EAVESDROPPER Vanna WAS ABOUT TO WALK PASS THE BUS STOP BUT SENSES INTRIGUE.
SAJAK:(just arriving)
Have you seen any 'B' bus? sorry to bother you
Amy:(smiles)
It's fine. The last 2 buses were 'A' buses. God knows what machinations the 'B' bus operators have up their sleeves. Their system is so moribund. UGH!
SAJAK: (nods in agreement)
Have you noticed how hubristic they have become since they got a pay rise?
Amy:
what?
SAJAK:
NEVER MIND!
SAJAK STARTS TALKING TO HIMSELF. Amy TAKES FEW STEPS AWAY.
BUS APPROACHES
SAJAK:(runs to Amy's side)
I knew it would be another A bus. What happen to the damn B buses? Same thing happened yesterday. Everyday it makes me angrier and angrier. GRRR!
Amy SMILES AWKWARDLY AND LOOKS AWAY WHEN THEIR EYES MEET. EAVESDROPPER Vanna SMIRKS. He STOPS WALKING EVEN THOUGH HE HAS NO INTENTION OF TAKING A BUS.
SAJAK: (mutters to himself)
I HATE rain! (to Amy)Do you like waiting in the rain?
Amy SHAKES HEAD, THEN HURRIES TO THE BIN. SEARCHES HER POCKET DESPERATELY BUT FINDS NO RUBBISH.
ANOTHER BUS APPEARS IN THE DISTANCE. EAVESDROPPER Vanna PRAYS IT WILL BE ANOTHER 'A' BUS.
SAJAK:
Another 'A' bus? what the hell! I HATE my life, especially living in this town. GRRR!.
EAVESDROPPER Vanna TRIES TO DISGUISE HIS AMUSEMENT.
SAJAK notices A PASSENGER MAKING REPEATED TRIPS ON THE BUS FOR HER BAGS. EAVESDROPPER Vanna ESTIMATES TO BE 15.
SAJAK:(jumps on bus and picks up a bag)
I'd like to help you
NO ANSWER
SAJAK:(louder)
Would you like some help?
(barks) NO! GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF MY POSSESSION..GET LOST!
SAJAK:
WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU HUBRISTIC SON OF A BITCH!
DRIVER MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH EAVESDROPPER Vanna. THEY BOTH GRIN
DRIVER:
NEVER offer help to anyone in this town!
SAJAK: (hisses teeth)
You shut up! My monthly salary is five times yours.
DRIVER: you sound like a LOSER to me
CHEERS AND LAUGHTER
FINALLY, FINISHES TRANSPORTING HER BAGS TO THE SIDEWALK. EAVESDROPPER LOOKS AT WATCH. RUNNING A LITTLE LATE, BUT DECIDES TO WAIT AROUND A LITTLE LONGER TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.
GRRRR!
EAVESDROPPER Vanna HISSES TEETH WHEN HE NOTICES 'A' BUS COMING.
SAJAK:
Come on driver. get this damn bus moving. You've been waiting here for almost 3 minutes now. DON'T PISS ME OFF TODAY.
Amy:
And will you close the DAMN door please? IT'S FREEZING!
(sits beside AMY) TELL HIM MY FRIEND.
Amy: (shouts)
GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! I'm not your FRIEND. I regret speaking to you in the first place. Should never speak to strangers at bus stops. I don't even know you! take your solipsism elsewhere.
......................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
Friday, 27 January 2012
Thursday, 12 January 2012
Marley EAVESDROPS ON MOTORIST CHAT ON New Year's resolution
MARTINEZ: (sighs frustratingly, changes gear)
I don't blame you if you excoriate me but I have to let you know, I'm one step behind in my New Year's resolution.
CHER:
...a very slow progress indeed. But I have no vitriotic remark to make because you're not the only one avoiding gyms NOW. They're so packed with new year's resolution fanatics. I'm sure they'll be empty in a few weeks. But I can't wait so long, so I've been going for brisks walks early mornings. You could join me.
MARTINEZ:
I HATE getting out of bed in the mornings. Even my dog refuses to walk me to the door that UNGODLY time of the day. UGH!
CHER: (giggles from the backseat)
Oh! You could walk in the evenings then
MARTINEZ: (lights up a cigarette)
TOO DARK; scares the living daylights out of me
CHER:
Well, you just have to do it during your hour-long lunch periods
MARTINEZ:
I tried that the other day. Too much temptations on my way back; Macdonalds, KFC, kebabs and other fast food shops. UGH!
CHER:
I can't help you then, sorry...Oh! I know. You could buy Zumba for the Wii, then do the sessions at home with your kids
MARTINEZ:
I hear the sessions are quite intense and I lack coordination...So I'm terrified my kids will record me then post it on youtube.
CHER:
You wont be embarrassed. I promise....Just do it when they're out. You don't have to get the movements right. As long as you're moving, nothing else matters. Plus, it's great fun. I started last week. my goal is to look better than the damn AVATAR instructors. I'm tired of looking like a catfish.
MARTINEZ:
I don't know if it will work for me. But well done on your effort and good luck with your goal.
CHER:
Thanks, but you can do it also.
MARTINEZ: (looks for parking space)
Okay. I'll do it. Then I'll show my kids how it's done...By the way, you don't look like a rotund catfish. I can see your hard work and determination is paying off.
CHER:(gets out of car)
GREAT! You're points ahead of them already.
MARTINEZ: (locks car door with keys)
May I borrow your WII Zumba Fitness DVD, for a month...I'd like to try it before I buy it
..........................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
I don't blame you if you excoriate me but I have to let you know, I'm one step behind in my New Year's resolution.
CHER:
...a very slow progress indeed. But I have no vitriotic remark to make because you're not the only one avoiding gyms NOW. They're so packed with new year's resolution fanatics. I'm sure they'll be empty in a few weeks. But I can't wait so long, so I've been going for brisks walks early mornings. You could join me.
