SIDEWALK SIDESHOW - No vending

Vendor1: We are so blessed to have the opportunity to earn our livelihoods on the sidewalk without interference.


Vendor2: I KNOW..What are you on about?


Vendor1: This morning's newsport says the mayor does not allow vending in ST James?


Vendor2: You lost me completely. First of all. What is St James?


Vendor1: YOU ARE TELLING ME, YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ST JAMES?


VENDOR2: Never! Is it a forest?


VENDOR1: NO! SILLY! It's a sidewalk in Spain.


VENDOR: And you expected me to know that?


VENDOR1: You never know when a little general knowledge....


Vendor2: WHATEVER!


VENDOR1: No need to be rude. I am only trying to educate you


VENDOR2: (sings) teachers, leave them kids alone

Vendor1: Well, you are not a kid. In fact you are a GRAND MOTHER


VENDOR2:(quickly scans the sidewalk for anyone in earshot)No need for a blow beneath the belt.

tell me more about St James



VENDOR1: Both consumers and vendors were preparing for and looking forward to the weekend sale.

But the mayor gave strict orders for all vendors to be kicked off the side-walk


VENDOR2: OUCH!That is pure evil!


VENDOR1: I feel for the poor vendors, especially those who have to take care of their families themselves.


VENDOR2: Thank God we have a nice mayor. SO what's the latest? Any developmen?


Vendor1: Yes. The headlines on the radio says vendors who refused to obey the initial instructions, were warned by the police to leave immediately or face confiscation of goods or even arrests


Vendor2: Were any of the vendors granted exemptions? For instance, pensioners or those who who have been vending on the sidewalk for decades.


Vendor1: NOT EVEN ONE! It's a shame, I know.


Vendor2: No, it's a disgrace. reminds me of beauty and the beast


VENDOR1: Some of them are still brave enough to disobey the orders and stay so they can sell to their loyal customers.



Vendor2: With so many vendors unable to sell anything to make make money, it is definitely certain that we will now have a proportionate increase in knife crime, burglaries, mugging and terrorism


VENDOR1: Really!

SIDEWALK SIDESHOW - A homeless man on sidewalk

HOMELESS MAN ON SIDEWALK

la ink, Please give...



Raging Bull (to homeless man)

...do you have any food to spare?



Chum

That's mean



Raging Bull

He beg me everday, so why can't I do the same to him. JUST FOR ONCE. I am sick and tired of giving away my money and food everyday to people who look fit enough to work. FUDGE!




HOMELESS(pitifully)

I have not eaten ALL day, can you spare some of your food, PLEASE!



CHUM

That's no problem. Do you eat pasta with greasy dauphinoise potatoes?



HOMELESS

Never. But I'm willing to try it



RAGING BULL

Well, you should try working for it...



CHUM

BULL! Please! If people like him did not live on the sidewalk day and night, who would be the first person to give us a friendly smile?


Raging Bull

Point taken but can't you see he is taking advantage of our kindness? HE ALREADY HAS ABOUT 15 SANDWICHES. LOOK BEHIND HIS DOG.




CHUM

'Our KINDNESS?' You have NEVER given him anything. We did not give him any of those 15 swandwiches, so it's our turn now to show him some kindness as well



RAGING BULL

I wont be fooled by his lies and poetry



CHUM (hands pasta to homeless)

Here you go. Eat your heart out. Never mind him


HOMELESS (sneezes)

Thanks a million. Can I have that ginger beer as well



RAGING BULL (walking away briskly)

You can borrow my sanitizer. His hairy nostrils must be packed with germs


CHUM

Get lost Bull!...Sorry but I have a serious love affair with ginger beer, so I will not be able to part with it. I WOULD FIGHT ANY ANIMAL, MAN OR ANIMAL WHO DARES TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!



RAGING BULL steps on some broken glass and fell on the concrete



RAGING BULL (whimpers)

Ouch!



