sidewalk sideshow

HOMELESS

CHI, I'm starving, please give ME...



Raging Bull (interrupting)

...do you have any food to spare?



Chum

That's mean!



Raging Bull

He begs me everday, so why can't I do the same to him. JUST FOR ONCE. I am sick and tired of giving away my money and food everyday to people who look fit enough to work. FUDGE!Recession affects me to you know!




HOMELESS(pitifully)

I have not eaten ALL day, can you spare some of your food, PLEASE! I promise I wont bother you no more - when the recession is over.



CHUM

That's no problem. Do you eat pasta with greasy dauphinoise potatoes?



HOMELESS

Never. But I'm willing to try it



RAGING BULL

Well, you should try working for it...



CHUM

BULL! Please! If people like him did not live on the sidewalk day and night, who would be the first person to give us a friendly smile?


Raging Bull

Point taken but can't you see he is taking advantage of our kindness? HE ALREADY HAS ABOUT 15 SANDWICHES. LOOK BEHIND HIS DOG.




CHUM

'OUR kindness?' YOU have NEVER given him anything. We did not give him any of those 15 sandwiches, so it's our turn now to show him some kindness as well



RAGING BULL

I wont be fooled by his lies and poetry



CHUM (hands pasta to homeless)

Here you go. Eat your heart out. Never mind him


HOMELESS (sneezes)

Thanks a million. Can I have that ginger beer as well



RAGING BULL (walking away briskly)

You can borrow my sanitizer. His hairy nostrils must be packed with germs



CHUM

Get lost Bull!...Sorry but I have a serious love affair with ginger beer, so I will not be able to part with it. I WOULD FIGHT ANY ANIMAL, MAN OR ANIMAL WHO DARES TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!



RAGING BULL steps on some broken glass and fell on the concrete



RAGING BULL (whimpers)

Ouch!



HOMELESS DOG looks at Bull on the ground and barks excitedly




RAGING BULL

Darn! Worthless dog didn't even try to catch me! A dog is not a man's best friend. This is why get myself a lovely rabbit



HOMELESS (laughs)

You should learn to stand on your own two feet



CHUM (sternly)

Don't be mean to him, he's still my friend


HOMELESS

Sorry. Good bye then



CHUM

You okay Bull



RAGING BULL
Yes, thanks...My bottom hurts. My ankles are swollen. They feel sprain. Elbow looks broken. All I need is a little vodka. it helped me the last time



CHUM

Well, All I have is my little ginger beer...



HOMELESS (scrambles back towards them)

Vodka is good for falls. I have a few bottles from yesterday



CHUM

You have just made fun of him, so I don't think he will accept...



RAGING BULL

The fall did not hurt my mouth so let me defend myself, please. I think I will ACCEPT it, thanks.



CHUM

His elbow LOOKS broken, so let me hold the vodka for him


RAGING BULL

My elbow FEELS fine. Give me my vodka please


HOMELESS

Calm down you two. Dwarves and prostitutes fought on this same spot. People have been murdered here. So on second thoughts, I think I should keep my vodka. I don't wanto to instigate a crime or violent behaviour



RAGE

Get lost!...And tell whoever threw broken glass on the sidewalk, I am gonna give them a proper beating. I don't mess around. When I am fighting, I am dangerous. I am not a pedestrian anyone should mess with.



DOG whines



CHUM

Tell them to throw their broken glass on the street. Not on the FUDGEING sidewalk. If I catch anyone doing it again, when I finish with them, they will wish they were born at a different time



DOG barks


HOMELESS

I think this will teach them a lesson. They'll be so frightened they will never break the law or throw glass on the sidewalk again.


CHUM

I will let off the MISCREANT this time. But never again. I have eyes all over this sidewalk, so no one do anything without me noticing