MARTINEZ:
I HATE getting out of bed in the mornings. Even my dog refuses to walk me to the door that UNGODLY time of the day. UGH!
CHER: (giggles from the backseat)
Oh! You could walk in the evenings then
MARTINEZ: (lights up a cigarette)
TOO DARK; scares the living daylights out of me
CHER:
Well, you just have to do it during your hour-long lunch periods
MARTINEZ:
I tried that the other day. Too much temptations on my way back; Macdonalds, KFC, kebabs and other fast food shops. UGH!
CHER:
I can't help you then, sorry...Oh! I know. You could buy Zumba for the Wii, then do the sessions at home with your kids
MARTINEZ:
I hear the sessions are quite intense and I lack coordination...So I'm terrified my kids will record me then post it on youtube.
CHER:
You wont be embarrassed. I promise....Just do it when they're out. You don't have to get the movements right. As long as you're moving, nothing else matters. Plus, it's great fun. I started last week. my goal is to look better than the damn AVATAR instructors. I'm tired of looking like a catfish.
MARTINEZ:
I don't know if it will work for me. But well done on your effort and good luck with your goal.
CHER:
Thanks, but you can do it also.
MARTINEZ: (looks for parking space)
Okay. I'll do it. Then I'll show my kids how it's done...By the way, you don't look like a rotund catfish. I can see your hard work and determination is paying off.
CHER:(gets out of car)
GREAT! You're points ahead of them already.
MARTINEZ: (locks car door with keys)
May I borrow your WII Zumba Fitness DVD, for a month...I'd like to try it before I buy it
..........................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Sidewalk love
HOODED SIDEWALK PRESENTER, Angelo, WALKS SLOWER SO HE CAN EAVESDROP ON TWO PEDESTRIANS' CONVERSATION.
Caucus:
I like your BEATIFIC smile and how you look, you know.
Stacey:
Thanks
So where you walking to?
NOWHERE. Just looking for a sky show of the meteor shower tonight
What's the hell is that?
GIRL FROWNS
Why you so antisocial?
It's patently obvious I'm very ill...and you might be infected
I don't mind being infected by you....sharing is caring
NO ANSWER
Are you Bolivian?
Yes
Are you South American?
YES, I AM...Why is that so HARD to believe?
I like how you look, you know?
THROUGH CORNER OF HIS EYES, ANGELO NOTICES THE GIRL ABRUPTLY SLOWS HER PACE
Caucus:
Are you stopping here?
Stacey:
Yes
SIDEWALK PRESENTER STOPS. THE GIRL PASSES, CLOSELY FOLLOWED BY THE BOY
Stacey:(pointing to parked car on the road)
That's my dad waiting in the car...
Shall I say hello
He has a baseball bat in the car
...................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
Caucus:
I like your BEATIFIC smile and how you look, you know.
Stacey:
Thanks
So where you walking to?
NOWHERE. Just looking for a sky show of the meteor shower tonight
What's the hell is that?
GIRL FROWNS
Why you so antisocial?
It's patently obvious I'm very ill...and you might be infected
I don't mind being infected by you....sharing is caring
NO ANSWER
Are you Bolivian?
Yes
Are you South American?
YES, I AM...Why is that so HARD to believe?
I like how you look, you know?
THROUGH CORNER OF HIS EYES, ANGELO NOTICES THE GIRL ABRUPTLY SLOWS HER PACE
Caucus:
Are you stopping here?
Stacey:
Yes
SIDEWALK PRESENTER STOPS. THE GIRL PASSES, CLOSELY FOLLOWED BY THE BOY
Stacey:(pointing to parked car on the road)
That's my dad waiting in the car...
Shall I say hello
He has a baseball bat in the car
...................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
Sunday, 25 December 2011
a christmas story from the sidewalk
A CHRISTMAS STORY.
A Kathy Griffin alights from bus. Notices that there is ice on the sidewalk, trying to avoid it, he walks gingerly on what looks like just water. Of course,it is glimmering snow, therefore, equally treacherous as the ice. He slips, tries to land with dignity but failed miserably. He fell on his backside with a great thud.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE drown out the Christmas Number 1 on SIDEWALK FM.
CAR DRIVER Savannah: (stops)
Are you okay?
Kathy Griffin:(groans)
Fine, thanks
Savannah DRIVES OFF
SIDEWALK COP Perry : (AMBLES PASS Simpson)
OUCH!
Kathy Griffin: (rants)
DAMN these cops on the sidewalk. They’re as COLD as it was last night. 3 to 5 degrees. Where is the true meaning of Christmas THEY’RE supposed to be UPHOLDING? I HATE THEM! ALL OF THEM
Perry:(looks back, then guffaws)
Excuse my bad manners: I should have said MERRY CHRISTMAS. I hope the DENT in your head will go away by tomorrow
ANOTHER CAR STOPS
DRIVER:
You need a hand?
Kathy Griffin:
No thanks. I’ll be fine. I just need a few minutes, if you don't mind.
DRIVER:
Okay
Kathy Griffin:
Oh Lord. I need to walk on a DRY SIDEWALK. Why couldn’t the DAMN snow wait until after Christmas to fall? By the way, where the hell are my parents when I need them?
Sidewalk Snapper:(giggles)
I admire you. You know how to create good memories. Too bad I can’t stop to help you up. Going to shovel the snow at my gate.
Kathy Griffin:
Whatever!...All you smug people who have hot sunshine today, I hope the heat from the sidewalk burn your bare feet when you walk it home
LAUGHTER
Kathy Griffin:
ANYONE LOST A BRACELET?
JOGGER:
God is GREAT! My grand uncle would turn in his grave if I didn’t find it. Thank you. It’s a good thing no one helped you up before.
Kathy Griffin:
Take it and go about your business!
