Tuesday 23 October 2012

JUSTIN'S good deed on the sidewalk

THE SIDEWALK is atypically deserted. KRISTEN and Kate are expressly bored. Abruptly, they prop up on the bench when JUSTIN commences a delightful tale. Apparently, had it not been for his herculean effort, pedestrians would have crush a defenseless worm on the sidewalk. Kristen and Kate drifted back to yawning and stretching.


KATE
(with sincerety)

Hurrah to the worm rescuer! 


JUSTIN
(thumps chest, whistles superman theme)

That's me! You should have seen the worm. So cute.


LAUGHTER


KATE

Hilarious. Stop being a show-off

JUSTIN

I love to rescue worms. I don't care if you think it's MAD. I'll rescue cock roaches if I have to...

KRISTEN

I have no interest in saving worms on the sidewalk or any other insects. I just crush them beneath my feet.


KATE

That's pure evil


KRISTEN

Not evil at all. It's hilarious! 


JUSTIN

Saving lives is important to me


KRISTEN

It's important to me also, provided the lives are not worms'


KATE

You animal!!!!


JUSTIN

 Let him be, Kate. I'm sure most pedestrians look out for worms and other insects each day on the sidewalk. Kristen is the only ANIMAL. I RESENT pedestrians who deliberately hurt the insects. purpose.

KATE

I'm so glad there are people like us around, Justin

KRISTEN

like us? So how many worms did you save today


KATE

None, but..

JUSTIN
(erupted into laughter)

I thought so


KATE

Not crushing worms is the same as saving them


JUSTIN

True


KRISTEN

That's not true. It's CONKERS!


JUSTIN

That is so cruel. 


KATE

There would be more worms on the sidewalk, if there fewer pedestrians like yourself...


JUSTIN

I hope you do not step on the snails when it rains.


KRISTEN

That's strange. You save them? that's great. I don't!


KATE

I salute pedestrians who rescue worms. I'll do the same. At the end of the day, the worms, like us, deserve to live. we're all here for a purpose! 


JUSTIN
 All creatures great and small are beautiful and deserve to live.

KATE

I have a confession....

JUSTIN

Please, don't reveal it on the sidewalk
 
KATE

It's nothing personal, so relax, please....
 
JUSTIN

Okay then. Go ahead
 
KATE
I used to transport snails from garden to your overgrown vegetable garden so they could get rid of the bush.

KRISTEN

You Animal. You...You... WORM!
 
KATE

I even  fed them in your garden also
........................................

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Saturday 13 October 2012

reminiscent of 1990's ice cream van

ICE CREAM van's jingle chimed piercingly, as it parked up alongside the sidewalk. Frenzied kids race one another from their doorsteps. They all want to be served some treats FIRST. Justin and his chums on the bench, are precipitously engulfed with nostalgia. They savor the ambrosial aspects of  the 1990's.


                 JUSTIN
I just love the jingle. Go and get me some spearmints, please


                STEFANI
The 90's are back. GO AND GET IT YOURSELF! while you are at it, get me the ice cream with the bubble gum in the bottom of the cone


                 KATE
Sorry, I'm not moving a muscle today. Not even for ice cream. Besides, nowadays, it's cheaper to get ice cream at ASDA


                 JUSTIN
True, but you wont find Popeye there

.............................................................................

              ICE CREAM WOMAN
(smokes)

No drugs, cigarettes or retired TV presenter on this van, only delightful ice-cream. So come on kids. What would you like?


I was first. I should be served first


Go ahead then


Thanks, but I have to wait. My dad is still searching for his wallet.

....................................................................................

Hey Charlie, you missed the ice cream van yesterday. Didn't you hear the jingle

I did. I missed it because I believed my parents when they say the van driver was a kids' kidnapper. I discovered they just didn't have any money to buy me ice cream. UGH! They can afford bubble gum today. YEAH!

Great..There was an accident.

Really!

Yea. The ice cream van mistakenly ran over a child's hand

.......................................................................
              JUSTIN  
                                                                                                                                                                                           
LOOK on those kids, still sitting on their doorsteps.


                  KATE
(quips)
Apparently, they have no one to buy them ice cream. Their parents should drive ice cream vans, then they would get free ice cream


                 STEFANI
That suck!.....My parents used to tell me that the ice cream man's jingle meant that he sold off all the icecream...That suck! Hmmm. I feel for some cider lolly or chocolate sauce and nuts

.................................................................................

£5 worth of ice cream, please.            


ICE CREAM WOMAN
Sure. Hold the bowl properly before you spill the ice cream raspberry sauce and flakes


Thank you. May I have that broken cornet please?


.........................................................................................................
                  JUSTIN
Lord Alan sugar is the owner of the icecream van, I suppose


                  KATE
I wouldn't be surprised.. He can be as cold as ice
...................................................................
                   

           JUSTIN
 
Have you noticed it's mostly 14 year olds in the queue?


         STEFANI

Yes...I hope the driver was properly vetted

.....................................................

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Friday 12 October 2012

unsavoury person on neighboring bench

SELF-STYLED retard, OLLY, dropped his bottom on NEIGHBORING sidewalk bench. He                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     yanked off a shoes and sock immediately. His foot is a decrepit crocodile's back. SMELL of mildew, garbage and farts,wafted, hovered over the chums' heads. Passers-by covered their noses with hands, while HURRYING pass the benches.