HOMELESS DOG looks at Bull on the ground and barks excitedly




RAGING BULL

dang worthless dog didn't even try to catch me! A dog is not a man's best friend. This is why get myself a lovely rabbit



HOMELESS (laughs)

You should learn to stand on your own two feet



CHUM (sternly)

Don't be mean to him, he's still my friend


HOMELESS

Sorry. Good bye then


CHUM

You okay Bull


RAGING BULL
Yes, thanks...My bottom hurts. My ankles are swollen. They feel sprain. Elbow looks broken. All I need is a little vodka. it helped me the last time


CHUM

Well, All I have is my little ginger beer...



HOMELESS (scrambles back towards them)

Vodka is good for falls. I have a few bottles from yesterday


CHUM

You have just made fun of him, so I don't think he will accept...


RAGING BULL

The fall did not hurt my mouth so let me defend myself, please. I think I will ACCEPT it, thanks.


CHUM

His elbow LOOKS broken, so let me hold the vodka for him


RAGING BULL

My elbow FEELS fine. Give me my vodka please


HOMELESS

Calm down you two. Dwarves and prostitutes fought on this same spot. People have been murdered here. So on second thoughts, I think I should keep my vodka. I don't wanto to instigate a crime or violent behaviour



RAGE

Get lost!...And tell whoever threw broken glass on the sidewalk, I am gonna give them a proper beating. I don't mess around. When I am fighting, I am dangerous. I am not a pedestrian anyone should mess with.



DOG whines



CHUM

Tell them to throw their broken glass on the street. Not on the FUDGEING sidewalk. If I catch anyone doing it again, when I finish with them, they will wish they were born at a different time



DOG barks


HOMELESS

I think this will teach them a lesson. They'll be so frightened they will never break the law or throw glass on the sidewalk again.


CHUM

I will let off the miscreant this time. But never again. I have eyes all over this sidewalk, so noone do anything without me noticing

SIDEWALK SIDESHOW - homeless man on sidewalk

HOMELESS MAN ON SIDEWALK

la ink, Please give...



Raging Bull (to homeless man)

...do you have any food to spare?



Chum

That's mean



Raging Bull

He beg me everday, so why can't I do the same to him. JUST FOR ONCE. I am sick and tired of giving away my money and food everyday to people who look fit enough to work. FUDGE!




HOMELESS(pitifully)

I have not eaten ALL day, can you spare some of your food, PLEASE!



CHUM

That's no problem. Do you eat pasta with greasy dauphinoise potatoes?



HOMELESS

Never. But I'm willing to try it



RAGING BULL

Well, you should try working for it...



CHUM

BULL! Please! If people like him did not live on the sidewalk day and night, who would be the first person to give us a friendly smile?


Raging Bull

Point taken but can't you see he is taking advantage of our kindness? HE ALREADY HAS ABOUT 15 SANDWICHES. LOOK BEHIND HIS DOG.




CHUM

'Our KINDNESS?' You have NEVER given him anything. We did not give him any of those 15 swandwiches, so it's our turn now to show him some kindness as well



RAGING BULL

I wont be fooled by his lies and poetry



CHUM (hands pasta to homeless)

Here you go. Eat your heart out. Never mind him


HOMELESS (sneezes)

Thanks a million. Can I have that ginger beer as well



RAGING BULL (walking away briskly)

You can borrow my sanitizer. His hairy nostrils must be packed with germs


CHUM

Get lost Bull!...Sorry but I have a serious love affair with ginger beer, so I will not be able to part with it. I WOULD FIGHT ANY ANIMAL, MAN OR ANIMAL WHO DARES TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!



RAGING BULL steps on some broken glass and fell on the concrete



RAGING BULL (whimpers)

Ouch!