PEDESTRIAN:
GRRR! Slow down joggers! No need to go so DAMN fast when the sidewalk is congested with so many last minute Christmas shoppers, idlers, pickpockets, you name it
CAR STOPS
Kathy Griffin: (protests as car driver lifts him off the ground)
Leave me alone. I can get up by myself
CAR DRIVER:
Your ankle looks swollen to me sir. That is why you haven’t gotten up already. I'll give you a lift home.
Kathy Griffin:
How do you know how long I have been down?
DRIVER:
I noticed you while I waited for the traffic lights to turn green.
Kathy Griffin:
AHHhhh! Only a few moments ago, I was cursing ALL cops. I'm sorry. VERY SORRY. THANK YOU
DRIVER:
EXCUSE ME! I’m not wearing police uniform. Neither am I driving a police car, so what make you think I’m a cop?
Kathy Griffin:
I’m wondering why you pinned your badge on your plain clothing
DRIVER: (sighs)
Christmas is almost over and I didn't get the chance to spend it with my family. Besides, today has been so stressful. Of course, I lost track of the number of times we had to make arrests on the sidewalk today.
Kathy Griffin:(tearfully)
I do hope you manage to have a decent christmas evening with your family . And things get better soon.
...........................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
A Kathy Griffin alights from bus. Notices that there is ice on the sidewalk, trying to avoid it, he walks gingerly on what looks like just water. Of course,it is glimmering snow, therefore, equally treacherous as the ice. He slips, tries to land with dignity but failed miserably. He fell on his backside with a great thud.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE drown out the Christmas Number 1 on SIDEWALK FM.
CAR DRIVER Savannah: (stops)
Are you okay?
Kathy Griffin:(groans)
Fine, thanks
Savannah DRIVES OFF
SIDEWALK COP Perry : (AMBLES PASS Simpson)
OUCH!
Kathy Griffin: (rants)
DAMN these cops on the sidewalk. They’re as COLD as it was last night. 3 to 5 degrees. Where is the true meaning of Christmas THEY’RE supposed to be UPHOLDING? I HATE THEM! ALL OF THEM
Perry:(looks back, then guffaws)
Excuse my bad manners: I should have said MERRY CHRISTMAS. I hope the DENT in your head will go away by tomorrow
ANOTHER CAR STOPS
DRIVER:
You need a hand?
Kathy Griffin:
No thanks. I’ll be fine. I just need a few minutes, if you don't mind.
DRIVER:
Okay
Kathy Griffin:
Oh Lord. I need to walk on a DRY SIDEWALK. Why couldn’t the DAMN snow wait until after Christmas to fall? By the way, where the hell are my parents when I need them?
Sidewalk Snapper:(giggles)
I admire you. You know how to create good memories. Too bad I can’t stop to help you up. Going to shovel the snow at my gate.
Kathy Griffin:
Whatever!...All you smug people who have hot sunshine today, I hope the heat from the sidewalk burn your bare feet when you walk it home
LAUGHTER
Kathy Griffin:
ANYONE LOST A BRACELET?
JOGGER:
God is GREAT! My grand uncle would turn in his grave if I didn’t find it. Thank you. It’s a good thing no one helped you up before.
Kathy Griffin:
Take it and go about your business!
PEDESTRIAN:
GRRR! Slow down joggers! No need to go so DAMN fast when the sidewalk is congested with so many last minute Christmas shoppers, idlers, pickpockets, you name it
CAR STOPS
Kathy Griffin: (protests as car driver lifts him off the ground)
Leave me alone. I can get up by myself
CAR DRIVER:
Your ankle looks swollen to me sir. That is why you haven’t gotten up already. I'll give you a lift home.
Kathy Griffin:
How do you know how long I have been down?
DRIVER:
I noticed you while I waited for the traffic lights to turn green.
Kathy Griffin:
AHHhhh! Only a few moments ago, I was cursing ALL cops. I'm sorry. VERY SORRY. THANK YOU
DRIVER:
EXCUSE ME! I’m not wearing police uniform. Neither am I driving a police car, so what make you think I’m a cop?
Kathy Griffin:
I’m wondering why you pinned your badge on your plain clothing
DRIVER: (sighs)
Christmas is almost over and I didn't get the chance to spend it with my family. Besides, today has been so stressful. Of course, I lost track of the number of times we had to make arrests on the sidewalk today.
Kathy Griffin:(tearfully)
I do hope you manage to have a decent christmas evening with your family . And things get better soon.
...........................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
Sunday, 18 December 2011
slowly DRIVING...ME CRAZY. ARGH!
GUINESS truck driver, R. martinez: (jumps in truck)
Kids, sit back relax and enjoy. I'll be playing a new game on the road today. I will attempt to run EVERY mini car off the road. Whoever sees the first mini car, just shout START
ROAD PRESENTER Rollins:
Welcome. I'm James, the doyenne of sidewalk presenters..On the other side of town, Dixon is looking forward to wonderful things happening to him on the road. Because of past experiences, however, he is a little anxious. He and R. martinez are complete srangers and it's very unlikley they'll run into each other. Let's keep our fingers crossed for them. for DIXON. That R. martinez seems to be a perfidious character.
Kahne (praying as he gets in car)
I hope squirrels do not run across the road WHEN i'M DRIVING, I hear that's bad luck. Help me save any pet animal that gets in the way, I don't wanna any young kid to suffer hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. LORD, DON'T LET ME HAVE TO RUN AN IDIOT DRIVER OFF THE ROAD, AGAIN. Instead, let me see shooting stars hovering above, as I drive, so all my wishes can come through. aMEN
Dixon STOPS TO ALLOW KIDS TO CROSS ROAD. KIDS WAVE AND DISPLAY THUMBS UP
HE SMILES
Rollins: (notices R. Martinez's truck several feet behing Dixon's car)
This is not funny, odd, awkward. it's too late for Dixon to turn back now. For how much longer will he be safe?