                            STEELER
(to female pedestrian with cherubic face, dazzling smile and ACCUSING eyes)

It's not US, it's HIM!(points at OLLY)


                              MILEY
(gives OLLY filthy glare, retches)

YUCK!I admit, your foot smell nasty. Are you trying to KILL us? ..Feel Like I'm gonna vomit soon..I'll shed some tears first.


The RETARD  let off a priggish..... grin.


                            MILA
(cover nose with tissue, cough excessively loud)

HEY. CRETIN. Your'e spoiling my pop-corn appetite


OLLY

GET LOST Loser!


    MILA

what the hell?


     OLLY
You can go to HELL (starts cutting toe nails)


     MILEY

Oh No! What's he doing now?



       STEELER

Excuse me! That is so NASTY!...this is not an APPROPRIATE time or place to cut your dirty nails


     OLLY

I'm clipping them RIGHT HERE. NOT somewhere else...It's not the time or place to open your DIRTY mouth


     MILEY
(points at OLLY, strenuously)

You are driving the tourists away, you selfish....person


      OLLY
You GET LOST also!


BITS OF TOE NAILS FLY ALL OVER THE SIDEWALK BENCHES


      STEELER

How gross....I suggest you control those...'things'


      MILEY

You make me sick. you'll have to reimburse us for our popcorn. It's you who contaminated them

      OLLY
(finishes cutting nails, put on shoe, walks away, cackling)

NICE TO MEET YOU GUYS! Same time, same BENCH tomorrow. I'll clipped nails on my other feet
then

.................................................................................................................

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Saturday 6 October 2012

sweep talk her



JONES and his giggling chums on the bench, quickly switches the frequency to 'Romantic Interlude' on sidewalk FM. No one wants to miss the plenary bliss unfolding before their eyes. The courtly sidewalk sweeper stands by the stall. His broom falls nonchalantly to the ground the moment the vendor appears. No more tireless sweeping or filling bags with rubbish. It's time to exchange sweet words.

        JONES

Put away the popcorn, take out the tissue, you may be moved to tears...

        HEATHER

..speak for yourself....I've seen men sweet talk women before and I just laughed, NOT cry.


         JONES
I'm just warning you...The sweeper's sweet talk can be quite POWERFUL

HEATHER

Like power rangers?


KRISTEN

Shhhhh!....He has started.



JUSTIN

You're the only princess on the sidewalk. I look forward to see you each day I come out to sweep. Even if you are ill, please come to work, because it would break my heart, if I have to sweep a day without seeing your beautiful face.


KRISTEN

Priceless


HEATHER

Hilarious!


JONES
(whispers)

Quiet please!


WINTER

I feel quite at home on the sidewalk when I see you. Your'e my ideal man. You are not cruel, and you are so gorgeous. And handsome.


JUSTIN

You are well beautiful yourself


WINTER

Can't help smiling when you speak to me like that


JUSTIN

When you smile SO sweetly, it makes me laugh. Your'e so funny


WINTER

By the way, you are looking quite hot today



JUSTIN

It feels great that you are totally into me, because I am totally into you



WINTER
(giggles)

I know. You have no clue how much I miss you when you leave


JUSTIN
(chuckles)

Lucky me



WINTER

Your'e gorgeous that's why. I bet your'e even more gorgeous naked


JUSTIN
(guffaws)

I AM!


WINTER

I have a naked image of you, right now, in my head



HEATHER
(chokes on popcorn)


KRISTEN

We should bring a vomit bucket next time



JONES

She better stay away from him. The sidewalk stretch for miles, with hundreds of other attractive vendors. She can't be the only one he likes...


KRISTEN

How dare you interfere in their personal business. You're just jealous


Do you think he's rich


JONES

YES! He's been sweeping for years. Unless he squandered his money..on roses, chocolates, wines


HEATHER

He's a clever man. He only squanders WORDS


They cackle shamelessly.



KRISTEN

This is the best soap opera on the sidewalk


HEATHER

Sure you not crying yet



KRISTEN

SHUT UP!


JONES

Shhh! I'm still watching this


KRISTEN

He's really into her....I think they are KISSING already

What you mean 'already? He's been wooing her each week for the past year....



JUSTIN

You breast are like beach balls... Your legs runs endlessly...


WINTER

This is particularly hot



KRISTEN
(rants)

This is FKN nonsense! I can't watch this no more..This is a compete waste of time!


JONES

Gosh, what a BIG temper you have!


KRISTEN

Sorry. It used to be TINIE


HEATHER

You may leave, but you have no clue what you be missing. This is the best thing going on right now. Take a look yourself(passes binoculars)


JONES

It's really good, please stay. It will get better, I promise


KRISTEN

I'm not the least convinced, but I'll stay



WINTER

Unlike other days, you look a bit rough today...rough and ready


JUSTIN
(seductive murmur)

Hmmm. I swear. You are getting more irresistible by the minute. I might have to get those losers on the bench to hold me back


KRISTEN

What the HELL! Who is he calling fkn losers?


HEATHER
(cheerily)

US! Of course


KRISTEN

I know. It was a rhetorical question, you lemming. HOW DARE HE!


HEATHER

Well, I LOST some money on the sidewalk yesterday....Does that count?


JONES

Never mind. He needs therapy


WINTER

I just wanna poke your dust-filled bottom


KRISTEN

It's getting worse, boring. We should leave before he leaves, or watch something else that is decent.


HEATHER

By the way, Kristen, your hair needs sorting out



JUSTIN

Now that I have seen you, my beautiful day is complete. Damn! Your'e amazing....

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