HOMELESS DOG looks at Bull on the ground and barks excitedly




RAGING BULL

dang worthless dog didn't even try to catch me! A dog is not a man's best friend. This is why get myself a lovely rabbit



HOMELESS (laughs)

You should learn to stand on your own two feet



CHUM (sternly)

Don't be mean to him, he's still my friend


HOMELESS

Sorry. Good bye then


CHUM

You okay Bull


RAGING BULL
Yes, thanks...My bottom hurts. My ankles are swollen. They feel sprain. Elbow looks broken. All I need is a little vodka. it helped me the last time


CHUM

Well, All I have is my little ginger beer...



HOMELESS (scrambles back towards them)

Vodka is good for falls. I have a few bottles from yesterday


CHUM

You have just made fun of him, so I don't think he will accept...


RAGING BULL

The fall did not hurt my mouth so let me defend myself, please. I think I will ACCEPT it, thanks.


CHUM

His elbow LOOKS broken, so let me hold the vodka for him


RAGING BULL

My elbow FEELS fine. Give me my vodka please


HOMELESS

Calm down you two. Dwarves and prostitutes fought on this same spot. People have been murdered here. So on second thoughts, I think I should keep my vodka. I don't wanto to instigate a crime or violent behaviour



RAGE

Get lost!...And tell whoever threw broken glass on the sidewalk, I am gonna give them a proper beating. I don't mess around. When I am fighting, I am dangerous. I am not a pedestrian anyone should mess with.



DOG whines



CHUM

Tell them to throw their broken glass on the street. Not on the FUDGEING sidewalk. If I catch anyone doing it again, when I finish with them, they will wish they were born at a different time



DOG barks


HOMELESS

I think this will teach them a lesson. They'll be so frightened they will never break the law or throw glass on the sidewalk again.


CHUM

I will let off the miscreant this time. But never again. I have eyes all over this sidewalk, so noone do anything without me noticing

pedestrians stare at one another

Raging Bull and Chum stares at an approaching pedestrian



CHUM
Bull, it's rude to stare at strangers on the sidewalk. I thought we were rude at the NFL. THE PEOPLE HERE IN CHINATOWN ARE REALLY RUDE



RAGING BULL
He is staring at me so what should I do? Stare away? I leave that to motorists. Don’t you ever buy me a car for my birthday, Chum. I still DETEST driving....I am a pedestrian. I NEVER STARE AWAY. I out-stare other pedestrians....



CHUM

...I am talking about him, NOT YOU. He has no right to stare at you. I really dislike when pedestrians fudgeing STARE at me. If I wasn’t in my new jogging suit, I'd poke him in his eyes.



RAGE
Me too. It seems as if he is trying to remember my face. Just watch me beat him at his own game. I don't care if he just upset about the NFL Lockout


CHUM

I don't blame you, but please don't beat him. We might get in trouble with the police...On the other hand, if someone is trying to remmeber my face, I'm gonna try remember theirs



RAGE

Exactly



Pedestrian, Rage and Chum are just yards apart now.



PEDESTRIAN(shouts)

Why are you staring at me? Have you never seen a pedestrian on the sidewalk before?



CHUM

Why don't you look where you're going. You are the one staring at us



RAGE
What the fudge! This is a sidewalk, not a CATWALK, so I stare as much as I like. We did try to be nice and civil by looking away briefly....



CHUM

...But when we look up, you were still staring at us. What the fudge is your problem?



PEDESTRIAN( sticking out his tongue to Rage)
Why? Why What do YOU get out of staring at strangers going about their business? I do not know you so please take your eyeballs off me. You did not look away. You liars!



RAGE
Use your brains, you idiot.



PEDESTRIAN( sticks two fingers in his ears and sings)

LA LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU



CHUM

Bull, let’s go. The cops will be here soon



PEDESTRIAN

Bull? What sort of a shxxt name is that? You have no brains! You should learn to mind your business when you use public sidewalks. This is a public sidewalk so stop going around bullying others. You don't own it! You CREEP!