Kid PACKERS: (notices Dixon's mini car)
S T A R T T TT!!!!!!!
kid CHELSEE:
NO!!!
PACKERS:
What are you scared of this time?
R. Martinez: (to CHELSEE)
He's driving too SLOW son. Just WASTING our precious time. i can't afford to be late for the free airport parking or the cheap christmas dresses for your mother.
CHELSEE:
Is that right dad?
DAD:(harrumphs)
Not really,BUT HE'S DRIVING.... ME CRAZY
CHELSEE:
DAD! That's too dangerous.
PACKERS:(teases)
As timid AS....CHELSEE!
R. Martinez:
OKAY okay. STOP IT you two. PACKERS, everyday, you remind me of me; I was a feral child as well....Anyway, I will not run him off the road. I promise your mother I'll take to Coachella Music Festival in one piece. So I will just creep up on this IDIOTIC DRIVER until I'm a few feet away from his bumper.
CHELSEE:
HURRAH! This is the dad I like
PACKERS:
Same here. Scare the hell outta him dad
AFTER A FEW MINUTES
R. Martinez:
Sorry kids. I'm getting bored of this. This is not a game anymore. I have to GET HIM OUT OF THE WAY
CHELSEE:
NO! calm down dad. And keep your hands on the wheels...the STEERING WHEEL
PACKERS:
Just be careful dad, CHRIS is very terrified R. Martienz LAUGHS AS HE ZIG ZAGS BEHIND DIXON'S CAR
SIDEWALK PRESENTER Rollins:
Don't be fooled by the bright lights and the COOL music from the vehicles. They are just a penumbra of something sinister. ANGER. Anger is becoming more and more ubiquitous these days. The road is a Mecca for angry motorists, so you can count on a showdown between these two.
Dixon (shouts)
hey. YOU JERK! watch how you drive. You're going too fast and too dangerously. Do you prefer to lose your life in a moment than to lose just a moment of your life by being patient and courteous?
R. Martienz: (indicates middle finger, then accelerates)
Slow drivers like you should be behind me, not BEFORE
CHRISTOPHER SCREAMS
PACKERS:
You'll have to leave him at home tomorrow dad. He has no guts for this fun game.
Dixon:(Cuts speed as BOND'S car edges closer and closer, menacingly)
I swear, if you hit my bumper today, I am suing your arse TODAY
R. Martienz:
WHATEVER!
LOUD BANG as DIXON'S car careers off the road and into a filthy ditch.
Dixon:
Are you trying to kill us, YOU DRUNK! UGH!
BRAUN:(wakens from passenger's seat of Dixon's car)
CRAZY!!! I bet he was was eating while driving
Dixon:
God knows. Maybe he was just tweeting Christmas messages. Ugh!
PEDESTRIAN Craig:
Jesus Christ! Are you okay down there?
BRAUN:
We are fine thanks, just a little frightened...
Dixon:
....and wet. I urinated on myself
CRAIG: (Turns head away to disguise a snigger)
Thank God You are not hurt....Are you OKk?
BRAUN (sarcastically)
No. WE ARE KNOCKED OUT, YOU IDIOT...WE'RE FINE, THANKS
CRAIG:
No fractures or broken ribs?
Dixon (drives car out of ditch, onto road again)
WE ARE FINE!
Rollins:
Moral of the story. Good samaritans are not welcome. Go about your business, please.
CRAIG:
Calm down. I'm just trying to help. The last time I saw someone got ran off the road, the suffered fractures and broken ribs. They ended up in the hospital. never mind. I will pray for you nonetheless.
BRAUN:
Thanks. But we're fine now.
CRAIG:
I can help.
ROLLINS:(impatient sigh)
He just don't get it?
Dixon SPEEDS UNTIL HE CATCHES BONDS AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS. HE PULLS UP ALONGSIDE BOND'S TRUCK,THEN HONKS HORN LOUDLY
CHELSEE:
Tomorrow we will just walk
PACKERS:
Speak for yourself!
R. Martienz:
You'll do no such thing. Not while I have this truck. walking isn't good for your feet
CHELSEE:
We found some money yesterday when we walked. So walking isn't that moribund. UGH!
R. Martienz:
REALLY! It was your lucky day son. I'll let you walk from now on then, but any money you find, WILL BE MINE.
Dixon CONTINUES HONKING HORN TO GET R. Martienz's ATTENTION. R. Martienz IGNORES HIM BY DOWNING A CAN OF GUINESS.
MOTORIST: (raised voice)
SHUT UP. there is no need for all this racket so early in the morning
Dixon: (jotting down websites; Dating sites, on truck and its licence's plate number)
Mind your business!
R. Martienz (YELLS)
Will you stop honking that horn SO early in the morning. What's your problem? MORON! You choose the wrong day to mess with me
Dixon AND BRAUN stop honking but turns up the volume on whitney houston's I will always love you
R. Martienz SINGS Rebecca Ferguson's "Your A Dumbass" at them.
Kids:
Dad, Whitney Houston is dead. They are grieving
R. Martienz: (to his kids)
So I'm not the only one feeling the loss. They have a funny way of showing it though...ANYWAY, LET'S GO! If I waste a minute more with these IDIOTS, we'll lose the free airport parking. I don't want your mum to nag me if I don't get her christmas dresses
KIDS: (GIGGLE)
That sounds strictly final. RIP Whitney Houston
................................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
Kids, sit back relax and enjoy. I'll be playing a new game on the road today. I will attempt to run EVERY mini car off the road. Whoever sees the first mini car, just shout START
ROAD PRESENTER Rollins:
Welcome. I'm James, the doyenne of sidewalk presenters..On the other side of town, Dixon is looking forward to wonderful things happening to him on the road. Because of past experiences, however, he is a little anxious. He and R. martinez are complete srangers and it's very unlikley they'll run into each other. Let's keep our fingers crossed for them. for DIXON. That R. martinez seems to be a perfidious character.
