just don't wanna know. He's not interested....



CLAUDIA WALKS OVER TO CHRISTINE'S BENCH AND HUG HER



CHRISTINE:

Come to think of it, what was he supposed to say to that?



CLAUDIA:

Don't be silly. He's supposed to acknowledge your feelings.



CHRISTINE:

I enjoy drinking with him. I DON'T enjoy drinking with my boyfriend.



CLAUDIA:


WHAT?

Stranger sits between Heidi and Katy

CAUSTIC jogger Samantha, wedges herself between Heidi and Katy on won of the sidewalk benches. She noticed the other empty bench but wantonly ignored it. Heidi and Katy grimace. Their animated conversation is now impossible, thanks to a complete stranger.



SAMANTHA:

Hey! Why the nasty expression on your faces


KATY:

UGH!...there is an empty bench over there, you must have realized...



HEIDI:

....I agree. So why did you have to come and sit between us? NINNY!



SAMANTHA:

Where I sit on the sidewalk is none of your darn business. I sit where I prefer. Don't take it out on me if no one bought you mother's day flowers



KATY:

It is my darn business, you smell like a cat and your'e blowing smoke in our faces. Do we look like mothers to you, idiot?



SAMANTHA:

You are crazy



HEIDI:

YOU are crazy. I can't stand cat smell.



KATY:

It's the worst.



SAMANTHA:

Considering no one wants to sit beside you, that wasn't very nice, was it? No it was not! You undesireables! No wonder all the other pedestrians are walking away instead of sharing a seat with you.


HEIDI:

Go and sit over there! Look. There is a handsome bodybuilder sitting there now.




Handsome Bodybuilder, Williams: (smiles broadly)

I don't mind sharing this bench with you.



SAMANTHA:(shakes head)

NO! Fxxk off!



KATY:

Show some respect for the women and school kids on the sidewalk. Did we use any swear words. No! So please don't swear at us. ARSEHOLE!



SAMANTHA:

I'll probably fuck you up.. Why don't you both go and sit beside him. Maybe you're lesbians and you both want a piece of me.


KATY:

Whatever loser. We were here first, so we are not moving.



HEIDI:

real talk! I agree.



SAMANTHA:

Well, I came second SO I'm not going anywhere for the next few hours, so I hope you don't mind my cat smell and occasional blowing smoke in your faces



Williams:

Yuck! That's disgusting!



KATY AND HEIDI:(look at each other and snigger, then sing)

STINKY! STINKY!



Williams:

I'm just coming from the gym. There were lots of empty rows of treadmills there, yet a stranger came and used the one next to me. I almost lose it.



KATY:

It's funny you almost lost it when that bodybuilding freak didn't even started to sweat, yet you do not mind sitting in someone's vomit.



HEIDI!

I agree.


MARY, KATY AND SAMANTHA CLAP AND CHEER



Williams:

WHAT! (springs up, checks his bottom) YUCK! (hurries down the sidewalk)


MARY, KATY AND SAMANTHA LAUGH FIENDISHLY



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