CHUM

Bull, are you gonna stand there and let him talk too you like that?



RAGE

He is talking to you like that, NOT ME



CHUM

Stop instigating....



PEDESTRIAN (laughs)

....and get your lame axx of the sidewalk



RAGE

YOU! Cannot speak to me like that



PEDESTRIAN quickly turns his eyes away from Rage as they were about to pass each other.




RAGE

coward!



CHUM (bursts into laughter)
Next time you see us walking towards you, look the other way, look on the ground, anywhere except at us



PEDESTRIANS (fake yawns)

Freaks! Your’e boring me to death


RAGE
I am sorry he is boring you to death. How about I GORE YOUR LAME AXX TO DEATH



PEDESTRIAN
I said LAME AXX first. You are copying me!



BIZZARE SOUND PIERCE THE AIR




CHUM

What's that awful noise?



RAGING BULL

What's that AWFUL smell?



PEDESTRIAN

I think that rabbit just farted



RAGE

Don't lie



PEDESTRIAN

look!



CHUM


How? I mean WHERE, where



PEDESTRIAN

In the middle of the sidewalk



RAGING BULL (cackles)

OH NO!It's defecating on the spot where I hawked and spat



CHUM AND PEDESTRIAN

That's disgusting!



RAGING BULL blushes. Chum and Pedestrians guffaws.

Pedestrians' Rage

RAGE (screams)

GRRR! WALK FASTER PEOPLE. FOX SAKE! This is the only thing I hate about Chinatown.



CHUM

THIS is the only thing I LOVE about Chinatown



RAGE
Really? These snails make it hell on earth!



CHUM

Just kidding chum. These people walk too slow for my schedule. This is the reason why I avoid coming here. I come here to eat Yum Cha and watch Pineapple Express, not to watch people’s behind.



RAGE

Curb your enthusiasm chum. Watch out china town. I ain’t playing



CHUM

Try this. I tried it a few times when I was in a hurry - Scream really, really loud. The mass of bodies will immediately part like the Red Sea. This got me to a couple of meetings on time when I was stuck in sidewalk traffic. People understand it's CHINATOWN when you go crazy for a few minutes. They will not think you are crazy



RAGE

I will try that next time chum. You spoke too late



CHUM

No problem. You still seem pretty annoyed even though you have managed to pass them. Everything okay?



RAGE

Not really



CHUM

Tell me what happened



RAGE

I ran into Rell this morning. I can’t get it off my mind




CHUM

Rex, the amateur wrestler?



RAGE

Same one



Chum

Don’t tell me you were fool enough to pick a fight with him because you got stuck behind him



RAGE

Not quite.



CHUM

What does that mean?



RAGE

We were walking towards each other - in opposite directions. He must have noticed he was on the same path as me, still he REFUSED to change direction. Of course, since I was on the right side....



CHUM

You refused to budge



RAGE

That's right. One should never give up his/her right



CHUM

Even if it causes a fight?



RAGE

Even if it causes a fight...I was preparing to charge into his shoulders. I was aware of other pedestrians’ stares. I could tell some of them were eager to see the showdown, whereas, others were terrified



CHUM

He’s a big guy with huge muscles. No one in their right mind would try to break up the fight, so if you were losing, that would be bad news for you.



RAGE

He looked at me as if he rather a fight than to move out of my way. But I was not terrified at all.



CHUM

Hope you didn’t throw up your hands and give in. The other pedestrians would simply laugh at you, especially since you are notorious for scaring the hell out of them.



RAGE

As were about to crash into each other, I clenched my fists...He flexed his HUGE muscles...



CHUM

So who threw the first punch? Was it you?



RAGE

...I stepped aside quickly



CHUM (raucous laughter)

You did not!



RAGE

Would you call me a coward?

CHUM

I would not say that. You have a right to protect yourself. That is exactly what you did when you stepped out of harm’s way. The laws of physics stateS that when a BIG guy meets a small guy, the small loses big time.