Kahne (praying as he gets in car)
I hope squirrels do not run across the road WHEN i'M DRIVING, I hear that's bad luck. Help me save any pet animal that gets in the way, I don't wanna any young kid to suffer hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. LORD, DON'T LET ME HAVE TO RUN AN IDIOT DRIVER OFF THE ROAD, AGAIN. Instead, let me see shooting stars hovering above, as I drive, so all my wishes can come through. aMEN
Dixon STOPS TO ALLOW KIDS TO CROSS ROAD. KIDS WAVE AND DISPLAY THUMBS UP
HE SMILES
Rollins: (notices R. Martinez's truck several feet behing Dixon's car)
This is not funny, odd, awkward. it's too late for Dixon to turn back now. For how much longer will he be safe?
Kid PACKERS: (notices Dixon's mini car)
S T A R T T TT!!!!!!!
kid CHELSEE:
NO!!!
PACKERS:
What are you scared of this time?
R. Martinez: (to CHELSEE)
He's driving too SLOW son. Just WASTING our precious time. i can't afford to be late for the free airport parking or the cheap christmas dresses for your mother.
CHELSEE:
Is that right dad?
DAD:(harrumphs)
Not really,BUT HE'S DRIVING.... ME CRAZY
CHELSEE:
DAD! That's too dangerous.
PACKERS:(teases)
As timid AS....CHELSEE!
R. Martinez:
OKAY okay. STOP IT you two. PACKERS, everyday, you remind me of me; I was a feral child as well....Anyway, I will not run him off the road. I promise your mother I'll take to Coachella Music Festival in one piece. So I will just creep up on this IDIOTIC DRIVER until I'm a few feet away from his bumper.
CHELSEE:
HURRAH! This is the dad I like
PACKERS:
Same here. Scare the hell outta him dad
AFTER A FEW MINUTES
R. Martinez:
Sorry kids. I'm getting bored of this. This is not a game anymore. I have to GET HIM OUT OF THE WAY
CHELSEE:
NO! calm down dad. And keep your hands on the wheels...the STEERING WHEEL
PACKERS:
Just be careful dad, CHRIS is very terrified R. Martienz LAUGHS AS HE ZIG ZAGS BEHIND DIXON'S CAR
SIDEWALK PRESENTER Rollins:
Don't be fooled by the bright lights and the COOL music from the vehicles. They are just a penumbra of something sinister. ANGER. Anger is becoming more and more ubiquitous these days. The road is a Mecca for angry motorists, so you can count on a showdown between these two.
Dixon (shouts)
hey. YOU JERK! watch how you drive. You're going too fast and too dangerously. Do you prefer to lose your life in a moment than to lose just a moment of your life by being patient and courteous?
R. Martienz: (indicates middle finger, then accelerates)
Slow drivers like you should be behind me, not BEFORE
CHRISTOPHER SCREAMS
PACKERS:
You'll have to leave him at home tomorrow dad. He has no guts for this fun game.
Dixon:(Cuts speed as BOND'S car edges closer and closer, menacingly)
I swear, if you hit my bumper today, I am suing your arse TODAY
R. Martienz:
WHATEVER!
LOUD BANG as DIXON'S car careers off the road and into a filthy ditch.
Dixon:
Are you trying to kill us, YOU DRUNK! UGH!
BRAUN:(wakens from passenger's seat of Dixon's car)
CRAZY!!! I bet he was was eating while driving
Dixon:
God knows. Maybe he was just tweeting Christmas messages. Ugh!
PEDESTRIAN Craig:
Jesus Christ! Are you okay down there?
BRAUN:
We are fine thanks, just a little frightened...
Dixon:
....and wet. I urinated on myself
CRAIG: (Turns head away to disguise a snigger)
Thank God You are not hurt....Are you OKk?
BRAUN (sarcastically)
No. WE ARE KNOCKED OUT, YOU IDIOT...WE'RE FINE, THANKS
CRAIG:
No fractures or broken ribs?
Dixon (drives car out of ditch, onto road again)
WE ARE FINE!
Rollins:
Moral of the story. Good samaritans are not welcome. Go about your business, please.
CRAIG:
Calm down. I'm just trying to help. The last time I saw someone got ran off the road, the suffered fractures and broken ribs. They ended up in the hospital. never mind. I will pray for you nonetheless.
BRAUN:
Thanks. But we're fine now.
CRAIG:
I can help.
ROLLINS:(impatient sigh)
He just don't get it?
Dixon SPEEDS UNTIL HE CATCHES BONDS AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS. HE PULLS UP ALONGSIDE BOND'S TRUCK,THEN HONKS HORN LOUDLY
CHELSEE:
Tomorrow we will just walk
PACKERS:
Speak for yourself!
R. Martienz:
You'll do no such thing. Not while I have this truck. walking isn't good for your feet
CHELSEE:
We found some money yesterday when we walked. So walking isn't that moribund. UGH!
R. Martienz:
REALLY! It was your lucky day son. I'll let you walk from now on then, but any money you find, WILL BE MINE.
Dixon CONTINUES HONKING HORN TO GET R. Martienz's ATTENTION. R. Martienz IGNORES HIM BY DOWNING A CAN OF GUINESS.
MOTORIST: (raised voice)
SHUT UP. there is no need for all this racket so early in the morning
Dixon: (jotting down websites; Dating sites, on truck and its licence's plate number)
Mind your business!