RAGE

I know.



CHUM

He would have beaten you to death or injury if you had not given him right of way.



RAGE

So why do I feel so angry with myself? If only I could escape to Bahamas, or even CASABLANCA



CHUM

Don't worry about it. Think about the good news instead; both Kate Hudson and Victoria Beckham have given birth.

WINDOW ON SIDEWALK IRRITATIONS

WINDOW ON SIDEWALK IRRITATIONS MTA



CHUM (raises voice)

As I was saying; sometimes walking on the sidewalk frustrates me a lot. I mean, I always walk on the same side of the road that I drive on, so why the FUDGE can’t other pedestrians do the same?



CHUM

Okay, don’t take it out on us


RAGE

You know what I think?...



CHUM

To be honest, NO!


RAGE

FUDGE SAKE! You were not meant to answer that question, just listen.



CHUM

Okay, sorry.



RAGE
..I think the sidewalk needs a set of rules...



CHUM

I second that. LET'S DO IT!



RAGE

Hold on. A sidewalk without rules causes anarchy, chaos AND...


CHUM

...TERRORISM?



RAGE

...CONFUSION.



CHUM

I think there should also be rules for shuttle launch, hallways,grocery aisles, cycle paths, jogging paths..oh...and revolving doors. Sorry, this is a sore point for me as well.



CHUM

Exactly what I was thinking! Wherever people get in my way and piss me off, I always think 'if I was driving, I would just run you over and FAIL to stop.'



THUNDEROUS LAUGHTER



RAGE

You should try singing along to a Metallica song, OFF-KEY, aloud, from your iPod.
People get the hell out of my way when they hear me. And none of them has ever turned around and splash me with beers or burglar me.



LAUGHTER



CHUM

Your trademark stare and dirty look make them think twice about messing with you...



RAGE

...I don't know what it is, but I would advise you to try it anytime you get stuck behind anyone.



CHUM

Definitely will. I need to watch more mean tricks on Horrible Bosses



CHUM

So which side of the sidewalk should pedestrians walk on Rage?



RAGE (hesitates)

I don't know... How about the side that I am not walking on?



PIERCING LAUGHTER


CHUM

That is a genius idea


CHUM

I use the sidewalk more than any other form of transport, daily. I get VERY annoyed at those who don't understand or care that other people use the sidewalk as well



RAGE

Drinking beer or not, I get REALLY ANNOYED when a group of short, slow walking people take up the sidewalk.



CHUM (laughs)

I get angry when a large group of TEENAGERS, walking together, take up the whole DARN sidewalk.



CHUM

Why do they have to take up the whole sidewalk? If it was me, I would just PUSH them out of the way - all the way to ecuador



RAGE

Great minds think alike. That is exactly what I normally do Chum



CHUM (nods in agreement)

SERVE THEM RIGHT. Clearly, we are the model pedestrians around here



CHUM

Speak for your self...Sometimes I just can't resist writing texts on my iphone while I do my power walk on the sidewalk. I just laugh when people go crazy when they wanna pass me.



RAGE
Someday someone will yank that iphone from you and tell you to send your texts later. I have to look where I am walking all the time. I really would not like to walk straight into a pole or, worse, step into dog’s excrement, AGAIN



CHUM (laughs)

YUCK!...I tend to stagger from side to side on the sidewalk. SOMETIMES. When I bump into my walking partner, we just laugh, but when I am walking alone and bump into strangers, they get really mad.



RAGE

UGH! Good thing you don't walk like that when you're with me..... It annoys me when pedestrians walk all over the fudgeing sidewalk, walk really slow, don't move out of the fudgeing way when they see me coming and when they walk on the "wrong" side of the side walk.



CHUM

So which side is the 'wrong' side of the sidewalk?