R. Martienz (YELLS)
Will you stop honking that horn SO early in the morning. What's your problem? MORON! You choose the wrong day to mess with me
Dixon AND BRAUN stop honking but turns up the volume on whitney houston's I will always love you
R. Martienz SINGS Rebecca Ferguson's "Your A Dumbass" at them.
Kids:
Dad, Whitney Houston is dead. They are grieving
R. Martienz: (to his kids)
So I'm not the only one feeling the loss. They have a funny way of showing it though...ANYWAY, LET'S GO! If I waste a minute more with these IDIOTS, we'll lose the free airport parking. I don't want your mum to nag me if I don't get her christmas dresses
KIDS: (GIGGLE)
That sounds strictly final. RIP Whitney Houston
................................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
Saturday, 3 December 2011
DRIVING.... ME CRAZY
Guiness truck driver, BONDS:(jumps in truck)
Kids, sit back relax and enjoy. I'll be playing a new game on the road today. I will attempt to run EVERY mini car off the road. Whoever sees the first mini car, just shout START
ROAD PRESENTER James:
Welcome. I'm James, the doyenne of sidewalk presenters..On the other side of town, TRAWICK is looking forward to wonderful things happening to him on the road. Because of past experiences, however, he is a little anxious. He and BONDS are complete srangers and it's very unlikley they'll run into each other. Let's keep our fingers crossed for them. for TRAWICK. That BONDS seems to be a perfidious character.
TRAWICK (praying as he gets in car)
I hope squirrels do not run across the road WHEN i'M DRIVING, I hear that's bad luck. Help me save any pet animal that gets in the way, I don't wanna break any young kids heart. I DON'T WANT TO BE RUN OFF THE ROAD AGAIN. Instead, let me see shooting stars hovering above, so all my wishes can come through. aMEN
TRAWICK STOPS TO ALLOW KIDS TO CROSS ROAD. KIDS WAVE AND DISPLAY THUMBS UP
HE SMILES
JAMES (notices Bonds's truck several feet behing TRAWICK's car)
This is funny, odd, awkward. it's too late for TRAWICK to turn back now. For how much longer will he be safe?
Kid HURD: (notices TRAWICK'S mini car)
S T A R T T TT!!!!!!!
KID Christopher
NO!!!
HURD
What are you scared of this time?
BONDS: (to CHRISTOPHER)
He's driving too SLOW son. I must teach him a lesson.
CHRISTOPHER:
Is that right dad?
DAD:(harrumphs)
Not really,BUT HE'S DRIVING.... ME CRAZY
CHRISTOPHER:
DAD! That's too dangerous.
HURD:
Such a girl.
BONDS:
OKAY okay. STOP IT you two. Hurd, everyday, you remind me of me; I was a feral child as well....Anyway, I will not run him off the road, I will just creep up on him until I'm a few feet away from his bumper.
CHRISTOPHER:
HURRAH! This is the dad I like
HURD:
Same here
AFTER A FEW MINUTES
BONDS:
Sorry kids. I'm getting bored of this. This is not a game anymore. I have to GET HIM OUT OF THE WAY
CHRISTOPHER:
NO! calm down dad. And keep your hands on the wheels...the STEERING WHEEL
HURD:
Just be careful dad, CHRIS is very terrified
BONDS LAUGHS AS HE ZIG ZAGS BEHIND TRAWICK'S CAR
SIDEWALK PRESENTER JAMES: Don't be fooled by the bright lights and the blaring music from the vehicles. They are just a penumbra of something sinister. ANGER. Anger is becoming more and more ubiquitous these days. The road is a Mecca for angry motorists, so you can count on a showdown between these two.
TRAWICK (shouts)
hey. YOU JERK! watch how you drive. You're going too fast and too dangerously. Do you prefer to lose your life in a moment than to lose just a moment of your life by being patient and courteous?
BONDS:(indicates middle finger, then accelerates)
Slow drivers like you should be behind me, not BEFORE
CHRISTOPHER SCREAMS
HURD:
You'll have to leave him at home tomorrow dad. He has no guts for this fun game.
TRAWICK:(Cuts speed as BOND'S car edges closer and closer, menacingly)
I swear, if you hit my bumper today, I am suing you TODAY
BONDS:
WHATEVER!
LOUD BANG as TRAWICK'S car careers off the road and into a filthy ditch.
TRAWICK:
Are you trying to kill us, YOU DRUNK
BRAUN:(wakens from passenger's seat of TRAWICK'S car)
CRAZY!!! I bet he was was eating while driving
TRAWICK:
God knows. Maybe he was just tweeting Christmas messages. Ugh!
PEDESTRIAN Craig:
Jesus Christ! Are you okay down there?
BRAUN:
We are fine thanks, just a little frightened...
TRAWICK:
....and wet. I urinated on myself
CRAIG: (Turns head away to disguise a snigger)
Thank God You are not hurt....Are you OKk?
BRAUN (sarcastically)
No. WE ARE KNOCKED OUT, YOU IDIOT...WE'RE FINE, THANKS
CRAIG:
No fractures or broken ribs?
TRAWICK(drives car out of ditch, onto road again)
WE ARE FINE!
CRAIG:
Calm down. I'm just trying to help. The last time I saw someone got ran off the road, the suffered fractures and broken ribs. They ended up in the hospital. never mind. I will pray for you nonetheless.
BRAUN:
Thanks. But we're fine now.
CRAIG:
I can help.
TRAWICK SPEEDS UNTIL HE CATCHES BONDS AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS. HE PULLS UP ALONGSIDE BOND'S TRUCK,THEN HONKS HORN LOUDLY
CHRISTOPHER:
Tomorrow we will just walk
HURD:
Speak for yourself!
BONDS:
You'll do no such thing. Not while I have this truck. Too much walking isn't good for your little feet
CHRISTOPHER:
We found some money yesterday when we walked. So walking isn't that bad
BONDS:
REALLY! It was your lucky day son. I'll let you walk from now on then, but any money you find, WILL BE MINE.
TRAWICK CONTINUES HONKING HORN TO GET BOND'S ATTENTION. BONDS IGNORES HIM BY DOWNING A CAN OF GUINESS.
MOTORISTS: (raised voice)
SHUT UP. there is no need for all this racket so early in the morning
TRAWICK: (jotting down websites; Dating sites, on truck and its licence's plate number)
Mind your business
BONDS (YELLS)
Will you stop honking that horn SO early in the morning. What's your problem? MORON! You choose the wrong day to mess with me
TRAWICK AND BRAUN SINGS Rebecca Ferguson's "Your A Dumbass" at BONDS
BONDS: (to his kids)
They're just jealous of my Plus size clothing, 0% credit cards and Samsung Galaxy Tab
KIDS GIGGLE
.....................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
Kids, sit back relax and enjoy. I'll be playing a new game on the road today. I will attempt to run EVERY mini car off the road. Whoever sees the first mini car, just shout START
ROAD PRESENTER James:
Welcome. I'm James, the doyenne of sidewalk presenters..On the other side of town, TRAWICK is looking forward to wonderful things happening to him on the road. Because of past experiences, however, he is a little anxious. He and BONDS are complete srangers and it's very unlikley they'll run into each other. Let's keep our fingers crossed for them. for TRAWICK. That BONDS seems to be a perfidious character.
TRAWICK (praying as he gets in car)
I hope squirrels do not run across the road WHEN i'M DRIVING, I hear that's bad luck. Help me save any pet animal that gets in the way, I don't wanna break any young kids heart. I DON'T WANT TO BE RUN OFF THE ROAD AGAIN. Instead, let me see shooting stars hovering above, so all my wishes can come through. aMEN
TRAWICK STOPS TO ALLOW KIDS TO CROSS ROAD. KIDS WAVE AND DISPLAY THUMBS UP
HE SMILES
JAMES (notices Bonds's truck several feet behing TRAWICK's car)
This is funny, odd, awkward. it's too late for TRAWICK to turn back now. For how much longer will he be safe?
Kid HURD: (notices TRAWICK'S mini car)
S T A R T T TT!!!!!!!
KID Christopher
NO!!!
HURD
What are you scared of this time?
BONDS: (to CHRISTOPHER)
He's driving too SLOW son. I must teach him a lesson.
CHRISTOPHER:
Is that right dad?
DAD:(harrumphs)
Not really,BUT HE'S DRIVING.... ME CRAZY
CHRISTOPHER:
DAD! That's too dangerous.
HURD:
Such a girl.
BONDS:
OKAY okay. STOP IT you two. Hurd, everyday, you remind me of me; I was a feral child as well....Anyway, I will not run him off the road, I will just creep up on him until I'm a few feet away from his bumper.
CHRISTOPHER:
HURRAH! This is the dad I like
HURD:
Same here
AFTER A FEW MINUTES
BONDS:
Sorry kids. I'm getting bored of this. This is not a game anymore. I have to GET HIM OUT OF THE WAY
CHRISTOPHER:
NO! calm down dad. And keep your hands on the wheels...the STEERING WHEEL
HURD:
Just be careful dad, CHRIS is very terrified
BONDS LAUGHS AS HE ZIG ZAGS BEHIND TRAWICK'S CAR
SIDEWALK PRESENTER JAMES: Don't be fooled by the bright lights and the blaring music from the vehicles. They are just a penumbra of something sinister. ANGER. Anger is becoming more and more ubiquitous these days. The road is a Mecca for angry motorists, so you can count on a showdown between these two.
TRAWICK (shouts)
hey. YOU JERK! watch how you drive. You're going too fast and too dangerously. Do you prefer to lose your life in a moment than to lose just a moment of your life by being patient and courteous?
BONDS:(indicates middle finger, then accelerates)
Slow drivers like you should be behind me, not BEFORE
CHRISTOPHER SCREAMS
HURD:
You'll have to leave him at home tomorrow dad. He has no guts for this fun game.
TRAWICK:(Cuts speed as BOND'S car edges closer and closer, menacingly)
I swear, if you hit my bumper today, I am suing you TODAY
BONDS:
WHATEVER!
LOUD BANG as TRAWICK'S car careers off the road and into a filthy ditch.
TRAWICK:
Are you trying to kill us, YOU DRUNK
BRAUN:(wakens from passenger's seat of TRAWICK'S car)
CRAZY!!! I bet he was was eating while driving
TRAWICK:
God knows. Maybe he was just tweeting Christmas messages. Ugh!
PEDESTRIAN Craig:
Jesus Christ! Are you okay down there?
BRAUN:
We are fine thanks, just a little frightened...
TRAWICK:
....and wet. I urinated on myself
CRAIG: (Turns head away to disguise a snigger)
Thank God You are not hurt....Are you OKk?
BRAUN (sarcastically)
No. WE ARE KNOCKED OUT, YOU IDIOT...WE'RE FINE, THANKS
CRAIG:
No fractures or broken ribs?
TRAWICK(drives car out of ditch, onto road again)
WE ARE FINE!
CRAIG:
Calm down. I'm just trying to help. The last time I saw someone got ran off the road, the suffered fractures and broken ribs. They ended up in the hospital. never mind. I will pray for you nonetheless.
BRAUN:
Thanks. But we're fine now.
CRAIG:
I can help.
TRAWICK SPEEDS UNTIL HE CATCHES BONDS AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS. HE PULLS UP ALONGSIDE BOND'S TRUCK,THEN HONKS HORN LOUDLY
CHRISTOPHER:
Tomorrow we will just walk
HURD:
Speak for yourself!
BONDS:
You'll do no such thing. Not while I have this truck. Too much walking isn't good for your little feet
CHRISTOPHER:
We found some money yesterday when we walked. So walking isn't that bad
BONDS:
REALLY! It was your lucky day son. I'll let you walk from now on then, but any money you find, WILL BE MINE.
TRAWICK CONTINUES HONKING HORN TO GET BOND'S ATTENTION. BONDS IGNORES HIM BY DOWNING A CAN OF GUINESS.