RAGE

The side that I am walking on, of course. When pedestrians walk slowly in a zig zag fashion, it’s hard for me to determine the best time to go around them. I find that very irritating.



CHUM

That's true. Chinatown is where you find the worst culprits.



CHUM

I never get used to people walking in front of me then SUDDENLY stop. WHAT THE FUDGE! Why the hell do they have to stop walking so suddenly?


RAGE

Next time, a pedestrian does that, I suggest you step on him. He deserves it. On the sidewalk no one should be looking up, down or around. Most importantly, don't stop in middle of the sidewalk. SIDEWALK RULES




CHUM

If any pedestrian stops in front of me suddenly, without notice. I would just pretend I am blind and bump straight into them.



LAUGHTER




RAGE

Home sweet home. Finally we have reached. I am still standing, you're still talking. Before we enter our respective homes, any suggested rules for the sidewalk?



CHUM

You know what? All over the country people are losing their jobs but OUR worst problem is slow-walking pedestrians. This is the best city to live in. Don't you think?



CHUM AND RAGE

YESSS!



RAGE

I made a shocking discovery last night. Some passengers have no PUBLIC TRANSPORT ETIQUETTE. I had no idea moving to the back of the bus is rocket science?



LAUGHTER



CHUM

I have to agree...about walking on the right side of the sidewalk. Oh and if you need to stop, move over to the side DO NOT stop abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk.


RAGE

Excellent point Chum. Sometime we need to stop and smell the rose..



CHUM


I'm trying but all I can smell is your piss



RAGE (sighs)

ALL THAT RAGE over a little urine. gosh!



CHUM


Shhh.



RAGE

What do you hear?



CHUM

I just thought of another rule for the sidewalk



CHUM

Let's hear it



RAGE


Come on Chum



CHUM

They should ban all pushchairs.....mothers leave your babies at home or stay home with them



RAGE AND CHUM

Point taken



******************************************
Yeah. First Etsy sale in just one week. damn...I need to sell something in order to offset the cost of new supplies, lol. Guess I'll be uploading some cheap pieces to etsy if anyone's interested. Mostly sketches, drawings, small paintings, prints and the like. Keeping everything low budget, like between 10$-45$.
Florence and the machine featured on a retro fabulous treasury on Etsy. Thanks for your understanding. PS- If you recently purchased a cedar necklace from me on etsy I will be sending them out today or first thing tomorrow morning
I guess I'd better get to work painting some new pieces for my Etsy shop... people are getting interested, and I sold something today!
She recently aquired some really great patterns. Mostly Vintage from between early 1960's & early 1990's will be posting the majority in her etsy shop. Come check them out, there's some pretty cool stuff in there

please LIKE http://allthatrageseries.blogspot.com/

please FOLLOW http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-ALL-That-RAGE-series/187046614676051

Independence Day Pedestrians' Rage

URINATING ON THE SIDEWALK




CHUM

I’m going home to watch Casey Anthony trial. Rage if you drink any more of that beer, you just gonna talk more nonsense and start shouting at other pedestrians. It's 4th of July, independence day, time for fireworks and celebration NOT trouble.



RAGE (hisses teeth)

If drivers can rage on the road, why can’t I, a fast walker, rage on the sidewalk? Let me drink my beer in peace PLEASE. When I shout at other pedestrians it’s not because of beer. I just can't stand people who walk slow in front of me or sightsee when I am trying to get somewhere. I don’t care whether they‘re pensioners or children...


CHUM

...Happy Independence Day! Freedom is a precious thing. Every day, you have the opportunity to make meaningful & valuable use of it.


CHUM (laughs)

Even when Rage is sober, he finds it hard to be a model pedestrian? Come on, we can talk about it on the way. It’s getting late and my tempurpedic mattress is calling me.



RAGE

I know I have good height and shape but I am not interested in being no model, so leave me alone... It takes just one slow walker to make me rage like a mad man.