MOTORISTS: (raised voice)
SHUT UP. there is no need for all this racket so early in the morning
TRAWICK: (jotting down websites; Dating sites, on truck and its licence's plate number)
Mind your business
BONDS (YELLS)
Will you stop honking that horn SO early in the morning. What's your problem? MORON! You choose the wrong day to mess with me
TRAWICK AND BRAUN SINGS Rebecca Ferguson's "Your A Dumbass" at BONDS
BONDS: (to his kids)
They're just jealous of my Plus size clothing, 0% credit cards and Samsung Galaxy Tab
KIDS GIGGLE
.....................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
Friday, 2 December 2011
blackberry map
Sidewalk Presenter Probst Pujols:
...rick perry ad plays in CAR WITH PASSENGERS GAY, LITTLE, the pugilistic sidewalk champion DONOVAN, AND NICOLAS as it HALTS ON SIDE OF THE ROAD....There is something for everyone on the sidewalk today; Lingerie, TV packages, Millets sale, Dating sites, replicas of Pendle witches and Pygmy elephant.
Gay:(shuts off engine)
Mum. wake up!
Little: (yawns, unfastens her seat belt)
We reach the sidewalk already? Great. much quicker than riding on Bendy buses. I'm so glad to see the back of them. I would'nt want to miss the sidewalk Christmas markets for Evening dresses, Cheap holidays etc
Gay:
Yes Mum. Thanks to my blackberry map. It gave me important traffic updates so I could avoid congested areas.
Little:
I hope it was a great idea to be early. Park the car here please. I want to be first in the SIDEWALK'S SALE queue for Gifts under £10, Cheap laptops and secret santa gifts... Shxt! the sidewalk is empty. Where are all the vendors and pedestrians. Even the road is empty. Not even a bendy bus in sight.
Nicolas: (slams car door, reaches for Samsung Galaxy S2 in pocket, then starts to write a text)
We are 2 hours EARLY. What do you expect? I told you we should have dropped off donovan at his elementary school before we come here. UGH!
Little:
Even a child should never miss a good sidewalk sale, even if it's for lingerie. we'll drop him off later. It's raining, so his teacher will be late anyway.
Nicolas:
Mum, Frankie is only five. He has no interest in Samsung Galaxy, Evening dresses or whatever else is in the DAMN sidewalk sale..Frankly, I would prefer to be stucked in traffic in some CONGESTED AREAS than waiting around in a cold, wet car for ages by the sidewalk
GAY:
SHUT UP! And stop telling lies. The car is not cold. You were so excited when I lent it to you yesterday. So I have no idea why today, you tergiversate and complain so much about it. You rather get here late and MISS all the bargains?
Little:
Gay, I'm so IMPRESSED with your BlackBerry Curve. I will have to get one for myself. It's my favourite of the Christmas gadgets...It seems pretty useful. Can't wait to get lost in it when I'm on the sidewalk.
donovan:
Aunty, you're just too, too, too, MATURE for a blackberry
Little:
What do you mean Donovan?
Nicolas:
Mum, you use both the sidewalk and the road everyday, who do you see using blackberrys the most?
Little:
desean and the Teenagers, eddie and young adults...
Donovan:
...I rest my case
.....................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
...rick perry ad plays in CAR WITH PASSENGERS GAY, LITTLE, the pugilistic sidewalk champion DONOVAN, AND NICOLAS as it HALTS ON SIDE OF THE ROAD....There is something for everyone on the sidewalk today; Lingerie, TV packages, Millets sale, Dating sites, replicas of Pendle witches and Pygmy elephant.
Gay:(shuts off engine)
Mum. wake up!
Little: (yawns, unfastens her seat belt)
We reach the sidewalk already? Great. much quicker than riding on Bendy buses. I'm so glad to see the back of them. I would'nt want to miss the sidewalk Christmas markets for Evening dresses, Cheap holidays etc
Gay:
Yes Mum. Thanks to my blackberry map. It gave me important traffic updates so I could avoid congested areas.
Little:
I hope it was a great idea to be early. Park the car here please. I want to be first in the SIDEWALK'S SALE queue for Gifts under £10, Cheap laptops and secret santa gifts... Shxt! the sidewalk is empty. Where are all the vendors and pedestrians. Even the road is empty. Not even a bendy bus in sight.
Nicolas: (slams car door, reaches for Samsung Galaxy S2 in pocket, then starts to write a text)
We are 2 hours EARLY. What do you expect? I told you we should have dropped off donovan at his elementary school before we come here. UGH!
Little:
Even a child should never miss a good sidewalk sale, even if it's for lingerie. we'll drop him off later. It's raining, so his teacher will be late anyway.
Nicolas:
Mum, Frankie is only five. He has no interest in Samsung Galaxy, Evening dresses or whatever else is in the DAMN sidewalk sale..Frankly, I would prefer to be stucked in traffic in some CONGESTED AREAS than waiting around in a cold, wet car for ages by the sidewalk
GAY:
SHUT UP! And stop telling lies. The car is not cold. You were so excited when I lent it to you yesterday. So I have no idea why today, you tergiversate and complain so much about it. You rather get here late and MISS all the bargains?
Little:
Gay, I'm so IMPRESSED with your BlackBerry Curve. I will have to get one for myself. It's my favourite of the Christmas gadgets...It seems pretty useful. Can't wait to get lost in it when I'm on the sidewalk.
donovan:
Aunty, you're just too, too, too, MATURE for a blackberry
Little:
What do you mean Donovan?
Nicolas:
Mum, you use both the sidewalk and the road everyday, who do you see using blackberrys the most?
Little:
desean and the Teenagers, eddie and young adults...
Donovan:
...I rest my case
.....................................................
SIDEWALK THEATRE and SIDEWALK LOOKS http://www.facebook.com/allthaTRAGE
SIDEWALK LOOKS http://sidewalknarratives.blogspot.com/
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