CHUM (taunts)

You could never be a model. You look like a FUDGEING SQUID!



CHUM laughs



RAGE

You’re just jealous of my height and shape. You wish you could match my physique



CHUM

I know how you feel Rage...



Chum

How can you? You’re drinking RIBENA not beer



CHUM

I am not talking about his drunken state, stupid. I am talking about the things that enrage him on the sidewalk



CHUM

Oh. Why didn’t you explain yourself?



CHUM

Grrrr! What the fudge! Why didn’t you wait your turn instead of CONSISTENTLY interrupting me when I’m explaining something? You upset my pancreas when you do that.



RAGE

CALM THE FUDGE DOWN? What’s the matter with you Chums. I know we are on the sidewalk but PLEASE let’s not be sidetracked. Have a little more beer, my doctor say its very GOOOOD for the pancreas.



CHUMS LAUGH LOUDLY.



CHUM

No thank you.



RAGE STOPS SUDDENLY AND STARTS TO UNZIP HIS TROUSERS.




CHUM

By the way, when do you plan to stop pissing in the middle of the sidewalks, Rage? People has to sit on it, you know. And when my food drop out of my hands oN it, I ALWAYS pick it up and eat it straight away



CHUM

Yuck! Too much beer Rage?. If you don’t stop now, one of the other pedestrians or a resident will call the police



RAGE

Look! It's a free country. I can take a fudgeinging piss on the fudgeinging sidewalk when I feel like doing so. Anytime, any place, I just whip out my.....



CHUM

…Too much information. Rage, you’re starting to piss me off now. I’m gonna kick your ass



CHUM

These are the sort of things drunks do, so leave him alone...


RAGE

You PUNK! The next time I witness you spitting out gum on the the sidewalk I'm going to kick your ass



CHUM

YUCK! That's more disgusting than urinating on the sidewalk...


RAGE

I know. Yet, I always let him get away with it. And the other day when he coughed up and spat out a lump of colds at Fred's feet, I simply turned a blind eye even though it made me sick. Now he wanna kill me because I urinate on the fudgeing sidewalk. What sort of chums or you?



CHUM

I had too much to drink. I am not responsible




RAGE

The last time I stepped into someone's colds on the sidewalk, I had to threw away the shoes because it would make me sick to clean it. YUCK!



CHUM

Listen! I don't give a damn what you both say, I am not gonna let you finish urinating on the sidewalk. You better save the rest for your toilet at home..



CHUM

Let's get him!



CHUMS CHASES RAGE WITH SHAKING FISTS. THEY ARE WALKING SUPER FAST



RAGE (sarcastically)

So where's your horse Alexander the Great?



CHUM (shouts)

Wait till I get my hands on you, you FUDGEING SQUID!



CHUM

Now I wish I had brought that pistol




CHUM

Fudge! Unload your paintball gun on him then




CHUM
We can’t do that. He is still our chum, you know.


RAGE

Get lost! You sober fudgers. You should not be allowed on the sidewalk



SIDEWALK GARDENER chases chums and Rage with a pressure washer




GARDENER

GET OFF THE SIDEWALK, YOU NASTY NOISY MOTHER Fikkers



RAGE (jeers)

Funk you!. How far can you chase us with that that heavy washer?


GARDENER

Maybe not as far as Uzbekistan, but I'll STILL give all of you a proper soaking before you escape




GARDENER turns on the washer and blasts them with torrents of water.



RAGE AND CHUMS (screams)

Arghhhhh!



GARDENER

Listen to yourselves, screaming and crying like a girl!! TAKE THAT BABBBY WHEEEEEY!!



RAGE (turns around, shouts)

I have a little treat for you before we escape. hope you will like it.



RAGE SPLASHES THE REST OF THE BEER IN THE GARDENDER'S FACE



GARDENER

FUNK! FUNK!




CHUMS AND RAGE ROAR WITH LAUGHTER. GARDENER RETREATS.